LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXIII, Issue 7650, 29 May 1886, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

Let ir.p have audience for a word rr two. -.•v: :\{?ie::re. A sr/BiTKBAN* resident who has been residing about the enterprise of Mr. Eaton in cheapening fish, the legal proceedings to which he has been subjected, and tho vast ben Jits his enterprise has conferred on the public, writes complaining that no benefit has yet occurred to the residents in the suburbs. He suggests that some branch sale-rooms should be opened in the suburbs, otherwise only the hawkers will benefit. The suggestion ia worth consideration. Renter nit infrequently sends out cablegrama which are enigmatical, and one cf these appeared in the Herald of Wednesday. It was, " Germany deiits the special precautions being taken by France." I wondered how Germany could manifest n defiance of a precaution, but a friend ■who is up in tha niceties of the Frtnch langoape explains it ttuis :— The message would bo transmitted from the Continent to London in French in the words, "L'Allemand , * "''•■." &.•:. .Ni,w. defi-r means to defy, but 33 detier, it:) rtflective verb, signifies to distrust, to mistrust, to misbelieve, to doubt. So that the message should have read, "Germany mistrusts the special precautions," &c, I am sorry to sfc that the Auckland Tramway Company have succumbed to the advertisers, and now we have painted in great letters on tlico.; beautiful ccv.i an invitation to try somebody's trousers. I was iu Wellington soma time ago, and seeing how the care there were disfigured, I narrated to the inhabitants of the hmpire City ttsas we iu Auckland were au teithutic people who would not tolerate such monstrosities, and that our street cars had on them nothing but the route of the journey. Bui now, alas ! I am humiliated, an i our carnages are extriusically nearly as ugly as those of Wellington. Bat I suppose that the desire of making dividends is more imperative than the claims of ic3tueticisrn. It is not for the purpose of sneering at Justice's justice that I refer to the case of fclannaford and Garrani. I am not ia the bal.it 'f indulging in the very easy luxury of ridiculing thy "great unpaid." But I do think that the Justices who eat on the cises of Hannaiord v. Garrard aud Garrard v. llannafcrd committed a mistake aud pronounced an uujubt sentence, which has hail the eifeet of sending an old citizen to laugo.'sh in Mount Eden Gaol, while hie assailant, whom it would be a public benelit to have shut up somewhere, goes about triumphantly exulting in his political power, Mr. lianui.ford spends his time in finding servants tor situations, or haebanda for young women, or wives for young men. Garranl's employment ban been to head "the unemployed," to do them a great deal of injury by hi 3 appearances, and to make hiumolf a nuisance to everybody he came in contact with. But, of course, the charges of assault must bo decided on the evidence of what occurred ; and looking only at that 1 cannot see huw the decision was arrived at. Garrard went to Haunaford'splace. llannaforddid nctsef'ktho encounter. That is some proof that llaiinaford did not commence the fray. Garrard went for the purpose of attacking Hannaford about a letter which tho latter had written in the newspaper. He had no business to go into any man's place of butiness for any such purpose. And it is clear that when he was told to go away, he declined. The evidence as to who struck the first blow is conflicting ; but the outsiders, who had no connection with the fray, concur in this : that they saw Mrs. Hannaford and another woman puali Garrard out of the shop, and that thereafter Hannaford himself issued frem a side passage and struck the Agitator with thr; hockey stick. i take it that, this evidence shows that Haniiaford'a account of the affair is the I correct on" ; that Garrard struck Hannaford j in the office ; that the women interfered to J prevent a fit;ht, and, as Garrard would not I leave peaceably, they pushed him out. It is 1 quite impossible to think that if Garrard had been quiet and peaceable, he would have had to be ejected from the office by female hands ; or that, unless ! I-win for. d had been I struck, he would have worked up into such fury as t) l.avc " gonu for" Garrard with a stick. But there it is, the sentence has been pronounced, and Jlai.naforJ lies in gaol, because he retaliates on an irritating fellow who comes to his <,fli:.> to bring him to account for what he has written in the newspapers. At all e vt:nts, even if Hannaford wa3 in the wrong in striking Garrard with a stick, after he had been ; ejected from the bhop by tho women, the sentence was fur too severe. I like a band, especially a military one, and I don't mind how many 1 listen to, provided that, according to the King's request to the donkey aud the Lord Mayor, it'n "One at a time, gentleman, if you please." All this apropos ot tho march home of the j volunteers utter the Queen's Birthday paiade. ■ Two bands within a few yards of each other in a confined place like Queen-street is not only too much of a good thing, but it ia positively turning a treat into a torture. How the volunteers, marchiiig between the bands, liked it I know not. Not a great deal, though, I should think, to judge by their looks ; as for their marching, it was utterly disorganised. Hero the Russians might take a hint. If there be such a demoralisation with only two bands, a third would bring about a total rout. : A little bird whispered to me, though, ■ that there was a reason why two bands were I thus playirjg together. My feathered in.

formanttold me that band No. 2 was playing music that no earthly being could march to, the rhythm being such as to put the entire column out of step, and to prevent their regaining it in any possible way ; so No. 1 was exhorted to "tune up," whereupon the step was at once, picked up again. No. 2, however, wae not to bo RnnfFed out. and so continued to bray on defiantly. H'mc Mas lachrymal . When will " old women of both sexes" learn to let well alone ? A certain Act has, according to the authorities, worked wonders, not only directly in tho interests of health, but abo indirectly in the deterring from vice ; and yet other persons are no infected with a sickly sentimeiitalium that they would have it repealed in order that the wicked should sutler the extreme penalty of their wrong-doing. Bur, unfortunately for their laudable and Christian design, tho biggest sinners would not Buffer, whilst multitudes of innocent persons would. One strange thing in connection with the matter is this, that some cf the very people who are tho moat clamorous in allowing the wicked "to gang their ain gait," and stiller accordingly, aro they that, in their desire of preventing here and there a drunkard from rushing to destruction, would deprive tho vast majority of the comma* nity from that which is a necessity to many, and an enjoyment to most —to say nothing of ruining widows and their families by summarily clocing their houses, no matter how well they may have been conducted. One word more a3 to the mode of conducting tho campaign. Tho other afternoon, on reaching my front gate, I espied a bundle of papers lying by the side of the footpath, having evidently been tossed over by a passing distributor from the street. Ticking them m>, 1 found them to be copies of u Icllot issued on the anti-legislative, side of the question, and felt astonished at things of such a nature being sown broadcast about the city—although wi.iy 1 should be astonished I hardly kuov/, seeing the prominent part certain females (to quote Mr. Justice Maulc) have taken in tho discussion, On a further examination my astonishment give place to disgust on reading the contents of tbe leaflet, consisting aa they did cf d. tails fit only for the pages of a medical work or of the report of a Parliamentary Commission ; and to think that my wife or young daughters might have picked up the abominable production ? Every right-minded citizen must view the doers of such a thing with loathing and abhorrence, and I fancy thut most, liko myself, would be inclined to prosecute all concerned for the dissemination of filthy literature, as well as to visit the distributor with condign punishment upon the spot. I do not deny these people the right of their opinions, but I do deny their right to distribute their filthy effusions, not ou'y through tho columns of the Press, rendering it impossible to leave a newspaper upon one's table, for fear of the children perusing the very sheet that should be instructing them as to what ia going on in the world ; but aUo to Hood our very homes with printed particulars of such matters, that but for them not only our women an children, but many of our men even, would be in profound ignorance.

More than once I have pat the question, net as to " Where are tho police ?" but as to what they are doing. Night after night, I am told, one of the leading thoroughfaie3, along which the tramway rune, is infested with a band of fellows who render night hideous with their bellowing. 1 Generally it is a drunken attempt at partsinging ; sometimes, however, the monotony is varied by the introduction of the most horrible guage, roared out as only a drunken man can roar ; occasionally somebody's door or shutters are beaten, as if they would bo knocked in. It is quite true that the time of the occurrence or this nocturnal nuisance ia uncertain, varying from half-past eleven p.m. to half-past one p.m. ; still, as it occurs four or Sve nights a week, and hats from ton minutes to half an hour, aud this within a couple of hundred yards of QViten-street, one would imagine that some t:ine or other a stray policeman might be led to investigate matters. Our town clock seems to be making good running, that ia, a (a donkey race, backwards, that is, unl.as all our pocket chronometers — good, bad, and indifferent alike—are unanimous, Thia peculiarity of the clock wae graciously alluded to by I'rofeaaor Aldis, the other evening, as " the interesting but unaccountable variations of the deck over the Insurance Buildings," and he suggested a nautical observatory to keep the peccant piece of mechanism in order. There's uo evil but that ic might be worse ; and it the clock took it into its head, Or drum, or whatever answers to the caput hum nniiii, to run the other way, and all tin: witlcnts were left behind, many a train, and 'has, and boat, might bo nnsse.i, and the air become more sultry than usual, However, oue cannot but think that a mean niinht he attained, as we really want a timekeeper that doss not require the continuous services of either Captain Cuttle or Mark Twain. Perhaps the New Zealand Insurance Company intend, with their usual munifi- ' cence, to insert clock-faces, with works that will move with something like accuracy, in the port-holes of the revolving turret on their new arcade. It possessed a seeming time- j ball as it is (which befooled one credulous citizen the other day into waiting a considerable tircc, watch in hand, for the purpose of adjustment), unless the whole thiug is designed to be a dummy, in which case it might for tho present do duty for the Professor's observatory. Even bo, it would be as useful as some portions of the Univernity apparently are, and certainly less expensive. What arc the towns up the railway about ? Here is ri»h, plentiful and cheap ; it is sold at five o'clock a.m. ; the train runs through the wh le country, starting at eight, and reaching its furthermost point by halfpast three. Fiah can thus be distributed over who whole of the vast area the same day that it reaches Auckland. Why in the name of CJiiimon sense, do not Hamilton, Cambridge, To Awamutu, tec, get town agents to buy aud forwr.nl this commodity ? A while ago, I suggested part of the City Market being turned into a tish-markot, but this, owing to tho restriction as to hours, could not be. An enterprising man, however, took the hint, with a very marked result. >Vill not he or someone elan move in the direction now ndicated '.' Too railway tariff may perhaps bo too high at present, but surely a combined action on the part of the representatives of the towns by petition of inhabitants, and through their represi ntatives in Parliament, would procure a reduction. A considerable amount of suspicion has been engendered by the movements of the Kusaian crui&er Veetnik, which may shortly bo expected in our waters. Jt will not be necessary to take any soundings in our harbour, as has been alleged to have- been done olaewhere, seeing that a chart; of the harbour with the sound can be had for a few shillings. Still, foreigners are tolerably curious. For instance, it is stated that when the German Squadron was lying here recently, one of the torpedo boats, when practising, went an far as Kauri Point, taking soundings by the way. The incident caused aoine little gosaip at the time. The employe's at the General Post Office must havo a profound confidence in the honesty, as well as the loyalty, of the Auckland public. On Queen's Birthday (Monday), the newspaper receptacles were full to repletion, and any passer-by could help himself to tho local files at pleasure. Some persons, despairing of getting th< ir papers into the place appointed, thrust them into the letterboxes lor a change. It is understood that the Mayor intends ofleriog a prize to the first schoolboy who invents or makes a useful s»ud patentablo article. Considering the known ingenuity of schoolboys, there should be no difficulty in getting competitors, Of course "shanghais" are excluded. Among the inventions recently patented was " a dust-proof key." if a beerproof latch-key could be invented, it would be a useful and patentable article. It sterns that " the land-hunger " is manifesting itself even jit; Waikomiti Cemetery, and complaints are made that the corner allotments are being nobbled, and "the eyes of the block " being picked out. Considering that there is sufficient area there to bury 300,000 people, or the whole population I of Auckland and suburbs live limes over, the cry of "the land for the people, and the people for the land" should not be heard yec awhile. Touching " that barrow," it may be explained that the pauperu are uot wheeled

into the 'cematery in a wheelbarrow, but carried into it ou a hand-barrow. Not that it makes much difference after all, but the eextons " draw the line" at the wheelbarrow. Tho new tramway to be erected will obviate all these complaints. " Mercutio " does not enter the arena of religious strife, but; when ecclesiastics descend to the part of discussing secular matters, " Mercutio " doe.i not mind a friendly bout. Cardinal Moran, I see, claims that everybody of any note aa a discoverer or inventor iu the domain of the am aud sciences either belongs to the Roman Catholics or has been taught by them, with the single exception of Sir leaac Newton. Well! it wan a rude shock to have modern writers upsetting all the historic notions of our little boyhood, and demonstrating dear little ICdward the Sixth to have been a veritable tiger cub, and the bloody Queen Mary a very sucking dove of womanly gentlenees ; Richard the Hunchback, a (.entlemau as comely, as courtly, and as an uncle everything that could be desired, whilst Bloody King Hal, the muchly-married, was a perfect paraxon of a husband ; and now to think that, after all, the oltl Church was not only the foster mother, but tho veritable mother herself, of the scientific in every age. Shades of Galileo and Wyclifle ! So, after all, the Church taught Galileo, that the world went round the sun, but wanted him to hold his tongue about it. Was that it? or did he find it out before he was wanted to? It surely couldn't have been that the infallible Church made such a ludicrous mistcko aud wanted it hushed up? I am getting rather puzzled ; the thiug seems mixed There's another thing, by the way. Mich eel Faraday was a discoverer of some little note, but lam certain that he died a Protestant. Huxley and Darwin certainly are not Roman Catholics. I don't fancy that Watt and the Strpheneona were members of that Church ; but, according to Cardinal Moran, they were educated by it. What are we to believe, then : that the teaching the Church gave them drove them out of her pale ? or that tho Cardinal's "claim " is a little too large? It suems to me that His Eminence has assumed a little too much in his estimation of our educational acquirements in matters of history ; and as to our gullibility in accepting such a statement .is the one in question, a great deal too much. The City Council has lately been exhibiting itself in anything but a dignified position iu its corporate capacity—in such a position indeed that, I fancy, none of its members would care to occupy individually. Who is responsible for a body that, to maintain its position, should stand high in the respect of every citizen, figuring in such a despicable manner. Tako the fish prosecution. "The Council had no action, aud no ofiicar of tho Council bad summoned Mr. Eaton," a statement disingenuous iu tho last degree, tint is, if Mr. Eaton's statements (no attempt to refute which havo been niacin) and tho.se of " O," in his letters to the Hkrald (which were clearly intended to bo ofli>'ial utterances), wherein it was acknowledged that Mr. Eaton was sent for to tho Council oth'ce, are true. "The action [summoning! was taken by the collector. 1, Aβ the collector, according to the foregoing statement, is not one, of tho Council's Otlicers, the person taking action must havo been the Collector of Customs. It so, who moved him to action? The fact of the matter is that gome otiicer of tho Council, either with or without its instructions, has taken a step which would have proved a great calamity to the public, had the action not been thwarted ; aud it is useless for the Council to endeavour to throw up a cloud of duet and retreat behind it. The same word—disingenuous—will apply to the way in which the Council has answered the last letter of the ministers of religion, respecting tho cemetery fees. Their request ■was a very simple and reasonable one —that there should be no charge where there wai no privilege. A person claims a grave, and one is accorded; by the by-laws, fifteen shillings must be paid (uulese it is an absolutely " pauper " funeral, specially provided for in tho Act) for digging, lint, said the Mayor, on a recent occasion, the actual cost of digging was seven and sixpence ; then what excuse is tharo for charging mere ? If such aotion bo taken, it is clearly a ground feo, obtained in a eorreptitious way. Tho ministers have "arrived at a wrong conclusion ;" in what way ? " Where the seven and sixpence could not be afforded, no charge was made." Where is this provision set forth, and who ie the judce of the capability of the applicant to pay ? Is it the aamu ottioer that has shown such a marvellous capacity in tho ti*h business? If ho, I pifcy the poor. The remarks in the HkHALD'S sub-leader of yesterday ure true enough. Tho motive of the City Council in this cemetery business ie clear to the meanest capacity, and so is the motive of the oflicial who st.irted the prosecution ot" Mr. I'"aton. Mkrcdtto.