TEE UNEARNED INCREMENT.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXII, Issue 7405, 13 August 1885, Page 6

TEE UNEARNED INCREMENT.

[AS DISCUSSED AT TBS SIGN OF THE " IRON HORSE, "J In the small town of Nolande, a meeting of the "Men of Metal "was recently held at the well-known Public, the Iron Horse," for the purpose of discussing the " Unearned Increment," and for making known the opinions of the " Men of Metal" in relation thereto. The large room of the " Iron Horse " was well filled. Mr. Patrick Hummocky, the President of the newly-formed Society of " Men of Metal," took the chair. In doing so, the President said : "There was an idea that the colony they lived in was a free country. It was not true, for had not Sir George Grey told them over and over again that the working classes in these colonies were no better than down-trodden serfs. That was so, and without further preface he would call upon Mr. Timothy Narler to address the meeting. Everybody knows Tim." (Cheers.) But?as outsiders do not know Tim, a word or two about him may not be out of place. Tim Narlkr is a strapping young blacksmith. He can make a weld and shoe a horse when he likes, as well as most. Amongst his other qualities he is a red-hot Democrat, and belongs to the Society of " Men of Metal." At their weekly meetiugs at the sign of the " Iron Horso," he regularly pays his sixpence, and talks and drinks his ■hare, and rather more. He is considered one of the political blue lights of the Society, and being six feet in his stockings, when he gets up on his legs to make his weekly speech, he is a good deal looked up to. He is a hammer-headed sort of fellow ; none of your milk-and-water talkers, Tim at once began : "I goes straight for stopping all immigration, especially of blacksmiths. I says there are more blacksmiths than enough here already. As to working hours, for the present, eight hours may be allowed, but for my part, I thinks that more nor an hour too long. (Cheers.) For one, I does not at all agree with what some follows are always humming— Eight hoars work, eight hoars play, Eight hours sleep, and eight bob a-day. Eight bob a-day may be right enough for butcher boys and counter jumpers, or it might'nt be too little for schoolmasters, parsons, and 'Varsity fellows. It might do even for mayors and town clerks, but eight shillings a day for any 'orny 'anded son of toil is just tyranny and humbug. How could a man pay for his beer and ceteras out of such a pittance ?" These sentiments were heartily cheered by the members of the society assembled, at the sign of the "Iron Horse." .After the cheering had in some degree subsided, President Hummooky invited any other man to express his sentiments, whereupon Mr. Wallaby Duffer stood up to address the meeting. w . Mr. Wallaby Duffer said : " My idea is that my friend Timothy Narler, Esq., has not hit the nail on the head." Mr. .Narler, Interrupting, said he considered Mr. Wallaby j Duffer was not stating the truth. " Cos why J I shoes horses every day, and I alius hits, not one nail on the head, but thirty-two on 'em every time I shoes a horse, and to prove what I says is true, I'se ready to shoe Mr. Wallaby Duffer, or for that matter, any other duffer, all round, whenever he likes" (cries of " Go it, Tim "), and bringing his fist down like a sledgehammer, he set all the glasses and pewter pots on the table jingling merrily. At the conclusion of Tim's explanation, the President said he hated the jingling of empty glasses, no good ever comes of such music, and called the barman to fill "pots utd glasses round," ' Whilst this business was being attended to, Mr. Wallaby Duffer, who in the interval had turned a fishy white, looked uncomfortably uneasy. When the operation of filling pots and glasses round had been completed, the President called the meeting to order, whereupon Mr. Wallaby Duffer resumed his legs, and after putting out a tickling cough or two, said " What he wanted was land for the people. (Cheers.) He would like to see every full-grown man, and indeed, every full-grown tailor, though he was but the ninth part of a man, digging his own land. For himself, he might say that his modesty would not allow him(hear, hear)—to dig his own or any other man's land. His hand 3 were too soft, and his back too stiff. W hat he liked better was to see other people at work." (Cries of "One for you Duffer,") Mr. Duffer went on to ex-, plain, that when on board ship, on his way to this colony, he sometimes took a pull at a rope, but that sort of thing didn't suit him at all. He preferred a pull at a pipe or at a pewter pot, which was far better Same here, old man," from a red-nosed "manof metal' l aud, suiting the aotion to the word, Mr. Duffer seized tho pewter before him, and pulled it off in a very workmanlike manner. This aotion elicited much applause, amidst which a long-eared larrikin perched on the back of a seat sang out, " Werry good for a duffer," and the monkey grinned, most of the audience grinning also. Mr. Wallaby Duffer being much tickled with his cough, a short interval occurred, tlnring which a smutty-faced man stood up and said he was a fireman on board the steamer Warlock, and claimed to be a "man of metal," leastways he worked amongst; coal, which was own cousin to iron. He said he agreed with the blacksmith that eight hours' watches were rank slavery, j and eight bob a day no better than robbery. Six hours' watches, and £10 a month and found, were more to his liking. (Loud cheers.) This speech emptied all the pots and glasses, and set them on the jingle to the old tune, whioh had the usual disquieting offect upon President Hummocky, who got over it by loudly calling upon the barman to do his duty. This reference to "duty" roused the enthusiasm of every " man of metal" present, including oven the longeared larrikins, who grinned audaciously. The President now called upon Mr. SouAN Fubt to propose a resolution. This gentleman rose and said, that as every '' man of metal" present had done his duty and paid his sixpence, he considered the nociety of "men of metal" properly formed, and a power in the country. He went on to say that it was high time that the voice of the people, which everybody knew was Vox Dei or Vox Diaboli— he didn't rightly know which, as he had forgotten his Latin -whichever it was, it was high time it made itself heard and felt. Anyhow, he believed that the voice of the "men of metal,"who, as most people knew, in this Iron Age, were The People, would make itself heard. He felt satisfied in his own mind, that if the people spoke out, their voice would be beard and obeyed, otherwise, their representatives would at the general election be sent to the right-about, and lose their present handsome screw of two hundred a year. (Cheers.) That would fetch them. (Renewed cheers). WeAl then, as everybody knew, this colony belonged to the people who were here now. No other party had any right to it. (Great cheering). It belonged to them, and they demanded— 1. That all immigration should cease at once and for ever. 2. That no machinery, new invention, tool, pot, or kettle should be imported into this colony. 3. That capital and land should bear all the taxation, because it was rank folly in the sovereign people to tax their beer, or anything else. 4. That no money should be Bent out of the colony. 5. That no steamship company, or any other company, should pay its shareholders more than an annual dividend of two and a-half per cent., and as much less as possible. 6. That all workmen, good or bad, should have the same pay. 7. That none but Union men should have any work at all. 8. That six hours a-day, whether afloat or ashore (" hear, hear," from a noisy Jack), was long enough for any free man to work. 9. That co-operation between capital and I labour be encouraged, on the understanding that capital stands all the losses, and labour takes all the profits. 10. That no Licensing Committee be allowed to interfere with any public-house frequented by the Sovereign People, more especially the well-known house in which they were now assembled— "The Iron Horse." (At this point President Hummooky, who was understood to run " The Iron Horse," cheered vociferously, in whioh the meeting joined,) After the oheering had subsided, Mr. Soonan Fury proceeded to say that the •foresaid proposals would do, he thought, as

a first instalment of the Rights of the People, and with the consent of the "men of metal " present, he begged to propose a resolution embodying them, and that a copy be sent to Sir George Grey, instructing him to get an Act passed by the present Parliament embraoing the whole of the aforesaid ten points. (Tumultuous cheoring, amidst which was heard the long-eared larrikin squeaking out in his shrillest treble, "Brayvo, brayvo. ") The motion having been duly seconded by Mr. Wallaby Duffer, who said " that it ran on all fours with his ideas of 'The land for the people,' and ' Queen-street for their Loaders,'" President Hummocky, in putting the resoiution, said that "ho went further than cither Fury or Duffer, for in his opinion, not only Queen-street, but all other property in the colouy, ought to be equally divided amongst the Sovereign People, share and share alike, with one trifling exception, namely, " The Iron Horse," which, as most of the audience knew, was bis own private property, and ought not to be touched." The resolution, witfo this small rider, was carried Unanimously (spelt with a big U), amidst lusty cries of "Right you are, Hummooky." Then with a long pull, and a pull altogether at the pewter pots, the meeting separated, with three ringing cheers for Grey, one cheer more for Sounan Fury, and a final cheer for th« " Unearned Increment." C. U.