LOCAL GOSSIP.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXI, Issue 6948, 23 February 1884, Page 1 (Supplement)

LOCAL GOSSIP.

" Let me have audience foi a word or two." — ShaUsperc. Ix society circles there appears to be a good <iea! of uncertainty aa to the precise social standing of Lady Whitaker, now that her husband has been made a Knight Commander of the Most Distinguished Order of St. Michael and St. George. In order to dispel all doubt, and to ease the minds of sticklers for ceremonial etiquette, I may say that Lady Whitaker is now entitled to take precedence of tho following :—Wives of knights bachelors, wives of sergeants-at-arms, wives of Companions of the Bath, Star of India, and St. Michael and St. George, wives of the eldest sons of the younger sons of peers, daughters of the younger sons of peers, wives of the eldest sons of baronets, daughters of barouets, wives of the eldest sons of Knitihts of the Garter, of the Thistle, and of Sfc. Patrick, wives of the eldest sons of knights, daughters of knight?, wives of the younger sons of baronets, wives of gentlemen of coat armour. Tln.t is a fine lot of people who have all to take back seats to the wife of your K.C.M.G. After all, you see, there is something in rank.

The young Auoklander, Mr. T. S. Lawry, who has been made house surgeon of the Leeds General Infirmary, is to be congratulated on his appointment. It is a position which 13 greatly coveted by those anxions to rise in the medical profession, and to perfect themselves in the science of their art. Attached to the honorary staff of the Infirmary are some of the ablest surgeons and physicians in Bneland. There is no more skilful surgeon than Dr. Wheelhouse in the country. Frequently have I seen him perform most difficult operations with a coolness, precision, and deftness which have filled with astonishment and admiration others more experienced than the stadent3 who stood watching with critical eye the performance of the master. Then there is Dr. Scattergood. He is not only a talented pathologist, but an analyst whom none caa touch. Dr. Clifford Allbut and Mr. Pridgin Teale are also at the top of their profession, and are men of great attainments and wide -•■putation. To practise surgery under the i-je of these able professors, and to have the opportunity of watchiDg them perform difficult operations, are advantages which do not fall to the lot of every young M.R.C.S. Mr. Lawry may therefore consider himself extremely fortunate in having been selected for the position of House Surgeon of the Leeds Infirmnry.

The Surrey Hills estate is beginning to assume an altered appearance. Houses of all shapes and sizes, some old and others new, are already' to be seen dotted all over a considerable portion of the estate. In a short time there will be quite a populous township settled here. It is very necessary, therefore, that the sanitary authorities should see tbat the owner of each house pays due regard to such important matters as drains and cesspools. It is only by a strict attention to such things that the general health of the community can be kept good. An eminent authority states that probably one-third at least of the incidental illness of the United Kingdom,including much of child-bed illness, 13 the direct result of drainnge defects. 1 wonder how much of the periodical outbreaks of disease which occur in .New Zealand is due to similar causes. At present, though there are several families living on Surrey Hills, I believe not a single drain or cesspool has been constructed. There is a very gojd bylaw in force in several towns at home which is worthy of adoption here. It is as follows : —Every person who shall intend to let for occupation, or bping the owner thereof, shall occupy as a dwelling-hnuse any new building shall give seven clear rliys' notice thereof to the corporation. Such notice shall not given until the building in actually completed, and shall be delivered at the office of the Building Inspector, and such building shall not be occupied as a dwelling-house until the drainage thereof has hern made and completed, ur until such building lias, after examination, been certified by surveyor to be lit for human habitation, and the surveyor shall fiive a certificate to that effect if he is satisfied, after examination, that such building is n't fur human habitation.

That was in very truth a famous victory which the Temperance party gained at the polling-booths- on Tuesday. That it ivas unexpected in its completeuess goes without saying. Even the most sauguiue Blue Kibbonite did not anticipate a win all alone; the line. The result of the elections has staggered the publicans. They can't inaku it out. Had their receipts been steadily falling off during the past year they might have been prepared for a crushing defeat. But I believe they have been doing as roaring a trade as ever, and yet, in tne face of that, they have heeu hopelessly beaten. Some of them profess now to believe that had they done this or that, had their organisation been more perfect, and their efforts longer continued, they would have won. But that is all bunkum. The majorities on the other side were too large to be overcome by any effort. The Temperance party marched up to the polling-booths in whole battalions • and as the dismayei publicans saw the steady stream, they might have exclaimed, with Macbeth— Hang out our banners on the outer walla; The cry is still—" They come ! " It was M. Taine, methinks, who made the remark that the English are attacked by a virtuous fit once every seven years. There

lis a deal of truth in the observation. Dissipation and immorality are allowed to stalk unheeded through the streets for a number of years ; then we suddenly etraighten our backs, hold up our heads in horror, profess to be shocked beyond measure, and takiug off our coats forthwith r.ez to work with a will to cleanse the moral sewer. This newborn zeal does not, however, last long. Our enthusiasm cool, outraged virtne becomes more callous, and the old bad state of things is permitted to grow up again. Our ill-success in social reform is due to the want of persistent effort and steadfastness of purpose.

The virtuous fit is once more upon U3. yhia time we are determined to pat down drunkenness. There ia a rift in the dark clouds, and the little bit of blue ia growing larger and larger. The temperance cause is gaining everywhere. We are determined that because we are virtuous there shall be no more cakes or ale. The Sir Toby Belches of Auckland are going to have a bad time of it. Well, we shall see where it will all end. For my own part I don't see that there is so very much to throw our hata up in the air for, or to cry " Bravo ! well done." Ten o'clock closing is not going to make everybody teetotallers. I don't think itwillcau-e less drink to be consumed. When the public-houses at home were made to cloEe at eleven o'clock the publicans thought that, like Othello, thdr occupation was gone. But to their surprise they sold more than when they kept open all night, and as their expenses were less under the new Act, their profits were more. Now the publicans to a man are in favour of early closing. I fancy the experience of the publicans in Auckland will be very similar. I fancy, too, we shall Bee an increase in the number of those Tile places where drink is sold without a license. On the whole, it is not quite certain that ten o'clock closing will do as much as the temperance advocates eeem to tbiuk for public morality or sobriety. They would, however, be doing a good work by inaugurating a crusade against the sale of adulterated liquor. Tho bulk of the drink sold in most pu blic-houscs is villainous stuff—a compound of vile abominations.

On the day of the polling for the City Licensing Committees, a tradesman in Vic-toria-street exhibited a placard in his shop window which caused considerable amusement. Itread as follows :—" Whatapaternal Government! They grant licenses to make you drunk; provide police to 'run you in;' and fine you 53 and costs. Givo you free rations at Mount Eden, and a 'bus with outriders to travel in. Get drunk a second time, and your rewards aro doubled." Several thirsty souls who passed by stopped and perused the notice, and with the experience of men who knew all about it said, "By Jove, that's true." Superintendent Thomson came along and conned the proclamation. The spectators say that after reading it his physiognomy was a, study for Lavater.

A story has been already published re servantgalism and the Salvation Army, and I have just heard another, the truth of which I guarantee. A girl came home one night pretty late, and told her mistress that she had joined the Salvation Army, but considerately added, "I won't have to go every night." "I should ratherthink not," said the mistres?, who had two sick children to attend to. "But," added the servant, " they told me I must come back tomorrow night at all events." "Well," said tbe mistress, "you may take to-morrow night instead oE Thursday night, which is your uight out." Nothing more was said, but next morning the mistress, hearing no sound of breakfast being got ready, got up and found the girl packing up for immediate clearance. And away she did go. Perhaps it would not be amiss if the Salvation Army officers, iustead of keeping continually to the strain of "There's a palm for you and for me," would remind their hearara, or soldiers, that religion consists in a strenuous fulfilment of the common duties of life, "as in tho Great Taskmaster's eye." Their own name and organisation ought to teach the members of the Army that religion consists in the strenuous fulfilment of the duties of common life to begin with.

Superstition has not died out even in Auckland. The other day in Queen-street a welldressed lady was detected in the act of stooping down and picking up a hnrse-shoe in order to throw it over her left shoulder, for luck. Like Rocco, in "La Mascotte," she was " down on her luck ; " and, with Prince Laurent, I would say, "To make everything safe, let everybody turn round three times."

The telephone has its inconveniences as well as its advantages, and one of them is that sometimes the receiver overhears comments made in the room at the other end of the liDe by the transmitter (or other person) not of the most complimentary or pleasant character, and which observations are made frankly under the delusion that, as they aro not transmitted through the instrument, they are not overheard. Several local instances of this sort of an interesting character have recently taken place. But in business matters it is very awkward, as the following instance, which occurred at home, shows :—"A subscriber wished to purchase a large quantity of sugar. He telephoned to a well-known firm to ask the price. '27a,' was the reply. ' No, I will give 26s 6d,' said he ; and then listening, he heard one of the firm say to his partner, 'Shall we take it? , 'Yes,'said the partner, ' but try to screw another threepence out from him.' Then, loudly through the telephone : 'My partner says 20s 9d is the lowest we can afford.' 'Indeed,' came the answer; ' why, I heard him say try to screw another threepence out of me. No, no ; 26s 6d is the price,' and so it was." But there is a furtherdanger in theuse of the telephone, which can only just be hinted at. The other day, in a certain establishment in Auckland, ic was found necessary to rin« up the leading official of a Government institution. On getting the reply, the receiver thought he amelt a whiff, and exclaimed, "Why, man, you've been drinking!" To make assurance doubly sure, he called upon his comrade to come near the instrument and have a sniff. The latter was an expsrt, and emphatically pronounced the odour to be "Johnny VValker." The moral of the incident is that if one has been "smiling," it is not admissible to use the telephone without a preliminary doso of " peppermint and cloves."

The following episode oecnrred at the corner of Ponsonby aud Karangahape-roads, just opposite the reservoir, on Sunday evening last. The Salvation Army had assembled there, and the leader proceeded to address tiie Hinall crowd on the subject of Heaven ana Hell. A bystander, evidently an "inquirer," and not a "soldier," asked the spuaker if ho could explain what was meant l<y Heaven ami Hell. TtieSilvationistthought he wa3 equal to the occasion, and replied, "Yes, my friend, I can. Hell is the place you are going to, and Heaven is the place I am goiug to." Without allowing time for further interruption, a fresh hymn was .started, aud the march was resumed.

Mr. Goldie, Dog Registrar, has blossomed into a full-blown auctioneer, with a £30 license, in order that he may be able to auction the o.nine specimens which have been taken captive by his bow and by hie sling-particularly by his sling—at the Market kennels. At first blush it would appear aa if the Cily Council had been guilty of n reckless expenditure in this way, or of employing Tin elephant to pick up a pin. The secret of it is that auctioneers' licenses are citv revenue, consequently they pay out the £30 with one band .and scoop it in with the other—in fact, rob Peter to pay Paul. The auctioneers think after this that the profession ia " going to the dogs." Mercutio.

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