THE A B C PAPERS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XX, Issue 6823, 29 September 1883, Page 6

THE A B C PAPERS.

•' From grave to gay, from lively to severe." ' ' THE BIRD AND THE BIG WIGS : - A.X OLD-TIME FABLE., PART 111. ' At Easter term the Big Wigs were present in full force. The Court Was crowded as before by the other parties interested, including the seven City Fathers, these latter being as assiduously attended to by the bag bojs in the matter of red tape as before. Mr. Pinehit had. charge of the case, arid after a very learned exordium he wont on to say that the philosophers, sailor men, old people, cripples, barefooted little children.! and others, said-to have some undefined, interest in this costly bird,, could not, in point of fact, , be understood to know much about it. , He a'bked with..a sinister wink of his keen grey,- eye if any philosopher worthy of the" name could really care a straw for the bird, inasmuch as, the bird bi ing alive, could not witiiou l -, great cruelty, bo placed in a glass cast; in the Museum'; As to the u.olors, they were weil'knowri to be of such a r<.ckless character that they would piobaby make short work of this bird, ai.d dish it up for the next , meal •.rttthis tally the Chief Baron nodded his approval, and it was o'osirvcd thnt every J3ig Wig in Court nodded in response. The learned Mr. Keepit then addressed the | Court relative to the claims which certain i thoughtless people feaid the old men and I women had upon the , bird. W i,lh regard to thtir claims, he went on to saj that old pecple, some of whom were blind, others de?f, whilst others had not a leg to stand 00, could not, ought not, to allow such small matters as ■ birds to distract tlie>r declining years. Then, again, as to the ti oops of children which he saw ,loitering, skylarking, or playing marbles about the precincts of the Court, he would ask, what interest, which was at all appreciable, could they po-sibly have in one small bird ? Why, great numbers of these children w..nted boots, many of them wore the merest apologies for frocks or breeches. Then, as to foud. Looking at their hungry appearance —it seemed to him that a baker's shop would ba more in their way then a bird. For, Mr. Keepit went on to aay, he was well aware that the profound researohc s of the learned Chief Ba'ion of the Big Wigs had made him acquainted with tho fact, that this bird, or any other bird, would not lay more tl.an ono egg a day. "Now," said tiie learned gentleman, drawing himself up to his full height, (Mr. Keepit was understood to be five feet two in bin' boots) and majestically sweeping his little hand in the direction of the peep!' , who crowded tht Court, "Now," he continued, "I have siready proved that this bird Would not,'could not, lay raoro than one egg per diem— \a egg a day— not more." "Then," said the little man, "I ask, without fear of contradiction, whit would that egg be amongst so many ? I j.ause for , a reply." After an interval of embarrassing s.lence, Mr. Ki epit paused again. There was no reply. There could be none. vAnd the learned little Big Wig sat down amid.-t a bu7z of ill-conceated applause, besides beinn gieeted by the thrice-repeated nod of "the Chi*;? Baron of uhe Big Wigs. At this stage' a day was named - for a further hearing, and the bird having been deposited in the,parchment case, was con- I signed to the care of a receiver, whereupon the Court rose. Next term the now-famous bird case came I up for further hearing. It was noticed that ' tho bird was not in such high feather as I before. I The receiver siated he had received a good mauy eggs fiom the Court officials who had charge of the bird. Ho further repoited that the charge for maintenance, counsels' fees, refreshers, Court charges, nnd further charges for various services rendered by sundry Court officials, had absorbed all the e™qa with the exception of one, which he understood had been laid by the bird that moriting, ehortly before the opening of the Court. At this stage the Chief remarking upon the satisfactory results obtained so far, said that the accountant might bs call< d ,upon to furnish a bill of particulars of the receipts and disbursements thereupon, and intimated, that if his learned Brother Havit would move in that direction, he would make an order accordingly. Afttr some desultory discussion, the further hearing of the case was adjourned to a day to be namtd at a subsequent period. After the lapse of a sufficiently long interval, the Court of the Big Wige agaiu • assembled, whereupon the learned Big ig Serjeant Fleecic, moved tint the various affidavits, replications, accounts, and reports respecting the bird be received, and be taken as read. It transpired that, from some cau c e or other, not quite apparent, the bird had greatly deteriorated in condition, and had in fact quite ceased to lay This announceineut made, tho Chief Baron nodded iti his usual diguified manner. After a short interval, during which the pons which were not stuck in the leirned wigs were busily engaged iu drawing sketches on blotting pads of the seven City Fathers. Whereupon, Mr. Pluchit, of the Komo Circuit, rese, and stated on behalf of himcelf aud his learned brothers in law, who had been so successfully engaged in this case, that, it appearing that the estate, no longer being able to pay the fees and other charges and expenses of those who had been so Jong, aud he might add, so arduously engaged on this case, he submitted to thu Court whether the time had not come for thu wishes of the seven City Fathers to be carried out, narrn ly, th-it the Bird be cut up, and tho various parts be disposed of by auction, in order to meet the heavy expenses already incurred ? If this were not done now, he submitted that his learned brothers in law would lose fees. At this announcement, the poor bird feebly fluttered in its pjrehmont case, as if to protest against such a sacrifice. Regardless of this interruption, the Chief Baron of the Big Wigs was on tho point of making an order accordingly, when, there suddenly appeared in ihe ancient Hall an armed Knight, attended by a large following of philosophers, sailors, horny-handed sons of toil, cripples, old people, and ragged hungry-looking children. With a gallant bearinc—lessened some what by a singular weakness about the k.iees —the Knight stepped up to tho Chief Baron of tho Big Wigs, and presenting one ot Cromwell's letters, said iu firm, yet graceful tones, " I protest in the name of the human race against tho further cuntiuuarce ot theim proceedings. I am commanded by my master, King Public," to- remove from thisclutchts of this Court of Big Wigs what remains of the goodly bird bequoitiied by tho good old man who lived on eighteen pence a-day that he might feed the hungry and clotlio tho naked." At this bold* demand the seven City Fathers, whose k-gs and arms had been so deftly bound with red tape, turned their eyes to the knight, who, seeing their rueful faces and ludicrous predicament, drew his sword and quickly cut" tho legal bandages, aud set them free. "Take that bird," said he to them, " which your stupid folly has- nearly lost to your city ; feed and tend it well ; it may be, that once again it will lay its golden eggs. If it ao be, bpo that ye take heed to my words, and ponder well the principles upon which costly birds, as well as public libraries and other things, should be established."..,.,'.. At these words, spoken in winning tones, aud yet withal as by one accustomed to command, a great cheer aross from,, the philosophers, tho orphans, the sailors, tho cripples, and all tho feeble folk, amidst which the seven City Fathers carried off the haltplucked goose. So endu the true story of the Bird and the Big Wige. A.