THE A B C PAPERS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XX, Issue 6817, 22 September 1883, Page 6

THE A B C PAPERS.

<v From grave to gay, from lively *P severe." TBE BIRD AND THE BIG WIGS : S€ AN" OLD TIME FABLE. PART 11. O Now in that city there dwelt some people who wore long black gowns and big grey if wigs, and were always attended by little .§ boys, who each carried a large black bag. N Now, by reason of the big wigs and black § bag 3, these men Were said tp have much. Wisdom stowed away in ■ $heir; Wigs and u bags, and so were counted very wise, and, j by way of distinction, Were called through- j out the city "The Learned Society of Big J Wig's." One of their number "wore a * blacker gown and a bigger wig than the rest, j and Was therefore called the Chief of the Big. A Wigs. The learned BOciety of Big Wips were £ supposed to know how to handle birds Of any feather, by reason of their having been for a lone time famous for plucking birds ot every kind Which came into their „ net. To them, therefore, the City Fathers pro- C posed to entrust the old man's, bird, so that it might be properly plucked, and the feathers distributed according to law. At a set time the City Fathers instructed the worthy scrivener to convey the bird 11 to Court. This he did in a. parchment d case, covered at the top with a large ' straw hat, which the old man used to wear,

bo that the bird might not be stifled for want } of air. The City Fathers accompanied him, followed by 1 a, string of philosophers, sea- ' toilers, ragged children, orphans, cripples, and other sick ana ignorant folk, all of whoui v needed knowledge, food, or help of some sort. . J The Court was held in the Hall of Cob- ,

weba. The scrivener placed the bird: oil a \ table, around which were seated the Big 1 Wigs, attended by their boys and bags. The ' Fathers of the City were accommodated with f standing room behind them, while the £ crowds of people directly interesttd in the ' fortunes of the bird filled every corner of the f Court. , silence buying been proclaimed, Sergeant - A skit, a rising Big Wig, rose and stated that ] lie appeared on behalf of the people interested ( in the bird. He would not detain tho Court t \yith the romantic story of the bird, which he. t classically called the "Bird of Juno," but J which in plain English was a valuable and ( costly goose ; how it had the wonderful power of lajing golden eggs; how it liad been bequeathed to the city by a benevolent £ old man, together with his old straw hat, in order that the wisdom of the one and the wealth of the other might help, and comfort •_ the ignorant and the helpless of the city. For his part, the learned sergeant Said, he ,:ould not, for the life of him, see why the ' City Fathers had brought this case to the • Court of Cobwebs,—for, with all due re- t spect, he submitted that no man or bird ( from time immemorial, had come to that Court without being more or less plucked. J Oftener more than less, he added, in an audible aside. ... I .. The learned Big Wig went on to say 1 that he would strongly urge the City j Fathers to remove the bird from without . the precincts of tho Court before they became entangled with the cobwebs and red tape, with which the Court of the Big Wigs 1 abounded. This warning of the worthy j counsel cattle all too late. For, from the j moment the City Fathers had taken their j places, the bag boys and other officials had been busily and deftly winding coils of red J tape round and round their arms and legs. . Curiously enough, these coils, though they did not prevent locomotion or action in other matters, bound their wearers to obey the mandates of the Court of the Big Wig 3 in all matters or things which, had once come into the Court. Having opened his case in this manner,. Mr. Askit resumed his seat. ' Then the Chief Baron of the Big Wigs with a silence as dignified and profound &3 it was complete—far he said nothing at all — but his look, ah ! his look, who can describe it ? For the Chief Baron looked a great deal more wise than ever any Big Wig really was. Jove shaking his locks, no doubt frightened the gods a good deal, but the Chief Baron shaking his wig and adjusting his spotless baods was something to be remembered by gods and men. But the art the great man displayed in settling the folds of his gOwir was really wonderful, nay, quite inimitable. No old Woman, with her seventy years' experience, could have done it half so well. The gr-at man, With several pieces of Coke at his left> and some fragments of a curious Black stone at his right, proceeded to lay dawn the law in this case. Besides being a man of few words, His Lordship was a man of action, and, instructed by him, His Lordship's Secretary, assisted by one of the ushers of , the Court, placed an array of weighty ! "volumes, labelled with the names of moat of the great legal luminaries who had made the : darkness of the Dark .Ages darker thau before. His Lordship, being of course Well acquainted with the contents of all these Weighty volumes—being, in fact, a walking law library—did not therefore need to consult them. ■ The Secretary and Court Usher, well aware of this fact, arranged all the large books with the great names, done in gilt letters and red morocco, so that all the. Big Wigs, and every other person in the Court, could see how formidably tlie great Chief of the ■' Big Wigs was fortified with ; law and morocco. ■■ : After this display of legal lore, there remained little, or indeed, nothing for him to say, and the Chief of the Big, Wigs, being a very wise man, said nothing. " Then, with a Radamanthine nod. His Lordship signalled to Mr. Catchit to open the case On the other side. ■ That learned Big Wig stated that this was a ease, in which an old man had left a bird, said to be of a fabulous value, in order that certain people might receive from time to time a number of golden eggs, which, it was alleged by the other side, that the bird would lay, undercertaiu circumstances. , For his part, he had grave doubts whether the bird in question would lay any eggs at all. He admitted that eggs were eggs all the world over. But he submitted that there were eggs anil eggs. Some eggs were good for food, either boiled, poached, or fried. Others were not good for food, being only good for obnoxious candidates at elections. His learned brother-in-law talked about golden eggs. Well, for his part, he hoped that the bird in question would lay golden eggs, and plenty of them, for whatever difference of opinion there might be as to the , uses to which eggs sound or addled might be put, he asserted without fear of contradiction . that if this costly bird really laid golden . eggs, they would be highly appreciated by . every Big Wig present, and would be duly , appropriated by them, of course, under long , established and well-known rules of Court, [ for all such cases made and provided. After this tnasterlj address, it wap allowed . by all the Big Wigs present that great pro- , gress had been made in settling the prelimi- , naries in this moßt important case. Its r further consideration was therefore deferred, . by Consent, till Easter term, when it was . ordered to come up for hearing, and be placed first on the list of cases to be then heard, i At the rising of the Court the City Fathers 1 Were required to place the bird in the cus- . tody of the Court. The straw hat, being understood to have but a very remote relation to feathera or eggs, golden or other- . j wise, on the motion of Mr. Askit. was ordered to be handed over tp the custody of the City Fathers. | The Court then adjourned. Some of the City Fathers were a little nont plussed, and some were angry not a little, but seeing that they bad come into Court, ' and, moreover, feeling hound by the red tape which the Big Wigs had caused to be wrapped j around them, and not knowing what else to 2 do, they thanked the Court and withdrew. I The crowd of expectant, beneficiaries from 0 the generous old man's bequest couldn't 9 make it out at all., and withdrew also. A. 3 i'l'o be continued.!.