ODDS AND ENDS.
Folks who get up an hour or two before ' sunrise report that they can see the comet. L People who sit up to that hour are probably * able to see two comets. * " Good morning, Fred,"said 8.-own; "how i is j-our wife, better I hope ?" " Yes," replied ' Fred; "better, but not out of danger. Tho ° doctor calls regularly every day."- s A thrifty father took liis boy to a 1 doctor, "If you can cure him for less than t the funeral," said he, "go ahead; but ' if you can't, the boy'll have to take his ' chance." I A novel idea has occurred to a Liverpool tradesman who advertises that he is able to sell cheaper than others because he is a J bachelor without encumbrances, and does not want the profits of a married man with a larqe c family. A friend from Rome informed Mrs. Rams- ' botham that among other things he had *■ recently seen Cardinal Lavigerie take posses- r iion of his titular church of " St. Agnes- a nrithout-the-Walls." " 'St. Agnes withoutthe l walls!'" exclaimed Mrs. Ram. "How on r > sarth is the roof kept up ?" Brown (wlio haa come across liis tailor, to r niioin lie owes a little bill, at the seaside): y " Sorry I haven't been able to settle your " iceount, Tompkins, but—" Tompkins : " Oli *• [ don't complain so much of that. The sore a [loiut is taking your custom elsewhere." : \ Brown : "Don't let that trouble you, Tomp- '' iins. (Confidentially) : Look here. I don't t nean to pay the other man either !" * When Dubufe's celebrated painting of a " Adam and Kvc" n-as on exhibition at Kdin- c jurgh, Mr. McNali, the curator of the Bota- - lical Gardens in that city, was taken to sec t, and was n«ked for his opinion. " I think io orcat things of the painter,'' remarked the luthority on gardening. " Wliy, inan, Eve's ;emtin' Adain~wi' a pippin o' a variety that * ,vasna known until aboot twenty years ago !" Oscar Wilde says the peoplo all over the ?' ■ionth sang in in his cars the old melancholy , •efrain, " You ought to have seen it before ' he war." " I was ance sitting on the portico T. if a country house," he said, " with a youujj ady, admiring the beauty of a limpid stream lnder tho rays of the menu and L said to the *} ,-oung lady, ' How beautiful is the moonlight " allin'" on water!' 'It is beautiful, itule.-J,' " he replied, " but ah! Mr. Willo, you ought o have seen it before tin; war."' s _' A leading New England newspaper, many 0 :ears ago iiavini: aecus.il i)a:ii(;l Webster of Odseness in bin money a(l'.i:r.«, h>. M'rotc the iditor- a private note, admittiir; liia ciirelcss- j. H't-s both in piyinjj what lie owed, and col- r | i-.cting what was dun to him. ".And as an (} Uustration of that," lie aildi-d, "I enclose s wo notes on money which 1 loaned your j „ atlicr to -nid h'.rn in givint.' you and your )rother an education." Th.it newspaper lever troubled him any more on the money I j, [uestion. j It somctiir.ns happens tli.it itniiortitieiice \:-i ] x iaid back in it.« own euiii. O;ic when .Juhn h t:\ndolph was leaving ;i enm-try tavern tin: j_andlord said. "Mr. ka-iil.ili>ii, which wpy ti ire you going?" Tlii:j;ru!i \ lrgiuian replie.l, ;-. 'I've paid iny bill and it.' s none of your busi- 1, less." Half an hnur l.V. ■■■: ! landnlph cinie to ■[ . cross road, and, not knowing which way to f akn sent liis servant 1 >:i-U ;■■ i-ui|uiri\ The io andlord replied. "Ti-ll Mr. liando'.pii. !:.• ]i ias paid his bill, ami \:>- ran take which C o:ul he pleases." I Turning to the fat man who was reading a :' icwppaper and taking no part in 'he discus- p ion he asked, "Uo you agrri' with me that ti he prices of the mv-=-:in<s cf lif.; will :;o v. till higher?" " I do."' - And the results ti iiu?t 'bo ilisastr.ius?" "They must." if ' l'vi-nts will advanc, won't they - : , ' "They o vill." " And coil, c'd'hi!)/, mid boot 1: and b .hoes? ,, "Yi--'." "And huii'livds of rich ncn will b,. 1 brougli , ; lowV "Tlioy will." o ' And thousands of jioor faniilir-i vrill sip the : ires of poverty ?" ".)r. t:-o.'' " Aikl the S •ountry will hm t-ueb dai k .lavs as it never C iaw bi-fore?" "Quite corsvet." "Well, l> lir." oonlinued the otln-r, after drawing a l< oi:g breath, "what would you rrcoimnend ?" k ■* If 1 wore you 1 should u u e plenty of sonp k ind water, and put on :i clean .shirt, at least :■■ iiico a month !" wan t.lii- calm response, c riien t.lic first man went out behind tlic ) lepot, ami said it wna only another instance t jf the arrogant and insulting attitude of "\ tho capitalists in thia country toward tho « iowa-troddeu working man. t
Permanent link to this item
https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/NZH18821202.2.53.38
Bibliographic details
New Zealand Herald, Volume XIX, Issue 6566, 2 December 1882, Page 3 (Supplement)
Word Count
805ODDS AND ENDS. New Zealand Herald, Volume XIX, Issue 6566, 2 December 1882, Page 3 (Supplement)
Using This Item
No known copyright (New Zealand)
To the best of the National Library of New Zealand’s knowledge, under New Zealand law, there is no copyright in this item in New Zealand.
You can copy this item, share it, and post it on a blog or website. It can be modified, remixed and built upon. It can be used commercially. If reproducing this item, it is helpful to include the source.
For further information please refer to the Copyright guide.
Acknowledgements
This newspaper was digitised in partnership with Auckland Libraries and NZME.