ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XIX, Issue 6566, 2 December 1882, Page 3 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

Folks who get up an hour or two before ' sunrise report that they can see the comet. L People who sit up to that hour are probably * able to see two comets. * " Good morning, Fred,"said 8.-own; "how i is j-our wife, better I hope ?" " Yes," replied ' Fred; "better, but not out of danger. Tho ° doctor calls regularly every day."- s A thrifty father took liis boy to a 1 doctor, "If you can cure him for less than t the funeral," said he, "go ahead; but ' if you can't, the boy'll have to take his ' chance." I A novel idea has occurred to a Liverpool tradesman who advertises that he is able to sell cheaper than others because he is a J bachelor without encumbrances, and does not want the profits of a married man with a larqe c family. A friend from Rome informed Mrs. Rams- ' botham that among other things he had *■ recently seen Cardinal Lavigerie take posses- r iion of his titular church of " St. Agnes- a nrithout-the-Walls." " 'St. Agnes withoutthe l walls!'" exclaimed Mrs. Ram. "How on r > sarth is the roof kept up ?" Brown (wlio haa come across liis tailor, to r niioin lie owes a little bill, at the seaside): y " Sorry I haven't been able to settle your " iceount, Tompkins, but—" Tompkins : " Oli *• [ don't complain so much of that. The sore a [loiut is taking your custom elsewhere." : \ Brown : "Don't let that trouble you, Tomp- '' iins. (Confidentially) : Look here. I don't t nean to pay the other man either !" * When Dubufe's celebrated painting of a " Adam and Kvc" n-as on exhibition at Kdin- c jurgh, Mr. McNali, the curator of the Bota- - lical Gardens in that city, was taken to sec t, and was n«ked for his opinion. " I think io orcat things of the painter,'' remarked the luthority on gardening. " Wliy, inan, Eve's ;emtin' Adain~wi' a pippin o' a variety that * ,vasna known until aboot twenty years ago !" Oscar Wilde says the peoplo all over the ?' ■ionth sang in in his cars the old melancholy , •efrain, " You ought to have seen it before ' he war." " I was ance sitting on the portico T. if a country house," he said, " with a youujj ady, admiring the beauty of a limpid stream lnder tho rays of the menu and L said to the *} ,-oung lady, ' How beautiful is the moonlight " allin'" on water!' 'It is beautiful, itule.-J,' " he replied, " but ah! Mr. Willo, you ought o have seen it before tin; war."' s _' A leading New England newspaper, many 0 :ears ago iiavini: aecus.il i)a:ii(;l Webster of Odseness in bin money a(l'.i:r.«, h>. M'rotc the iditor- a private note, admittiir; liia ciirelcss- j. H't-s both in piyinjj what lie owed, and col- r | i-.cting what was dun to him. ".And as an (} Uustration of that," lie aildi-d, "I enclose s wo notes on money which 1 loaned your j „ atlicr to -nid h'.rn in givint.' you and your )rother an education." Th.it newspaper lever troubled him any more on the money I j, [uestion. j It somctiir.ns happens tli.it itniiortitieiice \:-i ] x iaid back in it.« own euiii. O;ic when .Juhn h t:\ndolph was leaving ;i enm-try tavern tin: j_andlord said. "Mr. ka-iil.ili>ii, which wpy ti ire you going?" Tlii:j;ru!i \ lrgiuian replie.l, ;-. 'I've paid iny bill and it.' s none of your busi- 1, less." Half an hnur l.V. ■■■: ! landnlph cinie to ■[ . cross road, and, not knowing which way to f akn sent liis servant 1 >:i-U ;■■ i-ui|uiri\ The io andlord replied. "Ti-ll Mr. liando'.pii. !:.• ]i ias paid his bill, ami \:>- ran take which C o:ul he pleases." I Turning to the fat man who was reading a :' icwppaper and taking no part in 'he discus- p ion he asked, "Uo you agrri' with me that ti he prices of the mv-=-:in<s cf lif.; will :;o v. till higher?" " I do."' - And the results ti iiu?t 'bo ilisastr.ius?" "They must." if ' l'vi-nts will advanc, won't they - : , ' "They o vill." " And coil, c'd'hi!)/, mid boot 1: and b .hoes? ,, "Yi--'." "And huii'livds of rich ncn will b,. 1 brougli , ; lowV "Tlioy will." o ' And thousands of jioor faniilir-i vrill sip the : ires of poverty ?" ".)r. t:-o.'' " Aikl the S •ountry will hm t-ueb dai k .lavs as it never C iaw bi-fore?" "Quite corsvet." "Well, l> lir." oonlinued the otln-r, after drawing a l< oi:g breath, "what would you rrcoimnend ?" k ■* If 1 wore you 1 should u u e plenty of sonp k ind water, and put on :i clean .shirt, at least :■■ iiico a month !" wan t.lii- calm response, c riien t.lic first man went out behind tlic ) lepot, ami said it wna only another instance t jf the arrogant and insulting attitude of "\ tho capitalists in thia country toward tho « iowa-troddeu working man. t