ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XIX, Issue 6296, 21 January 1882, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

"Why is it," askccl a lady, "that so ma'iy people lose their interest in church-going nowadays?" "Because they have lost their principle," was the witty reply. The story goes undisputed thr.fc woman did tempt man to eat. The habit of drinking on all occasions, and getting drunk for fun, was was a beastly invention of his onn. " Is that marble ?" said a gentleman, pointing to a bust of Kentucky's great statesman, recently, in a New York store. "No, sir, that's Clay," quietly replied the dealer. The law of the harvest is to reap more than you sow. Sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit aud you reap a character; bow a character and you reap a destiny. At stations ou the new Southern Pacific Railroad the following signs arc seen in front of tents aud shanties : " Oue Meal, 25 cents; Sduare Meal, 50 cents ; Gorge, 75 cents." A Yankee bicycle dealer has utilised the happy thought of presenting a pair of crutches and a box of court plaster to each purchaser of a bicycle. He is monopolising the trade. It will never do to give up because there are difficulties in the way Shakspcaresays : He is not worthy of the honeycomb That shuns the liivo because tho bees havo stings> Ordinarily we know from vrhat country most people come by the language they use; but ill the case of the swearer it is different. He uses the language cf the country ; to which he is going. "Now, Master Janes," said the teacher, who was rather fond of his bottle ; " X equals tlie unknown quantity. Now, what is X?' "X," responded Master Jones, "is the whiskey you have drank." The bed is a bundle of parodoxes (observes Colton) ; wc go to it with reluctance, yet wa quit it with regret ; wc make up our minds C7ery night to leave it early, but wo make up our bodies every morning to keep itlate. " I am willing to split liairs with my opponent all day if he insists on it," said a celebrated Irish lawyer, in a speech at the bar. " Split that, then, "said hid opponent, pulling a specimen from his own head, and extending it. " May it please the Court, I didn't say bristles," was the quiet response. At the theatre one evening behind the scenei, Suett observed a performer put something under his cloak, and asked liim what he had got there. "Oh, only my dagger, answered the player. Suett, however, drew out a small bottle, and, having ascertained that it contained his favourite beverage, drank the contents, aud returned him th-3 bottle with these words : "There's tho sheath." When tho present Bishop of Peterborough made his great speech on the Irish Church la 18G9, lie was sitting next to Wilberforce, then Bishop of Winchester. At tho conclusion of his splendid oration ho sat down amidst a tempest of cheering, and, being somewhat flurried, he took up Wilberforce'a tiencher instead of Ins own j but as ho was about to put it on, " Sam," strctchingout his haud, said, " We will cxchauge heads if you like, but not hats." _An exchange tells its readers how "to mind your P's" in the following paragraph : —Persons who patronise papers should pay promptly, for the pecuniary prospcots of tho press have a peculiar power in pushing forward public prosperity. If the printer is paid promptly, and his pocket-book kept plethoric by prompt-paying patrons, ho puts his pen to paper in pcaco, hjs paragraphs of passing ovonta have more pleasing colours, and tho perusal of his paper is a pleasure to the people. Pasto this piece of proverbial philcsopny in some place where all parties can perceive] 'i f - '