LADY PHYSICIANS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XVIII, Issue 6147, 30 July 1881, Page 7

LADY PHYSICIANS.

A St. Loots doctor factory recently turned out a dozen female doctors. Aβ long as tho female doctors were confined to one or two' in the whole country, and those werejonly experimental, we held' our jicace and did not complain;., but now. that the 'colleges are engaged in producing female doctors as a business, we mußt protest, and in bo doing will give a few reasons why female doctors will not prove a paying branch, of indtlstry. In the first place, if they doctor anybody it must be women,'and three-fourths of tho women would rather have a male djctor. Suppose these eollegcs turn out female doctors until there are as many of them as male doctors. And why? Because, when a man has a female fumbling around him. be wants to feel well. He don't want to.be billious or feverish, with bis mouth tasting like cheese, and his eyes bloodshot, when the. female is looking over him and taking account of his stock. Of course these female doctors are all young and good-looking, and if one of them came into a sick room where a man was in bed, and he had the chills and was aa cold as a wedge, and she would sit up close to the side of the bed and tnkehold of his hanel, his pulse would run' up to a hundred and fifty, and she would proscribe for a fever when ho had chilblains. A man who has been sick and had male doctors knows just how he would feel to have a female doctor come tripping in and throw her fur-lined cloak over a chair, take off her hat and gloves and throw them on the lounge, and come up to tho bed with a pair of marine-blue eyes, with a twinkle in the corner, and look him in the wild, changeable eyes, and ask him to run out his tongue. Suppose he knew his tongue was coated so it looked like a yellow Turkish towel, do you suppose he would want to run ont over five or six inches of tho lower part of it and let that female doctor put her finger on it to see how. fur it was ? Not much. Hewould put that tongue up into his cheek, and wouldn't let her see it for twonty-fiW cents admission. Wo have all seen doctors put their hands under the bed clothes and feel of a man's feet to see if they, were cold. If a female doctor would do that it would give a man cramps in the legs. A male doctor can put hjs_hands on a man's liver and lungs and ask him if he feels any pain there, but if a female doctor should do the same thing it would make a man sick, and he would want to get up and' kick himself for employing a female doctor. Oh, there's no. use in talking, it would kill a man. Now, suppose a man had heart disease, and a female doctor would want to listen to tho beating of his heart. She would lay her left ear on liis left breast, so her eyes and rosebud mouth would be looking right in his face, and her wavy hair would be scattered all around thero, getting tangled in the buttons of his nightshirt. Don't you sppposo his heart would 'get in about twenty extra beats to the minute ? You bet. And she would smile—you will bet ten dollars she would smile—aridj show her pearly -teeth, and the ripe lips would be working as though she were counting the beats, and he was thinking she was tryintf to whisper to him, and— Well, what would he be doing all this time ? If ho was not dead, which would be a, wonder, his left hand would brash the hair away from her left temple, and kind of staying there to keep the hair away, and his right hand would get sort of nervous and move around to the back of her head, and when she had counted the beats for a few minutes and was raising her head, he would draw the head up to him and kiss her once for luck, if he was as bilious as a Jersey swamp angel—and have her charge it in the bill. And then a reaction would set in, and ho would be as weak as a cat, and she would have to fan. him and rub his head until lie got over being nervous, and then make out his prescription after he got asleep. No; all of a man's symyptons change when a female doctor is practicing on him, and she would kill him dead.—Pesk's Sun.