VARIETIES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XVI, Issue 5634, 6 December 1879, Page 3

VARIETIES.

Truth is stranger thia Hc'.ion, for t vro u less of it. Jeuny Tji'nd is 56 years old still sir. i like a nightingale. Brass passes for p»!d in Africa, an'J, ' y the way, it does here t*»o. German prescribe oyatcrr t fresh fruit for gout »»«d imligctiou. The police in Mexio> stop aud question I people found iu the *tr eta after mi hi'^hc.. Monday afternoon th- lightning struck \ powder magazine n«»»r Br>uhton, 111,, can* 51,000 pounds of poiffd r. Yo.i c:-\ just imagine how a-totiiihod the was the next second. When one reflt cts that winter oxcur>ions to the borders of the Ni«j.?r will b<> rondurel possible by th>9 prooose I Sahara railway, uq begins to appreciate the miraculous nature of our modern civilization. A new mo le of c Electing honey is being tried in Germany. A small apparatus witn wire* gives the b»cs an el ctrio shock, aud thfy fall to the bottom of the hive, remaining motionless for several lumrs. The man who go°s fishing and gits in a cramp-invit ng posture on a narrow plank from early morn till dewy eve, and calls it fun, is the chap who n-ver goes to church because the pews are nt comfortable. In February next the o will be (ive Sundays. This fact occurs but three times in a ceutnry. Thus, after ISSO, we will have to w*it uutil 1920 before the aborted month in the year can again boast of five Sundays. The Chinese Prr»mi-r f Prince Kung, addressed General Grant in English, so-called. Trying to compliment: him by assuring him that he was bom to command, he said, •'Sire! Brave Generale ! you vos made to order!" The latest Parisian t" ir.cy is that at a recent ball the ladies were given books of cheques on which was printo (, "Good for the—th dance." These wire filled out, signed aud given to intended partners, who presented them at the proper time for redemption. A general election in England draw?, according to the Philadelphia Press, over £0,000,000 sterling iu a few weeks from all the candidates, and thu imtnenso expenditure is for au office which yields neither direct salary, indirect emolument, nor the shghest patronage. Marshal St. Arnaud spoke highly of Prince Napaleon's bravery at the battle of the Alma, and Mr. King-daka pays him the compliment of saying that he was not inferior to his uncle in personal courage; yet French soldiers are iiriniy convinced that he was a coward. An American paper remarks Among the Europeans slain at; Cabul not one was a purely bred Englishman Cavagnari was the son of a French general and an Irish mother ; Mr. Jenkyns, Secretary of the Embassy, was a Scotchman; Liutcnaut Hamilton aud Dr. Kvlly were Irishmen. "Is there anything that will make grain come up quick?" asked a rich v amateur farmer of au old husbandman. '* Sfell, no, I don't know of ir-thiu' that will dolt,'* was tha genial old fellow's reply, " unlysa it be rooks." Then thu am:it-.ur fanneriwanted to know where he could get some. [1 Time was when an historical paiponc or a beautiful tinted landscape the acme of art. The chef, d'mwre nowadays comprises a stork, bafcucing himself on one leg under the umbrageous shade of three swamp cat-tails, aud stauds forth on the canvas like a sore thumb done up in a velvet rag.

Shopkeeper, to commercial traveller

"Can't give you an order j quite overstocked. " Traveller: " Let me at least show you my samples." Shopkeeper: "Spare yourself the tremble ; I can't look at them." Traveller: "Then will you allow me to look at them myself? It is three weeks since I have seen them."

Good Templar: " Tut—t—t—really, Swizzle, its disgraceful to see a man iu your position in this after the expense we've incurred and the exertions we've used to put down the liquor tr.iliie." Swizzle: "Y" miy preasli as mush a i y' like, gen'l'm'n, but I can tell y' I've m- (e more persh'nal effoish to (hie) purrown liquor than any of ye."

A new poem siarts out with tho rather startling line, 11 1 am d > ing ;is she coming 1" And tho reader naturally infers that he was frightened to death because his mother-in-law was coming, .a. perusal of the poem, however, while it shows the tragedy unchanged, rearranges the cast, and the singer is a wife hurrying into the grave before her husband's aunt can catch her.

A new sword bayonet for the Martini carbine (says the United Service Gazette) ia to bo issued to tho Eoyal Artillery, and will also be supplied to the artillery, militia, and volunteers. The old bayonet is curved ; the

new one is quite straight, and, being two ov.~c, threo inches loDger, it places the short carbine of the artilleryman on an equality with the rifle of the infantryman in the range of thrust.

Herbert Spencer, tho philosopher, is a delicate looking man, with a fringe of beard around his throat in the style of Horace Greeley's. He i j . nearly sixty years old. Like several literary men—including John Hardy, author of " Far from the Madding Crowd"—he received his early education in the office of a civil engineer. lie has never made much money aad at times has been pinched by poverty. The ores produced in the United Kingdom last year turned out 7020z. of gold, valued at £2,848 ; 6,381,051 tons of pig iron, worth £10,154,992; 10,106 tons of tin, worth £663,080; 3,952 tons of copper, worth. £271,042 ; 58,020 tons of lead, valued at £972,491; 6,309 tons of zinc, valued at £123,025. Silver was obtained from lead to the amoant of 397,4710z. and the value of £85,296 ; from silver ore the amount was 27,6480z., and the value £6,223. The latest dodge by which charitable pe <ple in England are imposed npon is a very simple but ingenious one. A man carej fully, but plainly dresßed, visits the churches, is overcome by faintness daring the service, falls into tho aisle and is carried out, to the gieat disturbance of the congregation. A pitiful tale of starvation and want is told iu the vestry when the man revives, and, of course, a collection is made to relieve the pangs of hunger whioh the " poor man" suffers.

Many years ago a certain Rev. Dr. Stewart, famous for his long sermonß, was in charge of a parish in Brougbshane, four miles from Belfast. An old woman emerged from tho church-door before the service was over, and one of the livery servants, in charge of one of the numerous vehicles outside, addressed her in County Antrim Scotch: " Well, Jinny, is the doctor nearly din' yet ?" "He's in nae notion of havin' din'. He's spiunin' awa' and spinnin' awa'; but tho tow's din' half an 'oor ago." The breeding of the Angora goat in California has, after a trial of 20 years, proved a commercial failure. Though the appearance of the animals is prepossessing, and the woo/ commands a high price in the market, the yield is sot sufficient vo pay the interest on tho cost and the expense of keep while the merino sheep, on the contrary, have made large fortunes for the breeders since their introduction. The Angora appears to have been a failute likewise in some of the other American states, such as Kentucky and Georgia, where the experiment has been tried for a considerable|term of years.

It is the wonder of wonders that all tho paragraphers in the country have not long ago been consigned to the insane asylums, not on accjunt of any especial strain on their uufortunate mind?, but simply from the Fact that every fat wit of their acquaintance makes it a point to daily button-hole them in some corner and inflict them with a recital of a " devilish neat thing Brown said the other night, my boy. I'm sure you can work it up into a good thing." No wonder Mark Twain and that kiog of the craft, Mas Adeler, so earnestly advocate the abolition of capital punishment. They want to feel safer than they now do when compelled to lure off into a solitary spot some such individual as above described, and murder him in cald blood.

A good story is told of venerable Judge H. The other day, while holding the Circuit Court, he grew weary of the endless tongues of attorneys, and, calling to a bailiff, saiil, huskily, " Go over to the ' Hole in tho Wail,' and bring me a drink of whiskey." The bailiff disappeared, and reappeared shortly with an inch and a half of com-juice in a glass, enough for any Ci ristion man, but not a sufficiency for an Alabama judiciary system. "Go back," growled tiio judge, "and toll Ifa-erty to send me a drink-a driuk of whiskey." The tailiff d.sappeared again, and reappearred a second time with a tumbler br]miniafe full. .Vh, • i i ,f jiriiilUCt vUAC| nOW« 3d A said the wearer of urn'" . • £ dl !? k I"did "Oh, he didn'tsavanythW, your honour,"answered rr. ' i. Well, 1 don't like to tell you, sah, Cour honour." "Go on and toll me exactly what he said," demanded the judge. " Well, sail your honour," drawled out tho bailiff, "bo tsaiil, * I seat him -a drink of whiskey at lirst; I didn't know that the old fool wanted to take a bath I'"