ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XVI, Issue 5496, 28 June 1879, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

Every one should know that a prompt shock of electricity will restore a person to cou- * _ sciousuess, who ia dying from the effects « chloroform. ' In Columbus, e»ys an American oentemporary, if a young man oheats at croquet, the young ladies caress the flange of his ear with a mallet. " What," said an inquisitive lady, "is the . most popular colour for a bride ?" Wβ may be little a particular in such matters, but Wβ prefer a white one. Never use slang. It may not always applyListen as A somes into B's room. Says B: "How do like my new shoes?" A: "Ob, they're immense!" t-'aye a music critic, " I am always pleased when I see a young lady devote herself to the study of the harp or the violoncello. It ia one less to to play the piano." Th« freedom of Berlin haviog been presented to a Prussian officer in a gold snuffbox, a French writer said therewse ample room in the snuff-box for all the freedom there was in Berlin. A moat interesting sight to see in that of ayonng lady, with "lips like rubies," and ." with " teeth of pearly whiteness," and with, cheeks that have stolen the "deep carnation of the deathless rose/' with her month: full of gingerbread! . . Faith may be able to remove a mountain, but when a woman takes her knitting anal. patch-work and visits her next-door neighbour, it will take a derrick as well as faith, to ; remove her to her own bouse in time to prapare her husband's dinner. A very old lady on her deathbed, in penitential mood, said, " I have been a great I sinner more than eighty years, and didn't know it." Aα old darkey woman who had lived with her a long time exclaimed, " Lore ! I knowed it all the time." "Gentlemen of the jury," said a Western lawyer, " I don't mean to insiuute this mas is a covotous person, but I will bet five - to one that, if you should bait a steel trap with a now threepenny-piece, and- place it within eix inches of his mouth, you would catch his soul." The child tvas evidently lost !—cried utterly—could not tell where its parents lived, or whether she wastn orphan, or what her father was—or where she went to school. Enter intelligent policeman. Policeman (in a friendly whisper : " Where does your mother get her gin, my dear ?"*—• And the mystery was solved. " What are you looking for ?" asked one of the widow Bedott's two daughters, who where entertaining their yonng fellows on the piazza rather late one night last summer, to their mother, who seemed to be hunting for something around the front yard. "The morning . papers," answered the widow. The young men left. President Lincoln once listened patiently while a friend read a long manuscript to him, and who then asked, "What do you think of it? How will it take ?" The president reflected a little while, and then answered, " Well, for people who like that kind of thing I think that that is just about the kind of thing they'd like." It is reported by a contemporary that & certain musician, disgusted with the chatter* ing that usually takes the place of listening during a musical performance, arranged wita his violin, his violoncello, and the rest that ■ the mnaic should suddenly stop in the midst of the loudest passage ia the piece. It was done, and, clear and distinct above all the loud talkers' voices, these words were heard —" We always fry ours in lard I" A good coloured man once said in a classmeeting : " Bredren, when I was a boy I took a hatchet and went into the woods. When I found a tree dat was straight, big . \ and solid, I didn't touch dat tree, but when .; I found one leaning a little and hollow inside I soon had him down So, when de debbil got after Christians he don't touch dem date straight and true, but dem dat lean a little aud are hollow inside." ■ A woman in a K.ansaa Pacific railroad car sit facing a man who, with one eye at least, ; seemed to be staring fixedly at her. She became indignant, and said, " Why do you. look at me so, sir?" He said that he was not aware of having done so, but ehe insisted. '' I beg your pardon, madam, but it's this eye, is it not ?" lifting his finger to his left optioj— "Yes, eir, it's that eye," " Well, madam, that eye won't do you any harm. It's a glass eye, madam —only a glass eye. I hope you'll excuse it. But, upon my soul, I'm not surprised that even a glass eye should interested in so pretty a woman." , '" . , - .A. mini'ofccr in tke tLglilanda fonnd ono ol . • his parishioners intoxicated. Next day he -; called to reprove him of it. "It is wrong to get drunk," said the minister. "I ken that, , ' snid the guilty person, "but tnenldinnar drink as muckle as yon do." "Why, sir, how is that ?" " Why gin it please ye, dinna ye aye take a glass o , wiskey and water after dinner?" " Why, yes, Jemmy, lure I take s - glass of whiskey after dinner, merely to aid • digestion." -"And dinna ye take a glass of; whiskey toddy, when ye are gangin' to bed S" : - "Yes, to be sure, I just take a little to help ~. me to sleep." "We 11 , ,/ continued the parish- ... ■ ioner, "that's jost fourteen glasses a week, ■ ■ < and about sixty every month. Z only gqfc paid once a month, and. then if I'd take sixty.: * glasses, it wad make me dead drank for a ■ week. Now, ye see that the only difference * is that ye time it better than I do." .'. • -- A Boy of CoMPAßisovs.—lt wae a cairn,still night; a soft air played caressingly wiw* . .• '' the tresses of a lovely girl, and the moon- .. shed its gentle rays over the radiant brow of. :■' ■> her lover. ■ Her small brother, meanwhile,.:just home for:the holidays,'was accidentally - wandering in quest of a bat in-the : neigh.- ;. bonrhood, when he heard the voices of hie'; sister and her betrothed. Prompted by the* , natural curiosity of youth he lingered to) listen. After a few inarticulate murmurs, , he became conscious of the sound of oscula-' tion, and enjoyed his-position exceedingly;. - Later in the evening when he met the per ■ - : at tea, "I heard you Idas Fred," he ab-: ;; ruptly remarked'to his sister. "What do; v. you mean, yon rude boy ?" cried the sweet ' girl, turniDg scarlet. " Oh, if ano use deny r r ing it," replied the brother; ".'y o,l can't . ; gammon me.. I know the sound, you know ; it was just like a cow pulling its hoot but of. . - a mud-hole." This is an instance of a com* - : parison which was odious. : , _■ _•-.:•..'. Mile. Marie Heilbron, who lias just created : ; : • the role of " Juliet" in tno Marquie d'lvry*s ■• new opera, Les Amanis de Verone, is' oele* ; - brated for being a decidedly uncertain young " _ lady, much given:to sudden colds andhoaraer •'; ness, which have caueed the postponement f£ — many " first nights," and the despair of.many; "■;

an impresaario. Some time ago Capoul,.Her present manager, announced a drees rehearsal of the new opera, to which all the musical . and journalistic'celebrities of Paris were in-.-vited. True to : her custom, was ' ■-.) indisposed at the last moment, and the re— • ; hearsalh&d to be postponed. Asecondtimewas '•: - the rehearsal announced, a eecond time-were- - the guest bidden, and a second time, at. the '.-._ last minute, came a certificate from a complai- . sank physician that " Mile. Heilbron's throat ; ; was &c and that she was quite unable te . : sing." But Capoul was not to be oaughfe : ." twice ; he had secured a young andpretty ...0 soprano with a lovely voice, Mile. Rio, to whom he had tanght the role of "Ovsliet;" " so when Heilbron failed him ha htooept out . • his new singer, with en apology to tho au-' : • dience, and the performance went. on. ; The .. new soprano was a great success, with that . moat critical of audiences. It ie hardly necee-. " -. aary to say that when the first night : o£ the ; new opera came Heilbron did not have a eore ' throat the least in the world, and, wonderful : to tell, an opera in which she was cast did not have to be postponed.— Music Trade ■ Eeoiew. : - ■ - -. ■ ■