ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XV, Issue 5173, 15 June 1878, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

San key feels Moody since he lost his watch. Mock Tcktle. —Kissing before company, and quarrelling afterward. A lady's foot has been likened to a locomotive, merely because it moves in advance of a train. It 13 proposed in Indiana to change the marriage ceremony so as to read, "Who dare take this woman ?" To which the bridegroom is expected to reply. " I dare." A Chicago reporter has just'won his spurs by an article headed " Desperate Bloodshed —The Murdered Man not Expected to Live."

The Road to uin\— V Detroit man who died a miserable death in a garret the other day, declared that his first downward step was acting as judge at a baby show.— Drtrolt Free Frts-s.

to Waiter : " Don't put that ice into the goblet with your fingers." Waiter: " Lor, ma'am, I don't mind. My hands are very warm."

A New Orleans editor who saw a lady making for the only empty seat in a car ouiid himself "crowded out to make room or more interesting matter."

The story that jewellery is made from sour milk in Massachusetts is believed by the Boston Advertiser to have arisen from the common practice in Mansfield of putting sour milk into what they call a " beryl." " Ihere is no rule without an exception, my son." "Oh, isn't there, pa? A man must alway3 be present while he is being shaved." "My dear, hadn't you better send this child to bed ? He's too clever."

" So," observed a friend to the father of a pupil who had carried off a prize at the Paris Cbnservatorie, "your son has earned hi« spurs." " Yes," replied the practical sire, "and now he has to earn his boots."

The model husband has been found in Philadelphia. He don't pjrmit his wife to do but half the work. She puts up the canned fruit in summer, ana he puts it down in winter.

A married man up town had blue glass put in his wife's sitting room—to match her eyes he said. She returned the compliment by having red glass put in her husband's library—to match his nose, she said. He didn't seem to appreciate the compliment. "My wife," remarks one Benedict to another, "hast just the loveliest head of hair you ever saw. When she lets it down, it reaches in a mass of riDglets below her waist." "That's nothing," replied the other ; " when my wife lets hers down, it; falls on the floor."

TREASONABLE AND SEASONABLE. Hot politician (who wants to have an argument, stopping a friend just as he is getting into a cab) : "I say, are you for the Turks?" Sporting friend (with gun case) : " Blow the Turks ! I'm for the Moors ! (Drives off to Euston Square.)

A Cambridge (England) theologue, when he told the story of the Good Samaritan, afte: reciting the benevolent man's promise to the host, " And when I come again I will repay thee," wound up with : "This he sa ; d knowing he should see his face no more."

"The Price She Paid" is the title of a new novel. We don't know what the article was, but it is safe to say if she bought it at an auction, and another woman there was desirous of becoming the owner also, the price she paid was more than four times as much as it was worth.

New York Tribune: —There is a most interesting widow in that appropriatelynamed town, Hazardville, Conn. This lady has lost five husbands by powder-mill explosions. I 3 she alarmed ? la ahe diac >uraged ? Not at all. She is about to be joined to the sixth, and hejis a pewdermiller, also!

Scene on the Street. —Little boy No. 1 to little boy No. 2: "Do yoa see thafc freckled, pug-nosed, red haired little boy ever there ?" " Yes." " Well, he is the son of my father and mother ; but he's no brother of mine. What relation is he ?" Does the reader give it up. So did little boy No. 2. Yet it's an easy puzzle. The first little bov lied. *

Two coloured men took refuge under a tree ain vioieut thunderstorm. " Julias, can you pray ?" said one. "No Sam," was the reply, *"nebber prayed in my life. " Well, can't you sing a hymn ?" Just then the lightaing struck a tree near by, shivering it, when the first speaker exclaimed, " See heah, honey, sumfhn 'iigious has got to be done, an' dat mighty sudden too ; 'apose you pass round de hat!"

The last Arkansas traveller tells a story of a citizen of the State who, while on board a steamer on the Mississippi, was asked by a gentleman " whether the rising of stock in Arkansas was attended with much difficulty or expense." "Oh, yes, stranger; they suffer much from insects." "Insects! Why, what kind of insects, pray ?" " Why bears, catamounts, wolves and sich like insects."

A lady wears a pair of sweet little bottines with heels four inches high. She suffers agonies, and which is worse, the dear heels twist and warp till they look like a pair of leather corkscrews. The shoemaker is summoned in haste. He examines the heels, feels their pulses, tries ausculation, analyses them, when suddenly he has an idea. "My grief!" he cries; "I know what's wrong with these boots! You've been walking in them!"

Brown sent Smith a present of a painting of a pair of docks, nicely finished in oil, and accompanied the gift with the note—" Dear Smith, —I send you a present of game,which please accept—a pair of dncks —real canvas backs. —¥ours, B." Smith acknowledged the gift, and in retura sent an engraving of "Catching Green Turtle in th« West Indies," with a note as follows— " Dear Brown, —Thank you for your ducks. I send you a nice dish —a plate of turtle. Please accept.—Yours, S."