ENTRE NOUS

Free Lance, Volume XVII, Issue 924, 28 March 1918, Page 9

ENTRE NOUS

A N American, Louis Sybercrop, has : -penned a clever skit, which is in the form of a letter from "Satan to the Kaiser." The publication of the skit in; various; parts.of.the States has tickled our American cousins to death, and it has been reprinted- -again- and again so'great has been the popular demand to read it. It is too long- to reprint here: in :£ull, -. ?but this-rf is a sample - extract* from it: —- ■■■' ' : ' "The Infernal Region. ... ■■:•• ; ; J "June 28, ISlf. 4 'T6' Wilhelm yon Holienzollerh/ ■ King of Emperoi; of all Germany and Envoy Extra or dinary of Almighty God. "My Dear Wilhelm: ; "I can call you by that familiar name, for I have always been very close to you, much closer than you could ever know. : . . In the days of Rome I created a rough-neck known in history as Nero. He was a vulgar character and suited my purpose at that particular time. In these modern days a classic demon was needed and as I know the Hohenzollern blood I picked you as my special instrument, to place on earth as an annexe to hell. I gave you abnormal ambition, likewise an over-supply of egotism that you might not discover your own failings; I twisted your mind to that of a mad man .with certain normal tendencies- to carry you by; a, most dangerous characted placed in power; I gave you the power of a hypnotist and certain magnetic force' that "you may sway your people. . . . ~ . f 'lt was' I that sowed the seed ,in youri/.heaxt that \ blossomed into'', the assassiriatfbh of the duke and';his .wife, and all hell smiled -when it saw. how cleverly yon saddled the crime on Serbia. I saw .you set sails for the fjords of Norway\and I%pew;.:ypu.;A*6Tild/prove an alibi! How cleverly 'done, so much like your noble grandfather, who also secured an assassin, to remove old King Frederick of Denmark, and later robbed that country of two- provinces that gave Germany an opportunity to become a naval power. Murder is dirty work, but it takes- a Hohenzollern to make, a way and get by. "Your opportunity was. at hand; you set the world on fire and' bells of hell were ringing; your rape of Belgium caused much joy, it was the beginning, the foundation of a perfect hell on earth, the destruction of noble cathedrals and other infinite works of art was-hailed with joy in the infernal regions. You made war on friends and foe alike and the murder of civilians showed my. teachings had borne.fruit. Your treachery towards neutral nations hastened a universal upheaval, the thing I most desired. Your under-sea warfare is a master stroke; from the smallest mackerel pot to the great liusitania you show no favourites; as a war lord you stand supreme, for you have no mercy; you have rio consideration for the baby clinging to its mother's breast as they both go- down into the deep together, only to be torn apart and leisurely devoured by sharks down among the corals. "I have strolled oyer the battlefields of Belgium and France. I have seen your hand of destruction everywhere; it?s all your work, super-fiend that I made you. I have seen the fields of Poland; now a wilderness fit for prowl-

ing beasts only; they all succumbed to frost and starvation. I drifted • down into Galicia, where formerly Jews and Gentiles lived happily together; I found but ruin s and ashes; I felt- a curious pride in my pupil, for it was all above my expectation. I was in Belgium when you drove the peaceful population before you like cattle: into slavery; you separated man and wife and forced them .to hard labour in the trenches. I have seen the most selfish rape committed on young women, and those who were forced into maternity were cursing the father of their ■ offspring, and I began to doubt if my own inferno was really up. to date. . "You have taken millions of. dollars from innocent victims and called it indemnity.; you have lived fat on the land you usurped arid .sent, the real owners away to. starvation. You have strayed away from all legalised war methods and introduced a code of your own. You have killed and robbed the people of friendly nations and destroyed their property. You are a liar, a hypocrite and a bluffer of the highest magnitude. You are a pal of mine and yet you pose as a personal friend of God. Ah, Wilhelm, you are a wonder. You wantonly destroy all things _ in your path and leave nothing for coming generations." * * * * The brewers of beer and distillers of spirits have fallen out in America, and the beer section has been running a huge publicity campaign to show that intemperance is due, not to> wholesome beer, but to "hard" liquors. "Thus," say the brewers, "our product has been unjustly and improperly linked with those influences—over which we !:-i.ve. no control —that have actually pre ".noted intemperance. For years we have hoped, with the wine growers, that some factor might intervene which would enable us to sever, once for all, the shackles that bound our wholesome products—light wines and beer, the handmaidens of true temperance—to ardent spirits." This internecine warfare is delighting the prohibs. * * * * The concern of the dear young creatures for their soldier heroes is sometimes really too affecting. A member of the Hoyal Flying Corps, so the story goes, confided in a lady friend

that there is superstition amongst "birdmen" that a woman's silk stocking is a sure life-saver. Further, he affirmed that no man can possibly come to harm if he wears the stocking thrust over his head instead of a cap. Within the space of a week the young aviator received no fewer than thirty different silk stockings from young ladies. * * * * LOST. —A Russian Army. Last • seen somewhere in Asia Minor. Finder please return to nearest Russian Government. No questions asked. That may sound facetious, but it wouldn't be at all inappropriate just now. For in Armenia and the districts to the south of it an enoi-mous Russian army, whose doings were ■blazoned across the front page of our newspapers day after day in 1915 and 1916, has vanished as completely as if one of the earthquakes common' in the region had torn the ground asunder beneath its feet and swallowed it up, horse, arms, and baggage. Last week we heard of the reoccupation of Trebizond by the Turks. It was • captured by the army of the Grand Duke Nicholas two years ago, and he afterwards debouched from the Khanikin Pass and effected a junction with the British before the occupation of Bagdad by the latter. But where is that army now? **'■*• The way in which the Australian Government was enabled to bring early consolation to the relatives of the men on the missing steamer Matunga is quite a romance. A bottle drifted ashore on a certain romote island, with a message in it, unsigned, indicating that survivors of the Matunga and the Wairuna were on a- shixa captured by a German raider. In due course, this came into the possession of the Admiralty. Being unsigned, it was of doubtftil authenticity, but the . authorities, putting two and two together, at last decided to let the information go to the Colonial Governments where the survivors' dependents resided, and it came to. New Zealand. The awkward point had to he decided whether it was advisable, to reassure the sorrowing relatives, on the strength of an unsigned message which might turn out to be another wretched "bottle hoax." However, the risk was taken, the relatives given secret, word, and eventually the report was corroborated. Then the Australian Government let the newspapers- know how the news first came to hand, but here we 1 are not permitted to know these little interesting things, even when the secrecy has gone out of- the business. Surely to win the war the National Government, which has been so well backed by a loyal people, need not emulate the mystery of the medicine man. * " * * * We never see anything in print about the appearance of ships in' New Zealand harbours nowadays—not since the row about, thousands wasted in turning the Union Company's transports a dull grey —but the American papers are permitted to invite their readers to< inspect in New York Harbour the weird camouflage experiments. One method that apparently is much favoured seems to make the ship stand out like a flower bed on a summer morning. The upper half of the hull is a grayish white, while a rich greenish blue covers the lower half and rises in a sort of wave-like range of hills. Spotted over all the hull and also over smokestacks and masts, are splotches of pink, looking exactly as if the ship had been bombarded with pink popcorn balls that had stride fast. To the landsman this glowing, blushing, somewhat gaudy confection looks as if it were the apotheosis of cubist art. Study of the design on another ship makes one think that its stripes and spots are a rough imitation of a ship breaking in two. Apparently there the aim has been to make the ship seem • a mere wreck as it melts into the haze and the waves. * *. * * A French scientist has invented a mechanical arm that enables many a French soldier to return to military duty. A French officer, who had both his arms amputated below the elbow, recently gave a demonstration in London of the possibilities of the invention. He can use his artificial fingers as well as his new arms. With ease he

struck a match and lit his cigar. With equal facihty he picked up a pin from a table. He followed ,th£se achievements by taking a fountain pen into his hand and writing a letter, in which the formation of the characters was excellent. Then he performed what may be described as a feat of strength by lifting a chair with one hand. Each limb is tinder separate control by means °I j!;. sm ? 1 ! : el as*ic wire cable. The use of the right hand is governed by an extension, of.'the breast,, and that of the left is controlled by a movement of the shoulders. Lieut. Lerat, who was at the battle of Verdun, has worn both limbs for about a year, and the facility with which he uses them i s undoubtedly largely due to their remarkably light weight. Each weighs only about lflb. * . • "* * *, In. making his appeal for subscriptions to New Zealand? s Second War Loan, Sir Joseph Ward might have quoted these very, appropriate-lines- of Owen Seaman:— ' - ' Now by the memory .of our gallant dead, - And by our hopes of peace through' Victory won, • ' . :■•- Lend of your substance • let it not be - said You left your part undone. Lend all and gladly. If this bitter strife May ,so by one brief hour be sooner stayed, Then is your offering, spent to ransom life, A thousand times repaid. When will some people remember that there is a war on? Possibly they'll begin to change their habits when generals write their autobiographies of the Flanders campaigns and Grallipoli veterans meet in nandsful to celebrate "the old days. 3 ' Here's a case of a- titled English woman who should know better: The burial of a little pet dog belonging to Lady Anderson, of Portland-square, W., at Molesworth' dog cemetery, Huntingdon- ' shire, had its sequel at Huntingdon when John McCarthy, taxicab driver, of Maida Vale, who conveyed the coffin containing the dog from London, together with Sir Maurice and Lady Anderson, was fined £50 under the Motor Spirit Restriction Order. The Bench told defendant he had connived with Lady Anderson in putting sickly sentiment before patriotism. ■* " ° Who can the "wealthy New Zealander'' be referred to. in the following little item which we cull from a London paper: The extravagances of a pretty young actress have brought her into such difficulties . that she resolved to lay her bait for a wealthy New Zealander." After netting several trifling gifts of flowers, chocolates, and fruit, she hinted that a "birthday" was not far off, and straightway wished for something really handsome in the .gem line. But the man from "down under" was less "green" than he looked. The eventful day brought a letter saying a present would follow- —a rare crystal, almost the last of its kind. Then came a neat little leather case, and inside, reposing on rich velvet, a single lump of' white sugar! * * * * Suing a customer who had ordered a suit of clothes and, had refused to accept delivery, a tailor in a recent court case stated that he could- not dispose of the suit s elsewhere. "This is'an abnormal suit." explained counsel. "The waist measurement is 49in." His Honour: "I do not think 49in much." "Plaintiff: "Oh, yes, 42in is a considerable size." His Honour: "Forty-two! Why, I believe I go beyond that." "Would your Honour like to be measured?" asked counsel. His Honour: "I- should not mind." History does not say what happened further, save that the plaintiff won. # * * * Our slender judiciary would regard 49in round the belt as abnormal, though Sir Robert Stout (in two senses) might give a minority judgment. He was at a Victoria capping ceremony on one occasion, and walked on to the platform ahead of Sir Thomas Bent, just as a cheeky student remarked audibly: "He's "Stout, but Tommy's stouter!"