Entre Nous.

Free Lance, Volume XVI, Issue 868, 23 February 1917, Page 10

Entre Nous.

A GOOD one was told the other clay at the expense "of a.former Mini?-, ter of Railways at an uprcountry shivoo ;it which a certain employee was being, farewelled on the occasion of his departure with a New Zealand •ary. Forcefor- Berlin, via Northern France. Many years ago- an unknown man-—let :us call him Timothy Tompkins.—walked up - to- the ticket office of a country. railway station, and after a lot of talk persuaded the stationmaster to send the following telegram to -the then Minister" of Railways: "Timothy Tompkins here. Says old friend yours. Wants, pass "Wellington. Says must walk otherwise. Shall I issue it?" The Minister briefly wired back : "Don't. Let him walk." But the telegraph despatther or receiver accidentally left out the stop. So Timothy had his free ride to Wellington. © - 6 » « -An Australian, business njan who returned from a "trip to the United States. a little while ago says that, among a •certain class of Americans ignorance of the . outside world, is .bounded: by the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, the Canadian . frontier, and t-lie Panama' Canal. The Sydneysider went-,into a barber's shop in San Francisco for a hair' cut. . "You're a stranger in these I guess?" said the barber. "Yes, from Australia," was the reply. The barber thought deeply before he asked, "Howlong hev yo\i been in- Amur-r-ica ?" "When lie was told three weeks he fairly gasped. "Three -weeks! * You don't say. Gee, but you've picked up the English ' language pretty quick !" ~A young Wellington soldier—Berne-y Gallagher, of the Army Service Corps, _ who is "somewhere in France"—-passes along per post an amusing parody on a certain song. As ho- states in his-cov-ering note, the boys in the trenches—, than whom none is in such an unenviable position to appreciate the • full humour of it—sing it. with great' gusto. and enjoy it immensely: -—"I am enclosing a parody on, "'Sing Me to Sleep," and when I first- heard . it; I thought it only too true, for, by heavensl it is true-.every inch. of it. -—— sings it, and s - we die with laughter, as be leaves his li's out. "*

and when he comes to "bully and biscuits to eat" he roars at the top of his voice "heat," and then oil-cans, of course, are "hoil-cans." The song is good and appealed very much to us at the time, for the night was wet and the tucker low, also the spirits, and not a smile out of one of us. x "Sing mb to Sleep." Sing me to sleep where the bullets fall. Let me forget the war and all, Cold is my dug-out, wet are my feet, Where we get biscuits and bully to , -eat. " , '.. "" Far, for from Albert I want to be. The lights of New Zealand I want to . - see, * -- ■ Down in my dug-out ever so deep There I want some pne to sing me to sleep. '• Sing me to. sleep where the oil-cans fall, Let mo forget the whizzy-bangs and all, Over the parapet helmets you'll find Corpses in front and corpses behind.Far from the search-lights I want to be It's the lights of New Zealand I want to see; Down in" my dug-out ever so deep There I want some one to sing me to sleep. - " o a e & An English magazine recently ran a competition for ; the best-looking soldiers and sailors. There were eleven prizes, ' and the judging of the "hundreds of photographs was left -to Miss Jceggy Kurton, a popular musical-comedy actress appearing ; at" the London Gaiety. - Her first choice fell on Leslie Hansen, an Australian sailor. Next in order came a Canadian, a New ' Zea- '

lander, and a Frenchman. The first Old Country specimen of manly beauty to appear in the list came fifth. , The Smart Man burst into the - Wellesley Club the other evening. ' 'Heard the news about Marcus Marks getting shot?" he roared, red with excitement'. , . -- Club members dropped their papers and sprang suddenly to life. '— "No!" they cried. "When?" "About lialf an hour ago," gaspedthe Smart Man. "I was there and saw •" it." ' " "Where did he get shot?" gasped another. -. "Down at the ironmonger's," chuckled the. Smart Man, slipping into the best chair. "He bought two pounds of it." q e » ' «> The Americans aive some of our talkers a lot of trouble. He is an example of what some Americans' think. To ' American authors: Realising the debt of American letters to tiie. Literatures of the Allied nations, and holding at this time in especially warm remembrance. the solace and guidance de-' rived from those rich sources, we, the undersigned, feel that, it. would be a significant and friendly' act if American writers, as a body, expressed in some practical way, their sympathy and admiration for the Soldiers of Liberty now lying wounded in France. To this end, we ask writers of the United States to contribute one dollar each to . the American Authors' Fund for the relief of wounded soldiers of the Allies.. Appended are the names of Wixiston Churchill Margaret Deland, Hamilton Garland. W-. P. Howells, Basil King.

Agnes , li.ipplier. Booth : Tarkington, Kate. Douglas Wiggin, and; others'- Up to December 4th, 4500 dollars had been subscribed/ which is being ' divided among the various hospitals for . the wounded in Europe. 1 « ■» « ■» • A. propos of Germany's last pea-ce overtures, the position is - neatly slimmed iip as follows:— ! Germany : ''Let us discuss peace." The Allies: Not until you have stated your terms; here are ours.", America : "I urge you to . state them." . ' There is the situation and it still rests. ' ■ ■ . •»' : o'■ ® . B - Mr. Sydney Brooks, a writer on public Questions, whose opinion carries much weight on both sides of the Atlantic, states very forcibly Britain's case for insisting on full reparation; from" Germany before any peace is concluded. But. for British: intervention, he says, the war would have been over . long ago and Belgium would be no more. But for us it would end even now in .a very few. weeks, and not-all the indignation meetings in the world would help forward one iota the cause of Belgium's resurrection. Belgium- is still the inspiration of all that Britain has done and will do/in this war. Her one, hope of salvation lies in our hands'; her only of becoming. again,free and independent State depends.on our power ; and the most elementary sense of, our responsibilities as her tfustee demands tha:t we shall listen to no proposals for peace while a single German soldier remains on Belgian soil. 'And what holds good for Belgium holds equally good for- Serbia, for

... Northern France, and for the occupied of Russian Poland. A complete •evacuation of all conquered" territories is the essential preliminary even to a •discussion of peace. - - It is reported from Paris that., the French Apache no longer exists. It is presumed he looked the European battlefields over and died of humiliation. The latest rumour from Australia is "that Sir John Forrest (ex-Premier of Australia) will accompany* Federal Premier Billy Hughes to the Imperial War Conference. If so, Australia will be represented by her largest and her tiniest statesmen. Sir John is something over sixteen stone in weight and tall and broad-sliouldered in proportion. Prime Minister Hughes might possibly weigh down the scales at ■eight stone, but Sir John could almost put him in his pocket. One suggested reason for. choosing Big John is that if the delegates' steamer were torpedoed on the way Home he'd . float longer than little Billy. o oe ~ The British blockade is telling on the physique; of the German nation. Writers in Germany ~ for American , papers agree that the girth of the "ayer- - age sausage-fed German is passing from rotundity to the severest leanness. One correspondent writing- from Berlin says: "As for the people, there is a •sombre greyness about them. _ They are ■ thin. I didn't see a big . girth any- ' where. Germany is stomachless. It isn't that people have- nothing to eat, "but,.all" except the very rich have too little. The food they have isn't the right kind<- Ihiring the summer there •seemed to be plenty of vegetables, fruit, and a fair supply of black bread, but this without grease, sugar, or meal does

not satisfy digestion. It's like trying to run a waggon without oil. It begins to creak." That is a. picture of Germany to-day from within. ' .■ ■» «■ a « It was overlieard at the Queen's the other night when the -operator was changing reels. Young Hopeful: Mother, do all people go to Heaven when they die. Mother: The good ones do. Hopeful: Do yoii think Charlie , Chaplin will go to Heaven? Mother (who is evidently broad-minded): Oh, yes. I suppose so. Young Hopeful (gleefully) : "Won't he make God laugh?"