It is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume XVI, Issue 867, 16 February 1917, Page 26

It is Town Talk

—That it's a wise smoking-room story that knows its own father. —That Count Bernstorff is now cut off from his 14 million "diplomatic relations" in U.S.A. —That the Daylight-Savers aie looking forward hopefully to T. D. Sidey's inclusion in. the Cabinet. —That Germany and her Allies are now in the position of the man who caught a bear by the tail and was afraid to let go. —-That Belgium; hangs about the neck of Germany like a dead fowl tied to a , chicken-killing dog. She cannot get rid of Belgium. —That the South African gold production for 1916 was worth £36,195.223. Not much fear of- Britain running short of the yellow metal. ' —That Paris has vetoed the wearing of- evening dress in. theatres. We can hazard a guess which sex is more concerned over this edict. Mere man never was very fond of the stiff shirt-front fashion. —That one of our daily newspaper war critics has drawn up a list of eleven offensives, the outcome of last year's fighting. He .has. however, omitted the Kaiser and the Crown Prince, who bring the number up to the fatal thirteen. —That it would be interesting to know exactly what the UiS.A. is going to do with the mob of hyphenated Australians and New Zealanders, etc., who have fled thither during the past tw.o years in order to escape fighting for. their own , country. —That there.is a movement afoot in England in favour of State purchase of the liquor interests. As the cost in England and Wales alone would be from £250,000,000 to £300,000,000, there is not murh danger of the thing being through just yet. —-That three likely candidates for the vacant Hawke's Bay seat in arliament are Mr. Jull (Chairman of the Napier ' Harbour Board), Mr. A. L. D. Fraser, and Mr. H., M. Campbell. Both these latter gentlemen have already occupied Hawke's Bay seats in the 'Ouse. —That a few mornings ago the "Dominion" on its bill-boards came out with the scare heading: "Huns' Latest Trick —Raiders Plying False Colours." Didn't the Emden and Moewe play the same trick ?—a trick as old as the hills. The Dominion should really waken up. —That the French greatly admire British sang froid and all the rest of it. But they can't understand why jLondon was left unprotected against Zepps, for so long. This at once prompts the question as to why London should not be as proof against air-raids as Paris. —That a certain New York bank took out a special protective insurance policy for £18,000,000 and good for twenty hours only, while it transferred _its assets and securities to new premises <m the other side of the street. The a**nount of premium paid, is not stated, but it surely didn't amount to much. —That neither the Imperial Government nor the New Zealand Government have been enthusiastic over the Shackletori Polar Expedition, and that the valuable lives risked therein might have been applied, with far greater advantage to their country's service at the war front. It is no time to go seeking for North or South Poles when war threatens the very existence, of your country.

—That one nice thing about giving a man a vote of thanks is that it is so inexpensive. —That the fiddle may make prettier music, but the thing you notice is the drum. Advertise! - That America 'has had a breach with Austria. These constant breaches are enough to make Uncle Sam pant. —That these are the days when our pretty softgoods shop-assistants begin to learn the moaning of "counter-at-tacks." —That a cheerful idiot who lately grasped a 'soldier's artificial hand and shook it heartily 'complains that Bill didn't seem pleased to see him. —That the United States produced over half-a-million talking machines last year. Some of them .ought to make the right man happy. —That it costs more to live than it ever did. But there seems to be no falling off in the number of people who are attempting it. —That a girl may be as beautiful as Venris, but if she : wore flat heels there . isn't a man in the world who would /turn round to look after her. —That Reginald de Ko.ven, a musical composer, complains that he only got £6 10s for "O, Promise Me." Well, what of it? It wasn't ragtime, was it? —That the wharfies' real objection to "dumping" is not so much the fear of accident. Rumour hath it that they . are more afeared because "dumping" i reduces loafing to a minimum. —That a well-known local "woolbroker" was offering five-to-one odds last week against his being called up in the ballot. It is with a two-fold .regret that, he js now paying out. \ —That Germany by her submarine pirates is Starving Britain by slow degrees. Britain's imports of corn for last week wore only over double of her imports of grain for the corresponding period of last year. —That when asked what he would do if the Germans came to shoot his wife a certain conscientious objector said he would "ask them "to sit down to a cup ,of tea." Presumably, after ' they had completed the job. —That a southern S.M. admitted to a witness the other day that he didn't know what a "blighter" was. And yet he's probably called one six timea a day in the week by almost every "drunk" to whom he has given "10s or 24 hours J* —That recently in Chicago the"health' officials , smashed a corner in eggs, by raiding a warehouse where 72,000,000 were stored. Here's a tip for our Board of Trade. It might assist them in bringing down the price of butter and cheese. X —That President "Won't Row" Wilson is waiting for another German kick in the nether regions before he can make up his mind to show fight. It takes an almighty lot of abuse and illusage to "insult" him up to the ' fighti ing front. —That Palmerston North is suffering from a bad attack of burglaritis. Since a worthy local citizen was held up the other night by two masked men armed with revolvers and relieved of sixpence, Palmerstonians always go abroad in the Square of an evening armed to the teeth. —That our Mesopotamian forces have captured a Turkish liquorice factory. We don't know whether our boys would count this as one of the sweets of victory, but probably many of them would much prefer either the liquor or the ice—of both, but not compounded together into liquor-ice. —That many a nice little trip has been nipped in the bud by the restrictions placed by the Imperial authorities upon women travelling abroad. What a dull, uninteresting voyage it will be for the dashing, braided officers of our ocean liners now that the sweet young things are debarred, from tripping across the briny!