ENTRE NOUS

Free Lance, Volume XV, Issue 818, 3 March 1916, Page 11

ENTRE NOUS

TTTTC "fancy religions" of New Zealand seem to be increasing;. How does the "Church of the . Seven .Rules of Jehovah" strike you? The Rev. Pumipi Hone Love has just been -gazetted as an officiating minister thereof under the Marriage Act. The term "fancy religion" is borrowed from the officer commanding a •church service parade of Territorials . in "Wellington, some time ago. Preparatory to the march off the O.C. addressed a few directions to the "Terries." "The iroute of march," he- said, "will be up Willis-street and. along Ghuznee-street to the Barracks. Roman Catholics will fall out' at Boulcott-street, Presbyterians at. St. -John's, Anglicans at St. Peter's; fancy religions may break off' at Taranaki-street." As things turned' out the. "fancy religions" were in considerable force that day. •* * * ■* There is a rather queer organisation in Britain, Canada, and the United States known as the International Association •• of. Rotary Clubs. By last week's mail we received from Chicago the following letter: —Dear* Fe.ee XjAnce.—Perhaps a little information regarding an institution now well established in Great Britain and Canada •may not be amiss or unwelcome. We trust the code of ethics may prove of sufficient interest to warrant reprinting in" your publication. There are now, more than a score of Rotary clubs in the United Kingdom and Canada, and over 200 in the United States —all affiliated in this Association. —Your Rotarily, Chesley R. Perry, secretary and editor. P.S.—The secretary of the British Association of Rotary Clubs is Thomas Stephenson, Esq., No. 6, Char-lotte-street,. Edinburgh. * * * * The letter is accompanied with a swag of prihted matter setting but the -objects of the Rotarians, which, to pub liWh in its entirety, wouid fill a whole page of "the Free' !Lance. A few excerpts," however, may be given of this interesting brotherhood of business men, for that is what it really is. Its •object is ah idealism in commerce, and the evangel it preaches is "He profits most who serves best." In their Code of Ethics, Rotarians contend that society best holds together when equal opportunity is accorded all men in the natural resources of this planet. The respective Rotary clubs, it seems, meet once a week for luncheon and dinner, and membership is formed on the unique plan of one active and representative man from each line of business or profession in the community. The Rotary "benefits include making the acquaintance of business men you ought to know, genuine wholesome good fellowship, education in methods that increase efficiency, stimulation of your desire to be of service to your fellow-men and society in general. The only obligations required of the Rotarian are to attend meetings regularly, to pay dues promptly, to be a big-hearted, broadminded man—a real man—a Rotarian.

[Licensed victuallers and their wives are notably antagonistic to the gentleman who is known to the profession as a "beer-sparrer." One of the class lately invaded a hop emporium where he had whiled away many a damp horn- that had cost him nothing except subsequent headaches. The barman welcomed him effusively and declared the "missis" greatly desired to see him. The gentleman sweated up three (flights of stairs, hoping, of course, that the lady would reward him with an invitation *fco luncb., or a"fc least to liquid, sustenance. "Ah," she purred, "glad to see you, Mr. Bummer. My husband and I have had a dispute about the spelling of 'mosquito.' He declares it's spelt with a 'k' —what's your opinion?" * ■ * . # -3SOne of the amusing anomalies of the existing laws in Britain is that a man may get six months' for standing his wife a drink, and the same punishment for not giving her anything to eat. * o * «■ Says an American exchange: Only a few years ago a President led us to war with the stirring battle cry: '.'Remember the Maine!" Now, when the need for war is really much greater, another President is attempting to lead us in an opposite direction by gently remarking: "Forget the Lusitania." «• •» * There are not a few Germans living in Germany who hold shares in . New Zealand enterprises. Are they to be allowed to have a share of the profits made under the Union Jack while their country has been trying its utmost, to destroy it? Sir William Howell Da vies, M.P. for Bristol South, answers the question with a positive, "No." He says: ''Personally, I <lo not "think Gei*man shareholders have any right to benefit by the industry of our people during; the time the two nations are at war with each other. I cannot agree, therefore, that profits which are made in firms in England during the war are being saved up for the absent German shareholders. . . - If any P?" 0 " fits made in German commercial concerns in this country are being held in banks for the benefit of German shareholders on their return to this country —if ever they are allowed to return—it is a most unfair proceeding and ought to be stopped." New York "Life" has- a "John Bull' number which is full of reminders, both pictorial and plain prose, for British readers that • blood after all is

Visitor: Well, Robert, how do you like your new little sister * Robert; Oh, she's all right, I guess ; but there are lots of things we needed worse.

thicker than water. Under the heading, "A Few Things that England has Done for Us." "Life" prints this little list: — Guaranteed us our independence. Out-distanced us in the race for democracy. .. v Laughed at some of our jokes. Conferred citizenship upon others Appreciated Walt Whitman. Relieved us of Henry James. Furnished the only notworthy example of respect for the Monroe Doc- - trine. Fought hard for the worthy ideals for which we whimper. * * « Goethe is the writer of whom the Germans are proudest. And yet it is Goethe's testimony that "The I* 111 ®? sian is cruel by birth; civilisation wxU „ make him ferocious." The straight tip from Goethe. He knew the Prussian all right- - Not a drum was heard, not a funeral note; but the burial of Sir John, French is made somewhat less mournful by the title of "viscount." —St. Louis "GlobeDemocrat." „ Here is a wrinkle for local- "collectors" : The latest Yankee church device for "raising the wind" is what a religious paper describes as 'some col-lection-box." The inventor hails from Oklahoma. If a member of the congregation drops in a twenty-five piece or a coin of larger value, "there is silence. If it is a ten-cent- piece a bell rings, a five-cent piece sounds a and a cent fires a blank cartridge. It one pretends to be asleep when the box passes, it awakens him with a watchman's rattle, and a kodak takes his portrait. - . • „ # * # « London "Punch" is tickled to death at the wild guess of "Auckland. Weekly News" that Peccavi" is a Hindustani word. For instance: "At last the longexpected missive arrived, and it contained one word, 'Peccavi.' An Hindustani scholar was sought, and. lie translated it, 'I have sinned,. (Scmde) 'Auckland Weekly News.' This detail, says "Punch,"- ."regarding, Sir Charles Napier's famous despatch is quite new to us." To which the Free Lance would add that like the Mobley Queen" in "Hamlet," the searching tor a Hindustani scholar to translate a Latin verb is distinctly good. Dear Free Lance, —One example of practical patriotism is worth more than myriads of precepts and .professions. A recent case in our district prompts me to write to you. There is a farmer here ■ who is a poor performer on the mouth organ, who reckoned that the surplus or abnormal profits brought to him by the war really belonged to our common, country. So he got going. He figured out that his surplus profit due to .the war panned out to £2500, and that there were six other sheepfarmers in the district who had made just as much as himself.- So. without blowing the trumpet by making his offer through the press, he wrote pjivately to each of them offering to donate his £2500 of surplus profits to the War or Wounded Soldiers' Fund if they would do the same. But it was too big a bite for them. Several offered to give ±-500, but none rose to the level of the patriot who was equal to the sacrifice of the whole of his surplus profit. So. his scheme fell through. Since then he has quietly cut up the £2500 among various war rte-lief funds. Nuff sed.—Yours. Pai Marire. - •» • '» * . "The fact of it is," said a young man of dolorous aspect and in moaning, "Id like to know exactly how I stand. He addressed a shipping agent, and said he came from Nelson. "I want to know it the Wellington Harbour Board makes any wharfage charge on a dead body passing over the wharves. I know it charges on fruit and other cargo; but corpses—"Oh, as for that," replied the shipping agent, there is no charge tor a dead body; but a line of _coffins now —that would be merchandise. lhat would have to come in tinder some schedule, -perhaps as packing cases;

but I- really don't know. • I'll find out." "Well, you see/' said the young, man and the agent noticed that. his eyes were red as with recent weeping. . The shipping agent became sympathetic. "Anyone dead?" he asked. "Yes, father's dead. He's buried in. Auckland." "Oh," exclaimed the shipping agent, "He's dead and buried already, is he?" ' * .. .... ■ "Yes; it's mother I'm bothering about. You see it's this way. Father's buried in Auckland. He is in a fairly big plot all by himself. We boys put up a fine imported granite tombstone over him, and, of course, we'd like mother to lie alongside of him, and I'd like to know how much it is going to cost to take her to Auckland to be buried there alongside of father P I've enquired from the railway, 1 but, bless you, they want a lot of money. < It's impossible to do the job through - the railway. When did she die? She's not dead yet. Didn't I say she is in Nelson?" "Well," said the shipping agent, "I suggest your best way; is to send your mother to Auckland by sea, and then she ca,n die there. It'll be cheaper." • » * » .... The following is an American pressman's interview with Gaby. Deslys,; the gay Parisienne, who recently landed in the land of; the Almighty Dollar to fulfil a theatrical engagement. Of eourse, it was expanded into columns of lively reading after the true American yellow > pattern. But, as it really happened, this is how it went: — (Knocking) "Most." "Gabv?" "How?" "Yes?" "Act." . "Journalist."- "Revue?" "Entrez." "Comedy." "Interview ?". "Musical?" "Gladly." "Straight." "Oh!" "Then?" "mat?" "Retire." "Necklace!" '"Where?" "This?" "Chateau." , "Yes?" "Guests?" "Real?" "Beaucoup." "Diamonds." "Who?" "New?" "Savants." "Oui." "Meaning—" "Gift?" "Astronomers—" • "Oui." - "TJh-uh—" "Who?" . "Painters—" "M'sieur—" "Yes—" "Pardon." "Musicians." "Certainement."- "Where?" "American?" "Riviera." "Ye-es." "Ma'm'selle—" "Rich?" "M'sieur—" "Ra—ther." "Gowns? "Tres?" _ "See—" : "Millionaire." "Combien?" "Who?" • . , "Ninety." ; "Please —"00-la-la I" "Marry?." "Cue I I" "Perhaps." "Thanks." "Soon?" "Delighted." "No—o." "Adieu." "Ambitious?" "Adieu." V . • * ■» * War has brought women into many places hitherto sacred only ,to the inferior sex. We see them in increasing numbers in the banks, and they are wanting to act as conductors on the tram cars. Mr. Cable, manager of the Wellington system, has had ; applications. The passenger counter of the steam ship office has them now. The women, are doing the work quite well, as there was no reason why they should not. They are, too,. no less polite, even to passengers of their own sex. Still, mistakes sometimes happen, and must be expected. One such happened to an elderly paterfamilias with the suggestion of a tonsure. He went to a- certain shipping office for a steamer ticket, and the engaging lady clerk booked him (say) berth 87. He went aboard, but didn t at once turn in. Instead he spent an hour at solo whist with congenial then went to seek his bunk. Found it. Heard gentle breathing. Thought he would not switch on the light for fear of disturbing his cabin mate. Changed his mind when he had partly undressed, and switched up the lignt. Beheld a heap of dainty lingerie •on the settee. Med. Stewards made him up a bed elsewhere. Examined his ticket, found all in order. Lady passenger clerk's mistake.