It's Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume XV, Issue 816, 18 February 1916, Page 22

It's Town Talk

—That the girls can help. Let their motto be : "No armlet, no armful." —That we are almost sure that the , head line,» "Strained Relations," is not . a variation of the mother-in-law yoke. —That the acid should at once be put on the s 'conscientious and religious" objector. Ask him one question: "King or JKaiser?" . —That if so much fuss is made about the importation of German goods, many of our German citizens will be most annoyed. —That when a local patriot was told the solemn news that Yoiissouf was dead, he remarked: "I don't seem to remember the 'orse." :—That ' General Von Mackensen handed all the booty captured by_ the Germans and Austrians in Serbia to Bulgaria. This was "a nasty one" for the Crown Prince. —That an English philanthropist has given £150,000 to the Salvation Army. "Dear friends, only another hundred thousand in the tambourine to make a quarter of a million." —That the allegation • that an officer neglected to address a German prisoner as "Your Excellency" must be investigated We don't want any of these guests threatening to leave the island. —That marriages may be made in heaven, but most engagements are made in the front parlour with the gas turned so low that a fellow doesn't get a good look at what he's becoming attached to. —That envelopes are made in all British countries, including New Zealand. Many patriotic Wellington firms conf tinue to send out their correspondence - and accounts enclosed in envelopes - marked "Made in U.S.A." —That a French soldier, who has had .. part of his brain removed, is experiencing no trouble from its loss. New Zealand's surgeons are quite satisfied they could successfully perform similar operations on many of their patients. —That the s'.s. Squall was built in Germany by a man named Meyer, andwas wrecked on the Kaiser's birthday. Seafaring men, as you know, are verysuperstitious, and they regard this coincidence as a very bad omen—for Germany. —That the censor has forbidden the introduction of a row of asterisks in a censored press message, and sub-editors are forbidden to use them. Any subeditor would be .an asterisk his bluepencil occupation by using: them after this decree. —That Petone possesses a keen swimming enthusiast in a lady-member of its local council staff. She has been busy challenging the borough officials and councillors to swimming races —and. beating them, too. After Mayor Luke's natatorial display in the Tepid Baths last week, how about Petone's Annette Kellerm'an sending His Worship a, challenge? —That the champion absent-minded beggar for 1916 so far is the mother who last week left her baby sleeping in an Auckland tramcar. We have heard of similar cases before, but this appears a genuine one of forgetfulness. It was only when a friend an hour or so afterwards enquired after baby's health that the mother remembered leaving it in the tram. Meanwhile, the tram-con-ductor had to act as nursemaid, until the mother came to claim her offspring.

She: You seem quite cheerful in spite of your wounds I He : I don't mind, lidy—so'Jong as they left me the 'ole in my fice for me fag.

—That to end the reign of the Kaiser a downpour of recruits is required . —That Colonel Townsend's garrison, still holds on to Kut-el-Mara. This is an. unkind kut for the Terrible Turk. —That a certain eanon asks : , "What is the Higher Criticisni?" Has his reverence ever received an over-ripe egg from the top gallery? —That it was only to be expected that the recent increase imposed by Wellington publicans in the price tor filling "squarefaces" should be received with "Boos." —That "the German fleet has cleared for action, all unnecessary woodwork having been thrown overboard." Can the German naval officers have lost their heads? —That the waterside workers have rejected the new_ agreement allowing them, substantial increases because they refuse to work extra overtime. Is it to be all pay and no work? —That the local gossips' are asking one another the name of the Wellington woman who created a scene on an up-country railway station recently by expressing strong pro-German sympathies. —That Premier Massey assures the Red Feds, that the voluntary system will be given a fair trial, and when that fails other methods will be employed. In other words, if khaki doesn't prove "sufficiently attractive to our young men, the Government will find something more fetching. —That the gold medal presented to Tom Shields the other evening by some of his admirers was not only in recognition of his good work in teaching the youngsters to swim. WhisJJered that it was partly for "shielding" Mayor Luke from too much water at the Tepid Baths last week.

—That the issue of armlets for the unfit will not bring much comfort to those who are unfit for armlets. —That so far as Britain is concerned "the war is just beginning." And, we trust, the beginning of the end for Germany. —That despite the statement that the - Hohenzollerns have a long descent, it is not thought that they can descend much lower. —That winter —Germany's greatest enemy—is making itself felt on the Russian front. See, the conquering Zero comes. —That a band of hotel thieves has been operating very profitably in Wellington of late. In one case a heavy "lift" of specie was made while the lodger was in the bath.' —That vide advt. "Mary Pickfqrd in Rags," apparently, moving picture actresses share with the waterside workers the distinction of being, the worstpaid people in the world—we don't think. —That an English bayonet has just gone into camp at Trentham. The gossips declare that he has a private income of £50 a week. This, however, should not prevent him making a firstclass soldier. Anyway, good luck to him. —That according to th© local "Dominion," officers who are granted commissions in the Territorials "will be issued with cap, tunic, and trousers." We object to this system of issuing soldiers just as if they were coupons beng given away with a lb. of tea. —That a certain bank manager declares that it is unlikely that his bank will employ women clerks, as "figures do not appear to be women's strong point." There are other bank managers we know of who have a more favourable opinion of the female form divine.