It Is Town Talk.

Free Lance, Volume XV, Issue 789, 13 August 1915, Page 26

It Is Town Talk.

—That Count BernsdorfE is staying m America for the summer. Won t he. find it too hot?

—That two things hard to put up with in war-time are the dear loaf a net the cheap loafer.

—That only one-course meals axe now served in Berlin restaurants. It's about time the Huns got their dessert.

—That a German prisoner m Lancashire recently tried to escape concealed in a swill tub. The nature of' the swine will. out.

V —That one reason for trouble m Constantinople is that a batch of Io,UUU wounded sent from Gallipoli weren t Armenians.

, —That citizens who were inclined to put on side, and those who were inclined to put on flesh, are both being cured by military training.

—That" Lloyd-George would apparently change the familiar quotation tp read, "Heaven is on the side; of the biggest ammunition factory."

—-That the pictures show the Crown Prince with a pair of the longest legs in the German Army. He is well equipped for what's coming.

—That the Empire's wants include an enormous increase in the supply of cheese.' He is a poor dairyfarmer who cannot contribute his mite!

.—That the'' respirators worn by Germans who attacked after discharging asphyxiating gases were made in 1911. "Who said Germany, didn't want to go to war?

—That since the war began Germany has added six battleships to its complement. If the war holds out long enough Germany may have to enlarge the Kiel Canal.

—That our Kelburn astronomists can now. figure out what those canals on Mais really are. They are the trenches .where the embattled Martians have dug themselves in.

—That the bomibs of laughing-gas hurled by the French produce, laughter for fifteen minutes followed! by blinding tears. The theatrical syndicate will want the patent.

' —That according to the Cologne "Gazette" the Kaiser has bestowed 344,749 Iron Crosses. With, a little mor© effort Wilhelrii might have made th-e output average 1000 a day.

, —-That the Germs are satisfied that they will win in. the long run-. If it comes to that they will discover that "the nation 'of shopkeepers" has good staying powers also. ,

—That the National Cabinet numbers thirteen, and was sworn in on a Friday, but saved itself from absolute calamity by dodging all the ladders on the way to Government House.

—That efforts are being made to have the embargo on the export of butter removed. Now, William, don't you do anything so foolish. Just wait until it desoends to a decent price.

—Thait a Christdhurch tlaundryman ought to get somebody else to write his advertisements. Fancy this on a • theatreprogramme: "Don't kill your wife. Let's Blobb's laundry do the work:"

—That a foreign gent, Gustav Stahl, who affirmed on oath that he saw masked guns on the Lusitania, had to provide £2000 bail in a New York court on a perjury charge. For downright lying you can't get near the modern Hun.

—That the Kaiser has had to initiate a . house-to-house canvass for metals, etc., for making munitions.- He will yet have to call in all his Iron Crosses to melt them down for destructive ironmongery.

—That German women are being told to "prepare for a time when the vic-tory-proud heroes will come back with a more manly step than before." Looks as though they were expecting the arrival of the Allies at an early date.

v —That this war puts a stop to John Bull's fatuous reliance upon a consular service manned largely by unpaid foreigners, and also to John's absurb reliance upon his bitter enemy, Hans Sauerkraut, for_ seventy million -pounds' worth of essential goods per annum.

—That the war is teaching Germany to put a higher value than she ever did before upon ''scraps of paper." Bragging Bill), besides advising his subjects to "boil potatoes in their jackets," _ has now issued this further notification: ''Envelopes, if carefully opened, can be used again and again. In suitable cases , also they can be turned inside out and the paper used again."

—'That Von Tirpitz says the German navy is growing—which. is doubtless the reason why he is so careful of it.

— L That the use of gas in warfare by the Huns was only to be expected after they had gained so many meters.

—That the Bank of England within the last few months has engaged no less than 350 women clerks. Some heavy engagements are anticipated.

—That shooting policemen is the latest popular pastime of the citizens of .Lisbon. Whilst washing their dirty linen, they naturally stir tip their coppers. /

—That the pious unenterprising gents who protest against patriotic gambles should remember that the biggest lottery in life—marriage—pcommences in church.

—That instead of lifting the embargo on the export of butter, the Government should impose a war-tax on every box that leaves the country. An old fisherman informs the Free Lance that thati is the best way to catch "sharks."

—That the trade unionists of the Old Country have practically made up their minds to refuse to work in any office, factory, or works where a German is employed, whether he be manager or messenger. And the movement is going to harden and stay.

—That the "To Let" sign is common enough in Sydney to-day. In Wellington empty houses are almost as rare as German cruisers in the Pacific Ocean. One local landlord states that he had no less than 70 prospective tenants after his house last week almost before the old tenant had time to remove goods and chattels.

—That it's a strong test of patriotism to put in a correct income-tax, return in view of the War Budget.

—That Albert Glover was not expecting a portfolio, hut 'he is as pleased as Punch over his "partner" of Auckland East getting such a good place.

—That it was a great anniversary for Sir Joseph Ward. He first became Prime Minister on August 6th, 1906, and got back into office on August 6th, 1915. j

—That at Fitzroy, Melbourne, a couple of weeks ago, an army of girls systematically went round the district and' whipped up recruits. If it's coming to this, it's about time compulsory, service were initiated.

—That a business man has been advertising for "a lady shorthand-typist, not more than 30 years old, .tall, fast, and clear handwriting essential." If the advertiser's wife hears about it the new typist might go out "faster" than she came in.

—That the limit has been_ reached! at Tauranga. It is announced in the local paper that owing to the increased cost of living, the burial fees at the cemetery have been raised. If things go on at that rate, the Taurangans will soon be unable to afford themselves the luxury of "dying.

—That no city in Europe has known so many changes as Warsaw, which has just been evacuated by the Russians. Before it was the capital of Poland, it was the capital of the independent kingdom of ' Mazovia. Sweden, Russia, Prussia, Austria and France have held it in turn. In 1806 it became an independent dlichy, and it passed finally to Russia in 1813.

—That the result of Germany's efforts to curry favour in South. America proves iier .warmest friend to be Chili.

—That it was a syndicalist at the front who said that if the English meant to stop a German advance they should blow the 12 o'clock whistle.

—That the politicians, in constructs ing that National Cabinet, have raised superstitious fears among their supporters by making the 'number of Ministers' "13."

—That we are prepared to bet—in a patriotic way, of course—that the Dominion's national debt will be announced in the Budget as topping the hundred million mark.

—That the Irish populace of a Wairarapa town were exceedingly disturbed to learn per headline, "Austrians Occupying Dublin." A local Pat went to thei editor andi gave him "L." "Bedad, it's just 'Lublin.' " . *

—That, the masculine portion of Auckland! wants to know if things are going topsy-turvey. Crowds of young women are protesting they are over 30 years of age who a few weeks ago wotild not have confessed to being a day over 25. The rush, is to get into the volxuiteer Sisterhood for nursing sick and wounded soldiers, and 30 is the agehurdle that bars the way. But the dear creatures are all hopping nimbly over it.

—That C. H. Barrington's luxurious new 8-cvlmder Cadillacs axe absolutely the finest taxis in Wellington, and are always ready for long or urgent iotu> neys. Ring up, night or day, 'phone 2269 a and 2040. Address, 142 Sydneystreet.*