Ladies' Hockey.

Free Lance, Volume XIV, Issue 722, 2 May 1914, Page 22

Ladies' Hockey.

Ladies' matches haven't started aB yet, and no one Beems to know when they are going to commence. It is discouraging to the players that the management is so slow to act, and for, a new committee it has certainly made a very poor beginning. It is to' be hoped that it will lose no more time, but will fix the drawings, etc., at the earliest possible moment, so that the matches can be got

Dear Lance,—l wish you'd get your chief medical adviser to give usi the full strength of this alleged paralun panacea which seems likely to become a nuisance quite apart from its employment in motor cars. Was feeling I could do a whisky and milk t'other morn, when a friend asked me to join him. "Two parafs. straight," he ordered, and the bar girl already had a hand on a bottle of the lubricant before I could get in a. word. "Better than all the beer and whisky, Tom Wilford says' so," my shouting friend explained, as he swallowed the medicine. One sniff at the so-called-odourless stuff put me right off liquor for 5 hours. Went to get shaved later on, and thought the lather extra oily, and was only just in time to gasp for alum and stop the lacerator from rub-, bing paraffin into the cuts. He got it on to me in the "brush ud " though. "Makes the hair grow. Bay rum's had: its day," he whispered. ? * * * ' # I struck it again at lunch time. Little bowls of the axle grease instead of soup, and petrolised savories to make a sandwich of the other courses. Didn't reach the limit though till afternoon, when I took my only girl to a tea shop. "Paraffinity for two," she said to the waitress, who exuded the 'orrible ile, and explained that it was more nutritious than Timber Slips' tea and ' cow juice or cot>ra. She said her father was forming a Taranaki oil company for this paraffin boom. Yours truly begged to be' excused, but she wouldn't let me go and buy a long

vegetable beer till I'd promised her a case of kerosene straight from Rockefeller's oil wells for a Christmas box. Then I met a man who wanted to tell all the world about his re-decorated house —all done in paraffin* paint—much cheaper, more beautiful, and healthier , than turpentine, French polish, or paper hangings. * * * * Still, it's an ill oil that blows no one some good, and I saved a few bob in the evening. , Had promised to take the future missus to see Maud Allan, but she said she'd rather "spend • the evening at the 'movies" to see the petroleum industry pictures. Going home in the taxi her oleaginous tressesi oozed overboard, and I thought she'd gone after them, but found sne was only hanging over the . back so as to inhale the busted paraffin . gases from the exhaust pipe. I quite expect to meet a man who's taking it to cur© his wooden leg. But what's to happen to poor old ca!st-ofF castor oil? Can it be thickened into train oil to replace the lubricant now so urgently wanted therapeutically. And dear old cod-liver emulsion. S'pose its next job will be greasing dredges or politics and wheels of commerce. Lucca oil, of course, is not allowed in good dining rooms, and there are about 3 bottles of the new craze to 1 of vinegar in an up-to-date fish and- chip shop. Am told that baby's bottle is now filled "with ex-bicycle oil, and fond mammas reckon the kids will become kerosene kings and queens. Certainly, let the hospital supply "Moore" of it cheap.—Yours, Weu^-oided.