ENTRE NOVS.

Free Lance, Volume XIV, Issue 695, 25 October 1913, Page 14

ENTRE NOVS.

DEAR liance,—Heckata peckata, my black hen. She lays eggs for "gentlemen." Bat now, poor fowl, has got to get A move on by electric jet; Work on night-shifts for the "mob," And 'shell ouf quick, or lose her job. For j[ears, cock s crqw has spoilt her night, f But now she wakes 'neath 'lectric light. » . •* » » "This cackle in verse is a propos of that luminous. cable • last week, stating that some crank is experimenting in Merrie England with 6000 Orpington hens, artificially- lengthening their busihours with electric light, and thus getting them to work overtime. Now, in heaven's name, • hasn't the confiding fowl been exploited enough by poultry farmers, feather, duster-makers, and) humourists, without "this electric stimulation of-the works? Working under electric i light is bound to affect her eyesight", and shorten her life. (Some I've eaten, or tried to. orter been killed and boiled years before they were roasted.) ♦ '*''■» » "Is it. proposed to. introduce a daily siesta _ for health reasons in the "chook domicile, and make Mrs. Hen ■ wake up at -8 p.m. instead of. 3 a.m. ? From what your's truly remembers of farm life,-the early rising of poultry should be discouraged, especially the one with the plumed steering gear and raw-steak looking stuff round Tiis chops. He should be electrocuted, not electrified. ~ Was staying in the country not long ago, and getting home from a party about 1— (ahem I)—was sitting at an open window and thought I'd like a smoke. Window opened on to rear premises. "Lit up' for a short think about cows and their waitresses, and in 2 twos the whole fawlyard woke up. A bantam feather light-weight sleeper caught the glim in the eye and let go a crow, and 'middles' and 'heavies' Were soon 'mixing it.' * *. # «' "Tile egg supply was nearly double in number that day, but some were very small—almost already beaten up. More than half the»hens passed out; from exhaustion, and three Chanticleers and some Blue Birds turned up their spurs out of sympathy • with the sweated females. The owner reckoned there wasn't any profit in daylight saving for fowls, ana said his guests must olwayp pull down the blind at night when smoking. Use electric s pipe-lighters, but don't ijut a dynamo in a cackle-shed. ' It's a pity electric light can't effect a brilliant motion _on legislators during these all-night 'sittings.'"—Yours, "As Bio A Liar as the Cable." » y* » • Another little yarn about Gaby Deslys, the young French actress whose name was ho often associated with that of the newly-married ex-King Manuel of i

Portugal. One night at a French theatre where she was playing, she disappeared mysteriously, and as she had a leading part, the manager was distracted, and hunted for her everywhere. Turning to the stage-manager, he said, in excited tones:"Wherever can 'the woman beP" "Downstairs in the doorkeeper's room," replied the etage-mana-ger, "signing the postman's book for a registered letter." "She might have waited until she had been on, /declared the aggrieved head of .affairs. "She couldn't," alleged the subordinate, "her costume jg in the letter." -•» * • A propos of frozen meat and our efforts to open new markets in-; America,, a returned Australian from, the States is the opposite' to complimentary with respect to Uncle Sam's business methods, lie states that the worst meat obtainable in America is being shown in San Francisco shops marked "Prime Australian." When Australia's trial shipments of meat arrived, every was thrown in the way to prevent the landing of the frozen carcases, and when a shipment of chilled beef came to hand, Ishops displayed a hideous mass of stuff, little better than offal, marked "Primt> Australian Beef." This just shows you what the graft system is capable of. Probably the graftens are victimising prime Canterbury in the same way

The cinematograph is responsible for much. . Word by last week s mail avers that it was the cause for the matrimonial • plunge which a well-to-do young Colonial visiting London has just -taken. ■ . His bride was a '"cinematograph actress. .It, seems h£. t • so struck with the riiiHi-mg . of tho lady on the film that he sought an introduction to the original, and! with some difficulty rfersuaded the m'anhge- - ment to grant his request. He found her more than equal to hei* picture, and lost no time in poppiDg the little question, and he was accepted. Stated also that this youne man, who was smitten so completely, has up the rights. .. of the films on which Ms wife's pictures appear, so now we won't be able to satisfy our curiosity and see her 'portrait flicker, across-the screen. f . * * * • x A Sydney crowd mobbed a oouple of 1 women wearing X-ray skirts, the other . day. What does it prove P Merely that . the crowd is still brutal and uncivilised. One may hold that transparent skirts . are not modest or what is called ladylike; but why a woman cannot dress as she pleases in a so-called free' democracy is a difficult thing to understand. If a costume is. indecent, the police can be trusted to interfere. No true democrat will approve when the mob usurps the function of the police. There was no suggestion thsit the police had a right to interfere with the women. They wore skirts through which their legs showed, . the legs being in tights. Very dreadful to show legs in the street, of course. A really modest woman is content to bare her bosom in. a theatre, reserving her legs for exhibition on crowded beaches. What a farce it all is! *' * *' • • According to the "Observer," Mr. Cullen has imported a number of new pink, tender, boyish policemen for servioe in Auckland. Really, you know, everything conspires to make that Exhibition a success. « .* ' * . * . Christchurch "Press" sees in the Liberal protest against man-killing tramcars only "a futile attempt to make party capital." - A paper whose sight is as bad as all that should 'get spectacles; * * * ♦ The Genee management advertised in Auckland .for twenty-five handsome and prepossessing ladies. Forty applicants turned up, and after a lot of worry the management sadly selected ten as possible. In Wellington it would be easy to get two hundred, and after that the supply would be abundant., ♦, ♦ ♦ ~ Girls seem to go by climate. The girls of a cold or temperate climate are generally pretty, and the girls of a tropical climate are often very beautiful; but the climate betwixt and between these seem to put beauty at a disadvantage. Two things militate' against feminine freshness in Auckland—the humidity and the dust. Winter humidity is- good for the complexion—the sea-fog on tne English coast, for instance—hut summer humidity, . the humidity of fierce heat, is dreadfully trying. The girls of the hot, dry cities—Adelaide, Brisbane, Singa- v pore, Bockhampton, others—are. often radiantly beautiful.

, The site of the old Theatre Royal ins • Wellington is to be used'for ;an "up-to--date police barrackla." Sic transit gloria ; mundil s Where legs have dazzled, thereshall be only. large nndazzling feet. .. In these days of travel, nothing travels? faxfcher or mor© amazingly than p. para- . - grdptu It appears first, Bay' in Auckland or Wellington. Then it goes therounds. .v For weeks it has. a precarious^" existence on the country press. Typo-. graphical and verbal variations slip into* it, so that sometimes itbecomes, so altered that its own father wouldn't knoitf it. Before now, a paragraph has been writ--ten in the I*beb Lance, describing some actual local incident. Then it has comeout in a country paper as having happened there. After that Christchurch; and Dunedin have claimed it. And so at last it has. died eadly, full of dints and' dishonour. The Levin Bowling Club has decided' • that no Sunday playing will pe permitted; so that the good men and true of" Leivin will continue to sleep from Saturday night till Monday, as of yore. / ■**. .* . # Auckland. "Star"' refers to the.suffragettes as the Termagants. ..The best brief description yet. • " *■ ■ ♦ *. At a recent hotel fire at Opunake remarkable bravery was shown by various* townsfolk wild went -into, the burning building and salvaged bottles of stufE. ' More, remarkable, however, is the fact that the. bottles, onoe rescued, disappeared into the night and were seen nomore. One of the conundrums of the time. ■» * * » Here, on the word of the "Taranaki • Daily News," is an American editorial announcement, but it looks suspiciously, like Hubert Mitchell of Ours: "Attention is called to the fact that there ifr published, in another column" of this issue, the first 'and only aocount of the elopement late last night of the wife'of our bosom friend with a certain fiend in. human form, who has been operating a rnerry-go-round " in our- midst for; sometime past, and who at the same fell , stroke embezzled our best suit of clothes into the bargain. Thus we again score a •clean beat over our contemporary on the other side of the street. As soon as w© finish running off this edition, we shall set out in/pursuit of our clothes, and, if we. overtake the recreant couple, sensational # will appear in our next issue. Now is the time to Subscribe." ■ * » * » The Gisborne Shakespeare Club ha® ■ been reading 'The Winter's Tale," «n<istates that at first it was impossible to' fet enough copies of the pl&y in New Zealand to supply the members. • Thatmust be a big club. ■■'.:••• . * ' ' ' * * * * Just' as Australia was feeling secure at the result of the arrival of ner brand new navy, word arrives that an enormous new., battleship, built by Maxim "Vickers for Japan, is now on its way tothe, Northern Pacific. Thus the. reign' of H.M.A.S. .Australia, flagship of the Commonwealth fleet, as King of the Pacific,..was short lived. Japan's mass'of floating, ironmongery carries- 13:6 in gons*

steams two knots faster than tlie Australia,' and is a good'ten thousand, tons larger. It is now approaching Capetown, and before many days will do steaming quietly 'and peacefully in the .northern aeas of Australia, on her way tp.Tokio. This monster oould blow the Australia out of the water—if she ipanaged to get within striking distance. The Australia's part would be to keep out .of range —at all hazards. - * . * » A true story .of how some poor innocent Wellington lamb 3 were cruelly fleeced a couple of weeks ago has just leaked out.' By some accidental means a telegram' bearing the* address of a wellknown local "'bookie" was delivered to a young man of the same name, engaged in one of our law offices. He naturally opened it. The telegram was signed by ai well-known horse-trainer, and the information it. contained was to the effect that Sb-and-So and Such-and-Such (two .horses named) were both good thiiigs. The telegram obviously was not intended for the oudding young lawyer, so ne handed it back. * •. * » » •>:. But the information was tempting. A ■ race-meeting was being held # up country that very day, and . this evidently was the straight'tip from the stable. The legal bud let' another yourig man in the name office into the know, and thevdecided to have a bit of a plunge. They tumed out their pockets, and risked all their available cash on the two gee-pees, which they found out were running that .day. But that telegram was an unlucky omen —both horses lost. One ran off ■the course, and the other did little bet-\ ter, though it happened to .come out of the Same'stable as. the winner. It wns bracketed with the winning hcse .on the tote, but the "bookies" don't pay out on the second string. So our legal friends went down badly.- They have their suspicions about th© Bona fides of that telegram, and are right off tips of that kind 1 from the stable for the future. '» ' ♦ »• A returned Commercial Traveller, who has been on a world's jaunt, has brought baok with him some choice samples of the

latest American slang. He says the common' saying in Yankee-Doodleland just now, vynen you wish to express surprise or disappointment is "Good-night, nurse!" When an American wants to decline, a business proposition he says "Not on my plate," or "Not for mine." People who intrude where they are not wanted are called "probers," and hysterical persons are called "fans" (short for fanatics). People who sit in the cheap. ring instead of in the grandstand at a baseball match, according to this C.T., are termed ''bleachers." * • "What Next" writes: Toorak, • the toney suburb of Melbourne, supplies the last straw surely with a boarding-house v for pet dogs, whose mistresses, mostly staid old maids or babe less' wives, have gone abroad. The promoter of this canine" boarding-house enterprise is a fashionable young woman, who, presumably, had much idle time on her hands. Of 'course, the Upper Ten of Toorak are unanimous that the "landlady of this establishment for paying guests—said guests to be dogs'only "of the most exclusive set—has supplied a * long-felt want. The owners of the canine pets •will now-be able to go and.see the sights of' London with an easy mind, and quite content that-their darlings are well cared for at home. has been reduced to a verv fine art in Australia, and, judging by the following, all sorts of m-nocent-lboking little traps are set to take the "lives" of the unwary. Quite recently the cute manager of a oertain "Melbourne Insurance Company'sent, out invitations for the company's anntfal dinner to hundreds of unsuspecting country cousins who. would be visiting the metropolis at' Show time. "We are sending you an invitation," the said manager wrote personally to x Bill Bumpkin or Croagingolong. "because we want the dinner to be a thoroughly representative one." ' The _ card, "Table # Talk" states, was very genteel, just like one from Guv'ment 'Onse. and Bill was tactfully informed that tne wearing of evening dress would be optional. Arrived at

the Loney hotel where his representative • j~ presence was required, Bill was, greeted effusively by name by a gorgeous city , magnate, and made to feel quite at home. The- Company's canvassers were judiciously planted amongst the other guests, and it is reported that more than . Bill lost his "life" at that shivoo. ■**» • # i Any of our nurses who are thinking of eloping with eligible young patients liad better beware. Word comes from Philadelphia that John Auch, the 18-year-oldj son of a vice-president of a big Phila- . delphia railway, company, has been advised to tear up his marriage? certificate binding him to a trained nurse several years his senior, with whom,he eloped. L This irresponsible the marriage-license in New York by saying he was over-age. He has talked the. - ; matter over with his wife and - her friendß and. they agree that it will be - best, as so much trouble has/ been brought about by the marriage, and seeing that it is illegal, _ because he was J under-age and got the license by a trick, , * to just teacup the certificate and so end the matter. If there is any possible ~ * .chance to bring about an annulment of ' the marriage. the boy's parents will pro- 1 bably try to utilise it.