ENTRE NOUS.

Free Lance, Volume X, Issue 499, 22 January 1910, Page 12

ENTRE NOUS.

IT was rather, a nasty one to get on to a feOow-member of .that wonderful brotherhood, "the Bowlers." But the hit was. passed off in Willis'-street one evening last week. "I enjoy a quiet, smoke above all things," said No. 1. ''And you generally iget it,' I should say! 5 ' said- bowler No. 2, evidently with malic© aforethought. "Eh*, what's -that?" questioned the old gentleman, with some show of suspicion. "I say I should reckon you generally get a_ very quiet smoke with that brandof cigar!" And nothing more was said on the subject, of smoking. •J*"'; * ' .* A Wellinigtonian. who returned from his travels abroad the other dajr, is tel'ling, with- much zest, of an incident which befel .on board the big : liner on which he travelled. It ap-. • pears that there were a mumber of very jolly commercials on board, and one ©venmc: when in mid ocean, one • of them—call 'him. Smith—gave a. supper at which champagne abounded, and was partaken of freely by all, particiilarly the host. The next morning one of the'party was on deck, rather early. when a steward approached. "Beg pardon, sir," said he. "but Mr. Smith would like .to- see' you. He is still, in- his ..state-room.'.'. The other hastened down, and found Smith with a wet ..towel, round his head. "Halloa old Chap, how are you?" he asked of him,. > ''Oh, I'm' all right." was the reoly. '"I wasn't very squiffy, you know, thoiueh I 'did haive a good share of the 'fiz.' I remember everything that happened; iboit there's one thing ■ that puzzles me. ? ',1 know I stood, the supper: . but I sa-v. old chap, who the dickens paid for thi& cab?" ■ « - «• ; "What is man's 'sphere she brightly Asked me the other day-— I volunteered politely • An answer to essay. "Althouigjh ioyis unri&mjittinig Attend, the married state, .. Man'is fear is—she'll be sitting •Up lie ooones home late! . ■ ;■* * One hears some very clever - and gentle satire now and. then at a cricket match. In one -of our - the : other Saturday a match was in _ progress between a couple of junior t?ams. and -two batsmen of the stonewalling variety became partners, ana for a full hour .gave a yery fine exhibition of how cricket ought not to- be played. At last otlie of the- men. n>.ore by accident than design, made a hat that yery nearly resulted' in a run. . Derisive cheers came f roan the weary spectators, and one disgust ed^_fo llower shouted : "Keep your 'ead, Bill • keep • cool. If you get too reckless we II 'ave td wake up the scorer!" .. * ' '• » Speaking of cricket, also, there's a good yarn told'- about one of "Wellington clergymen, who. m his : college days in the Old Land, was no •mean . sport. He was put on to bowl in a.' .match once in which the bishop of the diocese was condescending to take a part. .The young student hadn't got his length or pitch, and the first two balls .were recorded as wides. His lordship, who wais bat- ; ting, made a very testy remark, and • complained that the balls were out of his reach altogether. However, . the third ball was. rigtfit on, and, quickly off the pitch, caught the bishop 'in the episcopal apron. As the bisnop 'dropped" the bat to clutch his aforesaid apron, the student, a confirmed w;ag, called out: "I fancy that one was well within the diocese, my lord! * * • .- • The people across at Rooa and Day's v Bay are telling just now of an incident which befel" recently over there when a well-known representatiye ot the - Trade," whose bulk is quite out ot the ordinary, took an ©arly morning dip in the briny. It happened that dn.ra.nig the hot spell this gentleman, who is as well-known in Wellington as_tihe Tost Office clock, came down to the water for a plunge. Now, some of the residents at Day's Bay .assert that a ■ wiave took place. Others state tha . Captain Jones, of the Duchess, spent a very anxious time, during which has •men stood at their posts in the: en-sine-room. Fortunately, the hawsers Withstood the strain, though the leverage on them by reason of this igentleanan's displacement in the water, was immense. ■ 7 * • * An individual wiho was recently - charged in a West Coast Court with vagrancy, was alleged to have pnf" - chased a certain kind of beans at the

rate of 50 for Is, scented them with oil of lavender, and sold them at Is each, presumably to> unwary members of the fair sex. _ We don't know whethere the allegation is true or not, but if it is, Unless _ this wand'ring person has ,Of his sad sin repented. - - *Tis possible that he'll get beans That are by no means scented. * • ■ . *..-. •» From a Southern paper's report of a shooting match:—"At luncheontime the local team led by- 19 pints." We can only faintly ; imagine what they led bv at the end of luncheon. *«* ■ . Verily,, verily, it is easier for a camel to' pass through the eye of a needle than for a young fellow of the wrong religious. sect to secure a place in a sports,club in England to-day. According to "Johni Bull." a v-.ung gentleman of exemplary character recently applied for membership of a local football club, and this is the form he was requested to fill .up: "Are you confirmed? If not, do you intend to be? Are you a member of the Church of England?" ; "No wonder we are left behind by other nations, even in the matter of sport!" says "John Bull," '■* . v ,-. *'■.".■"••*.-' ■.» '■ The latest naturalised subjects of King Edward . Vll. in these blessed islands, according to the New Zealand G-pvernmeht "Gazette." include the •bearers , : of such ultrar-Anglo-Saxon names as Julius Haraid Peter Hiendricksen. Johan Martin Jacobsen, Rade Kuzmanic, Andrew.,;.' Mai'as, Ernest . Johnnes Thomas Moeller, and, Mick Nola. The wonder is that such obviously British names as; Kuzmanic, Mick Nola (which is very, suggestive of Dr. Nikola, somehow or other), and Mar as. needed naturalisation at all. They appear to be just awfully natural.

■ It -happened during the- .recent holiday season, in a country town in. the Wellington province, that an amateur dramatic company put on. a play which they had been engaged in working up for* some time. It also happened that a couple of days before Christmas a-well-to-do lady in the district called at the leading furniture depot in the •district, and selected, amongst other goods, a very nice secretaire. Now, the salesman who made the sale gave his instructions, all right. But' there was .a bungle of some sort at the furniture office, and the carter did not deliver the secretaire with the other g° ods - ■■„■''.■■'•■■" :.:.,■■". That same evening a committee of the amateur dramatists waited oh. the furniture manager and asked him . if he would lend the stage furnishings for the occasion. The production was being given fox a local charity, and. with an eye on the main chance—and a good., advertisement—the manager consented. He asked the secretary and the leading lady to com© next morning and select what they wanted out of stock. They in due course and the first thing ' they pounced on and had sent to the hall was Mrs. Thihgame's secretaire. And that's just how, all the trouble arose in. a little country town not far from "Wellington. Mrs. Thingame and her husband had booked front-row seats. She recognised her undelivered secretaire, and. at the end of that charity performance, she delivered herself to the dramatic secretary and furniture depot manager of such an uncharitable speech as to nearly promote tragedy. *.•''».'■.*■'- * ■ ' _ Dunedin has always had the name in the Dominion for being the . most

slow-going of all our New Zealand cities. Whether it will be entitled to that neflection any longer -will soon be, a question. At any rate, i£ the particular brand of Chow .they keep doiwn there can work out his idea, the place will make strides, and bachelors will regard the place as a city, of eriianioipatdon from their .'-ills' and drawbacks. 'A Celestial who stiffens' collars and other useful o-arments:; down, m Staffordstreet, or thereabouts; .has recently hung out a sign intimating that ' 'sewing and mendinig will be done on the oremises gratis." _ Looks as if the irrepressible Chow is bound to catch business, even if he has to do it with a darning needle and a piece of worsted. *'■...' ■■•■--■•.' :•■.■.. It was the airship Scrape-the-Sky, That sailed o-er , the sleeping town. And the skipper had taken a featherbed. That he" might come easily down.. Blue was his nosei with frosty air., His feet were as cold.'<a®. clay, As he shaped his course , for the Southern Cross, And flapped upoax his way. "Oh father, I hear the church-bells ring!" His boy on the bowsprit roared.' Then the father seized the feath-er-bed, and heaved it overboard. "Oh, father, I hear the newsboy . shout Oh, ,' say what it may 'be ? ' ' " 'Tis the Budget battle:", the skipper cried, as biplane scnaped a tree. Then up and spoke an aeronaut. Who tended the'"petrol-tank : "I pray you steeiv a speedy couxs© for yonder mossy bank. "Last night I dreamed an aiwful dream—t-I saw the aero burst!" But the skipper answered never a word,' As he deftly quenched his thirst. Then, faist they flew through, the starry sky. Till they struck with., a shiyerin.g~ish.ock, And hung like the washing high and dry On a churchsoire weathercock.

. The great propeller ceased, to hum, * The engine stopped. its beat. Arid the skipper thought ..of kingdom-come'''As he journeyed to the street. . Such was the ,wreck of the Scrape-the-Sky On ah, .ancient weather-vane, save" -lis all from the wish to fly In the clouds on. an aeroplane! .'■•'*■•. « - ■* From , time to .time rumour, has been busy with the names of bridgeplayers in fashionable quarters in WeJhngton, and also, of local clubs, who have let their angry passions rise during the flutter over thei money losing and making, cards. But the local gamblers have been more successful in, hushing up scandal ."■ than have certain parties up ' in the.. Forty-mdiLe Bush. There an Eketahuna bridge and billiards team lately paid a visit to Pahiatua fo/r the purpose of • playing ; a match, and over the incidents of the play tongues wagged to. such malicious purpose that an action foir £501 damages for slander is now threatened. If it comes to trial, we are promised some of the. queerest revelations yet made in any New Zealand Court. ...* . '•,- .-..". * ; ' ~ * : ''Carrotty Anna!" was' the peremptory call made bv the orderly in the Magistrate's Court at Masterton one day recently when a certain witness was required. The amiaaed and amused crowd in the Court expected to see a fiery-haired female respond to party wanted to give evidence was a the call, but it transpired that the member of a well-known local Maori family. Karaitiana. The Court officials should, in view of "tongue -twisters" they occasionally encounter, be supplied with a free copy of a Maori vocabulary.

A Wellington parson, who went up country a week or two ago to conduct church anniversary services, is telling a rather good story just now about the ■report of his sermon in the local paper. It appeals to have been the fault of the compositor. He was a compositor, apparently, devoid of any knowledge of either metaphor or Scripture. Consequently, when called upon to set upthe Wellington parson's" text, "Hie asked for bread and -they gave him a stone/'; he took upon-himself the responsibility of correcting the seintence, making it read, "He .asked for bread a.nd they gave him a scone." *.* . * Just Dig In. When, you're up to work you dread, Dig in.! When you want to 'get ahead, Dig in.! When Dame Care come down your way. Days 'are sad instead of gay, When there's nothing seems -to pay— Dig in! When 1 the' other fellows lead, Dig in! Whe>n you're short of things yoiu need. Dig in ! , • ■ When the rent is overdue. And the landlord says he'll sue— When the world is looking blue, .■ Dig in! Never mind the other man, Dig in! You can win—you know you can— Dig in.! Better luck will come your way. Just make up _ your mind to say: "Every dog will have his day." Dig in! w * ■■'■■■». It has often been said that, if policemen had brains they wouldn't remain in the police force, or would not have joined the farce iat all. . This may be true in some and Mr. Arnold anight etven argue it for some of our force. At amy rate, .it seems to be ,a pleasant task to some of bur critics _to be. able to 'attach the; tag "intelligent" on to members of out force. But in Wales matters apneiair to be entirely different. A Bachelor of Arts of the Welsh University has just joined the .ranks of the Merionethshire Constabulary. Other Welsh policemen who have distinguished themselves in recent yeairs arte , Conistabfe Ashton, whose litetraa*y coonoositions have won many prizes at Eisteddfodau, and Constable Jones, whose pictures have been shown in the Royal Academy in London. * ..»■;■ * He was a stramiger to Wellington. Had come for his health to the seaside, in fact, and he was walking along tine shore-front at Saatoun. when he came upon an irate parent lecturing his off---yn-ng. "Now, you young irasoal,'* said the anigry father, "cut off home, and. before you go to. bieid I'll '. . : -o vioiu a good whipping." The.old pieoitleniiain was a idLnd-hearted soul,' and he remonstrated. . "My dear sir, "oerhaps I have no right to. inteirfeirej but remember the wise old saying,' *Let not the sun go down on thy wrath.''* "Don't you trouble yourself abont that." was the reply. "I won't ,do nnvrfching of the sort. Oh. no! What I'm going to do is to let the wrath; descend upon the son!" And the old. ureSntlemjan seemed to feel that: there; '■' was nothing' more to say on> the sub-' ■ ; -et. •.'*■-■ !•■■;■■■