It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume X, Issue 477, 21 August 1909, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

— That an exchange paper is running a controversy on "What is a fair sailaiy for a typewnter?" Well, we should like to see tihe typiste first ! —That the Auckland hockey reps, put the peg jn pretty high up as a set of really good raMlons last ueck end. They made hosts of friends. — That the fie© lunch discussion at present being hustled along by the vater drinkers is proving one of the best ads. foi the hotel-keepers. Cheap, too! — That, judgmg by the- audience at the Town HCaJll' on Monday night, Wellington people who are in work don't wonry over- much about the umemoloyed. — That the Sir Joseph Ward huge shark story is getting a- great run in the English papers just now. Jonah and the whale isn't in it with "Joseph and the shark," — That Captain Davie Watson, of outis, was the hero of the Magistrate's Court on Monday. The only wonder was how Davie didn't stop the train when his mighty bulk got a move on. — That the scrimmage at tihe boxoffice prior to the Neddie Stewart season, wasn't in it with the scrimmage on the wharf over a domestic servant on the Carinithiic The ambulance proved totally inadequate. — That the following names have been suggested for Wellington's first airship: — "Prude, because it will have a fall; Truth because it will rise again; Politician, because it will veer v> nth every changing pxiflV' — That medium Bailey appears to be in for a hot time on Wellington. Unless he can produce something superextra, he'll come m for sftine caustic cnticism. Why not materialise a Dreadnought, or a thumping big surplus P

— That nt is better to have loved tiud Vxst than to have won and had to pay the bills. — That people are wondering how Sn Joe escaped from that interview w ith Edvardus Bex without a batronotcy 01 dukedom, or sometMog in that lane. — Tluit Di . Ghbb has been advertusing Wellington the wrong way. If ever he gets* out of the church ho won't coxnmard 2s Gd per week as a canvasser foi k'cal lines. — -That Acting-Premier "Jimmy" Cai roll had a good win on the Gramd National. It is alleged on his behalf that ho is a great picker when it comes to sou-ting up horseflesh. — That, the Rev. J. J North would apparently out .a pool figure with a pa iii of boxing gloves. 01 even in an ordinary street "mill." His views on the knock-out blow are orudenaas itself. — That an eminent scientist has been describing "how tihe sun/beam is locked up in the cucumber." We don't know about that, but when tihe cucumber is locked up in us life is no sunbeam. — That a man named Patience was arrested fox drunkenness the other day. Now, Patience is said to be a virtue. Can we argue that the police had got hoM of a virtue when tihey secniired Patience ? — That a Southern paper indelicately suggests that the Wellington City Council should stotp_ its own verbail scraps before bothering to stop boxing matches. Now, as if our city fathers ever did fight! — That "Sent post free whi/Ie they last," is the alluring tag to an advertisement of a wonderfully cheap line in fancy goods. This does not look cry promising for the durability of the articles in question. — That the watchword of the City Ooamcj in the gas dispute is: "There is no hurry." Meanwhile eruterpi ise at Mwamar is hur>g up. and scores are kept out of employment who might be woikmg. — That Lord Plnnket is said to have expressed pleased astonishment last week at the sight of haM Auckland thronging to the railway station to <see him off till' he learned that Nellie Stewart and "Tommy" Burns were travelilmig by tihe same train. Then he understood.

— That the spectacfo of Dr. Gubb or Mi J. G W. Aitken as seconds m a boxing bout would be a sight for the gods. —That the new Labour Party seems to have died an infantale death. Kothajig is being heard of it now. Brief Me, this! — Tlhat Coimmii®sion«r Dinnie need never engage a private secrotairy. The good old Picfes Ass. is leadyto undertake all his puvate work for him. —That the Gas Company — City Council dispute is a veritable feast for lawyers. "For where the carcase is theie wiLl the eagdles be gathered togethra." — That it I'ooks as if the Fever Hospital scheme is going to be put through after all. But the authorities will never be charged! with feverish haste about the matter. — That "Tahmy" Burns is am ardent lacrosse enthusiast. In fact, he lefereed hi a lacrosse match recently. No one showed any disposition to mob him. We guess not. — That a Chinaman has qualkiied as a dentist down South. Now that the "heathen Chinee" is beginning to draw our teeth, he wrH get even with us om vhe alien opposition score. — That a newly-married couple in New Yoik aie said to be passing their honeymoon in a balloon. That's 1 it, the seventh heaven at first, and then to earth again with a bump. — That the gieatest attraction in the way of a spa-rrung bout just now would be a twenity-miniute.s' igo between Tommy Bums and Cha.ide® Levers of ours. After that' — the ambuflknce ' — That the Rev. J. J of oums is a first-alass hand with the tar-brush. The "way he smurched the Boxing Association and its pataons on> Sunday evening was just maavellous. — Tliat a journal devoted to automobLDism says that the odds against injury by motor-oar aie gieat, and agamst accidental death very gireat indeed. This only proves the amazing irmblcness of the pedestiian. — That the national testimonial to the Leader of the Opposition will take the utilita! uin form <xf a cheque for £1000, and t\M be accompanied bv a presentation of plate for Mrs. Massey. Mr Missey has spent liis time and talents freely in the service of his party, and desenes well of them

— That the man in tibe stoeeifc is listeiUing Wrdi wiitih his ear to the groumidf for news of Sir Joe's financial operatioins at Home. How many moMons? —That the "Wellington Boxing Association didn't send ocxmpQtixaeiitary tickets to the Wellington clergy. Why this ovea sight? — That Police Conimissmoiner Dinnie's flat denial of Ins mi tent ion to resign is a nasty siap agamst the inventive genaus of the good add Press Ass. —That a Re\ . J. J. North v. Goodall boxing contest -would raise moTe foi the uiupimpflloyed fund than any other entertainment that couM be delsed. — That Davie McLaren, of out®, was accused of "ruinniiig the otoainmaai" at bhe Waterside Conference Davies Scotch blind couldna' stand) that danpoachineDt — That no dsi earner of dreams or oontiroller of spooks has so far managed to locate the missing Warataih. A uae chance for convmcinig an Tinbeil&evljnig world going to waste. — That the unemployed pressuire in the city its aheady relaxdmig, and, according to tli c Mayoir, bv the erad of next month th,ings will be brisk andl work plentiful in WelHingtan. — That "Jimmy" Doyle is being twitted seveiely over that seDlf-pToeecui-tion case. "Jimmy's" critics camfii make out why he asked for time in which to pay hßs 5s fLic, and didn't claim expenses as a witness. — That the letter carriers' night out to-night (Friday) promises to ibeat tlbe band. The dJmnetr wild be a aregiiUlar^ postman's knock — That new potatoes and! Tape tomatoes in Jnilv attest tiie miMaess of the season in this district. The new potatoes have been in evidence at the TVioodviJle railway refnesihanent irooms for more than a fortnight past. — That jf Medium Charies BaiiLey and his spirit fi lends can bring IKve birds firom India with the speed of light to a, cnele in Wood ward-street, it ouigjlh'b to be easy for them to give (beste far more convincing, and not likely tobe mistaken for feats of jugglery.

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