Enter Nous.

Free Lance, Volume IX, Issue 456, 27 March 1909, Page 12

Enter Nous.

THE subject of natme study is an increasingly popular one in our public schools. Some of our teachers take a keen interest in obtaining specimens, and have growing museums in their schools. It is no uncommon thing in country districts for the teachers to vie with each other in, their lessons and inspectors' reports on their progress in, this study. A well-known inspector tells the story ot a young lady school-teacher in one ot our country schools who always secured a first-class report from the inspector on every subject but nature study, liiis she confessed puzzled her. She did not know how to begin. • • * The inspector offered her some advice, and on, his next visit was delighted to tod a yery creditable museum set up. He was particularly interested in a bowl of live leeches— which he took to be a subtle compliment to the inspector for nature study. "How did you catch them? With a net?" The young lady somewhat diffidently explained that she hadn t. "You used a sheepskin?" suggested the inspector. The young lady blushingly upset the sheepskin, theory, and, after some hesitation said: "I knew oi a pool where there were great numbers of leeches, so I just took off my shoes and stockings and waded m. I had lots of leeches when I got to the other side." Now that inspector uses the young lady's practical idea as a motto, and advises lethargic teachers to "lust wade in!" # # The enlivening pastime of tin-kettling at weddings is not restricted to our baok-block towns. The New York papers state that when Lord Grannard and his millionairess bride arrived line other day at their American country house, which had been lent them for their honeymoon, the village yokels, who were "armed with terrible noise-ma-king instruments, ranging from fehhorns to horse-fiddles," had to be bought off with dollars and strong drink. • • - It appears to be illegal even in America to shoot, or maim, or otherwise deter these $ends, and, as a- consequence, they aTe increasing and mul tjplying throughout the land. 0n« writer in an Australian- paper the other day suggested that a very appropriate wedding gift in the near future, when the "happy couple" go to the country for their honeymoon, will be a powerful bloodhound, warranted to disperse a regiment of tin-kettlers with expedition and Tinnecessary violence.

In a Noithean. paper the othei day a couple of councillors took occasion to return thanks for their election to the Council. Tins is then published adveitisement. — "To the Electors o f . Ladies and Gentleme n 7 — We sincerely tliank you for the proud position, in returning us a-s youi icpresentatives on the Borough Council, at the election yesterday, and assure you that nothing will be wanting on, our part to forfeit your confidence. — John Broun, Thomas Jones." One of tliem was returned to the Bouse- at tho election in November last. * * -• A propos of the W.C.T.U. Convention, just concluded in Wellington this week, a rather humorous incident came off at Oriental Bay last 'lhuisday afternoon. Ram was thieatening. and the Council official who tries to control the dust nuisance in the city had ordered the tramline sprinklers out to lay the floating particles along the- track. Two sons of Erin, who had come to town from somewheie awaj back saw tins thing, "like a great big sausage on wheels," as one of then? teinicd 't, approaching, and marvelled. At fiist / they were quite at a loss to explain it'- For it was not sprinkling when first it hove in sight around the curve in the road. Presently, however, it began, to spurt gallons, and in. another few seconds it. was abreast of the visitors. On the sides of the huge letters, W.C.E.T., lepresenting, of course, Wellington Corporation Electric Tramways. It was Doran who first noticed' the letters, and immediately all the mystery was gone. "Shtand back, Casey!" he said. "Shtand back! It's the Wimmin'? Christian Temperance Union, watei cairt. They got it at last election time to wipe out the pubs, and, begobs, they nearly d)d it, too." • « • Casey didn't "shtand back" in time, end Mas nearly drowned as the cart whizzed past. Then he commenced to argue. "Wimmin's Christian Temperance Union be , Doran!" he said, "Them letters don't spell Wimmin's Christian Temperance Union!" But Doran was equal to the emergency. "Where's the brains ay ye Casey ? Why, W. is for Wunmm's, C is for Christian and the ET is for et cetery ' Use yer head, Casey" Casey was quite convinced when the Lancer passed citywards. • • - A certain business man of Auckland is missing from the RiaJfro, and forgot to leave his present address behind him. The people who seem to be most solicitous -about him are his creditors. They do not fear that he canw by any untimely fate. Their only fear is that they haven't been timely enough. A little bird has whispered to them that the particular object of "their concern fled to Wellington, and here caught th-o Sydney boat. His business dealings are said to represent a considerable sum of money, and he hasn't left any explanation of his mysterious exit.

A certain Lancer owes the Women's Christian Temperance Union an apology, and hastens to pay it. Albeit he trespassed, in ignorance. He, with a fellow Lancer, got into the Convention last Thursday without the password. Didn't know there was any password, but, with that fortitude of conscience which thinketh moevil, boldly waded into the hall at the Tear of the Baptist Church, in. Vivian-street. Let it be said here, though, that a notice pinned on to the fence beside the church invited the passer-by within, and that, too, without restriction. * * • Ever been to a Convention of the W.C.T.TJ. ? No ? Oh, well, we'll tell you about it. It's interesting. This Lancer was pushed out in his capacity of a "newspaper man," but told that he "wasn't objected to as a visitor." To prevent misunderstandings, let it be noted that these following are the observations of a "visitor," not of a "newspaper man." And now to proceed. The average age of delegates at a W.C.T.U. Convention is forty-five yeais eleven months. Which suggests the important proposition that young ladies don't know enough to "convent]' on temperance and the like. There is always a chairwoman at the Convention. The chairwoman mostly wears glisses. They are generally the pince nez, and the chairwoman looks over the top of them. Pmce nez are said to givo a distinguished air to ladies. If a lady is a chairwoman, she ought to look distinguished. She must do something to justify the confidence of hei biethren — no, sistren — who have placed her in that position. • • — Unless you knew that a W.C.T.U. Convention was a convention, you would think it was an amalgamated foieign mission sewing meeting. Every second lady is embroideimg or crocheting, sowirg or darning, point lacing 01 niching, and the other lady— not the second one — is telling the second one how she used to do it. At the Vivianstieet hall there were long tables laid down the sides, like those tables thej used to build up on trestles for the Sunday-school bun-fights — you remember them. These tables on Thursday afternoon looked like the bargain, counter at a large drapery emporium oil "remnant day." The bargains in. this instance weie represented by ladies' cloaks, hats, umbrellas, jackets, motor veils, fur tippets, and gloves * • • Tins Lancer suggested that it was like a sewing meeting magnified fifty times, or words to that effect. Well, the muimurous hum of conversation intensified that impression. Then., in a little skilhon^roofed shed near by a special sub-committee were boiling water and buttering scones for afternoon tea That completed the illusion, or delusion. You could easily sort out the various district delegates by their outfit if it happened to he near them. For instance, there was a little knot of West Coasters together — Greymouth and Westport

people. Every time they had been in Wellington previously it had rained. Consequently, they had brought ■everything to the Convention that would reasonably keep out the water (except gum boots). Not that they object to water, though. Oh, no! They take it good and strong. It's their article of religious belief. • • • Now, the "Wellington ladies wore gaudy bonnets, smart toques, and yards of chiffon. They could take risks you <jee, being near home. And they did take risks. They kept their latest Lambton Quay fashions on their heads, and put the visitors from the Coast or the oountTy right into the shade. The W.C.T.TJ. Convention doesn't hurry. It passed the minutes of the previous meeting in seventeen minutes, and then went on to new business. The said xmvr business was the ejection of these two Lancers, who were informed that during the morning of Thursday a resolution to the effect that pressmen should be "spot-barred" at their meetings, and that the ladies do resolve and hereby constitute themselves each and all for "better or worse, in sickness or in Health, etc., their own, reporters. * # * This communication having been made, the Lancers were asked to have the courtesy to retire in their capacity of newspaper men. As they escaped they had time to notice that the chairwoman, was attired in a handsome black biooade, with a little touch of white frilling round the neck-band, and smart toque to match. (The toque was laid upon the table of the house, next to the minutes.) The secretary wore a dress of pale blue yoile, with lace trimmings, and had a small lace handkerchief in keeping attached to the same. The dress wasn't made Directoire style, and the secretary didn't wear glasses. Mi's. Bosway, from the North, wore a striped silk, trimmed with Honiton, and much ruched about the skirt, which fell gracefully, and, being woll cut, hung nicely. Mis. Russell Brown had on a smartly-cut tailor-made of Paris green, with an under-blouse of tussore silk and cream retchings. The lady who showed us the door (no card handed in, so we cannot give her name) had on an elaborate dress of cerulean blue ninon, n>uoh tucked and fluted, and the lady held it up gracefully as she passed us out Here ended the Convention — for us. [The details about the dresses must be taken cum grano salis, as the reporter has given no evidence that he understands the terms he uses. — Ed., F. L.] • • • A man may stop a foaming horse that's tearing down the street; May stop an enemy's advance amid the battle's heat — In fact, stop almost anything in situations trying; But not a single man alive cam' stop a baby crying. Nor a married man, either, we hasten to add.

Dame Rumour, who inhabits the district of Stratford, is a versatile and interesting old body. It appears that she can discourse on bacon and the Bible, cheese and chapters from Exodus, with a readiness that is most umusual. Dealing with an attempt to "ring" the price of cheese up Stratford way, and particularly with those factory directors who were "left" over a. certain deal, Dame Rumour naively remarks that "a bird in the hand is worth twc .in the bush." This probably by way of shotting that she knows her Milton pei feet) y. Then, she proceeds to say that "the sale by the Kaupokonui factory of cheese at 6id made thew suppliers chins hang over then chests like the dewlaps of the bulls of Bashun. But the consignors, I would commend them to the 17th verse of the 20th chaptei of Exodus." This verse, according to Dame Rumour of Stratford, woulid read . "Thou shalt not covet thy neigh hour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife.^ nor his servant^ noi his maid, nor his ox, nor his ass, not his cheese, nor his proceeds of the sale thereof, nor anything that is his."

Hard to Beat. Last night I held a little hand, So dainty and so neat, Methought my heart would burst with So wildly did it beat. • • • No other hand unto any soul Gould greater solace bring Than that I held last night, which was Four aces and a k ng ! • • a We have some cheerful croakers m God's Own, to be sure. Some of them seem to have got m their fine work with the officers ot Uncle Sam's fleet, and this is how it .gets back to us. A well-known settJer m the Wairarapa has a friend in Japan, who writes to him thusly :—"I: — "I had a lorag and interesting conversation with the captain of the Amencan. battleship 'Rhode Island.' a.nd was surprised to .hear from him that he anticipated serious riots and bloodshed in New Zeala-nd in conjnection witb labour, and your remark of 'God's own land, with devils in power.' seems almost a confirmation of liis words." Evidently, the Wairarapa settler has a very warm, not to say sulphurous, opinion of the psreseJiit party in power. What do Sir Joseph, Dr. Findlay, Messrs. Millar, Hogg, Tommy Mackenzie, and the rest of them think of the character assigned them? As for Ruddy Roddy—^n ell, his leply would probably be ruddier still. » • * Trouble has a trick of coming Butt-end firstViewed appioadhing, then you've seen it At its worst Once surmounted, straight it dwindles Ever small, And it tapers till there's nothing Left at all. • « Auckland seems to be in a very thriving way just now, but its doom has been pronounced. The handrwntmg is on the wall m the large Roman hand of Ta-sso B. Hall, whose name suggests Yankee-land. At any rate, Tasso B. Hall, who seems to be in the same line of business as Zadkiel and Old Moore, the astrologers, has issued his "astro-psychometric forecast" for the leading eyents of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, and there is some startling news in. it for New Zealand. * * * Tasso says — and this is where Auckland comes in — "There are two towns, Auckland (New Zealand) aaid Naples (Italy) which certainly will be overwhelmed before the twelfth year of the present century by volcanic eruption. All genuine astiologers are agreed that "there is neither past nor future in our material life, but a continual' present. If the people who write of earthquake belts and the world coming to an end will withhold their writings till 1911, they will have something to write about." * • • So much for Tasso B. Hall, who is certainly not a. cheerful 1 sort of soothsayer. In fact, in that last sentence one almost hears a chuckle of glee. The class of people who keep Tasso and the other prophets going in the prophetic biz. will, no doubt, attach awful significance to the fact that Messina — pretty near Naples — has been shaken into ruins, and that Ngauruhoe — on the road to Auckland — has be&m spouting fire and ashes. Still, if there are any Aucklanders anxious to quit Queenstreet frontages at .an alarming sacrifice prior to 1911, we know a few here in Wellington who will gladly take their place, a-nd stand the racket — Tasso B. HaH to the contrary notwithstanding. Now, then, gentlemen, speak up, but not all at once, please.

Miilerton, perched on a pinnacle of the West Coast, nearly went off its head with joy when Lieut. Duncan leturned the other day weaimg the champion rafle belt of the Dominion. It is the nrst time in the long spell' since 1861 that a West Coaster has had it, but eyery man Jack down the Coast means to do his best to get a mortgage on it. Mrllerton honoured +ht> champion with a ball, and Surgeon-Captain Fitzgerald threw the toast of "The Champion" off his chest in fine style. "Milierton," he pioudJy said, "has produced lots of champion coal, she has now produced the champion shot, and, I have no doubt, will produce many more champions as well." • • « Then Duncan told Miilerton hoit he wan the Belt. Whenever he put a "bully" on the target he said to himself: "That's one for Miilerton.' s honour " He was the first of all the fifty to finish his ten shots at the thousand yards' range, but, although he knew he was pretty well up, he scarcely expected the championship. However, he soon saw Colonel Collins "making tia'ks for my end of the firing line," and when the Colonel said "Duncan, I want youir rifle," he knew he must be well in. the running. M'illorton now hopes to have another champion this yeai — Private Kidd. whose score so far is the highest for the Government champion medal for South Island volunteers. • • • Breathes there a girl on earth to-day, With hair that's slowly turning grey, Who in the mirror scans her head, And ne'er unto herself .hath said, As she lets rut a soulful sigh • "I really think I ought to dye?" • • • The police raided the laundry of William. Sang, a Chinaman, at Oamaru, on Friday last, a.nd seized hve bottles of whisky. A prosecution is to follow. When the police arrived on. the scene, William Sang small. • • • They take their sport very seriously up about Taranaki. The annual re gatta was due at Waitara lecently, and the publicans in town were duly waited upon for donations. Two of th«> landlords "shelled out" on the spot. Tlhe third, however, had just given £7 10s worth of medals as prizes to en courage rowing. He did not quite see the force of giving another £5 to th a regatta. Then began the tug-of-beer The regatta promoters set up a unique boycott. The committee placarded the hotels from which their donations had come with the notice, in. large bold letteis: "This hous^ supports the regatta funds. — H. Spurd'e, secretary.' But the third Boniface was not "goino out" on a flood of the other landlord's beer, so he promptly miled up his sign, which read 1 attractively — "ALL Boers Fourpenee." The patriotism ol the regatta crowd went off like a pricked balloon, and the third publican encouraged thirst and patronage just as easily as he had encouraged rowing.

They say that the editor of the btiatford "Post" is away from home just now, trying to recuperate by the sad sea waves, 01 some such soothing place. His nerves were recently lattlcd somewhat seriously. It all came about through a blunder made in reporting the evidence of an, actress when the Lancashire Lass case was being heard up that way. The "Post" repoit made the lady swear "that she had had thirty years' experience on the stage, while she only claimed thirteen." How the editor must have quaiaed when the indignant lady called to pi otest against being made seventeen years older than she really was! To err is editorial, to forgive undramatical. * • • Poxeke Shopping. It was the busy hour of four When from a city iiaidwaie store Emerged a gentleman, who bore 6 screen, 50 feet of garden hose, 1 rake, 1 wheelbarrow. This gentleman with air distraught A big department shop them sought, And there invested in, or bought 40 yards mosquito netting, 1 hammock, 1 croquet set. His business next our hero leads Onto a place whach retails seeds. It takes to satisfy his needs 24 packages assorted annuals, 10 rose bushes, 1 peck mixed bulbs. The sun was low behind a hill When he got to Lone&yville, And then his wife in accents shrill Pointed out that he'd forgotten the sprinkling can, the pruning shears, and the lawnmower. • • • The sight of the poor oiLd s.s. Wellington, lying rust-eaten and forlorn in the upper reaches of Auckland harbour, must serve to bring home to the minds of the public, says the "Observer," the evanescent qualities of "the glory that was Greece, and the grandeur that was Rome." Away back in the 'Seventies the Wellington was the pride and glory of the Northern Steamship Company's fleet, and her arrival here created a very considerable sensation. Before that she was the greyhound of the fleei of the Old New Zealand Steam Naviga tion Company, which had its headquarters in the Empire City. • • • It was claimed for her that she had the most perfectly symmetrical lines of ■any steamer in New Zealand — if not i» all Australasia. And eyen to-day she would take a lot of beating from an artistic point of view. Her accommodation, however, falls short of the payable point, and so she has been condemned as a back number. Sic transit gloria mundi. • • • By the way, some of the old skippers of the Npw Zealand Shipping Company are still among us. Theie is Captain Wheeler, for instance, who may still be seen with his dark-blue frock-coat and pants, taking a constitutional aionnd the Wellington wharves. If

ins pipe is well-pruned, and the weather is propitious, Captain/ Wheeler oa.n spin his yarn with the smartest of them yet, and, although he has no longer to pace the bridge, he is still taking his observations. * * * Captain Kennedy, the father of the local manager of the Unaon S.S. Company, passed away last year, but was hale and active till within a short time of has death. Captain. Worsp forsook sea-faring pursuits much earlier than his brother skippers, and, after piospermg in business on shore up in Auckland, turned his attention also to farming with successful results. He, too, is now numbered with the Ckieaf Majority. • • • The "British Australasian," a papei published in London., has been* listening to ihe protests of our Labour organisations against the immigration of the British workman. The said paper has, like many reasonable people, grown weary of the ceaseless "Don't come here or you'l starve!" of the workers. "A compositor becomes Prime Minister of the Commonwealth, a miner now occupies the same exalted position, a stone mason becomes Premier of a State, and associated with him as Ministers" are a collar maker and a bricklayer," says the "Baiitish Australasian/ "and yet all-powerful' organised labour, hearing that a. few thousand Englishmen, are being attracted to Australia, warns them off by proclaiming that only destitution awaits them.'* This is the "give and take" of Labour