All Sorts Of People

Free Lance, Volume VIII, Issue 398, 15 February 1908, Page 4

All Sorts Of People

A TWINKLING little party is Herr Gustav Maiea, of Switzerland, who has come to tIiLS bo beautiful country is it not to write things for the "Frankfurter ZeDtung," yes. Of a surety it is that Herr Maitu is so charmed with New Zealand, and, as he has globe-trotted to an inoidinate extent, he it is who should know a good country when he sees it Hen Maier wears spectacles and a smile, and he is of a mercunal disposition. It must not be inferred that this distinguished foreigner is angrily mercurial, for he has a great charm of manner, and if one asked him to kindly give one His attention for a few moments while ■he explained to him the evolution of the common boarding-house flea he would smile seiaphically and be aJ] ears. • • • Herr Maiei has a cunoius hitch i tit his off-shoulde.r, and a son in London He is sixty-four years of age, and loves his country — and this one Ho lias gone North, where he will be astonished beyond measure at the geysers, charmed above expression at the politeness of the officials at Rotorua, and gratified exceedingly that nature has turned on her vaudeville sho>w for him Curiously enough Herr Maier loves London and those who wade through its smoke. He believes that wherever the piece of red, white, and blue muslin uprears its pigments to the evening breeze "there is freedom and f raternity. Our \ isitor shakes the hand of the stranger with vehemence, and has never had toothache in his life. He is proud of Switzerland, but he reckons £hat a'f he could transplant a few Swiss institutions toi this Dominion he would like to live right on, here until he was prized of the land with the ancient's .scythe. Everybody thinks He is so charming that they show him lizards and Maori curios. He is devoid of silde, but has heaps of cash. He would spend threepence where another man would hesitate to splash a penny, and he longs for his family in far-off Switzerland. When he goes back he will astonish the villagers witih stories of this great and glorious land. He will lecture- on our institutions and compel' the eager foreigner to forsake his foreigning, and become a dominionite. He will write vivid pen-pictures of the Manawatu railway station, and expatiate on the sublimities of the Basim Reserve Pavilion. In short, he is all right. • • • That greatest of earthly potentates, Tommy Bent. Premier of Victoria, owns a brass-topped umbrella. He is proud of it. A "Sydney Daily Telegraph" man the other day suggested that it was a gold-topped umbrella, and the seven vials of Tommy's wrath were promptly upset over the unwary journalist's pate. The suggestion was incorrect — a deplorable result of the high art of metallic, deception (says the "Telegraph"). Mir. Bent's umbrella is merely Brass-mounted. "Who said my umbrella was gold-mounted?" he demanded from a representative of the "Daily Telegraph." He scowled at the pressman. "See that umbrella?" he proceeded, holding the business end of the gamp under the nose of the newspaper man. "Yes," was the reply. "Well," said Mr. Bent, with a burst of triumph, "it's only brass!" • • • He waited for the pressman to recoyer from that assault upon his credulity, and then, leaning forward, and speaking softly as the villain in the play who hisses in the heroine's ear, "Ha! you are not the baron's daughter — I have the proof here," Mr. Bent repeated his accusation against his gamp. "Brass," he whispered, "just brass!" The picture* of triumph faded, amd the face of Mr. Bent was half regretful as his eye rested on the bands of base metal "Do you know," he continued, "I used to run them at two guineas a time — gold mounted — but they used to 'shake' so many that I got down to 18s 6d ones.'' It was left to conjecture who "they" were. • • • Perhaps "they" were deputations with whom Victoria's Piremier had argued suddenly and with great abruptness ; perhaps he had thrown his umbrellas after these deputations as they fell head-first out of the door; perhaps they were visitoirs from New South Wales, trying to get back some of the things that Victoria had grab bed ; perhaps . But what matter to speculate — there can, never be any eertarntyeoncerning the umbrella that was "shook."

Mi. Chailes Wilson, Paihamentaiy Librarian, is, perhaps, the best jaconteui among well-known men in. Wedlingtoin, arid, of course, a stojy cannot be told as well in cold metal as vive voee — Charlie's "yoce." Mr. Wilson comes from Yorkshire, and his best stories come from "f biggest, t' bonniest, and t' best jcahnty." A favourite light refreshment in Yorkshire is "a moog o' ale," and the gentleman of Mr. Wilson's story was considered by his admirers to be the handiest person with a "moog" in the district. His friends used to gather on Sundays and skite about Geordie. They dignified his remarkable capacity for the abolition of beer by saying that he was no lowering quarts for several hours had professional beer eater. He had earned his friends many a bright sovreign by his apparent inability to co.pe with a mere pint and his dexterity m lowering fourteen within seven minutes, or woords to that effect. It was at the Flea and Flitch that Geordie, in the presence of a wondernig crowd and his backer, is credited with performing his finest feat. He had been eating a few during the day, just to wet his appetite, and another gentleman wha had been steadily lowering quarts for several hours had glanced at him in some admiration,. Geordies backer said, so that all those present might hear: "Gould tha drink a pint o' ale?" Geordie replied, with the modesty that was his prevailing characteristic, "Ah'll try!" He lifted the "moog," and the beer was gone. • • • "Could tha drink a quart?" Goordie smiled modestly, and replied ■ "Ah'll try'" His success was instant. Geordies backer sidled up to the amateur beer drinker, who had been stead]lv abolishing quarts all day, and remarked that he would bet him one pound Geordie could drink a bucketful of beer Interest was aroused, and before five minutes had elapsed there were many bets that Geordie couldin't possibly do it. The barman, got a new galvanised pail, and filled it to the top, blew the froth off with a pair of bellows, and filled her up good and level with just ale • • • Geordie heaved 1 a sigh, and lifted the bucket to his lips, then put it down, and asked to be excused. "Ah'll be back in a minute," he said, and went out of the door. The assembled "tykes" protested that Geoirdie had weakened, and would never come back. But Geordie returned in three minutes, fresh _as paint, raised the bucket to bis lips, took a great breath, and emptied it to the maker's name in the bottom of the pail There was a murmur of admiration, and his admirers expressed it by paying for something to drink for their here He was modestly conr suming a pint of ale, when one curious person, discussing the feat, asked Geordie • "Where did you go. when you left the bar iust now?" Geordie smiled seraphicallv. "Ah went down to the Crown and Anchor to see if I could do it!" he said.

' Teddy" O'Roike, bedad, has been m Wellington, be the powers, and has hobnobbed wid Irish cheerfulness 1 with the friends of his youth wance moire, he has so. You remember "Teddy," maybe. Used to wield a pen in a Goveirnmeint office, and a polo stick. Can ride a horse can "Teddy," and' is the son of Maurice O'Rorke., knight, and the most scintillating Speaker the House every had. One cannot think "Teddy" without thinking of his distinguished pa, whose speeches in the House are classics, and whose motion in the Legislative Council to .revert to the old order of Provincial Councils fell like a benevolent bombshell in that sleeping camp. » • • To revert to "Teddy." He wed a lady with an unconscionable wad of bank-notes, and retired from polo at this end of the earth, seizing a stick in the derrolemotherlana. Perhaps, who knows, the mantle of his distinguished parent may descend on the broad shoulders of "Teddy," and he may yet threaten the Commoners oof England with instant expulsion by the sergeant-at-arms. It is asserted that "Teddy" still loves a horse, and sometimes wines a bit of a race in the Old Country. John Fuller, sen., left God's Own Country for a round-the-world trip last week. Old John, often called "honest John," is going to. prove the veracity of young John in the tales of many climes and clans. Also, likely enough, to keep an eye open for new material wherewith to catch the passing fancy of Doaninioinites. At any 1 ate, everyone who knows John Fuller, sen., will wish him the best of good luck from East to West and back home again. • • • Dr McArthur, S.M., did an unusual thing the other day; in fact, he did two unsual things. A man. was charged before him ■with having filthy premises, and, in order to satisfy himself and do justice to the public, Dr. Mac. cot down off the bench and visited the house and va.rd of the accused. He found the place in a deplorable condition. The yard was stacked high with fruit cases, the contents of many being in a state of decomposition. Among tho oases several emaciated fowls were mm me about Inside the rooms were piled high with discarded apparel, decaying vegetables, a.nd rotten fruit. In one pile were about a hundred and fifty women's hats. A couple of dray-lo-ads of women's dresses were bundled up in insanitary heaps. Under the house w-ere -eight ancient sides of bacon and othe runconsidered trifles. • • ♦ That visit was his first unusual thing. His second was hurry back to the Court with his Fhsulted and assaulted nose in the air, and to fine the defendant £s—the5 — the maximum penalty. It's the kind of unusual thing that is very commendable, and a splash of this sort on the part of the Bench, with _ the maximum penalty thrown, in, is likely to straighten out the defects of out back-yards more quickly than any other scheme yet invented.

The eneigetic Dr. Frengley has sentenced himself to an indefinite' term of hard labour Anyone who knows him knows veiy well that the one thing that shakes his constitution off its base is idleness. Accordingly, his constitution isn't often shaken off its base. However, Dr. Frengley's taste in woik inns m queer directions. For instance, up at Masterton. last week, according to the local paper, the Doctor paid "a surprise visit to the septic tank " Said paper ran itself into a good qnaiter-of a column on the auspicious event, and apparently trained the guns of its hull bang literary staff on the circumstance • » « It alleged, at any rate, that a local magnate- had made a nice calculation! that e\ey thing wasn't happy m the septic tank district, and that the roses m the adioimng paddock were hard put to it to piove that they were the fittest to suivive and shed their fragiance on the desert air. So- Dr. Frengley stepped across country from Otaki, and "paid his surprise visit." He reckons, so says the Mastertoin paper, that he is quite satisfied. But, having regaid to the subject of his investigation, that might mean anything However, this hunter of microbes bacilli, and germs, foreign and home made, is a real zealot in the cause of humanity, and the way he scuriiEw about in these melting moments is 'distinctly praiseworthy. • • • Alfred Kidd, M.P , has good reason to feel nattered at the success of his entertainment by his .Electoral Committee last week, says the "Observer." There was a particular compliment in the fact that the Prime Minister of the colony made a special journey to Auckland in order to be present at the gathering. Sir Joseph Ward had no other reason for coming at the moment, and he even denaed himself the pleasure of meeting his colleague, Mr. Hall-Jones, at his landing, in order to do honoui to the Government Whip. That action m itself, and the fact that his leal business in Auckland is to be the cause of a separate trip this tveek, was more eloquent proof of his valuation of Mr. Kidds services than even his oral testimony to that gentleman's worth, flinch in itself went a very long way. • * • Mr. P. J. Nerheny filled the chair, and recounted Mr. Kidds municipal ajid political services to the city with a zealous warmth that he could hardly excel even, when canvassing an obdurate voter on election day. Also, there were Bishop Lenihan, the Rev. W. E. Gillam, and Peter Mackay amongst the speakers, while Frank Lawry, as a fellow M.P., gave expression to the esteem in which Mr. Kidd is held m the lobbies. Altogether it was a very hearty gathering, and Mr. Kidd did his utmost to bear himself with becoming modesty while the compliments were being sliowered upon him. The effort, however, was not too successful, for Alfred is well aware of his own deserts, and his consciousness of tthem would assert itself By the way, there was a sentence in* the Prime Minister's speech which may possibly contain a hint of deep significance. Sir Joseph said that a mam with Mr. Kidds iccord was "well qualified for the mo.re difficult and thorny tasks of the party that was now m the majority in the eountrv."~ Doesn't this seem to suggest that when new portfolios are going Alfred will be in the running? 'The more difficult and thorny tasks" of the party seems to mean something more than the mere flourishing of the party stockwhip. * • • Piotessoi Barnes, the sky-scraper, parachutist, aeronaut, etc., etc., is a hard man to kill. Wellington people will have no difficulty in remembering how they grew dizzy with watching him soai over Day's Bay a couple of months back, and how, after he had consorted with the birds of the air, he went and made sport with "the sea and all that in them is," until a tug hove up and took him and his extensive gas bag on board. He's a cool customer this Barnes, and quite professional in the way he goes about things. • • • Dunedin woke up from its sleep last Satuiday afternoon to see the professor profess. They got plenty of excitement out of it, and very nearly bagged an inquest and a scattered funeral. Professor Barnes had a narrow escape. His balloon would not rise more than about nine hundred feet, and the parachute did • not act, properly in the short descent. He landed on the telegraph wire on Andersons Bay-rd. They made a fine elastic lighting place. Some of the wires were broken. If Barnes had hit a post instead, he must have been killed. As it was, he sat on the wires, finished his cigarette, coughed some when a puff of smok© went the wrong way, climbed down, said' 'Well, Til be blowed !" went home, and ateas fine a dinner as mortal man couJd wish to wrap himself around.

George b. Alunio? Where have ne heard that name before ! Not in connection with the Uhiistchuuch Exhibi tion, surely <> Perhaps so. Anyhow, theie js a pei&i&tent mnioui that a Ueoage S. iVlunio, who was, it i& said, Genei al Plenipotentiary Extnaoidinaiy m Chief of the New Zealand Inteinationad Exposition, is going Home to stay. Whereby New Zealand will lose a man who fluttered foi a biiei spell on the stage of fame, and became the most celebrated, a-s well as the most feaied, person in the Dominion. Theie is no record in histoiy of a man (saving, perhaps, Julius Caesai, or Olnei Cioniw ell) hawng qualifications appioaching in intensity those with which George astounded the world a year or so ago. The point foi the coiTsideiation of New Zealandws in general, and the Government in paiticular, is "Shall Geoige be allowed to go? Can New .Zealand, which has for many years depended entnely o.n> his knowledge of trade conditions, afford to permit him to depart" He will, it is true, be able to command several thousands of pounds per year in London, and it is understood that Amwo is waiting on the shore to capture him should he land there. The Lance has a s-ineeie admiration for Mr Munro due peihaps to the fact that George has senously considered the tip this paper gave him a while ago in regard to the management of the Franoo-B'iitish Exhibition. • • • It seems certain now that the authonties of this Exhibition were not aware at the time of its inauguration that Mr. Munro was available as Generalissimo, and the heated cables received bv the Lance every five minutes relative to the whereabouts of Mr. Munro and his availability as second in command now occupy seven large strong-rooms It is understood that Mr G. S. Munro has stated his willingness to become the honoiary repirsentative, or manager for the New Zealand exhibit in this Exposition • • • We advise the Government to close with Mr. Munros generous offer, but to make it worth a couple, of thousand a vea-r to him. If this is done, it is only a question of two days before Mr Munro will control the Exhibition. New Zealand would thus be honoured, and the success of the Franco-Exhibi-tion be assured. There would be no better way of cementing "I'entente

ooidiale" exiting between, this Dominion and the small European Republic sometimes known a*> Fiance. than the way ne ha\ c indicated. That mute one joung main, Captain, McDonald, A. A G. of the Wellington soldiery, has, according to the daily pi ess, gone to Tasmania, on holiday — the first ioi fifteen \eaas "Mac/ as a tew intimates still call him, nasn't had time for a holiday befoie, because he has spent ail his spare moons swatting up "The Road to Success." His caieei in Wellington has been a. fottle amazing, and its success due to irafculal pertinacity and swat Fifteen years ago he came to this country, a.nd subsequently became an artilleryman Aftei wards lie suddenly bounded an> to the stage as a mihtai v instructor. He was a member of the Education Board, soldier Mayoi of the Hutt, And half-a-dozen other things befoi« on« could Mink an eye, and almost before anyone had time to find the Act that per - mitted his occupancy of the various positions he so eminently filled * * » He was a haid-iwwking Mayor of the Hutt, foi he knew what the people wanted, and never rested in a seaich fo-r knowledge. As a matter of fact, the M'cPanold never attends am kind of a meeting without long and arduous preparation, and anything he has to. say is the result of careful planning He sets himself to the accomplishment of a specific purpose and he achieves it What particular gorgeous position he now has in mind is not known but that he intends winning higher there is no doubt. The Lance hopes that the Premiership of Tasmania will mot tempt Mac. • • • Mi A. Wilson, MA , went out of dailv journalism on Saturday last, and farewelled as editor of the "Times." There was, as a matter of fact, nothing to make it necessary for Mr. Wilson to live the strenuous life of a journalist, for he has pJentv of this world's goods and has reached an. age when he deserves a rest with the books he knows and loves so well. He is a fine old Scotch gentleman is Mr. Wilson., possessing the dignity and ctrlture that are necessary to. ensure the all-Tound respect of his fellow-man. It was rather a curious circumstance that he should have followed the profession of a schoolmaster until he was upwards of sixty years of age, and

then leaye it to became bead of a daily pape-i. Anyhow, Wellington jouinathsni ha& oome to no harm from the infusion of a kt&iaiy style. There is, peihaps, not ioi New Zealand a finer authority on Jataiature than Mr. Wilson, and, of coiirse, his meie withdrawal as active head of a journal will mot stop his ink from flowing. He is going Home for a little letuement m Scotland. What he thought of the literary staff of the "Times" is shown by his ententainment of them at Bellevue Gardens on Saturday last What the staff thought of him had been said and shown on> the pievious evening It is understood that Mr Wilson lesigned from his position m ordei to personally look after his large property interests in Scotland. He will subsequently settle in Devons.hu p the poem county of Merry England • • • Native Minister James Carroll has had a lemaikable pies&ntation. made tn him There is a spreading cabbage tree in a picturesque spot on the estate of a settler named Smythe, at Wairoa, Hauke's Bay. Knowing that it -was alongside this tree that the Hon. James fiist saw the light, Mr. Smythe has put a suitable railing around the tree, and made over the site to Mr Carroll as an interesting landmark in his history. In Mr. Oarroll's character there is a rich vein of sentiment and he is said to have decided that when he sleeps his last sleep it shall be "in the shade of the old cabbage tree." • • • D'ye ken braw Tarn Shields, the tailor laddie, wi the spectacles and the Swatch accent Ah, weel, he's gang to stairt teachm' the wee bairns to swum ye keoi This is all the Scotch the Lance knows, mot having the "Wee MacGregor" for reference. But, joking apart, Tom Shields has done a large thing fo>r Wellington kiddies m the past in teaching them to swim. He can swim himself — couldn't diown, in fact. He invented 1 a boom once wiith a running line to attach to to the swimmer, and to (sustain him in the water. Most of the youngsters didn't know when Tom slacked off the support — amd learned swimming without trouble Remember that Wednesday afternoon is Tom Shields' halfholidav, and that he uses it to teach kiddies to swim, so that they may be as familiar with the water as he is