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Free Lance, Volume VIII, Issue 369, 27 July 1907, Page 22

— That the best man always wins — except at a wedding. — That it takes nine tailors to make a man, but one hat will mar a matinee. That "Dr." Keritoke te Ahu is appointed Secretary of State to "King" Mahutu. — That, a propos of cheap boots and the tarift. a Taranaki shoe man is called Deare. That "figures" prove that a reasonable amount of physical oulture is good for women. — That, owing to the drought in the South, many Scotsmen are forced to "take it neat." — That, in its health peregrinations, the City Council should remember that it's the early disinfectant catches the germ. —That cash register duty will be raised 10 per cent. The only thing, as far as we can see, this duty will protect is the totalisator. — That five police recruits who joined last year were miners. Since they have joined there has been a rise in "copper" circles. — That this is the beginning of the endl A Chinese fruiterer has filed his schedule. A bankrupt Chinaman is as rare as a dead one. — That, a propos of the races, a prominent bettor has given up racing. Mr. North will be sorry to hear it is because he has no more money. — That a new commandment we give unto you that thou shalt not commit adulteration. The Pure Food Bill is designed to that end. That, in connection with the proposed up-to-date inebriate home, the Hons. McNab and Fowlds have been nominated for the committee. That dogs the size of rats have ben discovered in Westralia. That's nothing. Rats the size of dogs are common in Jam-Tin Gully, Wellington. — That hydraulic cranes, formerly imported free, will be taxed 20 per cent, under the new tariff. One expects cranes to "rise." Luke at the help to local industry! That Bill Squires, the Australian boxing hero, who was "outed" in three hits over in America, is suffering severely from Burns. Burns is suffering little himself. — That it is understood that Ms.H.R. who have motor cars on the way out from Home will vote very straight on the question of the removal of the duty on motors. — That two colonial idols were shattered almost simultaneously. Bill Squires, Australia's fighter, went down, and so did the New Zealand team. Both received a bad whipping. — That the township of Ohakune, sold by the Government, is three feet deep in mud. Women and children are cut off. Meetings in praise of the Government are held on the kitchen table every day. — That the working man will send up a sigh of thankfulness that the duty on motor cars is taken off. It will "bring motors within the reach of all" — which, by the 'way, is what we want to avoid. Pip, pip! — That "the operation was successfully performed, but the patient died soon afterwards" is a frequent and unintended cynicism in the press. The last "success" happened to a West Coast bushman with a crushed leg. — That a local socialist remarks, a propos of the National Defence League • "I am the father of fourteen, and I don't intend that any of them shall be food for powder." Ergo, the defence of the country is not socialism. — That an old adage has it, "There's nothing like leather." But, according to boot experts, brown paper, cardboard and other substances are very like leather indeed. Under the boot tariff we expect to be a bootless nation soon. —That it has been established by a Home judge that to refer to a J.P. "as this fool of a J.P." is libellous. His lordship remarked that the truth of a statement did not necessarily rob the words of their libellous quality.

— That most women can gam their pomt — except when sharpening a pencil. — That £450 was spent in rewards to sly-grog spies last year. Wonder how much it cost the spies in drinks? — That, although a fair local widow has married the captain of a ship, he is only her second mate in the partner-ship. — That the Auckland! City Engineer now allows strap-hangers on the cars. Wellington tramways allow six persons to each strap. —That Lieutenant Addison won the King's Prize by shooting off a "tie." Naturally, he "collared" the blue ribbon of the shooting world. — That Arbor Day was, as usual, used in the country for chopping down trees. In town it was used as an excuse for knocking off work. —That "King Dick," the lion nucleus of Wellington's Zoo, is to have a mate. The Rev. Bates is looking after the weddng arrangements. — That it has been derided in Court that a lady help is a domestic servant. The lady help who was told this is probably dying of humiliation. —That Felix Tanner, of the "Ark," is going to Sydney in his weird craft. Mariners are asked to watch for him to pick him up when he's one day out. — That an ex-African war officer, whose career is said to have been not without blemish, is ill-advised in calling his new suburban residence "The Retreat." — That drought is so severe in Canterbury that some people have been adulterating the water with milk. One man was fined £5. That Professor Jordan really was a Starr. He refused to educate the denizens of Dnnedin for a less figure than £25 a lecture. The service of humanity is a noble work. — That a man was recently fined in the Police Court for having "wandering calves" on the main road. Those people who can't get into the last car and have to wander home had better take care. Their wandering calves are in danger. — That the Government's gallant attempt to put down the sinful game of billiards has induced them to threaten to reduce the tariff on billiard furniture 25 per cent. The tariff on socks and other hosiery will be raised 25 per cent. The Tariff Committee is a born humorist.