It Is Town Talk.

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 247, 25 March 1905, Page 22

It Is Town Talk.

-That the motto of the early-close.s just now is, "Beware of the Widows. —That the death of a gieat composer is announced. He made a foitune out of soothing syrup. —That half the male babies bom in the Far Noith last week are to be christened Richard Seddon. —That there was another pea-rifle accident last week. A Wairarapa boy a,nd girl were both wounded by one bullet. —That the Wellington Savages aa-e SOing to have their fii st korero on the first of April. The date is considered highly propitious. That the vegetarian who consumed a codlin-grub with his apple is now not entitled to take his place in the ranks of the meatless. —That exhibitions of "the altogether" are a great draw, at half-a-gumea a head, at a certain fortune-telling establishment up North. —That the excellent dining-car service on the Rotorua railway is to be made the standard in re-organising the services furthei south. —That the prohibitionists are hard pushed for excuses in trying to explain away Father Hays' cold refusal to lectuie under their banner. That a country editor calls a rival scribe ''a miserable penny-a-linei." StiLl, a good many scribblers wish they were just as "miserable." ThatHobart, in the island of "Sleep a Lot," runs motor 'buses on its tramlines up to fourteen miles an hour. Hobart is sleeping worth a cent. — That a well-known oolouied gentleman has offered his services with the New Zealand football team for Britain. He remarks he will play full-black. — That aill the Russian Giand Dukes declined to accept service as command-er-in-chief at th.c front. Probably just as comfortable to be bombed 1 at home. — That Australia's cricket score of 593 (not out) against New Zealand's 94 and 141 proves that when the kangaroo came out against the moa it had only a dead bird to deal with. — That a Wellington clergyman rather left the orthodox track last Sunday when he offered up a special prayer for those misguided youth and maidens who "flirted" during service. — That a New Zealand judge reproved a working-man witness for appearing in court the other day with his coat off and his arms bare. His Honor did not reprove the bare-faced bar. — That the average person wondered who the stout athlete was who stood between Shrubb and Duffey to have his photo taken on Tuesday morning. But His Worship can't sprint worth a cent. — -That a Dunedin false fire-alarm resulted in a broken arm for one fireman, damaged legs to another, bruises to several others, and biea.kage of apparatus. The "funny man" ought to feel good about it. — That a single "Northern Star" potato has been offei ed to a spudr-f anoiei f oi £25, but, as he couldn't afford so much, he has given £5 for one eye out of it. He took his "fiver's" worth home in a six-horse diay. — That a young woman in Taranaki recently dislocated her jaw while yawning at church. She could not close her mouth until a doctor, who was ten miles away, had ai lived. The paison is> stall at large. — -That an Auckland medico, whose practice brings him in fiom £2000 to &3000 a year, has been flabbergasted by the offer of a Government appointment at £350. He doesn't even know if Ministers see the humour of it. — That a young man was shot with i pea-rifle at Seatoun last week, but a policeman who strolled over to another suburban beach to interview some boys who were shooting with a rook rifle decided to let them go on shooting. — That King Dick could not be induced up in Auckland to measure himself with Aboinah, the giantess. He didn't mind comparison with the fat ladies from Gipp&land, but the idea that anyone could be "highei" than himself is not to be admitted. That a professional lady has been threatening an action for damages against the Telephone Exchange, for injuring her hearing. She says that while holding the audiphone to her ear the other day she was so loudly rung off that she hasn't been able to use that ear since.

— That lecent happenings in Wellington .show how eaivy it is to tiade on ciedit. That some of the polo pomes out at Miramar play a far better game than their uders. —That ex-Hon. J. MacGiegoi will probably be a candidate for the Lowei House at the coming elections. That the experts are veiy badly beaten m their efforts to assign a cause for the death of Mrs. Huorlies, at Newtown. .That die Duneckn land agent is offering fifty hoteK for sale. In the words of the diplomatists, "It is significant." —That Count Dashdioff has been made Governor of the Caucasus. He's ju-,t dashed off from St. Petersburg befoie he gets bombed. — That several tobacco advertisements published in New Zealand the Piemiei smoking like a furnace. King Dick does- not smoke. That West Coast spelling is again deficient. One paper remarks that "General Booth will open his champagne m Adelaide next month." — That when the ladias of Wellington take to bowls m real earnest the othei sex will have their turn of waiting foi tea while ma skips her rink. — That Bulk's inability to meet Shrubb on the lunning track again aftei defeating him down South, doesn't imply that the Dunedin ped is "burking" the event. — That Tommy Wilfoid, his shiny chauffeur's hat, and his brand new mo-tor-car were the most striking features at the polo matches on Saturday Worth going miles to — That Arthur Shrubb, champion runuei, is described by admiimg papers as the "darling of all England." Persons of the Chamberlain or Balfoui type are not to be oonsideied. — That the Australian Eleven w ere very tired when they left Wellington. Everybody's little autograph album was bent along with a request foi then signatures. All the College boj's w ere on the job. — That the Auckland police have commenced a campaign against blind street phonograph men. It's a pity the police cannot find something moi c useful to do than kicking a man when he's down. —That an Amencan left £20, C00 to a college controlled by a church. The donor was burnt m a theatre fire. The church refused to take the money of a man who had died in a theatre. Have we got any bigots as big as this? — That men working at Riveihe&d Paper Mills, Auckland, threatened to strike because of a plague of flies that prevented night-shift men from sleeping in the day. It is due _to the shameful neglect of the authorities m sanitary matters. — That the policeman's life doesn't appear to be a happy one in Wellington just now. Jane Laming has just got two months for admimstenng a "lammin,g" to Constable Fitzgerald, and Mary Collins has received her three months with the awful threat "I'll thump that bobb- when I get out 1" — That Australian v sitors u> Weiluigton are amused at the daily papei clashing the discovery of a baby on .1 doorstep as "a strange find." Th^se thulling kind of tilings happen d-.K "over the other side." Sometimes they are found on. doorsteps, and sometimes m the Yarra.