All Sorts of People

Free Lance, Volume V, Issue 216, 20 August 1904, Page 3

All Sorts of People

HIS Excellency the Governor was at the football dinner on Satuiday night la-it. He wa.s m a jovial mood. He referied, with a twinkle that could be distinctly seen thiough his monocle, to "that very celebrated man indeed, Mr Seddon," and to other things of less importance, including the cementing of the Empne by a common love of sports. Until recently, vie had believed that this country was bi ought into prominence in Ireland by our own Richard the Second-to-none, but it appears it is not altogethei so The Governoi spoke of the success of New Zealand horses at Home. Racing is cairied on in Ireland. When Moifaa won the Liverpool Giand National, Pat, according to His Excellency, asked "How the divil did they manage to bieed a horse like that m such an outlandish place as New Zealand ?"— (the Governor has a lovely brogue)— and that's why the name of New Zealand is familiar in the boggiest spot of ould Erin. * * Mr. Seddon said the things he can always be depended on to say. Among them that he would have liked to be in the scmm that day. He always says this at football dinners. Likewise, he never forgets to add that the reason why the last British team that came out won neai ly everything was because it had a Seddon at its head' Mr. Bedell-Sivi lght is a Scotchman who has a sense of humoui. He was very glad indeed that Mi - Seddon had not played that day. He didn't think the Bntishers were fast enough to run lound him 1 This tickled King Dick immensely. Young O'Bnen, one of the two New Zealanders playing in the British team, is fluent. Among his fluency, theie was a reference to the fact that all New Zealanders, "old men and maidens, young men and children," play or talk football. * * * Mr. OBrien told how one or two of 'the Biitishers were driving home after the match. In a traffic block there was a little girl, who eagerly approached ths conveyance. "Well done, New Zealanders!" she piped. "But, we're Britishers '" "Hard luck for you '" seriously said the little girl. Mr. OBrien gave the anecdote as chai actenstio of the sportsmanlike sentiment of all Wellingtonians Everyone was glad to see the better team win, and sorry for the vanquished. * * * President G. F. C. Campbell told how the football virus infected not only tl.e An^lo-Saxon community, but the ilmn A vegetable Mongolian had that mo. ,iing sprinted round with his laden oarnboos with terrific vim. "Hello, John " said a house-father, "you're eailv to-chv What's up? Going to the football match?" "You bet'" said the veilow one. "Whom are you backing?" 'Now Zealand evely time '" One need not neC essanlv en'w those footballeis at the Hotel Cecil's splendid tables their skill in the field, their muscles, their "rep." caps, and all that sort of thing but one could very well hankei after the possession of a football appetite It is a fearful and a wonderful thing, a football appetite. * # * Admiral Togo, the now famous Japanese admiral, is married to a woman who is worthy of her brave husband No sooner had the war broken out than she

discarded all the luxuries and oomfo'its to which her position entitled hei , denying heiself even many oidinaiy comforts which oost nothing, in oidei that she might to some extent share the hardships to which the Admnal is exposed on the sea. All carriages, too, have been dispensed with, and this brave lady is never seen except on foot. The fruits of these numeious economies are for the benefit of the wounded. * * * Mr. Willie Percy, the vivacious operatic comedian, and his clevet wife (Miss Ramsay), who have been doang South Africa with the "Australian Com.c Opera Company" (Pollards), have ietuniied to New Zealand, and were in Wellington last week. We saw Willie. There is more of him than formeily, and, although the climate of South Afnca has played old Hariy with the company, it has left Mi Percy and Mr. Alf Stephens immune from the sickness that is- so hard to fight. Mr. Percy comes back with shattered idols. He'd just as soon whoop foi E>e la Rey as Bobs, and far 1 ather give Botha, a oheei than Baden Powell. At Capetown, the- Peicys took a flat, and soon gathei ed in some Dutch friends, who furnished the flat foi them, and did all that their famous hospitality could suggest. Foi instance, tJhev sent along a big case of apples. Having plenty of the fruit, the comedian gave them liberally to the black seivants and anyone who turned up. Someone was hoirified at the idea of giving apples to a Kaffir. "Do you know how much applea are worth?" "No." "Sixpence each'" Thereaftei , a single apple was a present to be much appieoiated. * * * The Pollards thought that operas with Stirling military marches would appeal to the crowd m Africa The look of pitiable disgust that greeted thas pait of the show made the company go right off the military business. The people are "fed up" with soldiers. They don't wa-nt to see a "Tommy" or a glass-ej ed officer any more. You don't laise a cheer in Africa for the smartest regiment m the British Army. * • * As is known, Miss Gertie Campion ."went sick" with the 1 pneumonic affection that is commonei than ant-hills in the country. Mis. Percy, too, was sick — iO indeed were all the members bai two. Mi s. Percy was in bed when called upon to play "leads," and the doctor thrteatened to leiave hei altogether if sihe peisisted in playing. She learnt hei part in bed, and learnt her steps with hei fiivgeis, appearing at due date, being stimulated up to dancing pitch, and was taken back to her hotel after the peiformance in. a limp condition. Theatncal people have to keep faith with the public even when undergoing tortures The New Zealand night was a great boom at Johannesburg, New Zealanders coming from Natal even. Whien the company did a haka, a wild-eyed peison m the stalls would ause and contort gi otesquely. A glance at the gallery would reveal excited 1 New Zealandeis, with lolling tongues, yelling "Ku Mate, Ku Mate " and the air was full of "Ake Ake Ake " Afterwards, the supper on the stage happened. Theie was one Australian thei c, and he pietended he was a New Zealander It is sad to 1 elate that he was ultimately bumped out *■ * * Grim old Cionje had a box at the Pretoria performance. He didn't smile except once, when Percy sang a vei^e in Dutch written bv Ben Viljoen Then, he slapped ins trousei s, and roared. Mi. Percy remarks that Biitish, Tiansvaalers. Cape colonials, and "Fiee Staters" are not too impressed with the new rule Under Dutch mle, a man left his fiont door open. The white was too well off to bother about crossing his "stoep," and

the Kaffii had too much lespect for the Boer, who could handle him properly. The Kaffiis won't woik now. They earned too much during the wai . * * * Mr Peicy tells a tale illustrating the old and new methods of handling Kaffirs. A born Afrikander (British) had a oompound of mining niggers working in the Northern Tiansvaal. He left, and his place was taken by a newchum "boss" with ideas The "boys" told him the old boss was a good boss The new man asked how he managed them "Well, I always sjambok the hide off them when they deserve it and I nevei have any tiouble. When you go up there, line 'em up, and before starting hammer them well. You'll be a 'good baas.' " He didn't take the advice, and got no work out of them. Instead, he heaid them plotting to kill him ' Next day he sallied forth with the rhinocei os hide, and welted the whole ciowd. He is a "good baas" now ' * # * "Willie" Percy's eye waxes dim, and a httlie moisture is visible, when he talks of graves. There are so many. Rows on rows of tliem everywhere, and sometimes hundreds of mile>s from anywhere, a. sohtaiy stone, pathetic evidence of the widespread pestilence of war _ Die la Rev, the fighting parson and chivalrous gentleman, now opens agricultuial shows, and Ben Vilioen, the train, radder, sines out "Going, going gone'" in Pretoria. One must not mention Baden Powell in Africa if one dloesn't love being lynched. One must speak with respect of Methven , the execrated at Home, and to say anything of Buller except "good' old" in Natal means one in the eye from Natalians. * * * "What a splendid actor B. P. would have made'" says Willie. You don't say, "Good old Bobs" in Africa. You say, "Good old Mrs. Bobs," and you still yell for Kitchener, who played the game of war for all it was worth like a vent able De Wet The Durban fire that burnt the Pollards' pioperties was set alight \n three places — incendiarism. New- Zealanders didn't wait for any introduction. "You the Pollards P" "Yes Where d'you come 1 from?" "Taranaki!" Mutual falling on eacn other's necks. » ♦ * Onei of th© orators who spoke 1 up on behalf of the "Trade" what time the Brewing Party waited en masse upon the Premier in Wellington leoeoitly, was Mr. Horace Bastings, at present licensee of Deschler's, Invercargill. Mr. Bastings has played no small part in the public life of our colony since his arrival from Victoria, in 1862. In those very eai ly days he served on Dunedin's Tow n Board ; in 1864 he was sent to the Otago Provincial Council, remained there until the abolition of the province®, and subsequently lep resented Waikaia in the General Assembly. * * » As a provincial politician, Mr. Bastings held seven al ministerial portfolios. But, this does not exhaust his public seivice. He was a member , of Ot age's Waste Lands Board, chairman of the Education Board and aJ P. Whittmg-ton-like, he was seven times a mayor of Lawi ence), and chairman of the Tuapeka County Council. He had also beeai a mayor and a magistrate in Victoria piior to 1862. * * * Perth "Democrat" has — inter alia — this about Mr. Seddon — "And his health isn't so bad, either. Although 20st, he walks eight miles a day and horse- rides that distance back. Continuation of this regime in England would speedily find him rising with the lark, trotting off to the palace, and thi owing sand at King Edward's window to waken him in order that he might be induced' to take a five-mile spin befoie breakfast."

Wellington. "Yorkies" year by year foregathei, and u tuk in" and "spaik aht " They did a good deal of both on Monday night last. Mr. Aitken, Mi. Baunie, Mi. Duthie, Mr. Nathan, and other jovial tykes from Yorkshire, listened to and added something to the praise bestowed on "t'biggest, t'bonme>st, an' t'best caanty in owd England." The Right Rev. Bishop Walhs, united to a churchwand'en, was jovially disposed, and when an obsequious waiter persisted in hovering aiound his lordship's chaar with a water bottle Dr. Wallis held up a piotesting hand. "He takes a little wine for his stomach's sake." Likewise, a cigar. * * * "- Well, lads, there's Parson Sykes, fiom smoky Leeds, on his feet. He gives Yorkshire a good name, and says there are a great many scoundrels there — but they come from other counties. We laugh. He says they breed sports there. If the British team that didn't beat the New Zealand "reps." had 1 been all Yoi kshiremen ? — here the assembled tykes drowned the smiledess Sjkes in laughter. The Lance has a keen regard for Yorkies and their sporting abilities. A Yorkshireman once sold us a horse — and the horse sold us. * * ♦ Mr. Sykes gave a list of celebrated Yorkshiremen Theie were, in the artistic line, Phil May, Dudley Hardy, and Hariy Furness. Also that gifted impressionist, Guy Fawkes (who very nearly set the Thames on fire). The parson told us that Yorkshiremen fished — often on Sundays. One Yorkshiresman was approached by his vicar, wno wrestled long and mightily with the sinful angler. Ultimately, the parson spoke to the angler's wife. "Has my piotest effected any good?" "Yes," she iepHed, "before he used to- go fishing with, his rod over his shoulder and his worms twisted round his coat button. Now, he carries his fishing-rod down the leg of his trousers, andi his worms in his hat!" * * * Easterfield is a Yorkshiieman, who speaks the language of t' big "caanty." He said that, although t' parson had mentioned all the celebrities he could think of, he had forgotten the mvi derers ' Perhaps, he remembered Charles Peace! He also mentioned that Yorkshiremen had appetites. He spoke of their hospitality, and the fact that they started the day with a pound or two of stewed macaroni, and how a visiting Scot had protested that he himself was pretty good at a feed', but he'd be dum'd if he would eat ste<wed wurrums! Professor Easterfield came from Donoaster, where the people talk horse, breed horse, and race horse. His brother was born on St. Leger Day, and he himself reckoned he was ownbrother to Blair Athol * * * All this time, the minions were trying to thiust a church warden pipe on the Mayor, and Fred Haybittle was getting ready to launch his recitation. Having recited, Fred excused himself from an enooi & by remai king that his only encore piece was a Yorkshire dialect story, which he didn't want to expose to men who really understood the language. Also, how one time he had been pulled up short by a Scot for his impudence in attempting Scottish dialect Mr. Duthie had just told him that he had once heard Fred in Scottish dialect, and from that time he dated a long and lingering illness ! By the time that the Rev. Dawson had asked the people to drink a health _ in water (hilarious cheers), and Yorkshireman Kirkbride, M.H.R., had got into his oration, it was ten minutes to eleven, and barely half the programme over. We expect the tykes had a "varrv gooid toime" before they said "gooid neet."

Constable Woodley is a young man, despite those shining, silveiy side-looks of hib, and he is ako quite a youngster as a member of the police force. But, he is smart at his work, and has displayed many evidences of cutene&s of fate. That little episode of the arrest of Charley Mitchell at the end of last week was an indication of futuie possibilities for the young New Zealamdei . Here is the story —Mitchell, who was unknown to our police, and looked a sturdy sailoi-man, was strolling along Lambton Quay, when he became f asoinated by a cosy-looking rug hanging outside Slatei's shop. The lug was missed. It was seen peeping fiom under a stranger's ooat on the Kelburne tramway. The police heaid about the rug and the man * * * Woodley happened along the Quay in private clothes, and was told the stony 'by a policeman on beat. The planir clothes man developed a. cvi losity to see the inmates of several bars. In one bar he saw a likely-looking man and a s-uspioious-looking parcel. A whisper m the ear of the barman, and the latter cried out — "Here, you chaps, whose paicel is this?" Mitchell, all unconscious of a listening sleuth, replied. "It's mine !" That admission convicted Mitchell in the Magistrate's Court next morning. Lord Kitchener has issued an order that the services of regimental schoolJ masters shall be available for the instruction of officers whose elementojy education has not been completed. Poor old' Army ' The schoolmaster is generally a non-commissioned omoeir, who has a smattering of the "three R's," and who has been relieved from regimental duty on account of good conduct. The idea of a Tommy wielding the supplejack when Lord Edwin Glasseye didn't know what twelve twelves totalled, or sending the Marquis of Mudshire to the foot of the class because he spelt cat with a "k," would be the most refreshing thing in Army reform that has happened for a century. * * * / The Russian billet of Minister of the Interior doesn't seem to be a very safe thing. De Plehve's recent assassination, which a great many people seem to think he richly deserved, will possibly make the man who is made his successor caieful. Remarkable that De Plehve's predecessor should also have been assasinated. Sipiaguine was the gentleman who wielded the portfolio previously, and he, too, seemed to be anything but a pleasant sort of chap. For the small offence of caricaturing the Czar, a Russian student was dismissed from the University of Kief, and sentenced to serve in the Army as a commor soldier for a year. He relented this, and swoie to be revenged, and, as Sipiaguine was the cause of his disgrace, the student set out for his gore. * * * / He secured the uniform of an aide-dc-/camp, and bustled up to the Minister's office, demanding to see him on business that couldn't wait, as the Grand Duke Serge had] sent him. Entrez, Messieur ! Bang! One bullet in the neck, and one through the heart. As Russia doesn t hang people, except for killing Royalty c- acts of treachery during war, that student is now doing twenty yeais' hard in Siberia. Personally, wed rather be anything — even a High Commissioner in London — than Minister of the Interior for Russia. • • * Here is a story about the Hon. ' Dick" Reeves, Chairman of Committees in Legislative Council. He told it about himself in the lobby the other day: — "In the early days I was poor, as poor as I am now — nearly. I was a candidate for a constituency, and the expenses taxed my little all pretty heavily. My constituents knew my poverty, and all that sort of thing, so the dear people gathered together, and raised a hundred pounds to pay expenses. When I received the cheque, I was, as you may well beheve, highly indignant, and publicly told them so. However, there was the cheque What was Itodo ? I quickly decided. To the secretary of the committee I wrote 1 have received your cheque for £100. As I am averse to the principle of accepting it, I herewith send you my own cheque for a like amount. I have cashed your cheque. Mine you cannot cash. Yours, faithfully." "N.S F." and a hearty laugh. "An old dog for a hard road." ♦ • * Mr. Robert Davenport—- that ambi\tious young Wellingtonian whom everybody calls "Bob," and who is anxious to tuck his legs under the Corporation's mahogany — lost a gieat opportunity to introduce himself to 25,000 people last Saturday. Young Bob was on the stump— the stump of a chimney over the house used' as a telegraph office at the Athletic Park on Saturday afternoon. It was a great coign of vantage for witnessing the match, but the members of the Ratepayers 'Association were disappointed when they discovered that their vice-president did not use his elevated position to let the electors know that the "rep." of the Out-of-date Associa-

tdon was the man for the position. It is whispered that Bob got so much interested in the big footer match that lie forgot all about hie canxhdatuie foi the Council, and two disappointed men and a small boy, who would have assui ed him an audience, went away disappointed. Another lost occasion '