Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume III, Issue 147, 25 April 1903, Page 14

Entre Nous

THE pea-sous « ho v, ant a great deal of everything for nothing are fairly frequent, even in Wellington. You know the persistent woman w ho wants you to knock a penny off the price of that remnant, or a threepence off the upset price of a leg of mutton. You generally raise the price for purposes of reduction when such persons cross your threshold, don't you? A Wellington doctor tells ai yarn. l»ast week a local citizen, of cash-loving proclivities, while chopping the morning wood, chopped a piece' out of has esteemed finger. The poor chap is rather deaf, so that the language he used didn't shock him. ♦ * * He rushed round to the medico, and was duly fixed up in .something under half-a-minute. What would Dr charge He wouldn't charge anything. Following habit, the deaf man said it was too much. "All right, then " answered the doctor, "make it five splines'" and the man joyfully paid up. He had beaten the doctor down m price. Sandy, ye're a canny duel' ♦ * * A Dunedm clergyman, who is as popular as our own Rev. J. K. Elliot* at social gatherings, tells some good stoi!eT This is the gentleman who has recently won fame by performing the ceremony of marrying a gentleman at 86 summers to his fourth wife ' At a social gathering the cleno told a story Ka brother of the cloth who had received an appointment as chaplain of a e-aol The position necessitated his *aSating his old pastoral charge so he preached a farewell sermon. Tothe horror-plus-amusement of his coogre gation the text he chose was^- I go to prepare a -lace for you, that *nere 1 am there ye may be also' ♦ • • A lady called in on Wednesday to say that the" f English language was a fraud. She was. introduced to a man who was supposed to be a civd engineer In reality, according to her, he is a perfect bear." It » generally believed that have no sense of humour Aighoj , a broad Scotch foot on this faor land. One c^ld see that the dour ' kjjtates were proud of their parson but no reti cent Scot would say so. However, one §San?er was bursting to comphment SwnSStaber. He sidled up, and said, ''YeK glad to hear, sir that Ym na,ne the waur o' your sermon." Which » high praise^ —^far a Scot.

Dan FiizGerald has been getting the car of a pressman over on the "othei side," and from the impressions set out m the interview the Life ot a circus man is not all champagne and truffles. Foi instance, at Cooktown, the big tent was blown down three times, but the sailors in port got to work on it, and put it up again. Then, the seats fell in, and nobody was hurt except the big drum. After which, the head groom left a valuable pony behind, but Dan, w ho w ent ashore to see a man about a dag (literally, and not figuratively) got him again, and put out to sea It occurred to Tom at Brisbane that brother Dan ought to go to America to get ■some novelties. • * * Dan didn't want to go, but met their man, Hal Georee fresh from his honeymoon, and sent him. Wife a prass widow for eiffht months. All rierht a circus life, isn't it? In Perth, a willywilly struck the tent, and razed it to the sawdust. The manager engaeed fifty men to re-erect it, at Is 3d an hour each. They came, and a hundred other erentlemen stood by, and called them blacklegs. The usual pnce was Is 6d an hour and free beer Tom engained the whole lot at the latter price, and the beer cost him 22s every "shout." Yet, circuses pay. • ■* * If marriage is a lottery. No girl should show surprise Who takes a chance and finds 1 that she Has won the booby prize.

The fact that a comic youth, belonging to Nelson, felt funny enough to poke a walking-stick through a blind man's concertina doesn't matter. We have always that kind of unmusical peirson with us. But, it is interesting to learn that the blind musician was able to keep the wolf from the door with the wind instrument.. Clerks, in receipt of 30s a week, when their eyes wear out with playing the typewriter, should take to playing the ocncertina. The blind man's takings averaged £3 10s a week.

The girl who cannot do something manly now-a-days is a poor sort. She is at a loss with a "sampler," thank goodness, she isn't "gone" on maorame work she doesn't crochet worth talking about, and as for the wierd and woolly things her grandma used to make, she generally detests them. She "goufs," ye ken,, she plays, hookey, tennis, cricket and ping-pong, is not much scared of the butt of a rifle, and has been knioiwn to shoot a sitting rabbit. Burglars, having been poking about lately, she has taken to revolver practice, and when she is "on the shoot" her men folk have business two towns away. The woman who fired at a target on her lawn, last week, and hit a gardener fifty yards out of the firing line is not neces>sarily a sample of our sporting sister. • • • Mr. Sedidon is getting on. In the March number of the American magazine "Success 1 " are sixteen portraits of the most, powerful statesmen of modern times. Richard m his "thinking" pose is one of the small band "whose individual political preferences may cast the die for peace or for war."

The country is gradually being opened up. There are things worth seeing in the backblocks, too. A gentleman, who returned to Wellington for medical treatment, after spending a week eel fishing, had a piece taken out of his log which he computes must have weighed 21bsi. Six feet of the eel that did it stole out of the creek, and pulled the gentleman in and it was only after a hard tussel with the leviathan that his friends were able to kill the animal with a fifteen-pounder field srun they always take with them on these excursions, ihe reason why these Wellington anglers did not bring any of the, eels home is explained by the fact that the rolling stock on the railways down there is being used for the potato crop, frames having had to be built on ordinary trucks containing a tuber to prevent it rolline; out. • • • Here is another true sporting yarn. An angler went away fishing. He did not catch any ' trout, and came home without any. Didn't have a dog, or gun trap, snare, net, or spring-gun, but ,he brought home a hare neverthe^ less. Run him down? Not exactly. Here's his explanation to a select coterie of companions, at a social q;atiherinc 1 last Tuesday • — "I was picking my way to some likely water, my rod poised like a lance at the trail — carried before me. Suddenly, a hare 'flushed' at my feet. Involuntarily the rod point lowered and before I ouite knew what had happened the hare was entangled with my line, and my reel was paying out some seventy yards of it to a merry tune. After 'playing 5 him for twentyfive minutes, I wound him in ! No, thanks, I'm a teetotaler." ♦ • • A sailor man has been court-martial-led at Home for writing a book. Acting under the absurd idea that he ought to use his brains, the stupid man did so. The authorities find that only officers are allowed to have brains, and Jack has ''gone up." It is obvious that tihe author who believes he is a sailor and goes yachtmo 1 is a criminal, who should be suppressed. He is a danger to the community. What right now has Sir Thomas Linton to knock off selling tea to sail the Shamrock ? Only last week a London policeman was discharged! for darine to write a book, and a large number of Tommies were court-martialled during the war for sending critical accounts of events to the papers. * * * Generally supposed that of Colonel Lynoh's Irish Brigade only one member wasi killed. Poor chap, if he was uncoffined, he was well knelled and sung as a hero who had given up his life for the cause that lacked no outside assristrance. Also, they raised a handsome monument to him in Ireland. Now, he writes from Pretoria, where he is nicely, thank you, but not too rich, for the mourners to be good enough to sell that monument, and send the money to him, as it will be useful.

A party of Wellington picniekeis stood outside their respective doois* on a recent holiday morning, looked up to the sun, and remarked, in joyous tones, that their excursion to the wilds of Waikanae was going to be an "ail right" aftair. Behold them then with their dainty oomestibles, having consumed the distance m the Manawatu train, planting their little kits, their enticing provender and their serviette-enveloped sandwiches under a shady tree, where, far from the madding crowd they intended to dine, fanned by the sweet breeze of heaven.

What more natural than that the young men and maidens should track the modest, fern to its mountain fastness, bask in tine glorious sunshine, and think out schemes for future excursions down the broad and pleasant path of life in pairs.

Such pleasant occupations by no means dissipate the healthy appetites of youth anid beauty, do theiy now? The pangs of hunger asserted themselves. The party returned to its dining-room, smiled on by the ceiling of earth, and the footstool of heaven. Horror! Some •craven wretch has denuded the lai-der of all its dainty morsels. There is no lunch there can be no nicnic. We will track the wily sneak thief down, we will insist upon the restoration of our luncheon, we will, b^ Jove, yes, we'll call up the police or something l

Perhaps, the thieves, surfeited by tihe dainties which the ladies sat up until midnight to provide, are sleeping off the effects under a neighbouring bush. We -will see. The rooks are explored, the bubbling brook surveyed, the bushes beaten. Ah, ah we find them! There are the culprits! Peacefully lying under the sheltering shade of the ■whispering bouerhs, surrounded by the serviettes depleted of their wealth of provender, are — well, look for yourself.

They call it the nif-nic now. • ♦ * The intellectual way some of the new - ly-appointed Js P. are grappling with t!he laws of the country leads us to hope that a good time is coming. The other day, in Dunedin a Chinaman, who was called as a witness in a ease in which there had been pigtails on the green, reauested to know how the saf-fron-coloured sinner would be sworn. He understood Chinese did this J.P. Said he "How you likee swear urn, John? Bleak urn plate?" "No." "Blow out urn matchee?" "No." "Cut urn rooster's head off?" "No." The J.P. grew impatient. "Then how the dickens will you be sworn?" "Me likee," replied John blandly, "to cut 'em J.P.s head off."

He was a large, tangled-looking man, and was using himself as a mural decoration, for an Empire City hostelry. One application of sand soap would have merely smeared him, and a gentle simmer m the "Postmaster" Bath would be bad for the bath. A Willis-street tradesman, of benevolent aspect, happened by, and the rag bag upre&red himself, and propounded the usual query. Did he want the "sprat" for a drink ? No, sir, his passion was for cleanliness — as a Britisher he detested dirt. The poor chap eot his "sprat " The donor followed him. He turned into the nearest hotel. The infuriated philanthropist followed and protested vehemently. "Thought you wanted the sixpence for a bath, you schemer!" he said, as the soothing oil of gladness slid to its long home. "So I did, mister, so I did, but I forerot to say that it was to be took internal!" ♦ * * Masterton is hugging itself. One of its loveliest ladies has adopted the sensible fashion of wearino- a bifurcated skirt for horseriding, and now when she eoesi down the street astride a man's saddle, the young men in the shops do less than usual, and feel glad Masterton seemsi to think it is 1 something new, however. Lady Florence Dixie, the expert English horsewoman, rode to hounds a la cavalier fifteen years ago, and his sportine Grace the Duke of Beaufort rod© to the same meet on a side saddle. Nature should be allowed to pick ladies who desire to exhibit masculine traits. » * • President Roosevelt got himself disliked in some auarters bv his recent remarks concerning the vital question of latter-day people who didn't want a family. Some people do but an allwise Providence withholds the boon. A man rushes in to say he saw a notice in an Adelaide-road butcher's shox> that at once suggests an end to the difficulty. It reads "Large Families Supplied. Small goods a specialty."

That slim, pretty, little creature, the "Georgia Magnet," who used to defy tihe strongest man to move her, recently died of consumption in her American home. It will be remembered that this slight pale girl gave an, exhibition before the last Czar of Russia, who had the reputation of being the strongest man in the Empire. She defied the Czar, who, by the way, did all Sandow's feats with considerable ease, and who was able to break packs of cards without using the knee, to move her, and the great, autoonat was perfectly heipless to do so. If we remember rightly, Dr. De Clive Lowe, a young Auckland medico, "exDosed" the magnet's methods when she was in that city. • * # He used to send her roses, He sent them eivery hour ; But now they're married, and he sends Her home a cauliflower ! • • • Curious that many country teachers punish children for going to school with bare feet. Many parents have been complaining, and it has been pointed out that a teacher may not punish a youngster for doing such a sensible thing. Contrast the entrance of a boy with hob-nailed boots straight from the cow byre, with the entrance of a barefooted one. Most teachers who are not faddists require the youngsters to hold their "trilbies" under the tap, a thing: that is not usually done with muddy boots. • * « Farm labour is scarce in New Zealand. That is why a Northern farmer last week waited lonf outside the graol wherein three "alcoholites" were sleeping off the effects of their latest spree. At last the trio, under charge of the village "trap," appeared. He rushed at them to give them iobs at harvesting. "Beigorra, it's too late yez are," said one of the men ; "shure Mr. Spuds popped a note under the cell dure lasht noigiht, and whin the "beak' discharges us wid a caution we're goin' to worruk fer him."

Perhaps you have noticed the' kind of place the JDepartment of Justice provides for the accommodation of the orduiaiy misdemeanant P Usually, it is a little weather-board box, with neat little iron bars, that a man might pull out with a dentist's forceps. But that is. neither here nor there. Last week a confirmed "drunk" up the line was, as usual, given sanctuary by the police in such a place. Imagine the surprise of the "foorce" when that gentleman rose m the morning to find the lock-up was gone l Evidently, the "drunk" was something of a Samson. Behold the policeman, mounted, scouring the country for his "risomer Robert hied him a.way to the home of the derelict. • • * In the front garden was the missing lock-up i Looking through the bairs, the bluebottle noticed that his erstwhile charge was sweetly sleeping. His son was a carter, not living ait home, and had taken this nuaint method of showing his affection for the old man, by hauling him home in His Majesty's gaol. Now, the police want to know whether they have an action for groa,]breaking against the prisoner, or an action against the son for stealing Government property Policemen are heavy sleepera.

Wonder if the average New Zealander is as modest as he pretends to be. Have you read many of the advertisement addresses of candidates for municipal honours in New Zealand? We have. Even some of the new candidates for seats on the Wellington City Council are not hiding their lights under* a bushel. Maybe, they are all their own fancy paints them, but it is doubtful if such a conglomeration of virtues could find footing in any one man. The shortest, most terse, and least bombas^ tio address comes from Cartieirtan, and emanates from Mr. Peter Shutzkowski! ♦ • * A fellow who has "swatted" law, and won the barristierial license, is generally conceded to know a great deal. It is alleged to be a fact, however, that lawyers don't know everything. For instance, a barrister, arguing in a case heard in Dunedin Supreme Court lately, found that his clerk had given him a note quoting from Bacon, V.C. (Vice Chancellor). Coming across the note, he said, "Bacon V.C. in Blank and Dash established the precedent etc." "By the way, who is Bacon, and what does V.C. mean p " he asked his clerk, in a stage whisper. The church had got a good health- hold before the court orderly could veil "Soilence'"