It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 99, 24 May 1902, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That it there were no dull women boine nuMi would be very lonesome 1 hat it a ina-i uses a porous piaster he i*. apt to become vei\ much attached to it Tliat ci upturns luue tlien uses Visitois to Rotoiua had the hot stones ejected b\ Wd.im.msu \erv comtoi table seats tins cold weathei - That the Gel man pi ess Anglophobia had its effect Auckland is getting all its new asphalt laid b\ Geimans umlei Geiman bosses. Consistent 1 - -That sah age operations in connection with dra\s sunk in the Hutt-ioad aie stall proceeding No tackle has yet been found long enough to reach the deiehcts —Tli at, during the coldest day reoenth experienced, an ice-oream man pheel his frigid trade m Manners-street, and shnered audibly inside a big overcoat. Seasonable' —That a new convert to tempeiance, at a meetnng of an I 0 G.T. lodge the other night corned to be falling mto old habits when lie addressed the Oluet Templar as Yer Worship " That an Australian joker, who was convicted of 'amusing" himself by bieaking fite alarms wa& the only person burnt to death in a lecent Sydney file Retribution or what? — That an e-ve-glassed sheep-expeit, fiom Home, who understands that wether^ fetch better piices than eweism London asks mutton groweis thiough the pi e^s Why don't you glow w ether* only ?" - That the unluck\ opal pla\ed a part in the lecont breach of piomise case. It was an opaJ ring which Heibert Birch pi cseated to his sweetheart, Maiv Jajie Rich aids in Svdne\ Veidict, £100 damages That New Zealand C'ontingenteis ha\e not \ et recen eel the cla^ns to thenmedals iH>i lia\e tlwy received piopoi discharges, New Zealanders belonging; to South African irregulai coins received both a long time ago. Wheiefore? — That King Kdw ard will not undeitake the contract of speaking into a shipload of phonographs to send messages to every loyal town in the Kmpnc Between now and his hundiedth birthda\ he would luue no time foi anything else. That each Go\ ernment Department is a law unto itself in the spelling of name- of places Thus the Statistical Department insists on Tolago Bay, the Po^t Office pieteis Tolaga. and Lands and Sime\ smfts at am spelling othei than To'o2,a — That the cocksuie \outh, who rode down Customhouse Quay on his bike without hands on the handle on Tuesday momma; and who uas subsequent! v sorted out" fiom a heap of lunch, leathei bag spokes, and hard hitter, to the chstie«. of the populace has decided to go out of the \audeville line — That a local widow, w ho luus recently \entuied on a second couise of matnmony, is a strong supnortei of the economic independence of women. She has a written agi element with "hubb\ " whereby she draws his weekly wages herself. She allows him to be economicall\ independent on a stipend of "xs — That the medical disciples of Hahueinann, whom the allopathic medicos lefuse to recognise as a brother '~>raetitioneis at least do not do any harm with then homoeopathy A thousandth part of a diluted grain of medicine does not sound dangerous Homoeopathy is a modern system of faith-healing probabl\ — That the magnates who ow n the Kelbuine tram might pio\ide their unfortunate ticket collector with a sentiv box whciem lie could take shelter fiom rain, and lest himself occasionally — say for halt a minute even foui houis or so An eleven hours' freeze, standing at the gate in sloppy weather is yen hard gi aft -That the belated citizen who was found on Lambton Quay at midniglit on Monda's stepping; ovei nnaginaiy obstacles did not iiuite satisfy the policeman who wanted to know what wa.s thr marttei He was rather hiccupv as he explained there was angel cake for supper and lie had been walking on clouds e\ er since -That Clement Wragge must be enloying himself immenseh ovei tlie bust<'r ho sent to New Zealand. The Queensland Government is thinking of conferring on him the distinction that but one other weather piophet has evei secured The other fellow was the gentleman who foretold the damp time Noah is said to hi\\c experienced

-Tli.it most ot the Wellington ( Junkies .11 c tail-beaieis That when <i woman disc 'oses a s'det it is alwa\s \ ltli tellir.g effect That ,i tew cargoes ot Yankee floiu aie on the wa\ to New Zealand Deal old Tiust ' That anothei laige slice ot Mirai)iru V)i) acies this time -has been acquind b\ a local That the Domestic Sei \ aats' Union means to insist on the teun lad\'s help " Sei\ant" is too humiliating — That Mr Chatnbei lam's ex pieced autipatln to tiusts does not mean that the scieu combine, ot which he is the head is going, to buist ill) -That Miss Balgamie will be pleased to heai that a Noitliein pnnt pa\s a tribute to her poweis b\ calling, hei a beauteous hew ailer of booze." That a stupid ptison is suggeytmo, that toi that extia £710 a >eai Mi FeigiiMm should tell tlie Cit\ Council a good \\a\ to fill up stieet chasms — Tliat a local man would like to know what the cable artist means b\ mfoiming New Zealand that the extinct volcano m St Kitts is c|iuescent " -That fieque-ntcis of lacecouises will be charmed to learn that a recent \\ ntor vnidh describes a lace meeting as a "hohdav for Hell's tatterdemalions " — That King Dick was not at the Veiteetngmg Peace Conieience. Cable says that things are less leassunug." Who is responsible for the oversight J — That Tain Duncan as an elderly Pen at Heaven's Gate, completely extinguishes Hall-Jones m his favouute role ot the Patron Saint of Taramiki. — That the^ aie talking up North about a certain young solicitor, famous for his love affans, who tiied to get away to South Africa but was baned b\ lus wife -That Cecil Rhodes' will was mteie.stins; to a certain Punedm commission agent He was a relative of the empire builder, and was lemembeied" m the will to the tune of €10,000 — That the che<Mful piophets who aie telling us that New Zealand ma\ use into the blue emp'ueaii a la Martinique, at any moment, are not much good as> advertising agents foi immigration — That a local gentleman of business procln lties always takes his meals bcfoie a minoi Tins is done to double the dishes He inherits caution fiom I'is giandfathei, who died a millionaire. -- That the close season for game no"\\-a-davs is permission for the stoats and weiasels to cro ahead with their work The little pests kill the festive rodent, too, and aie theiefoio liable to plague. — That theiie is an extensive stiip ot new" pa\mg in Adelaide-road, which might induce othei cities to cop\ it. As a specimen of asphalt mosaic," it is the finest sample now on view in the colon v — That a gentleman at a lecent banquet, who had doubts about the booafidevS of the geneial sobnety asked the guests to lepeat the new test woids Trumble's. thumb" rupidh , with disastrous results — That a Wellington tailoi ls waiting on pins a,ncl needles to heai w hetther King Dick has donned that khaki suit vet You see, it had to be built up in such a hurt's that theie was no time tor a try on " -That the parents of a local g)rl of sixteen who have consented to hei mainage with a giddy old sexagenaiian. are alioadv building a new house The old fellow is alreach a bit iock\" on his toot and they aie anxious to be m tune — Tliat theie is m\ amateur shorthand writer in Wellington so smart that lie attended a church sewing bee last week for practice, and took down all the discussion without missing a word The ladies aie now in a-gieat fluttei lest he should print it. That the proposed new New tow a hotel is to be erected to cope with a thirst that footballers allege the\ have not got Of ooum\ it is kind of the tiado to tiv to create a thirst for them but the lesidents do not want a loose aiticlo of that kind That the coronation cableis aiealicad\ shai penmg up their pencils to tiell the Home people about the splendid and spontaneous loyalty of New Zealand. If Kme Kdwaid could only hear the nett\ squabbles about the proposed expenditure of a few pounds v That some unmanh men in Wellington, who play the effete game of football, ha\ c banded '■''mse-hes together as aw anti-ping-pong league This us aiming a blow at the plusique of the men of New Zealand that can have no bh in"' but senous results - That a young man who had hopes ot a lucrative matrimonial alliance flittod suddenly away fl om Wellington last week. Ho told his troubles to a fiiemd. who tried to console him b\ sa-Miie; the girl's answ ci was not iealh a refusal. "It came to the same thing" sighed tho lo\ei She saad she was willing to wait until T could support hei "