It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 97, 10 May 1902, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

—That Stutfoifl has Allowed the example ot Wanoanui in electing a municipal thcatie —That the polai heai in the Svdiyx Zoo did not die ot bubonic but ot cold He was not used to it That a Chstiamsed" John, in a Southern subuiban chmch. has been appointed to take round the plate That the beard ot a once Cabinet Mnuste. has changed trom snow v white to a light brow n How and whv -That pine-pong has broken out m a hamlet up Pahiatua wa>, and that thev aie using butter pats as racquets. —That a witness the other day producod a piece of orange blossom m Court ,n pi oof of the fact that she vas mairied. —That a local pawnbioker, who dabbles in horticulture e . rvl^^ r °« the subject says Ins favouiite fio.vei is the pop-pv —That a Wellington lady whose police lecoid numbeis thiee score ot conviction, is figuring at present m that town of records— Mastert on. —That the French Consul is to take the light of his presence from W ellington to Auckland. Domestics aie notablv more docile in the Queen City. —That not a few of the sixty-fivers who are down for retirement will be snug in their billets for years to come. No back-stairs influence, of course —That the Defence Office is still a fcrifle mixed In one gazette it publishes the resignation of an officer, and m the following one his appointment That a Masterton mayoral candidate said the most Dressing need of the people of that town was baths Keally. this is rather a shady implication —That aspiring cantatnees, from eleven years of asr.e upwards, may now be heaid all ovei Wellington (behind open windows) mutating the I astiee "trill." —That a Northern magistrate recently asked the wean old question of a w itnefes What is a bloke ?" • A bloke is a gentleman, yei Worship Defined at last' —That the Manaw atti \gricultmal and Pa&toial Association, to save punter's ink and tiouble is calling itselt the "M A. and PA " Quite a faimh affair — ma and pa. That Man- Jane, in a Hobsonstreet mansion declined the other dav to answer the telephone at the bidding of hei mistress on the ground that she had been eating onions. — That it does not seem to occur to people who have been duped bv an alleged son ot a, peei . in Napier and elsewhere, to have that young nobleman's" head examined foi ' rats " —That, as King Dick gets neaier Home, King Edward's personality materially shrivels, if London papers are to be believed. Also Joe Chamberlain is ordering smaller hats. —That the latest Society fad m Wellington is soap-bubble parties The guests solemnly sit round the festive board with clav pipes, and blow . New wing to Ponrua required — That one of the planks in theplatfoim of that new ly-formed institution — the Wellington ' Domestic Servants' Fnion — is "no night dinners " Jovful news for the restaurants. — That De Wet, having admitted that the struggle is hopeless, may be depended on to bump badh against the troops again shortl\. He admitted the same thing eighteen months ago. — That one local paison has a distinctly curious work of art. It is a pictuie of Wellington harbour, made out of buttons gathered from church plates during a clerical career ot thirtv-nve years — That a youth well-known as a server-out ot tea and bacon in a local grocery, has received a line from 'Ome "Come home, and all will be forgiven." Thene was a coronet on the envelope — That a Welsh gentleman, who has made money in New Zealand, notifies the Post Office authorities that he lias changed his address to Llanfairpllgwvnllgogerychwyndrob wl antysiligogogoch . — That Mr. Mackay is roaming at large over the colony inspecting blocks ot bush which the Government want for unemployed settlements in case of necessitv. So far, Mr. Mackay has onlv struck two unemployed in all his travels —That the "old bovs" of Wellington have great staying power. Father Plimmer never turned a hair at the banquet to Dick Seddon, and Grandfather Tom McKenzie was ' all there" at the recent Masonic spree.

-That Ann Castles lecenos LlOO ioi each conceit, and ten pci cent of the takings. -That ji Wanaiapa papei has the ethonten to ask 'Whet does the Wellington Post" know of the daiiMiie, mdusti\ J " - That tlie new name toi a wellknown Wellington bibulous celebrity with atumfoi caust.c ooir.ment, is The Sceptic Tank " -That a Wanaiapa pjpci modestly announce!-, tliat the prn ate secret.m of a Minister has declaied it to bo aspk nrbd production -That a no\elt\ in the shape of a bath in which \ou can get electncaJU washed without rerun ing vour clot lies is coming to Wellington - That a local small bov, of scientific pioclnitios, has been offeied a fabulous .sum foi a phonograph lecoid of a conversation between his bie, sister and said hotel's vouiis; and idiotic \ oung, man. -That it is time the Representation Commission, formed last session to aLter the electoral boundaries, was setting to work Even now there is no time to spare to hear objections and reconsider boundaries — That a Wellington merchant, who has burnt his fingers m West Coast dredging, has found a new definition for "prospector." He says it's a mam who hunts around for something to put in a prospectus —That a local lady led her eldest daughter and her intended before one of our best-known Js.P., and made the blushing youth swear an affidavit that he would' have nothing to do with the other girl. That a funnv young man w ent to the trouble of issuing invites to a ping-pong party purporting to come from a toney Terrace house. The guests turned up, and a big placard To Let," stared them in the face. — That Councillor Godber is a bit pievious m talking of a big organ for the Town Hall. If the people aie as enthusiastic about it as about the Queen's Statue, wouldn't it be as well to engage an organist light away — Tha,t the value of hotel book debts is not considerable The creditors m the estate of a Dannewike boniface handed ovei to his w ife amounts to the 'slate" value of £2000 in satisfaction of her claims and <-he realised £1 on the lot - -That the Wellington Club went up to the Athletic Park on Saturday with onh one thing in doubt — the numbci of points by which Poneke would go down. And now, they are looking for the wise man who assured them "You are bound to get possession." — That Tom Wilford was in gieat fo-im at the Freemasons' banquet. He implored the company in his best vocal stvle to "Take Me Back to Dixie " ' When the Empire Calls." At present, the Empire City imagines Tom can find his wav there himself. — That Mr. Hanna, the Sydney engineer who recently visited New Zealand, does not exactly recommend village settlements for Australia. You see, some of the Commonwealth's fat men would have to be content with less than a million acres each. — That "Our George" laised his Kxchauge Hall audience to cheers last week when he declared 'It was de\ihsh lucky for the Harbour Board eotene that Mr George Fisher was not there when they tacked on another £750 to the engineer's £1000 salary " — That one New Zealand concentaataoii camp teacher backed out at the last moment. Reason Cabled news of a certain trooper's departure from Africa for home. She will meet him on his natn e heath and not on a foreign strand The scent of orange blossoms is in the air — That a commanding officer of volunteers, up the line, fixed up a night alarm for his troops last week. He kmcllv arranged that the regimental cooks should meet the storming party with coffee Oh they do things in real Boer style now in our "Army." — That the Wellington Druids would ha-s e been in a great state of alarm last week if they had seen Bro Mackay the Deputy Inspectoi -General of the Laboui Department mounted on a 14-hand nag threading his cautious way along a track two feet wide on the face of a oliff w ith the roaring Rangitikei 300ft beneath him But Mackav ne\ er falls in