IT IS TOWN TALK

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 94, 19 April 1902, Page 22

IT IS TOWN TALK

-Tint King Dick »«•" possibK »et to South Atuca in tune to settle the tennis of peace That a .(.tinned Bush «--ldt CaibineO i iv the n.ost-ought-atte. man at piesent in Rangitikei Tluit the hatch (it innati -ecietaxK , s "the Pienue, ha^ lett behind him «ill Labttot.kMtiMM foia uhilc »»« _ That Cu-atei Wellington and pigs ' tn hum The cluet subjects otconJlolVsvm the Alrho^ Bo.ou.sh Connoil at pie->ent That a local bodx t^ . h » tenders tor blue metaJ \J e<M not knot things weie to be made quite a'willing" as all that — Tliat King Mahuta will be looking for an mutation to the coronation a* soon as he reads that the African King Lewmiki has got a»e. —That the Wellington Industnal Exhibition of 1904 or thereabouts will beat all New Zealand recoids in that line Ask Sam Blown -That at a ceitain Wellington boarding-homo the boaideis call the tri-w eeklv hash the substance of thinghoped for the ewdence of things not >seen." —That the new spaper man put it rather aw-kwardh in making bii Joe say at Dick's send off, "They were all 'anxious,; to wish the Piemier a fond farewell —That Tom Wilford's demand foi an inqunv ie the Island Ba^ extension before the electric tram scheme is aiithoiised is a bit of an electric shock foi the Coipoiation — That the "single" man who left Masterton foi the front and who got as far as Wellington is back again in the Cit\ of the Plains with his wite and childien Alas' --That in snite of all the Piemiei's Romances there arc still some doubtiso- Thomases in his own part\ who won't be persuaded that he will return to New Zealand — Tliat according to the Wellington Ratapa'^eis' Association, not many o the City Council's employees know what the\ aie getting paid then allegedly exoibitant salaries for That anxious mquiiics aie being made for several individuals v, ho aie supposed to ha\e left in a hum bv the Piston Grange without leaving any clue to then futuie adclies.6. — That bear« grease w as in active demand bv the lumor members of the Maou Contingent aftei the Premiei told them eveiv man must weai a moustache at the coronation. —That the most difficult thing about fretting into Societ\ after you have moved up a few rungs on the social ladder is getting rid of the folks you knew and liked when you weie lowei down --That the Defence Denaitment has, met the wishes of the oublic generally. It is including three extra South Afncan Contingenters in the coronation party as a compionnso Handsome 1 — That a vouag Wellington papa who complains of insomnia says that his rccentlv armed son and hen sleeps all da\ when he is not at home and =tavs up all night just to keep him company — Tliat the neatest definition of a 'piophet" was given the oher day by a Wellington fttandaid IV. schoolboy His answer wa& It's a tellow that's alwa\s lookin' Un a cliance tei s<u V I told you so.' " —That the Adelaide - toad fetieetwidenmg operations aie proceeding Most ot the shopkeepers have frantic bills exhibited " Sale' Stieet-widen-nig" But are tht\ not the same old bills they used a \ eai ago? —That the Mnaniar Feirj Company will ha\e two admirals now The boat tlw ha\e just bought in Auckland is one and Captain Kckford is the othei But what, about that up-to-date f en v steamer which was to carry 700 passengers and take the shine out of the Duchess c That the Post," ought to get clown fiom the 1 ail and take a definite stand on the question of aldehydes " Tho old topers are quite "in sympathy with its plan for maturing whisky bv getting rid of the "aldehydes." whose presence it says, ' makes new whisky so bad for those who haven't got a cast-iron constitution " But the prohibitionists aie greiatlv scandalised—at its other plan for cunns consumption bv injecting these same ' aldehyde*" in the lungs Astonishing what a number of people are tirvin^ to cure consumption in this wav already.

- -Tli.it Dick Secklon will peisiiade Joe Chamberlain to pa\ lain a letuiu visit w lien the wai is o\oi -That sevoial local hookies" have o-nmi up laving the odds on hoise-iac-uio Most of thorn will gne- \nii ten to one against peace - -Tliat legal piocoodmgs aie likcK to be taken against one of Auckland's \oung swells toi hocussmg cl polo pony and (ausii'o its death That the icason \\ h\ a ceitajn busiih"-*-. man cut oft his flowing, beaid is tliat his wife gave him a diamond pin on his recent birthday. That m view ot all the portfolios now heaped upon Actmg-Piomier Waid'v In oad hack, ho ought to he called the M mister ot Public Bui dens -That a local mail lias an lmention that he '■aid w ould <*oon make hi 1 - tortune onl\ that he can't keen it working all the time It 1^ a cash leeistei That locaJ ni-tites liavmg decided thil i ma i has a light to flog a hoise until it chops the occupation of the SPC A is gone Poor old justice -That Wellington banquetted King Dick at tlhe TCmpiie because it's the ' Kmpjre" C'ltv you know , and because Dick himself is such a ted-hot Imperialist That a local sport, who won a £40 hoisem a laffle last week paid £1 next da,\ to get the animal buried "If there's bad luck going it's bound to strike me." — Tliat next time John Bull has^ to peel off for a fight, Austialia and New Zealand can be counted on for 20,000 men able to 'ude and shoot " They have tasted blood That a microbe crank, who spends a gieat deal of time m the Public Library carries a syringe full of germicide since he heard that eveiv book contained a> million deaths. —That Masterton is threatening to pay those Imperial troop.s reception accounts if the committee can be persuaded to believe the troops visited them some time last year .That at St. John's Church Woolstons iecent.lv. Miss Rose Butcher w as led to the altar bv Mr Louis Pickles We refiam for obvious leasons to joke on sc serious a subject -That the chef of a Wellington hotel •says he understands all about foieign oooken. He can cook Fiench beans Spanish onions. Swedish turnips, and Jerusalem aitichokes. That the generaJh accepted leason for King Dick's late appearance on paiade before the Tenth left is that the tailor had to make extensive additions to his khaki uniform -That dunng a lecent fiie at Feildmg a, gentleman ' saved" a pail of boots from the burning building. However, a« both were "lefts" lie won't woik a salvage corps any more -Thrt the fixing bv the Go\ eminent of a value of £00 an acre on land for woikmen's homes that w a.s supposed to be puichai&ed foi £30 an acre is a paradox requn ing an explanation That the mci easing, numbei ofiailna.\ accidents on military lines m South Africa is probably due to the action of the authorities in putting am Tommy on who says he can dm c an engine — That a neai-by paper chionicles the astonishing fact that the son of our worthy fellow-citizen" (who, by the wav advertises) has ''received a position as striker m Mr. Blank's blacksmith shop Tliat A H Cooper, of the Trades and Labour Council, has announced his candidature for the city as an independent oaih enough to let the other fellows know one seat out of the thice is ahead\ booked. That if the Boeis lea\ c Bntisheis m Africa long enough alone the-\ will wipe themselves out with accidents ' Toiiuin " engine dmeis 3s- Id a dco en ilian engine duvcis V2~> a month Result Chaos -That the Maoi l Coionation Contingent will be able to entertain the Cockneys with the Maori version ot The Soldiers of the King " The-s gave it a+ their departure bv the Mom a as an encore piece after the haka That, now the summei fighting season is ovei the Boeis will piobablv letne to the Bntish concentration camps to lest and recuperate during the winter And vet the Wellington Peace and Humauitv Sociotv is not satisfied 2 That a young inaiiied clerk who wiote to a waitress m a local restaurant asking her to make an appointment for the Thorndon Esplanade got a suipnse tlie other evening that he won't forget in a hurry. It was 1 his own wife who kept, the appointment — Tliat King Dick oideied a full suit of Contingent khaki foi himself pnor to going off with the Tenth and that a local firm of hatters did full justice to the slouch hat which they built up for ham It is surmised that Richard will put on this pride and pomp of war at Durban in order to hand over his troops to Kitchener in person.