Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 93, 12 April 1902, Page 12

Entre Nous

WITH its last issue, the Auckland 'Observer" completes its hist ten years under the contiol ot its present propnetaiy, Me&sib GedcUs andßlomhekl In taking a bnet letio bpect o\er the decade, it lemailo, It is m no spnit of idle boasting that we say we have learned what Lt is to suftei foi principle and freedom ot speech. It has been our fortune to pay the penalty of conscientious cnticism by lighting more than one libel action, but, though the monetary cost was heavy, we enjoyed in ©a oh instance the supreme satisfaction of asserting and maintaining the pnncaiple for which w e fought. This is a record of which we are fairly proud. Moreover, the satisfaction was also ours of beang on the side of the weak agamst the strong * • • "The ideaJ we set before ourselves ten years ago was a high and lofty one. It may be that we have not accomplished it. But, be that as it may, we have kept it steadily before us as the aim to be achieved. To-day, not only the 'Observer in Auckland, but also the Free Lance m WeLLmgton. and the 'Dailv Telegraph' in Waihi, acknowledge the oontrol of the same proprietary, and subscribe to the same motto — Here shall the Pi ess the People's light maintain, Unawed by influence and unbribed by gain , Here patriot Truth hei glonous piecepts diaw, Pledged to Religion, Libeity, and Law " ♦ * * A certain Wellington citizen wears a Wl g in fact, quite a number of them do. But the one we particularly refei to had his attention called the other day to the dishevelled state of his thatch. As he straightened it out with the office brush, he pleasantly remarked. "Ah my boy, one cannot have brains and hair at the same tame." '"Just so," said the other fellow, "I know some people who haven't got eithei They borrow both articles." Theie is a coolness just now between these two citizens. It may or may not 1 elate to A fowl yam comes from the w lid Wairarapa. A citizen was charged before the local Js.P. with stealing a hen. He protested he had not stolen it but that the bird just strolled in a,nd took up her quarters in his' fowl -house. Why didn't he return the bird? He had kept it for a week, had he not? He knew to whom it belonged, did he not? Yos he did know to whom it belonged, but he had backed a favounte hen to lav agin' anything; in the neighbourhood and he was keeping A's bird to if «?ho could beat it '

A tale, is being told about a local convoit whom Grattan Guiune&s, was alleged to \uue weaned horn tluisty ways. With absolutely ferocious sobnety l ie has resisted all approaches of Ins stiLl mpprng fnends. 'Hello, Jim," &aid a friend a week after the regeneration, meeting lam _ on the Quay, "comeanavadnnk ? Wo, reiphed the convert with superb disdain, turning on the heel of -his number ten. The seouel One week later the convent, on the' "Byko" corner, same friend in front of Stewart, Dawson s. The convert hails him by working an arm hysterroallv "Hello?" replied the saluted one as he braved the vicissitudes of the Corporation pitfalls "111 take that diink now," said -Jim, and from the direction the pair took it is believed that the 'EmpiieV rrrasurv was augmented bv one shilling, and one barkglider added to Welhnarton's lone; list * * * Rathei an ' unsuitable" joke ha.s reoontlv been put up" on a business man in an up-the-hne town. Last week a local tailor's porter delivered a suit at clothes at his house for "young Mr 1., and of couise, the servant took them m Later on, another porter, with another suit, eventuated, and ,so on up to about five o'clock m the evening when the hall table had assumed the appearance of the paoking bench or a soft aoods emporium. Then came home the young Mr. T. aforesaid, and found clothes addressed to him ranging from tennis and riding pants to dress, clothes and from every tailor in the town • * * Also came home the elder Mr. T., and he wanted to know things, you know. When Pa wa.s cool, young 1. nifoimed him that none of the goods that cumbered the table were ordered by him. Pa rung up one of the tailors at random, and asked him if young T. had ordered a suit. "Yes'" Pa took his son the round of the- tailors shops in the morning, and they all said then that he was not the person whom they had measured. Now, that business man,, his son, and something over a dozen tailors want to know what is to be done with about €60 worth of clothes to fit a slight young man of medium height, an'd up to now they haven t found even the slight voting man of medium height who ordered them. * * * Noticed a Micawber-hke figure standing eivnrapt in ecstacy listening to the strains of the trio of Italian players on the Quay one recent day The faces of the band beamed as they saw in that w orthy citizen's satisfaction the promise of coming lucre. They played an extra number to increase the ecstacy or the citizen, who tapped time to it with his stick and enioved himself until he was red in the face. Then, the little, black-eyed fiddler quit fiddling and smiled himself as he offered his outstretched hat to the ecstatic one " Beautiful ' beautiful ' exclaimed he of the historic belltopper, "I'll give you five shillings " as he felt in his pocket— "to-morrow." and the look on the faces of tho<=e sons of the sunny South would have frozen a sunstroke

Overheard in the City Buffet. Returned trooper was giving graphic details of the fight at Losberg, and mentioned that a composite regiment of Irish and Scotch mounted infantry were operating on the right of the New Zealanders'. The Boers, as ever, were, of course, duly routed, not, however, before they had left many dead and wounded Macs and Pats behind. A New Zealand doctor was on the spot pprtorcmng his merciful duties. One poor Soottie was lying with his lip blow n away, and a Hibernian soldier lay dead alongside. Poor fellow! What could he do? His native genius stood him in good stead. He quickly turned to the dead Irishman, amputated his upper lip, and deftly stitched it on to the mutilated Scotsman. He anxiously watched his patient for signs of returning animation. Slowly the Soot opened his eyes. "How do you feel now, mv poor man?" he asked. "Begorra dootfoer, darlint I feel as fit as gunmetial. Whin I've had a dhraw at the poipe, I'll be illigint'" And "Truthful James," of the Seventh looked round foi approbation. * * * A story is floating round about a Wellington employer of labour who met with a httle surprise party last pay-day. In his. factory he sets his face like a flint against the payment of overtime, mak ing it a rule that all his work must be done without luxuries of that sort Therefore, he was staggered to find, at the end of the week, that one of the hands had had the effrontery to put in a claim for overtime. ''What does this mean, my man?' he demanded, in tones considerably below zero ' Overtime, sir," the man replied, "on the day I was sent up to your house to help to shake the carpets." " Yes, but you weren't there aftei six o'clock," saad the master. "I know that. But then your missus gave me the remainder of a meat pie winch I took home, and that hour is for taking the dish back." * * * Tlio same old ' end of the war" joke eiopped up down Otago way recently. An Oamaru youngster spoke through the telephone to the village of Duntroon to tho effect that the Boers had surrendered As of yore the people believed the message, and a local parson up and galloped round telling; people, the glad tidings. Everybody with a gun got on his roof and fired it. and eveiybodv with a bell rung it, and everybody with a voice yelled. Then the paper came down bv train, and t'jt issue was sold out in five minutes. Now. the people with guns are just as willing to shoot as ever but they can't find the boy * * • He was putting up for the Harbour Board but talked of retiring at the last moment because of a throat affection ' I cannot stand for the Board " he said in a hoarse whisper, "I have lost mv voice " "Great Scott," cried one of the eommittop, "you'll go in flying — that was Hie only thine; against you " And tlio silent man was elected. Can yon ]-)irk him? At thf Party. At eight p m they sat like this, A cushion in between them At nine p m the cushion moved — • It was now used to screen them At ten they were not far apart At 'leven, on mv life, sir, Yoiicouldnotcuttheairbetween Withmvnewpocketknife .

'•Truthful James," of the Seventh, now in town, has had more thrilling experiences than most men. He tells a yarn of a wounded Tommy, who was brought to the hospital where James himself lay. Tommy was suffering from a bullet wound in the thigh. The doctor chloroformed the man, probed, and found a battered sixpence. When the patient recovered from the effects of the anaesthetic, the doctor showed him the sixpence. "This is what we have got out of your tihigh," he said. Then Tommy answered, "Oh, I know all about your tricks. I have read about you in the papers. You just give me the other nine and a tanner. I lost half a quid." * * * Wellington Highlanders did not storm the canvas heights of Dargai at the Opera House, although they were offered £60 to do so for a few nights. Fact is, those gallant "kilties" are in something else besides tartan and sporans — a quandary. They spent £1000 in buying a uniform which is certainly the smartest military dress in Wellington, and the Government threaten to make them discard the picturesque kilts for the bilious khaki. Wonder why the New Zealand authorities persist in making their soldiers look as hideous as possible? There is evidently no reason in this present case, except that of pure cussedness. Also, it will reduce the number of recruits, and rightly so. # ♦ » Some of our khaki warriors, in what is alleged to be review order, look nositively ashamed to show their mud-col-oured selves in their ill-fitting sacks. When we want to repel an, attack, it will be time enough to don the bilious breeches and jaundiced jackets, but when the rage for that material goes to the length of interfering with recruiting, and making men look like navvies out of a yellow-clay hole, it is time to put a foot with the largest kind of a diminutive boot on down on it. • • # A romance dealing with the rolling sea waves, a trooper, an embrocation bottle, and a damsel fair, is washed ashore up at the Queen Oitv. Stated, in all seriousness, that an early Contingenter cast his bottle in the water with a screed of burning eloquence corked therein Whether a shark swallowed the bottle, and delivered it for fear of the postal authorities is not known, but a romantic miss, sitting on a rock overlooking the Pacific ocean reading the Pallid Peer of Punchbowl Priory, on n_o\ ing espied the embrocation bottle. * * * Heavens, could it be l Ah, yes, as through the muiky dimness of the gloom a letter was visible. No male creature with a corkscrew was near, and so she banged Elliman on the rock, and he* tender orb was arrested by the touching words, "Your ownest soldier, Adolphus Karkey, — Contingent." She would write to "Dolly," the dear lonely boy, and swear she thought of him out in that vast loneliness with nothing to eat but bread and biscuits, and nothing to kill but Boers. In the great lone land Adolphus received the answer to his missive, and the bottle, and a photograph. Thereafter, there is little to tell. Last week they were made one. Now the dead marines of the Auckland foreshore are matters of interest to damsels in the sere and yellow leaf. Even beef tins do not escape. Beating their hearts out , hoping against hope, that their particular embrocation bottle may float ashore, the lonely maidens of the lovely north are not letting any sea-borne chances slip.

The recent ' campaign" of the Wellington battalion m the Wairarapa was productive of moie deaths" than ha\e eventuated amongst New Zealandars during two and a-half voars in Afnca A propos, the Mounted Jfcifle camp, thiee miles from Masterton, was awakened from its slumber? one Sabbath night by furious firing to its right front. A breathless captain told Major Loveday the camp was attacked and a few men turned out and w asted some ammunition in. firing at the midnight atmosphere. That it was three civilians firing for fun didn't matter much, for the mounted men determined to have a terrible revenge. One hundred warriors up-saddled, by the light of the stars next morning, and rode noiselessly into Masterton tow ards the enemy's camp * * * The captain of the mounted troops wished the sentry "good morning, while his men sneaked round the back, surrounded the camp, one man stood to each tent wifh ar loaded rifle, and one man went to collect Colonel Collins s sword The Colonel didn't give it up, but, of course, he would have been deemed a corpse by any unbiassed person. Also, the whole infantry camp fell into the hands of those one hundred early risers. Naturally, the sleeping infantry commander was indignant, "Why," he said, to the mounted commander, "if I'd known that you were poing to send troops in the night I'd have had a picket out'" Which sets one thinking that commanders of =leer>inocamps have dug a large number of graves and buried men and reoutations bv iust forgetting that all the world does not sleep at night * * • The boys of a Manawatu township had a good deal of transient happiness thrust upon them one day recently. They struck a patch that set them up in lollies, marbles, and ginger-beer enough fora week. The only "bottle-O" man of the said town was simply deluged with hoys with hottles to sell, and he heean to feel by the time that he. had paid out about £5 to the juvenile traders that his fortune was made if the supnlv would only keep up The supply grew apace, and the bottle man found he'd have to remove them from the shop to the storeroom at the back, along with the rest of his suoply. There wasn't any <=upr>lv when he got there 1 Those wretched boys had torn a, w eatherboard off at the back of the «tore and had sold him nearly the whole of hi« available stock of bottles over again ' * ♦ • Latest and truest tram vain A gorgeously apparelled, gold-laced, scai-let-collared, silver-spurred, and putteeleggmged staff officea- boarded an earlvmormng Council switchback on Thursday morning. The car was too full foi him to gain admittance, and he, alas, had to stand on the step, just as if he had been a mere merchant going to the daily grind. He had to ignommioush hop off the step every now and then to make way for passengers. He had hopped off by the Basin Reserve to let a dear old lady get on, and was stnking an attitude a la Kitchener on the road. Then, that dear old lady ostentatiously produced her purse, selected a threepenny piece, and. looking up at that study in scarlet and brown, murmured 'Ticket please l " gazing with admiration at what she took to be a tram guard m the new City Council uniform. * * * The officer sur\ lved this but his cup was not vet full. A man fiom the bush hailed the switchback further down the road It stopped, and the officer "prepared to dismount bv numbers " "D'ye stop anywheres near the City Buffit, matey?" the bushie queried, addressing his remarks to the gold and brown gentleman, and a couple of spurred heels spurned the nearest asphalt, and then on ncr has probably gone out of the tram-conducting industry for ever. « * * A Wellington gnl, whose engagement ring is quite new confessed it ovei afternoon tea the other day. She says they were playing a game of caidfe together \Vhen she accidentally remarked. 'So you take my heart do you s " He stammered, went into deep crimson and replied. Why, certainly — yes " After that, the rest was easy But she doesn't know how long it w ould have taken him to get to the point if it hadn't been for that pointer on hearts. Anjd oh. by the wav, the ring from Gradv's is a nice suit m diamonds * * * It liappened on the express between Wanganui and Palmerston. last week Four men were playing pokei in one of the bird-cage carriages. Two others looked on from the promenade platform at the side. "Wilson, there " remarked a commercial traveller from Wellington, "looks awfully cut up and vet it is only his mother-in-law who is dead " "My son," said a well-known merchant, who also belongs to this part of Cook Strait, "ai the poker table it 1^ always the man with four aces in his hand who has the longest faoe "

Another tiiio tiam tale' Theie an se\eral new tiam guards put on wccklv 1^ the City Council, the employment being evidently yen populai. One guaid on Tuesday, who had po^ibly not long left 'Ome, was lequested by a heiee, white-haired old gentleman to put a l'adv oft at the next stopping place ' S'euse me, Sir," replied the tyio 'but the lady .seems to be behavin' herself I might git tlie sack if I goes to extremes 1 " Thov sat upon the sandy beacli And gazed upon the sea , "When are the \\a\es called ;mgi\ wave&w aye& 9 ' Conundrum lv asked she. '•Called angiy waves?" her beau replied 'Twixt wondeiment and doubt 'I give it up 1 " ' "Why then" shecried, "It's when the wateis-pout " • • * Thus the 'Spectator" —'The lea&on why the great Seddon testimonial fell sx> flat in Chnstchurch, is not far to seek. Fact is that had the affan beem made a, modest bob' all round, thr subscription would have totted up an enormous sum. But when the workers saw that the very men who had always persistently cursed Seddon and all his works, weie heading the affair with bulky cheques they smelt a rat of no ordinan size "

Strict investigations into plague mattors in Wellington have produced a true tale. T'other day a gentleman with a cheese-cutter cap on and the odour of the deep, sad sea hanging around him, made a ' board" for the Health Department, brought-too alongside Dr. Mason' 9 stablo, and discharged cargo in the shape of a small package. "Hello, Captain, something for me?" "Well, \es I reckon it is something in your lino. Doctor , killed him on board thp Monowai this mornung, so he's as fresh as a daisy." We hasten to add that bacteriological analysis has substantiated the fact that the deceased lodent was not suffering from bubonic plague, but that the son of the sea will probably be more careful in future to supply only specimens interesting to the medical faculty. * * * Hilda May Campbell, the girl who drowned herself in the Wanganui River with the aid of two flat irons tied around her neck, had just returned from a four months' holiday to Auckland, where she had been visiting relatives. While she was in the city of the lovely ha,rbour, she made friends with a young fellow who subsequently left with the Ninth Contingent. A bosom friend told Hilda's sweetheart that she had engaged herself to a trooiner. Resiilt — engagement off, and then suicide.