It Is Town Talk

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 80, 11 January 1902, Page 22

It Is Town Talk

— That one ot the horrors of war is the alleged poetry it produces — That only constitutional laziness prevents Rosebery being England's greatest statesman. — That Minister of Mines McGowan is hkelv to contest, a Southern mining seat against all-comers next election. — That it is eleven yeais sine© a Southern hoise won the Auckland Cup St. Michael bioke the spell on Boxinp Day. — That one of the horses purchased by the officers of the Stock Department in Masterton foi £18, recently changed hands at £7. — That one individual wanted a cap tain's commission so very badly in th > Eighth Contingent that he was willing to give £100 foi it. — That an applicant toi a. local lady's hand w as> told by her pater that he would find it in the dishwater. He says he ha* a pii/ie. —That the Yankee doctors billed Congress for £20,000 for attending the late President McKinley Who wouH not bt a Piesident's medico? — That Mr. Earnshaw's supporters in Dunedin are filling up a purse of sovereigns for him A sovereign remedy is a wonderful consoler after defeat - That there was eager competition foi the command of the Auckland volunteer distinct when the news went forth that Colonel Davies was going to South Africa. —That at a lecent church fair, the check tickets were taken in a box bearing the legend ' Race Tickets" in two inch letteiincr It wa6> boi rowed fron the ia,cecourse —That a great scientist lecenth brought a mummy of one of the Pharoahs from Kjn pt 'Pharoah' was an article not on the tariff, so he pas^e- 5 him mas dried fish Next ' —That a suspicions individual up Worth ha* rushed into print with the suggestion that someboch got a fit commission on the purchase of certain estates toi close settlement The idea 1 ' --Thar aceoidmg to fries of -La has Lt U PP f 1S PapC ; r Lord Robe *s has lost hw legs and nine right arms The person uho supplies "Bobs" with foTtmu lf 1S sllrmwed ' ictireon a —That a hre recently occuned m a municipal building ,n a Southern town Vn emp oyee of the Council stated that he could have put the fire out, only he «orn t paid for that kind o' work «. onscientious man ' "iTM,* ° ow r«*nth swallowed £27 w ortli of bank note,. The ow ner killed the cow before the notes were served out as milk, pieced them together, and received payment for them at the bank Jsut. it w as a Yankee cow —That a bike tluef at Chnstchuich recentK stole the front wheel from a Jawvcis bicvole, while that gentleman ™ ;<i'-nmg bs Bd. The excessively shoit tune occupied shows the expertness of the wheel sneak. —1 hat Wilson Barrett has kissed the blaincn stone all right. Told the people of Dunedin the other day that if the name of the place weie altered by knocking out the "i" and substituting an c the title would not overpraise what seemed to him like the entrance to Paradise Solemn fact' --That one vouno wainoi, who volun teered and was accepted for the Eighth Contingent enlisted became he had been i ejected by the girl of his choice JNext day when the maiden read his name in the newspapers, she wrote accepting him, but it was too late. However, the engagement stands good —That one of the 'King's health" rumours is that Queen Alexandra has been told bv a clairvoyant that she will never see the Coronation, and, as a result, superstitious but economical peeresw><s sure delaying tflie orders for then Coionation gowns Wonder if it will make am difference to the New Zealand peeresses — That when the rumoui got afloa' in the Eighth Contingent camp that - ceitam lengthy officer. facetiously known as the "note of exclamation," would or O as commanding officer if Maioi Owen ste/pped out the language was unfit for publication Also, there will be no Contingent if the rumou* turns out to be true.

— That a man never knows what a saint he is until he overhears his wife talking to some other man's wife. — -That an impudent Ohristchmch thief stole a detective's bike last week He has several clues already but no bike -That a ceitam young, lieutenant is so fired with martial ardour that he has volunteered for the front in spite of his recent engagement. — That cricketers last Satuidav weie asking for a, football The day was more appropriate to the winter game than the summer one. — That a festive hohdav person with £380 in his pocket, was locked up all night in the state-room of a certnri steamer until he ceased to see things ' — -That the question of who is to cairv out Mayor Aitken's municipal perfection" scheme on his retirement is now agitating the bosoms of Wellingtonians — That a New Zealand Tommy" has the ill-manners to tell the world that Botha "gave them a licking " The rash \ outh has not yet been courtmartialled and shot — That a local singing man recently told a lady friend that he had a "splendid ear." When she told him that he did not sing with his eai he misundeistood her. --That a countn J P pleaded ignorant of the meaning of the word ' bloke," used bv a witness recently The tone of the Bench must have been raised during the last fortnight —That there is no foundation foi the rumoui that, the sovereign presented to a school picmq fund at Kun Bush bv the Governor is to be placed on the Estimates and refunded _ — -That some bare-faced boys, in the Eighth, who can mark time with great precision aie pr< nioted above men wro forgot how long ago, in South Africa Also, the bare-faced ones have friends. — That a couple of Foildmg bo\ s captured a burglar seventy-three inches long recently One covered him with an imaginary revolver, and another with a bicycle- lamp doing dut\ for a bullseve " — That sports promoters m Wellington are getting tired of conducting sports when a loss is the usual result of the day's outing. The public seem to prefer other n ays of spending their holidays. -That tho\ aie still laughing across the harbour at certain young men who got a sui prise packet 'on New Year's moimng Theyusheied in the new year by letting down some tents in Ron a Bay over their sleeping occupants, and got gleefully back to find their own tents were — likewise — That the Prince of Wales has set the, fashion of using the New Zealand preliminary "Kia Ora" befoie imbibing social lemonades. The English aristocrat, who does not say the mystic words fc now ''without the pale " — That, accoiding to cable, it in as hard to kill Roosevelt as it was to leai him. He still lingers after shakino80,000 people by the hand. The Yai£ kees are slow in inventing some kinds of laboui-saving machmeiv — Tli at Tauranga sent in six names foi the "Eighth." Auckland 'Herald" immediately wrote under big headlines, ''Military enthusiasm at Tauranga- The whole district in a ferment to go to the front 1 " And thus is histoij made — That the part\ of Muritai bachelors, whose shingle bears the inscription Abandon soap all ye who enter here," hare bv their motto, aroused their lady friends to a sense of neglected duty A subscription list is already numerously signed and the bachelors' unwashed days are drawing to a close. — That a local pressman who shall be nameless, was the butt of a joke at the luncheon at the theatrical cricket tnatch on Monday Of course, he was not the reporter "doing" the match, but he joined the part\ at luncheon. One of the comedy men to "Boss" Pollard ' Are you passing m a dead-head to get a cheap ad. ?" — the shot being meant foi the pressman afoie^aid It told and the laugh was general.