Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume II, Issue 75, 7 December 1901, Page 12

Entre Nous

TPIE domestic Ma.iv Jaaie likes cheap jewel ler\ but she does not like to be taken in. A complaint has reached us that she is not getting the worth of her mon^ from certain enteipnsing merchants who peddle then wares at kitchen doois One mist 1 ess was shown a watch which had been left with her particular domestic on appio " She had it valued, and advised the gn I not to purchase, Ab the price asked was about double the shop puce • ♦ * When the girl told the pei ambulating merchant, on his next call of her decision, and tendered him the rejected article of "bigotry and virtue '' he stoutly refused to receive it, saying the transaction had gone through the books." In the hrst instance the girl had lgnorantlv signed an acceptance However, she was firm, returned the watch to the peddlei, and insisted on getting her money back When she went 'to see about it." she found anothei damsel of the domestic pei suasion who was similarly lepenting of a granny chain, whose five-carat golden glitter had somewhat palled upon hei fickle fancy . A Lambton Qua\ episode A \oung lady left her husband's side to look ,n a window On leaving it. she took (as she thought) her husband's aim and continued her conversation You see," she said, you don't even look at anything I want jou to see you nevei care how lam diessed you no longer love me , why ou have not even kissed me for a week, and — " Madame T am sorr\ but that is mv misfortune not my fault," said the man, turning lound The lady looked at him, and gasped She had taken the arm of the wione, man ' * » * Last Sunday the pupils in a Sunda\ school in a well-known suburb of Wellington were naughty, and ill at ea<-e The teacher was tired but earned out her good work with determination Mid fortitude The bo\ s seemed to know nothing He tried them on all sorts of questions and at last said Sin eh some of you can tell me who earned off the gates of Gaa<i Speak up Wil liam " 'I ne\ei touched 'em " said the indignant William wiathfulh T never had anything to do with it T didn't even know they was took

The Post and Telegraph officials Day's Bay picnic was a remarkahh brilliant affair especially if we include the most exciting incident of the dai, An interesting display of horse — we mean donkeyslup — -was given in which the Postmaster-General (Sn Joseph Ward) and main leading officials contested the nght to be called the champion donke\ ndei of the Depaitment A good start was effected, and the held got ,u\a\ beautifully Some recalcitrant asses had a desne foi turning back ajid one well-known official of somewhat large proportions used the time-honour-ed cariot on the end of a stick to induce lus uedch " to make eseiN post a win ni> st • • • A^ the competitors nea red the home bend it waes evident that the Postmas-ter-General on the donke\ equivalent foi Canny C'hiel " meant to capture the blue-ribbon of the sands The pace of ail tho«-e donkeys which were going the light wa\ •« as terrific but blood -and oats — told in the end And amidst temhe enthusiasm the favourite won in a hobble Sn Josrph flushed with pleasure and cxci - tion gracefully slid off be% ond the winning post and the secietai\ m the name of the officials duh nuested the knight with the blue ribbon Long mm he remain light enough m weight to capture that ribbon annually and long ma\ lie be able to escape temporanh tiom the carking cares of office to the delights of donkey nde*. and Day's A new use for earthquakes lias been discovered People hopelessh crippled with rheumatics down Cheviot way aie now quite well thanks to the seismic disturbances and several patients are not grumbling a bit at having lost then propert\ for such a gain There is one man who was in hospital at the time of the big '-hake who was cuied of rheumatism down to about the centre of hi? legs The nurses sa\ he prays every night for a good, strong shock to cuie the remaining half of his legs, and as hope springs eternal '' and Cheviot is eternal l\ springing he may get the use of Ins lowei limbs When the shiveis hnalK subside C Lement Wragge ot Queensland, will be asked to takei the billet ot eaithquake-makei to the Kingdom ot Dick If there aie an\ gun lequned Clement will be asked not to uso conjugated non at, he did_ in his lam-making expeumeiitf- We ''ee l (|iute coimnced that it oui earthquake aiea was boomed m the Old Country ia qunenng sanatonum toi the cuie -it llieumatisni and allied tumbles uichauibbei houses built on it with concer tma chimne\s the rush ot lheumatic tounsts anxious to get quaked into health would be so gieat that Mi Donne and lus staff would ha\e to he enlaigedto meet the demand tot accommodation

The scent, is laid m Hill-&treet, and t/he principal actois in the comedo are Sn Joseph Waid a well-known public -.errant and Om George's talking parrot Sir Joseph comes down the load lesplendent m the glossiest of tall tileh the smartest of smart "frocks." and the Jate&t and most elaborately creased fore and aft stnoed. bifurcation.- The parrot surveying the world h'oni its favourite stand on the veiandah tails 1^ practising the art of polite letort hoai»e comment, and political i^eneraJities Sir Joseph looms in sight On the opposite side is the uublic ser\ant mteiested m Sir Joseph and George's Italian panot. • * * As the Minister of Railways passes the parrot Minejs liun approvingh Piett\ Jo<n prett\ Joe\ '" Sir Joseph is embarrassed but momentarily. He peicea\es the humoui of the situation hip behoves that panot and catching tin nt 1 ot that public seivant, he enjo^s the situation immensely Both Postmastei-Genoial and the departmental ofhrei were completed broken up and the parrot put his head quizzicalh on one side ajid lepoated with e\ en ftti oiigei cmphaHs than before Piet^ Jo-o-e-v ' Then the bird \ meed other ,-eutimenth and the incident was c losed ♦ • • A gentleman horn the w ikls of Waihokepoke i& not telling his bush fnend« what happened to him at the Wellington Club's spring meeting He w a knocking about the course looking \en disconsolate when his friend, Jack Rimu trom Axeton happened acro^-^ him Hello Bill "ow do \ou do vou'ie looking at> if you'd lost mother-in-law Woise'n that Jack I've lost .1 tenner " Well, you take it from me Canm Cluel will win the Handicap You plank a.ll \er boodle on him " Jack ti usted hi>- tiiond iu«-hed glddll^ towards the first 'bookie" he saw and thrust a fiver into his hand He siot in a good DOMtion on the lail, at the home bend. C'ann\ duel w .incoming »trong He wins'" Jack No he don't 1 He wans l " Yes 1 Xo ' B\ Jingo ! ' and Jack made tiacks toi that bookie The bookie- s demeanoui was calm and digni h<>d in tact he was on stilts. ''Where's me mone\ mistei - J " asked Jack You \r<\\c me a hvei and lushedaway without naming the hoise." explained the bookie Well '" replied Jack, "yon don't suppose I was going to tell yon the name of the hoss when I promised not to t^ll mo ho-t fiiend do you?" ■*■ » The httlo boy 111 the primer class w ah howling dreadfully Ho had lost his giandmamma and the te-aeher condoled with tbe pooi voungs-ter 'Don't ci-\ . Johnin ' saad the teacher, "your qriandnu is better oft now " Yes, Miss but —boo hoo She's going to be buried on a holiday and I've got to go to the rrneial

There u» a high old time in store for the six Southern members who are going up to Auckland in February, and who intend going over the proposed North Auckland railway route, and seeing for themselves if the line is worth having Premier Seddon essayed the same journey some years ago, and the trip was one that he will never forget. The driver of the< vehicle never missed a stump, and by the time that "Dick" had got half-way through that proposed extension he was fit for sticking plaster and something to take down the bruises. It was the driver's way of impressing lum Premier Seddon has not been up that wa,v since, and if the six Southern members set a «dmilar doing, there should be something to do for the chemists. * ♦ * Mounted troops down Stratford way take their horses to church, or as near to the sacred edifice as possible. A mounted church parade on a recent Sunda\ establishes a precedent for thp English and Colonial Army. Parson would not allow horses in the building, and so they were hitched up in a paddock adjoining the church. When the service was over the volunteers found the ow ner of the paddock had imprisoned the lot A council of war was called, and the pnem\ called on to surrender. Said enemy demanded pasturage fees, but as the men had spent their ''threeipenmes'' on the church collection, they could not release the horses The parade was formed on an infantry ' footing " and the men marched diseonsolateh homewards with the enemy grinnine over the fence In the afternoon the gentlemen in khaki wandered down to the pound and released about fifty lucks of all colours Moral Don't woik troop horses on Sundays • • * \ Wellington clerical gentleman, who lias been on aji extended tour, tells a \ain concerning the "Cloth." The event happened in London. A certain gentleman invited a large company to meet a number of nogio clergymen, who had arrived to lend interest to the annual meeting of a big missionary society When the time came for dinner none of the negro ''lions" appeared After waiting several minutes, the host questioned his butler as to the missing sruests mentioning that t.he\ were black clero-vmen. "Law, '•lr " said the butler, "T wish you had told me that before. Why, I've been turning away nigger minstrels this last half houi '" ♦ • • The prohibitionist had soared to giddy heights of eloquence, and the cvi seel der-rink was having a bad time. Hn was a recent convert himself, and knew all about it. "Oh, my poor misguided brothers " he bellowed, "when I think of the gallons of fiery liquid I s\\ allowed in the days of my wild youth it makes me — makes me- " Makes ver wish yer was young again," cried a rude boy from the back — and the meeting broke up in disorder

Reciprocity i,s the watchword ot the farmers of Taranaki, but it does not always pan out as intended Money is not always plentiful among farmers and one farmer w at> in the habit of exchanging butter for candle* at the little local store. He weighed those candles once or twice, when he got home, and found them to be short He went 1 ' bhe store, and told them that, he believed the shopkeeper gave him light weight. "Maybe \ou're right mavb' 1 wrong but I always use one of voui pounds of butter for a weight • • • A bookmaker, who laid odds toi mau\ a year, not long ago took to the asylum He had paid out too much on one or two occasions, and his friend-, certainly thought if he'd do that he wa^ a fit companion for lunatics Hibookie friends visited him last Thuisdai v eek, and found him well and fit H« sfill talks horse, and told ln« mates that with a bit of pencil and a book he couH make his fortune in a month For," ho said, 'there's such a, lot of bloomin' idiots in here tha,t they'd take any price T like to lav " The-\ left him the necessary tools with which to build his fortune. ♦ # ♦ The New town tram w a^s a.s usual surging over the macadamised billows homeward bound The car, as always was full, and the passengers numbered among them a well-fed Anglican cleric and an irreproachable Johnnie complete even to the monocle A lady of Irish aspect, with a kit which showed signs of a scrubbing brush and floorcloth, got in at Bill Jones-sti eet and stood in the aisle Tlie Jolmnie jumped up and politely offered his seat Indade no," said the woman. Whoi should the likens o' you give yei- se<at up to a poor old washerwoman?" Madame," said the Johnnie "it is voui proper place." He indicated the venerable clergyman with his small. Hoved hand ''Cleanliness* is next to godliness you know." Then the woman sat down and the Johnnie bowed giavelv to the other occupants of the tram * * • At a. countiv concert last week Mu>s Bullock sang that touching song Autumn " She got on all right until she had to negotiate that upper C . which occurs at the end of the hue Ten thousand leaves are fa] Ling." There is the usual modified applause w hen a linger breaks down. The local auctioneer however, took advantage of the pause by exclaiming, 'Start her at five thousand '" * * * A gentleman of uncombed aspect vtbterdav meandered into the B2 Hotel and asked for a a drink He did not offer to pay for it, and explained to tho grim Hebe that some lelatives in the Old Countn had died and left him £"5000 and that, as several more had kiiidh consented to .soon pa.ss out," hi^ lncome next month would be about £."50,000 a year In turning up the blue hie. Miss Schnapps found dishonourable mention made of the embn o man of wealth and a laige man in bluo collected him off the sidewalk at 11 11 p m He find'< that Ins tale like himself 'won't vv ash *' * ♦ * Told, with due solemiut\ , b\ a ceitajn man about town to a couple of friends iv the private bar of the Accidental Said man-about-town aveis he got homo to the delights of home, and wife and dmiKM on a lecent evening, onh to hnd that his soul's adored was nowheie to bo seen No duuipi graced the usually festno boaid, and the dimng-ioom was what he calls upsidown " He commenced a search foi the mining partnei of his life and mutton chop, but found her not. He explored the top stor\ Theio his wife had a mountain of cood c out on the floor Open boxes, scattered chests of drawers etc looked as it they had been m a Mnamar shamhght What's the niattei Liz s ' Matter'" Win I've lost nr\ 100 guinea diamond ring" 'Oh'" answered the tired and hungry one "I see I missed a hvei out of m\ pocket this morning and found tins instead " and he pioduced the ring Benedict keeps a cashbox in the liouso now * * •» Melbourne housemaids (beg pardon ]ad\ kitohen assistants) want to be hi ought under the Shops and Factones Act. They would like to thiovv down the duster and the broom at "> p m A legislative gentleman took up then ca.se and very soon the fire is going to bo Lighted at 830 a m and the kitchen vacant at "> A piopo.s thebaiinaids of this country did not like + h<> idea of legislation that would cuitail their evening pleasures at the bai , an 1 imammou.slv showed that they liked long hours <md the customcis. Wheit ton- it is suggested that if the lives of huh kitchen assistants can be brighten ed up bv httle evening 'at homes" a. the kitchens, with beei and flirtation the said assistants would gladly put up with the day and a-half work the^ an generally re<iuned to put in between sunrise and night.

Hard luck ' Douglas, trooper in New Zealand's 'First," served eighteen months with perfect health and no wounds A grateful country gave Douglas a billet on the railway. Truck tipped, man's leg smashed, one will remain permanently shorter than the other, three months on his back and the chance of a limp for life is the soldie r'<= little 1 recompense • * * An Australian paper to hand tells us tliat Mr John Hardy an insurance a-geiit was struck by a train whilst walking on the line He was not seri<wsh injured '' It has often been

noticed that, although m cavilised communities accidents are more numerous than in primitive societies, there are three classes of men exempt from danger — the lightning-rod man, the booked nvasser, and the insurance agent. Persons of these professions could stand ait the sea-level m Peru when a bOft. tidal wave was (sweeping the doomed coast or lunch on top of a fumal'olo up North, amidst a chaos of fire, steam and mud, without bedng mcon- \ enienced No thoughtful parent with a, grown-up son whom he wishes to become a centenarian should lose sight of tlip tliree absolutely safe callings hitherto d^scovered.