Entre Nous

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 49, 8 June 1901, Page 12

Entre Nous

FOR the ciecht ot the New Zearland bowlers, it is to be hoped that that press cable winch announced their secession fiom the Australasian team did not assign the true reason It bluntly says, "they prefer to act independently, considering their combination proportionately stronger than the others." Now, that explanation puts them in a veiy awkward position. It suggests a seliish and vain-glorious spirit on their part that w e do not believe they deserve. * * * One could understand the New Zealanders withdi awing from the Australasian team if they thought they were not "class enough" for the company, but that they should elect to go on then own simply because they believed themselves the superior article is hardly credible. It was largely of their own seeking that they found a place in the Australasian team, and it seems most probable that if there is now a split theie must be some stronger reason for it than that assigned. In any case, it is a pity, for we want to encourage the friendliest and most brotherly relations with our fellow -colonists on the Continent. ♦ * • Well done, John Dingle ' The cable man says that he has won the fixed jack competition at the Crystal Palace Bowling Tournament, London, a Victorian player named Nathan being third. There wee 135 competitors in all, so that this was no mean achievement. Mr. Dingle is well-known throughout the North Island as a bowling enthusiast, and one of the ablest practitioners of the gentle game. For many years he was one of the leading players of the New Plymouth Club, and at the North Wand Tournament, held at Auckland in 189G, he was associated with Mr. Gray, the well-known New Plymouth dentist, in winning the Champion Pairs. Some

couple of years afterwards Mr. Dingle went to leside at Auckland, and since then lie has been one of the foremost members of the Auckland Club. Mr Dingle amazed a compel oner out of land in Taranaki, and he now takes his ie!a\afiuii in chasing the "kitty " * * It. Nab uulj tlit. mistake of a telephone gill, bin it accountb for a story that is swiltly going the rounds of Wellington society. Kou see, he is a well-known bachelor, who is accustomed to travel in the inteiest*> ot his hrin. One night lately he was due tor departure on the inonow, and just as he piepaied to take a hand at ' solo" at his club he suddenty lemembered that he would not be able to call up, and say "good-bye" to, a i«uounte niece ot ten summers, more or less, who is known in the family circle as Love>." Mow, that is just wheie all the trouble came in. He dashed to the telephone, and gave the number with which he wished to be put m communication. The Exchange lady made a mistake, and put the impatient gentleman on to a somewhat similar sounding, but utterly incorrect number, with the result that the wife of a popular medico answered the call, and, to her astonishment, was greeted with, 'Is that you, Lovey?" Her reply is said to have been quite terrible in its indignant force, and could be heard all over the room where the receiver was situated. He has been endeavouring to explain ever since. • ♦ • An observant correspondent wants to know "When will the police see fit to stick tho letters 'E.R. on the 'Black Maria' in lieu of the hieroglyphic y.E,.'?" He adds "The alteration will afford the occasional drunk a better opportunity of knowing where 'E.R. " * * ♦ It is an Auckland trooper who tells the story in a letter from the front. There is an air of simple truth about it which makes it welcome in these days of mingled fact and fiction : — "After two days we got within a day's march of Ventersdorp, and the column prepaied to camp near the farm of Commandant Duplessis. Tho men were starting to collect firewood, when an artful young lady poked a broomhandle out of a window and upset two beehives. Then there was mounting in hot haste, but the maddened steeds bolted, and left the lamenting squadrons. I saw Colonel Kekewich, who now has charge of the column, galloping off like the famous John Gilpin."

The people who prey upon their neighbours' misfortunes at a time of conflagration, such as that at Hawker-street, must be utterly devoid of all bowels of compassion. And quite a band of these unspeakable ghouls seems to have been at work. On the night following the fire they descended upon the smoking ruins, with lanterns and sacks, and, until after ten o'clock, were poking about among the debris for whatever was worth carrying away. They stole the roots of choice bulbs and other plants from Mr. Devine's garden. They carried off articles of silver-ware that they unearthed from the ruins, and their depredations were carried out in such a thoroughly wholesale manner that not a single piece of brass was to be found next day. These contemptible night marauders actually unfastened and carried off a boiler that was attached to one of the fire-places. It is a thousand pities that some of the harpies were not caught red-handed in their cnil work, so that they might be made an example of. * * * "Oh, give me one lock of your beautiful hair," The bashful young lover took courage and sighed. "'Twere a sin to refuse so modest a prayer, So take the whole wig," the 6weet creature replied. * * * The subject of fires, which has been the chief topic of conversation lately, recalls a strange story that found currency (though not in print) a year or so ago. A stranger, who put up at a hotel in a certain town one night was burned to death, and, when questioned on the subject afterwards, the landlord said he did not know the man's name, but he had heard it was so and so, and that he had come from such and such a place. This name was mentioned at the inquest, and was, naturally, telegraphed round the colony, and found its way into the Australian papers. How that particular name came to be circulated could never be ascertained by the police, although they made most strenuous efforts to trace the person who professed to know him. * ♦ • The reason of their anxiety became quietly known later. A person of the same name was notified in the "Police Gazette" as having absconded with a goodly amount from a bank on the "other side." He was traced to New Zealand, but there the trail was lost. The police even now believe that the very man they were looking for was in the town on the night of the fire, and that, on hearing that nobody knew the dead stranger, planted his own name on to him, and told the excited landlord and others of the crowd. Then he got away with his loot, and has certainly never been captured yet. His object in bequeathing his name to the corpse was, of course, to lead the authorities and people on the "other side" to think that he himself was dead.

They invent some queer little tricks in country districts. There was a wedding up the line the other day, and a joker, who was engaged on an unfinished building, hung out a plank, affixed a potato sack to it, hung two empty bottles on either side, and placed a couple more "dead marines" upsidedown on top as an indication that the town was very dry just then. When the wedding party passed, the bride smiled to such an extent that one of the bottles fell, and nearly cracked a townsman's skull. When a woman's smile ia capable of doing that, it must be pretty strong. * * » They were discussing the much-vexed meat question at an. important meeting in the Wairarapa last week, when Mr. Buchanan delivered a forcible address from his view point, and was followed by Member Hornsby, who was firing off some strong arguments, when he stated emphatically, "Why, some people would believe that the moon is even now shining in the sky if you told them so." "Well, so it is," smartly retorted the chairman, and the audience roared. It was late in the afternoon, and, sure enough, a half-moon happened to be mooning round up above in preparation for its usual nightly duties. ''It all comes through this overcrowding of the cars, and this shortsighted tram policy !" exclaimed the tall man angrily. This quotation belongs to the latest tram story. She was a stylishly - dressed, goodlooking girl, from a shop on the Quay. When she got in the tramcar there was lots of room for herself and the large flat box which she was taking home. She was soon interested in a paper-covered novel ; but the car began to fill, and, presently, the box had to come off the seat. It leaned against her for a while, but, as she became absorbed in the Jj;ook, the box slid all unheeded to the floor. When the tall man came in the car was full to the standing-room-only degree, and, just as he got inside the door, and was reaching out for a strap to hang on bv, the car swung round a corner, the tall man lurched forward, and — put his foot in it ! He found it much easier to get his foot into the girl's box than to get it out again, hence his anger, the above . remark, the confusion of the girl, and the giggles of the passengers. That sweet little ode "Will You Remember Me?" which the Lance published three weeks ago, as an appeal from the Society fellows in the back seats, has been reproduced in the Levin "Farmer." It was sent in by a correspondent signing himself "SmiJer, who adds the following stanza, the result, he says, of "hard graft and sitting up all night" : — And Johnny Davies don't forget — Our Chairman H.C.C.— He wants another title yet ; Make him a X.C B. His colours now are Royal blue, He praises up Dick Seddon , A shiny tile is all he wants, And then he'll be in heaven.

There was a lavish display of waxed moustachios at last Wednesday's sitting of the Conciliation Board. That was because the Board was hearing the caso brought before it by the union of hairdressers' assistants. The show of heads would make a good advertisement for pomades and hair restorers, for nearly every head-piece was ornamented with plenteous curly locks. One could not help remarking the contrast afforded by the members of the Board, all the five members of which have hirsute (or "hairshoot," as one wit put it) appendages, and all were badly in need of a hair-cutting at the time of hearing. Mr. D. P. Fisher and the "Times" representative were the only men present whose egg shell-like top-pieces needed applications of hair restorer. » * * The Lance cannot help thinking that a lot of needless fuss and unnecessary bother is being made in the matter ot the protection of the person of the Duke during his visit to the colony. Describing the recent tour of President McKinley through the States of America, which tour was extended into the borders of troublous old Mexico and lawless Arizona, we are told by the Press Association that the President met the people "with true democratic simplicity, and had no Protection anywhere, save what was afforded by the presence of Mr. Foster." * * * Now in the case of Prince George's visit to New Zealand, not only has our guest a personal statt of glalant warriors, each of whom considers it an honour, as well as a duty, to be at all times in the Royal presence, but special guards from warships and volunteer corps will be constantly in attendance. Besides this, a special squad of picked policemen will be there or thereabouts all the time, detectives will be sitting on the Government House doorstep and the circumjacent fences, and, above and around all these, fifty special constables are to be sworn in in each centre. Talk about hedging a divinity! * * * Christchurch Rugby Union has been discussing the unnecessary football adjective as used m the field. It seems the "barrackers" were enjoying themselves immensely, and large, lagged oaths were frequent. At the meeting to consider the ways and means of stopping the nuisance, the secretary was plaintively defending himself. "I asked the police to go round and stop them, but they were swearing harder than any of the players!" Most of the police have played the game.

No end of funny stories have been bi ought back by the people who went across from Wellington to join in the Commonwealth festivities at Melbourne. There is one, for instance, about a newly-nianied couple from New Zealand (perhaps you know them) who arrived in Melbourne on their honeymoon trip while the Duke was there. They had a weary hunt for accommodation, and at last were glad to put up with a mattress., which was spread for them by a compassionate hotelkeeper in one of his baths. In the middle of the night the house was alarmed by loud shrieks proceeding from the nuptial chamber. What was the matter? Well, only this The young bride, wishing to ring for a maid, had caught hold of what she supposed to be the bell-rope, and pulled it smartly. Unhappily for her and her spouse, it was the cord of the shower-bath above their heads, and — well, it was a case of the deluge over again. * * * YOTj'\ b GOT IT. If }ou'ie bOie Vnd you quake, To the core, \nd theie's des>ne \\ ith aching bones, r or a file, And hubkj tones And something hot When \on '-peak, Right on the spot And >ou'ie weak To quickl\ annk, In the knees., And \ou think And j on sneeze, Bight there and then And often cough You'll ne'ei be warm again, Youi head near off, Then you\e caught it And you note You ha\e caught it, That your throat You ha\ c got itFeels quite raw , It's the grip And j out jaw Feels as if It's in the an, You'd got a biff, It's even wbeic , And dull pains The nnciobe of the gup Vex \oui biains, Is on another tup, Then > ou'i c caught it, And up and dow n. You ha\e got it — Through all the town, It's the grip B\ night and day It becks its pie> If \ou feel And it's the fad The heat bteal If \ ou aie sad, O'ei jourfiame Oi e\en mad, Like a flame, Oi if you sneeze, Till you burn Or cough 01 wheeze, And you yearn Oi feel too warm, For junks of ice Or chilbS alarm, At any price, To wear a look of gum Then like a flash dismay The shivers dash And hoarselj saj Fiom head to feet, " I've caught it, A chill complete, I've got it — And } ou shake, It's the grip " A most unexpected occurrence is said to have taken place at a little outing the other day. A young man, well known m town, met his revered pater, whom he had not seen for six years, and it was a case of "coats off" as soon as each recognised the other. Whatever the old trouble was, certain it is that the old man gave his offspring a trouncing. Friends, of course, intervened, and, in the end, they succeeded in effecting a reconciliation.

Visitors to the warship Brooklyn have been struck by the number of roller-top desks and typewriters in the officers' quarters, and by the dazzling show of .silver-ware in the wardroom. Evident- - ]y Uncle Sam lays himself out to make life on the rolling wave as attractive as possible for his navy boys. Curious, too, that application of the good old term "yeoman" to a rank which is quite unknown in the British navy. The "yeomen" on an American warship are youths whose work is chiefly clerical, although in action they have to bustle around and take a hand in sterner business like everyone else. Mr. Arthur W. Babcock, a young man not yet out of his teens, is the chief yeoman on the Brooklyn — and he is the only one of the ship's company who served, through the recent Spanish-American war. The Australian girls used to declare that Arthur was "a nice, boy," for no ensign or "loo'tenant" knew the run of the ship or its interesting history better than he. It is good to hear his story of "how we fought the Spaniards for fifty miles along the Cuban coast from Santiago." He can point out the very spot where his chum and predecessor in the post of chief yeoman had his head "taken clean off" by a shell from the Cristobal Colon as the youth was peeping round the shield to take an observation for Captain Cook, who was near at hand in the conning tower. * * * They are saying over on the "other side" that for cool impudence the recent action of a well-known morning paper proprietor in one of the Australian capitals entitles him to the all-comers' cake. It seems that one of his staff secured an appointment to the local Hansard staff. Although he professes to be the friend of the people, and his organ poses as the champion of the toilers, he politely wrote to the powers that be, asking them to reduce the salaries paid on "Hansard," because they were drawing men away from bis office! That is one way of keeping screws down. * * ♦ Dear Lance. — I can assure you, on excellent authority, that if any dissatisfaction exists in volunteer circles over the manner in which the January camp accounts were dealt with it must be confined to a few malcontents, who are clover in disguising their feelings. The allowances due to the several corps were not "illegally" paid over to the battalion staff. As a matter of fact, the battalion applied for leave to go into camp, and the Government granted the application, and paid the battalion for its services in camp. As for applications

for a statement of receipts and expenditure being treated with contempt, only one application has been made, and the statement was furnished within five minutes. The whole thing is quite regular, and there is no ground for any dissatisfaction. — Yours, etc., One Who Knows. Through Miramar they rode. Soft breezes fanned them • He fairly ached to kiss her — on that tandem — But dared not run the risk of a rebuff ; His courage was not geared up high enough.