ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE

Free Lance, Volume I, Issue 11, 15 September 1900, Page 3

ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE

THE father of Mr F. Y. Lethbridge, M.H.E., was on a visit to Masterton the other day. He is over eighty years of age, and has been more than sixty years in the colony. In the early days he carried on an extensive butchering business on the West Coast, and supplied provisions to the Imperial troops. It 1 was he who, at the risk of his life, captured the first Maori flag ever taken in the colony. A portion of this flag is now in the Wanganui Museum. Mr Lethbridge is still hale and hearty, and is possessed of a keen and unimpaired intellect. • • • Announced that Mr B. Martin has been promoted, from Napier Telegraph Office to fill the position of Assistant Officer in Charge at Auckland. It is a striking commentary upon the unsatisfactory system of promotion that prevails in the telegraph service that the same Mr B. Martin was, twenty -three years ago, Assistant Officer in Charge at Auckland — the position he now goes to fill. And he is a first-class electrician and a smart officer, too. • * * Telegraphed that Donald Macdonald, the war correspondent, has arrived in Auckland and been welcomed by the pressmen of that city. Lecturing on the war seems to pay handsomely, it being stated that Macdonald has already made between £5000 and £6000 in Australia, and hopes to bring Ins little pile up to £10,000 in New Zealand. • • * The estate of the late Hon. Thomas Dick of Dunedin totted up to the respectable little amount of £10,000. Honest " Tarn Duck " as the Dunedin Scots used to call him, was always very canny in money matters, and the only wonder is that he didn't leave more than he has done. As Colonial Secretary he was not a brilliant success, but he was an honest, steady-going politician of a stamp that is rapidly becoming extinct in these days of pretentious self advertisement and fireworks policy. • • • Colonel Morris, who does the " war expert " paragraphs for Dunedin Star, was a bit off the mark the other day when he wrote that " Lord Eoberts is certain that all real opposition is at an end, General Botha is but a fugitive, the spirit of his men is broken, their ammunition has come to an end, and all that remains for them is to surrender or cross the border into Portuguese territory, etc." As a matter of fact, the very evening that the above opinion was made public the news was published that Botha with 4000 men and ten heavy guns occupied an almost impregnable position, and that Buller's force, if you read between the lines a bit, had had a narrow escape of being decemated. All the same, the cablegram man is such an arrant liar, or muddler, or both, that before the ink is dry in this paragraph, Botha may be up a tree and the Colonel's tip justified. Tipping either the one way or the other on the war cables is about as difficult a business as picking the winner in a big hack handicap at the Hutt.

Kitchener may have what Dickens' famous Mr Mantalini called " a damned unpleasant manner," but there's no mistaking his powers of sarcasm. The yarn goes that he was highly suspicious of the efficiency of the very high-toned young swells who went to the front as the Imperial Yeomanry. One day, as he was sitting outside his tent in the middle of the Headquarters staff writing at a small camp table, a horseman galloped by, nearly upsetting the Chief and scattering the staff in all directions. " Hi," shouted Kitchener to his aide-de-camp, " if that isn't a duke or one of the Imperial Yeomanry, tell him to stop. The sarcasm, oddly enough, was taken literally, and as he actually happened to be one of the Imperial Yeomanry he escaped the welldeserved reprimand. * • * Another Kitchener yafn, for which a returned first contingenter is responsible, pays a high compliment to New Zealand men —and New Zealand shebp. Riding up to the New Zealanders' camp at Bloemfontein, tne Chief made a sort of a formal inspection of the colonials. Before he rode away he turned to a fellow officer and said : " Those fellows are as good as you wish to see ; they're as good as the mutton that comes from their country, and how good that is, only those like myself who used it so regularly on the Soudan, can vouch for." We believe, aa a matter of fact, that it was Wellington preserved mutton that was used during the Soudan campaign. * » » What is fame, after all ? Ac a Wairarapa hotel dinner-table the other day a man remarked, *' I see Roberts had to retire " ; whereupon a person .sitting vis-a-vis exclaimed, " What ! you mean Buller, not Roberts?" "No, I don't," remarked the first speaker, " I mean Roberts. They argued for a quarter of an hour, and then the first speaker grasped the situation, and explained that he meant that " Cocky " Roberts had to retire in the Auckland — Wellington football match owing to injuries on the previous Saturday !" J * * * Trooper Whelan is the authority for saving that Kruger ordered two days' prayer and humiliation during which no one had to leave their homes. While the people were so occupied he went through the treasury and removed all the gold and took it himself. No flies on Kruger if this is true. mm* Trooper Claude Jewell seems to be one of the few humourists in the First Contingent. "We are still suffering from swelled head," he says, " and when you see a New Zealander shuddering you can depend upon it, no matter how cold it is, he is merely contemplating what would have been the awful fate of the army but for 'me and the Contingent.' " Next ! * * * Lance Lenton, who died on the other side lately, was a man of considerable talent whose lines, like those of many another theatrical pro. were not always cast in very pleasant places. He experienced a good many ups and downs, but had a sanguine temperament, and generally managed to battle his way through his troubles all right. A very clever versifier and comic dialogue writer, the productions from his pen were in constant requisition latterly by variety artists in search of new " business." Lenton, who looked remarkably young for his age, was father of " Dainty Olive Lenton," who has been appearing in Dixs Company afc the Exchange Hall here, and by the way it was during her engagement here that the young lady received news of her father's death.

Members of the Government and members of both Houses have been invite I to take part in the grand official functions and festivities with which the Australian Commonwealth is to be ushered into existence next January. The invitation doesn't say, however, anything about travelling exes. Here is a chance for Mr Seddon to make himself sweet with members bypassing a short measure to provide the needful. " Money is no object now-a-days," as Mr Seddon declared on a famous occasion, and for cheap trips at the expense of the country this Parliament is as keen as mustard. # # • At a certain school not a hundred miles from Eketahuna there is a schoolmastor who is so enthusiastic over politics that he began to give lessons in them to his class. Not that he dealt in "party" politics, or troubled himself as to the right or the wrong colour. He merely wanted to knock some useful general ideas as to different forms of, government into his pupils. A most laudable design it was, but it failed. At the close of one lecture the pedagogue duly asked a pupil, 44 Now, Johnnie, which would you rather have, a Republic or the present form of government?" Johnnie promptly signified his disapproval of republics. " But why," continued the teacher, 4< why do you prefer the present form of government ? " " Because," said the wily youth, " we shouldn't get a holiday on the Queen's Birthday if it was a "public." Not a bad argument either from a boy's point of view. • • * ' G. W. Busden, the historian, is in Melbourne again on a visit from the Old Country. His notorious ' 4 History of New Zealand " got him into terrible trouble, for John Bryce, the man he libelled, is a dour and determined old fellow. The real offender, however, is generally supposed to have been Sir Arthur Gordon, now Lord (to come), who swallowed the cock and bull stories of an ecclesiastic once well known in Wellington, and stuffed Busden with them up to the chin. The particular bee in Busden's bonnet had previously been the illtreatment of the Australian blacks by white men, and when he thought he had sniffed out some similar yarns as to the Maoris, he went in lemons and laid the foundations of the most memorable libel action ever recorded in New Zealand history. All the same, the " History of New Zealand " is a wonderfully useful compilation. No other history gives one the same details as to the earlier years of the colony. If the reader could only be sure as to the accuracy, it would be all right, buh, after the Bryce-Rusden case, wlio can ? t, • # Lord Salisbury is not given as a rule to malaug bans mot. His hobby is chemislry, and outside that and politics doesn't trouble himself much about anything. But he was induced the other d.iy to go to a banquet given by the Bnti4i Empire League, where Maxim, the famous inventor was present. The gun man was the centre of a group of distinguished men, who were all complimenting him, when the British Premier walked up. " Well, gentlemen," he said, " do you know, I consfder Mr Maxim is one of the greatest benefactors the world has known." " And haow ? " said Maxim, with his irrepressible American accent. " Well," said Salisbury, " I should say that you have prevented more men from dying of old age than any other man that ever lived." Britons ought to be grateful to Maxim, but what do they think about Vickers, who improved on Maxim's gun and invented the " Pompom," and, what is worse, supplied so many 4 ' Pom-poms " to the Boers ?

Our erstwhile visitor Ben THlett must have changed his views on the question of arbitration since he left New Zealand. When he was here he used' to say that the English unionists preferred freedom tostrike to compulsory arbitration, and he shared their opinions, scoffing not a little, in private, at W. P. Reeves' now famous act. From the fact that at the Huddersfield Congress last week he advocated compulsory arbitration, it would appear that he has come round to a belief in theNew Zealand Act. # # • An individual who had apparently 'been, looking on the rum when it was red, called on a well-known benevolent old. party in Wellington the other day and proffered a request for the loan of a. modest half-crown. After consideration the old gentleman complied on condition that the man would go right along with him and sign the pledge. This was done,, and then the rum-loving individual weni , away and got most excessively druak on his newly-acquired treasure. Such is., life. • * • A local undertaker was the victim of a, rather mean trick one day last week^v He < received a telephone message to proqeedi to a certain house to measure. the. corpse - of a young man for a coffin,, and, \y?is considerably surprised to discover on arrival that the supposed corpse was very much alive. The remarks made as result of the interview were of a particularly warm character, and had the address of fthe person who telephoned ,been known, someone would have been dead all right. * • * The story was bound to leak o.ut sooner or later. An official in one of our local institutions resigned recently, with the intention of establishing .himself in business in Sydney. His friends of the cuff and collar class treated him to a sumptuous champagne supper, where he was pre- • sented with a gold watch, the chairman (in a eulogistic speech) alluding to the many good qualities of the recipient, and all the rest of it. It now transpires that when he crossed the Tasman Sea the object of so much flattery induced an. attractive young lady of many charms toelope with him. She was the daughter of the chairman of that little social function. « • • Mr William Ferguson, of the Harbour Board, is due back in Wellington early next month. He is bound to have picked, up a good many useful hints on his travels* and we are particularly anxious to see what he will have to say on the big dock question. Also, he will have some useful information for the ratepayers on street paving, the best system of tram haulage, and so forth. In Mr Ferguson the Harbour Board has a perfect treasure of an officer, and, what's more, knows it, and gives him a very free hand. We should like to see Mr Fergusons face when he finds that a useful' man like the late Chairman, Mr John Hutcheson, has been shoved off the Board by the Government, to make room for a staunch Government supporter. # m # It happened the other day. A party of Wellington citizens had engaged a cab to drive them to the Anglican Church at Petone. Cabby pulled up at one of the entrances to the' Gear Company's works. One of the party who did not look much like a church-goer accosted a resident : " What place is this ?" " Gear's works," was the reply. " Here, cabby," said the citizen, " you said you knew where the church was ? This is a freezing works.'* " Don't blame the driver," was the reply of the resident " Anyhow, you look as if you would experience a Froat if you went to church." The turning of the vehicle also turned the narrative.

Lady Douglas's girl Amazons have "become world-famous. They banded themselves together to help the Patriotic Fund (and to be photographed, with little Davis thrown in), and haven't been heard of since, much less seen. But the etory of their doings has travelled, and has grown in the process, till an American paper tells its readers Beriously of the novel regiment that Wellington women have formen for the defence of the place. ""The regiment," says this veracious chronicler, "is drilled according to the military schedule, and their mancevres have attracted considerable attention in the whole of the colony." Truly one goes abroad for news of home. • • • War Correspondent Campbell, of the Lyttelton Times, lately back from the iront, confirms what other people have said about Winston Churchill — that he shows a self-sufficiency in his personal bearing that no one would suspect from reading his excellent war books. Report has it that it was this inclination to snobbishness that made things too unpleasant for him to remain in his Lancer regiment. Campbell once heard him say that he was known at present as the son of Lord Randolph, but that by and by it would rather be Lord Randolph, who was tnown as the father of Winston. Churchill 1 Winston has now left South Africa. He got back to England in time for his mother's re-marriage to a man of his own age, and now talks of having another shot at politics in the constituency that has once rejected him. Sfi V V Paul Kruger was driving through Pretoria eyeing his prisoners. Evidently his coachman had taken a drop too much, for he fell from the seat of the box. The horses, being very high-spirited, on feeling a loose bit, galloped off at a mad canter down the road. This had been witnessed by a " private Tommy," from further up the road, but the norses had by this time got off at a teriffic pace. "Atkins," wishing to show what British pluck could do, rushed into the road, and, as the horses came along, he seized the " leader" by the bit, and so brought the driveless horses and brougham to a standstill. Out jumped Oom Paul, and, seeing who had done this noble act, he insisted on Tommy Atkins accompanying him to his own large mansion. On arrival he ushered " Tommy " into his private office, and, taking from his pocket a small bunch of keys, he opened the safe doors. " Dost thou see those ?" said Paul, pointing to a heap of gold coins. " Yes," chimed Tommy. " Well, take as many as thou canst in two hands." " Tommy " did as requested, and placed the contents into his trousers' pockets. He was just about to bid Paul good-bye, when he woke up, only to find Mulligan's cold feet in the middle of his back. His dream was over.

It is said that a large drug firm shipped an iimuen.se quantity of patent medicines to Sydney the other day, obtaining a refund of the 40 per cent, duty on them, and that it is more than like y the same niedicin jh will come in again and pay the 15 per cent, tarift. Probably this was not contemplated when the duty was lowered. It seems that holders of unbroken packages of patent medicines are entitled to this refund if they choose to ship the goods away to Borne other port. • • • The Asylum patients were out for an airing in Constablestreet one Sunday morning, recently, and were marching two abreast on the footpath, when a well-known man of commissions was on his way to church, wearing a large benevolent smile, and with his hymnal stuck under his arm. He should have taken the road, but he essayed to pass the patients on the inner side of the path. He passed four patients all right, but the fifth— the dundy fifth— without warning, let out from the shoulder and struck the trespasser fairly on the cheek. He only remembers vacantly gazing after the procession, but it was the first feel of a thunderbolt he ever wants — it fairly electrified him. He talks of airing his grievance in the Press. v * # The Christian service for the burial of the dead was read over the remains of a Chinaman, for the first time in the history of the colony, the other week at Karori, by Daniel Lamb, the local Chinese missionary. There was some altercation at the graveside between the deceased's friends as to which custom should be honoured, and the paper throwing and cracker business was in this particular case done away with. The churches reckon there is hope for John yet. * # * The Governor General of Australia, Lord Hopetoun, has been selected for the billet mainly on account of his large private income. Hopetoun rejoices in a rent-roll of between .£6OOO and £7000 a year, so he will well afford to shout chickens and champagne, to say nothing of truffles and rare old Burgundy for his guests.

Mr Wilford, in his address to the jury in the charwoman case of Hicks v. Byrne, said that if the jury found against the defendant what was the inference? — That he committed this dastardly assault, although he had practically been twice acquitted of the charge — by the Magistrate and by a jury. And straightway the jury found against the defendant to the tune of JBISO. Ahem 1

The members of a Wairarapa church debating society wrestled resolutely the other night with the problem, "Is it wrong to cheat a lawyer ? " Opinions were very divided, some of the members arguing that a lawyer was different to other people, and could look after himself. Finally the meeting decided it wasn't wrong to cheat a lawyer, but it was impossible.

Mr C. W. Earle, one of the most capable journalists in the Press Gallery, and a member of the Evening Post staff, was entertained by members of the Gallery on Tuesday evening, prior to his departure for Christchurch. Mr Albert Cohen, in congratulating Mr Earle upon his appointment to a responsible position on the Press literary staff, gave graceful expression to the regret felt by his friends at his approaching departure, and asked him to accept a useful set of works of reference in remembrance of their association together in political work. Mr Earle suitably replied, and speeches were made by other gentlemen. Mr Fred Earle, a most capable iournalist, too, leaves the Post staff to take a position on Christchurch Truth. Mr Beeves, of the Times, succeeds Mr C. Earle as vicechairman of the Gallery. • * * Sir Saul Samuel, the ex-N.S.W. AgentGeneral, who died the other day in London married, as his second wife, a daughter of a well-known Aucklander, Mr Edward Isaacs. The lady survives him, and is said to contemplate returning to New Zealand. The daily papers have recorded the fact that the wife of a Banks Peninsula resident has presented him with his twenty-eighth child. Surely this is the record for New Zealand 1 Up to the present the McKenzie family, up Rangitikei way, was credited with being the largest in the colony. There are twentytwo of them, veritably a " quiver-full " and no mistake ; but the Canterbury man — and his wife — certainly take the cake. The mother is a heroine, but the father is none the less a hero. Fancy twentyeight times going through petty miseries of having to warm up the food, and fill the feeding bottle, and rush out in the middle of the night " to fetch the doctot ;" twenty-eight times to suffer the congratulations and consolations of friends ; twenty-eight times to undergo the infliction of the parson's banalities when the child has to be christened ; twenty-eight times croup and whooping cough to be wrestled with. Yes, the lady is a wonder, but so is the father, and that in more ways than we can detail in a family newspaper.

Though the late Sir Saul Samuel, recently Agent-General for New South Wales, was quite eighty years of age, he was as great a ladies' man and dandy a» at twenty. Only last year, Sir Saul had a bitter feud in progress with the London correspondent of one of the Sydney papers, because the correspondent, in a letter to his journal, spoke mirthfully of the figure cut by the dapper little AgentGeneral in presenting a bouquet to the lady of one of the returning Governors. And, for a time, there seemed a prospect that the quarrel would either end in pistol* and bloodshed or become a State matter. • • • An accident which occurred at the Waitotara Public School on the 13th ult., in which a little Maori girl, Annie Tewera, lost her life, needs further enquiry. The poor little mite, only seven, was warming herself at the fire in the infant schoolroom, when her dress took fire. Are there no fire screens in that school? Is it customary not to have screens, especially in the infant rooms ? These questions demand answers If, as appears likely, there are open fireplaces in some schools, it is a matter of flagrant carelessness. • # # When is the Government going to definitely declare its intentions as to providing for the poor fellows who have come home from the war, and who are unable, for a time, to earn a living. The inaction of the Government in this matter is really incomprehensible. • • • Our local mashers should note' the fact that H.E.H. the Prince of, W. ales has solemnly made an attempt to .popularise a new garment, the single-breasted frock coat. It is to be all the rage in London, and if colonials only wore frocks, which they don't very often, the fashion will ■pread to Maoriland. H.R.H. ought to be given a national testimonial by the tailors., for now that he has decreed that the single-breasted frock is to be the thing, all the old double-breasted coats will be discarded. If George Hutchison had remained in the colony, he would have followed " the Prince's " lead for a certainty, but with the exodus of the hero of the ill-fated Bun Tuck episode, frock coats on the Quay have become a| rare as the moa.