NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

North Otago Times, Volume XXV, Issue 979, 3 June 1902, Page 1

NO PLACE LIKE HOME.

OF ONE MIND, Mrs, Brady wine: I tbink ii'a jasb perfectly awful tlii) vray that MinnioTattleton talki about ncople, Mrs. Brown-Stone: Isn't it ? If there's laything I ilo despise, its gossip. Mrs. Bradywino: So do I. They arc always saying something awful about one. For instance Dolly Vcn Qabbjr, who pretends to bo such n , good friend of yours, told a frightfid stqty „ t ' Mrs, Gusberly's tea about a flirtation you curried on at Brighton with a Russian Count, Mis. Browu-Stose (blushing guiltily) • U'j i_ not truo. I oau provo it, Mr», Bradywine (aweotly) : Au d that's not nil. She and the Count jilted you. Mw.Brown.Btone (in a frenzy); U 0 didn't. Why, I kugtied i„ hi, fnco— tr—l—H at is Thaw gOJjips stop at m ,ttii ng , vVould you believe it, Jennie Gusherly told me that you Lid 0 pawn your Jmmonds to get „ dress to attend tfleohanly lull in. Mr#. Hradywiuo (imlipaniW) ; Why bow Could «ho sny that? That'll as bail as Ularcpoit 1 to,d of your borrowing 0 goou flora your maid lo attend a reception i„. Mis. Jlrowc-Stono (Irnriquilly) ; I) 0 vm , J kaaw, lam conliimslly hearing the most tboekll,i "K" 3lj u»t' TO ? Mrs. (Jibbygab mid you were the Boist (.owip in tlie wmld. ami w|,j| • Ha# worse, manufactured tho scandal you psttdled Htouud. } Mrs. liradywinn: How two-faced she is! She iolu mo tliat you devoted your entire tiuio to ]wkiug your long nose into other people's slfairs, and thru making nasty reiunrks about them. Mrs, Biowu-Stono: Yes! She told me that you raid I wis a servant in Mr, Brown-Stone's lumso before I inMiri=d him, Jin Lmdywioe: Aud she told ran that you snirt I wcro falra teeth, Mrs. Brown-Stone (reassuringly); Of couree 1 knevi you wouldn t mako such a low, meau—" Mrs, Hradywiuo (warmly): And of course I knew you wouldu't bo guilty of such an absurd, nabty, uulruo remark when you have jo little ] reasou tu talk ! Mm. Brown-Stono (hotly): So little reason to UHir 1 Why, everyone knows you supplied , Ike town with scandal ail through the dull so;SOU. Mrs. Bradywiuo (frantically) i Do you mean | to iuiimulc—? | Mrs. Brown-Stone (furiously); Do you me»r to intimate——? , .Mrs. Bradywine (liorcely): Gossip ! j Mrs, Brown-Stone (innaoo with rago) i Scaudalmouger ! !! ! Both (in a North Pole atmosphere); Goof msiniug !! 3 >s♦ i Mrs. hdlhaud: is the sick manyouaatup ) with last night impiorm;;, John ? t Mr. I'ullbnnd : No, lie's just as bad as over, , Do you wish any eitra pocket-money thii rnoruiiij,', dear ? ' | Mrs. IJriggson : Harold, mother called in at I your oflice yesterday, aad seeing some cough lozenges un your desk took several. To-day | she is suff,-ring dreadfully, and she thinks you meant to poison her. Mr. Briggsoo (lbs architect) i Cough : lozenges! (in at Scott! That was a bos of samples ol our liltlc mosaic tiling) for hotel and [ ] ollice lloors, i ,V Leeds widow dressed in deep mourning 5 . nfki thu death ol her huslmid. I An t'lil Iriend of the lamily, ;i minister, meet- ; iiij! the wiihiiv, said luleinijly, "You have no (i I idea how I lejjivt lo see you wearing these sad j habiliments of woe," j "ion em't lie ts sad about it as I am,'' rii- ■ . spomleil tho whliiiv, I lock worse iu blick i than in any oil er eoli.ur." j' f 5 | Mrs, liay : Umv dots yauc busluim ewesa f , himself when lie mints home lute from tlieelub? I j Mrs. Hay: Ho doesn't expicts himself »t all, J hey si,ml him home man amhuUnee, ( facetious Lady Fiivud (to Mrs, Touchy): 1 didn't think much oi your husband. J Mis, I uiichy ilni.iliij;;): Ami why not, pray r | facetious Laiy Kiieuil : Because I have a huslund of ray own to think about-seo ? lit j .. " Vim always seemed to have plenty of money before we were married," said the youujj ( wile, pettishly, "It was only seeming, my dear. I had very liltlc," Ruswcred the loving hushsud. f " Aud you tuld me you eKpected to be rich." " So I am rich, darling ; I've got you." She could not help kissiug him, " I detest that Mr, Smith," rcrusrked Mrs, Auger to her husband, "I would do anything to make him miserable." " It's a pity you didn't kuow him ten yean ago, my dear," " Why so ?" " You might have married him, my dear." .<,« Mr., Jinks: l sec the i.elitin of the "Trumpet in baring trouble with his wife. Shoivant3B i divorce. Mis, .links: I don't wonder. Ho was always printing articles about houscwoik being healtht ful. »{it "Well, your goose is cookod exclaimed Snodgrass, as ho cuttred his pailour. f " Who has been roasting you lllis time lovo asked Mrs. Snodgraw, anxiously, •■fe* Wife (revisiting the scene of her betrothal) i t I remember, Algernon, so well when you proposed to me, bow painfully embarraised you ' were! I Algernon : Yes, dear; and I remember so r well how kind and encouraging you were, and how very easy you made it for mo after all. »9» " Your husband seems very fond of angling." " Ho is," " Does bo bring home all the fish he catches " Yes—and more too." " Henry !" cried Mrs. Von ToodleJ, grasping her somnolent hosband by the arm : " Henry, there are burglars in tho bouso! Get up aud go dowu !" " Utter nonsense, my dear," relumed Henry. - " You wouldn't havo a man of my social position associating with burglars, would you? You astonish me!" «$• Nervous Wife; I bear a burglar. Nervous Husband: Woo! I'll crawl undtt ] tho bed and see if he's thero, C *(c N. I'eck: Fighting is prohibited by law nn" in every civilised «.tato escept one. Mrs, l'cck : What state is that ? N. I'eck : The state, of m»trimouj, I Husband i Don't you think that you are very " unreasonable to expect me to tako you to a bsll, i stay awake until four o'clock, and then get up " at eight to go to my work ? i •£• Wife: I may be a little unreasonable, but it's 3 perfectly brutal in you to mention it. " He: Do you believe iu hero worahip ? 3 She i No, not uow; I'm married. • to alio: I nliould think you vioold Iw aihimet! ;o coino home to your nifo half dronk, He i 1 aoii m'dear, but (hio) to wf pl«M1 (hie) oioied 1 couldn't g»t «oj n«e.