THE BALLOON FARCE. (By Alec Armstrong.)

North Otago Times, Volume XXXVII, Issue 8084, 24 September 1894, Page 3

THE BALLOON FARCE. (By Alec Armstrong.)

" It's no use mato } it won t work. Tho cold air is ploying upon tho eido of tho balloon and rendering inflation hopeless ; while thoso brats ot boyn havo ripped a couplo of hole? in tho blooming balloon." Tina was how tho adopts at balloon inflation ftt other plaoos spoko of their efforts on Saturdayaftornoon at tho show ground. After two hours' burning of korosene, tho mon omergod from tho balloon black as coal heavers with tho smoko. They woro evidently disappointed with tho result of thoir efforts, and Nciontiu'cally explained tho fact to thoso in search of bcientifio truth respecting balloon inflation. " What's to bo dono now V 1 " We'll have to put it off for to-day." " Is no tho woraun gaun up V " How can sho gc up when tho balloon won't infhto ?" " Weol, what are yo gaun' tao dao ?" "Try again some othor day — next Thursday." " What aboot ma shtllin' in tho moantitno V " Your shilling is all right ; you'll gob a oaaa for tho next) performance as you go out." •' Wo'vo boon tokon in once, and wo'ro goin' to bo takon in again as wo go out. Man, ye're guid at tho show bianoss." This wag tho way tho " boas" of the balloon was talked to by ono porson on Saturday afternoon. When ho left the group that surrounded him at ono place, ho was quickly accoBtod by another in* dignant pornon, and a crowd gathered round again. "Do you mean to say tho Oamtvru weather in against tho performance V "Yos ; it's too cold." "But it was raining and blowing in othor places whon tho balloon inflated all right/ "But your boys horo have torn holes in tho balloon, and tho hot air escapes almost as quickly as it is mado." "It strikes mo you don't know any« thing about balloons." "IIo knows moro about gotting shillings from honest folk," said a lady with an umbrolla. " It's tho cloancst diddle I've seen since tho man with tho Atlas and the mousetraps." " My good woman, it's no diddle. 1 ' " Woll, sond tho woman up, or givo mo back my shilling, ye shameless follow." '* Wo'ro not going to run away. Wo will show again next Thursday." " Folk wi' balloons might bo in China aforo next Thursday." " Did that Miss Lolia ovor go up in tho balloon at all 1" " Oh, yes, she goes up onco In a whilo. It does not matter about the inflation of the balloon so much as the inflation of tho takings at tho gafco." " This trick was played in Dunedin.' "Now, gontlomon," said tho balloonist, " that is not ho. Miss Adair is tho most remarkablo balloonist in tho Southern Homisphoro. (A voico : " No doubt.") Leaving Now Zealand she goes on a tour of America under ongagemonfc." "If sho makes L12 in ovory two hours in America as sho has in Oamaru yo'll bo ablo to buy a small publichouso, my man, and rotiro into an irrespectablo business." " Miss Adair will ascend on Thursday next. At Palniorston North sho rose to a height of 2£ miles, launched horself out of tho balloon, dropped 12,000 feob like a atone, and evorybody thought «ho was going to bo killed, but she wasn't-, for tho parachute inflated, and she came to the ground like a straw." " Go and pub blub gas in tho balloon. Inflato it 5 nob us." " At I*alraer9ton North all tho people paid ; but Oamaru contains tho most miserable lot of poople I ovor saw. See tho crowds standing in tho atroota and on tho tops of housoa instead of paying their shillings." There aro moro fools ab Palmorbton North than in Oamaru. Gi' mo back ma shullin'?" " Oh, isn'h this awfu', Mrs Armstrong. To be diddled like this. There's »he black rascal. I wish I had stayed ( n tiho road. But J was tell'l that it vradna tloo unloss the people camo inside, ao 1 spout my shilling." "My man toll'fc me ; fao, I would hao to bo inside or I would mias eooin' tho best of tho performance. Bur, wheohst, did yo hoar, tho woman that gangs up in tho balloon is no woman at all ?'* " No poasiblo I" " The«p travelling «ho\v folk aro (it for onything." A littlo further an another woman had tackled tho man for her shilling, and several indignant larrikins woro telling tho " boss " to get his curly hair cut. IIo waa explaining that the balloon coat L50, when tho woman wanted to know " if ; Mistress Adair was going to bo inflated and sail up in tho air." " Mi98 Adair," correoted tho "bosw," would havo boon away in tho balloon jf » " " Hang your ifs." I " If tho cold air " "W hero's the cold air this day. I'm burning to get my shilling." It waa not tho ascent' of the balloon that was wuntod to be soen now, bub the ', shillings. Somo took tho joke that coat a shilling good humorodly ; but others were very wroth, ind woro rushing tho ticket ofj]co to got thoir passes, and the boys boothooed and swayed tho crowd \ about. Tackled and threatened on fcll sides, the atmosphere got too warm for tho " boBs" ehowman, and he retroatod to ono of tho secretary's offices till tho crowd thinned. It had been largely augmented by boys and young mon, who clamborod over tho fences, and those Wh.0 had paid nothing to got in received passes to ro out ; bo th-it with aomo 200 payers 000 odd received pisses ; but if the crowd in tho stroots ht»d paid to entor, it waa said, the shillings reoeived would havogonoa great way tosuccoHsfulIy inflating tho balloon, The police had to interfere at ono stage of tho rush for tickets ; and to prevent Mies Adiur being rnolented oho was, with her female com* panion, escorted to a cab in waiting. Tho police left tho grounds with tho lady jpronaut, and the boys took up the running. Tho office was rushed, and the gatekooper was subjected to a good deal of rough treatment. When nothing further was to bo got or seen the crowd gradually dispersed, and tho " boss ' balloonist emerged from hie retreat, and getting his paraphernalia togethoc quietly went away, Jf thoso who paid to aeo tho balloon go up did not witness that sight they saw others that were perhaps loon sennattonal but still very entortalning. " Its tho greatest swinglo I'd oror boo j I watched tho fake for two solid hours from the top of tho cart, and I was swingled after all." Thoso who stood outside were "swingled," thoio insido gob thoir money's worth in amusemont, and got a " pass " for more. Peop'e have no objeotion to being "swingled j" in fact they like the operation, and that " swingling " pleases them best that holds them mesmerised so to speak during tho operation. The public like to bo " had," bub not clumsily. It irritates thorafco bo had with their eyos open.