MISCELLANEOUS.

Nelson Examiner and New Zealand Chronicle, Volume XII, Issue 592, 9 July 1853, Page 8

MISCELLANEOUS.

TnVfAss and Thb Butt. — A Fable.— • There was, once upon a time, an ass who, from the colour of his coat, had obtaiued the name of Drab. He was an animal of such extremely mild principles that he would.'never kick, although under the greatest provocation, and made it a point to forbear from using his heels to repel even an actual assault. In the same pasture with him there grazed a bull, whose behaviour, when, ever he : was affronted or attacked, was entirely different. The bull, indeed, had formerly, to say the truth, been somewhat quarrelsome ; and the ass, who was privileged to address him as friend, occasionlly took the liberty of remonstrating with him on his pugnacious conduct. The bull, being a not unreasonable beast, received these admonitions in good part, and so far attended to them that of late years he had successfully endeavoured to restrain his temper, and had desisted wholly from aggressive violence. Not content with bavving brought him to practice this moderation, the ass now tried to persuade his neighbour to go the same 'lengths in following pacific maxims with himself. To that end he pronounced a long discource, condemning all hostilities, whether offensive or defensive, and concluding with a proposal that the bull would disarm outright, and allow him, the jackass, to saw off his horns. Upon this, the bull lost all patience, and stamping with his feet, bade his long-eared adviser begone to Jericho ! " Saw off my horns, indeed 1" exclaimed he, " a pretty soft-horn you must take me for. Do you think lam in my second childhood : or do you wish me to make a calf of myself ? Shall I reject the weapons with which Nature has furnished me, not only for self-preservation and defence, but also for the protection of the whole herd ? Go and try to wheedle the hedgehog into letting you shave him ; and when you have done that, whistle fcjjigs to yonder milestone, before you again make such a ridiculous suggestion to me. There was some reason in what you used to say about the folly and extravagance of fighting upon every trumpery ground of offence ; and then I thought you were not what you seemed ; but now your language is suitable to your looks, and you talk like a regular ass, as you are. I shall keep the horns with which I have been provided, as long as it shall please Heaven to preserve them on my head ; and not only that, but shall show my value of those gifts by maintaining them in the sharpest state of efficiency; that ever I can, to let wolves, bears, and all other brutes whom it may concern, to see that I mean to stand no nonsense." With that the bull, foaming with indignation, set himself to whet his horns vehemently against the stump 'of an oak ; and the ass, perceiving that his cemdanion was in an ugly humour, was feign to trot off with some rapidity. Moral. — We should listen to the exhortations of those who dissuade us from attacking other countries, but turn a deaf ear to the declamations cf the parties that desire to prevent us from defending our native land. Curious Anecdote. — Politeness is never a trifle, and there are no trifles in business. Small things may produce mighty consequences. Every one who has risen to eminence from an humble station can, if he will take the trouble, point to the precise period of his life.when a change was unexpectedly wrought in bis favour : and, if he examines closely, he will find it associated with some trivial circumstance, or caused by some humble instrument. One morning a poor old soldier called at the shop of a hair-dresser, who was busy with his cus. tomers, and asked relief, stating that he had stayed beyond his leave of absence, and that unless he could get a lift on the coach, fatigue and severe punishment awaited him. The hair-dresser listened to his story respectfully, and gave him a guinea. " God bless you, sir 1" said the veteran, astonished at the amount, "How can I repay you ? I have nothing in the world but this," pulling out a dirty piece of paper from his pocket ; " it is a receipt for making blacking; it is the best that was ever seen, and many a half guinea I have had for it from the officers, and many bottles I have sold ; may you be able to get something for your kindness to the poor soldier 1" That dirty piece of paper was the receipt for the renowned Day &Martin's blacking, acd that hair-dresser, the late worihy Mr. Day, whose manufactory is one of the ornaments of London, and whose palace in the Regent' park rivalsin magnificence the mansions of the nobility. Rural Innocence. — A countryman, hearing of a ship in the Downs, wanted to know what was the breed of him.

Moral tor the Boudoir. — The ignorance that is bewitching in a young lady, is ridiculous in an old one.

A Counter Irritant. — An impertinent shopboy. The Root of Domestic Buss. — This phrase may be applied to the onion ; when the taste for it is mutual.

Ignorance' in the Nineteenth Century. — A classical schoolmaster, hearing of a copper cap, supposes it to be an ancient helmet.

Thb Language of Costume. — The Saints of the Commonwealth wore steeple-hats, because each of them considered that he was a Church in himself.

Extreme Nationality. —An agricultural gentleman down in Hampshire says he dwooan'C like no foreigners but Swedes. A quaker, who was examined before a court for not using any other language than " the," " thou," and " friend," was asked by the presiding functionary. — " Pray, sir, do you know what we sit here for ?" " Yea, verily, do I," said the Quaker, '■ three of ye for two dollars each day, and the fat one in the middle for one thousand-dollars a year." A new settler, somewhere in Missouri, gives the J following graphic description of the people and 4 the country in that section of Uncle Sam's dominions :— " As for the country, the land is as cheap as dirt, and good enough : but the climate is rainy, blowy, and sultry. The people die so fast here, that every man has his third wife, and every woman is a widow."