FARMER BROWN ON DICTATORS

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume LXVI, 7 April 1934, Page 5

FARMER BROWN ON DICTATORS

(To the Editor) Sir, — l'ou know,” l says, as soon as me and Bill Jones and Jim Huggins got well lit up last night, "most people have a whale of a objection to the idea of a dictator in this country to straighten tilings up. They reckon that for British subjects to be ruled by a dictator would be simply un-put-up-able. Now I reckon it would be far better to have one real good dictator than a doost ol' a lot f.i crook Tins like we have at present. I don't know who isn’t doing the dictating now. Everybody over twenty-one is a dictator; the young woman and the young man, the waster and the imbecile, in fact, anybody what can just dodge the mental hospital—all have a vote and so dictate who is to dictate. The more politiciaually democratic a country is, the more tiijpot dictators and autocrats it manufactures.” Bill says "Exactly !” "Then,” 1 says, “take our Members of Parliament; I remember when they dictated to the country and said, ‘Our honorarium poultice isn’t quite fat enough, so we’ll help ourselves to a extra hundred quid each this year.’ Then they dictated to democracy and said, ‘The term of office we contracted for isn’t quite long enough, so we’ll employ ourselves for another year.’ They remind me of the boss what sacked his man, Jaques, blit the next morning Jaques religiously rolled up to work. The Boss said, T thought 1 gave you the sac!;.’ Jaques said, ‘Well, I’ve thought the whole thing out and, if you arc not satisfied with me as a man, I am satislied with you as a boss, and I | like tiie job, so I’ve decided to stop on.’ But our Parliament crowd can go one I better than Jaques. They don’t only ' refuse to get sacked, but they raise their I own screw to the tune of a hundred | pounds. Then the Unemployment Board dictated that building subsidy, widen was about the most unpractical)lest scheme I ever heard of. "If a cove with plenty of hoot wanted to build a house or a shop, the Government (which is us) paid for half the labour on the job. I remember we was getting three bob for twelve pounds of raspberries at the time and we had to help that rich cove to build his house. Then they dictated the 25 per cent, exchange rate. The wool kings what already had a big bank poultice got a riso in wool so George and Gordon come along'and say, Here’s another five bob in the pound to help you along a bit.’ And the tomato growing coves what the ■buyers dictated a ha’penny a pound to had to pay the extra five bob. Then they dictated the five- per cent, sales tax caper. Of course they exempted a good many things, such as ships, skyrockets and crayfish. If people saved that exemption list, in a few years, them papers would bp worth a lot of money as curios. It was the comicalist list of stuff I ever read. A little while ago, the wharf jokers was dictating to the shipping owners. I .suppose they thought they had a big grievance of some sort, so they thought they would hold up the shipping by dictating the go-slow stunt. By heck, if they went much slower than they did when I saw them in Wellington they would stop altogether. It j minds me of the woman what was had up for furious car driving. The Magistrate said, ‘You are charged witji driving at the rate of sixty miles an hour. Guilty or not guilty?’ She yelled out, 'Oh, not guilty, your Worship. It would be absurd to say I was going even fifty. 1 couldn’t have been going more than thirty. In fact, my friend said that the speedometer only showed twenty, and I really don’t believe I was doing mote than fifteen.’ 'Hold on!’ says the Judge, ‘l'll fine you two quid. You'll be backing into somebody soon.’ iSo I reckon that if these wharf coves go much quicker they’ll back clean over > tile wharf. The miners used to be pretty good at dictating. They was always dictating for shorter hours and bigger pay. If the good times had kept oil long enough, the pay would have got so big and the hours so short that everybody would have had to start coming home before they got to work; and then if they was late home they would have claimed double for overtime. I remember some flax mill coves up North dictating more wages and less work _until they dictated-themselves clean out*~of a job. The owners of the mill reckoned it a favour to be allowed to close down. Everybody in New Zealand lias dictated themselves out of balance and now the drones are dictating to the bees what have been industrious and demanding flich' honey. The fun will begin when all the honey is done. Then we’ll be mighty glad of a dictator or any one else what can get us out of the mess.” Bill says "Eggsaetly.” Jim says, "Tell us all about what you would do if you was dictator. Brown.” I says, “That would take too long to-night.”—l am, etc., _ • FARMER BROWN. Nelson, 3rd April.