LYRICAL LEGENDS

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume LXVI, 23 December 1933, Page 10

LYRICAL LEGENDS

THE UNEXPECTED DUCHESS Just listen to mo while I tell you the tale of the Duchess of Diddinott Dimblohy Dale. The Duchess, you see, was enormously fat. You may think'there was nothing surprising in that, but Her Grace, although stout, didn’t eat very much. She just lived on carrots and lettuce and such; for the doctors had told her she mustn’t have dinner, or -breakfast or tea, if she wished to get thinner. They only allowed her to cat once a day. "You must starve if you wish to get slim,’ ’they would say. And do exorcises and go for long runs. And never touch butter, or doughnuts or buns. The Duchess did everything just as they said, but she. didn’t get thin, she got fatter instead! Her robes grew so tight that the buttons Hew olf whenever she sneezed or attempted to cough. She couldn't get into her carriage at all, and even the largest of chairs was too small. She stuck in the -passage and jammed in the doors she got tod fat to walk, had to crawl oil all fours. So after a while she exclaimed in despair. ‘Tin tired of all this and I really declare if I've got to he fat then Tm not going to starve." So she went to the larder and started to carve ail j enormous great slice from a joint of

cold meat, which she put. on a plate and proceeded to cat. She followed it up with a basin of stow, three veal and ham pies and a pudding or two. She ate and she ate, till they thought "she would burst, then finding she had a sensational thirst, she drank till Ihe taps in the kitchen ran dry, then she went off to bed with a satisfied sigh. Next morning at breakfast she started once more; ten rashers of bacon and kidney galore. As much fatty ham as the servants could cut her, then dozens of slices of toast thick with butter.

The doctors stood shaking their heads and exclaimed, "if she goes on like this we can hardly lie blamed it Her Grace should explode like a penny balloon. ’’ which they really expected she Would very soon. But. after a week or two eating like that, the Duehess, who’ll always been frightfully fat, discovered, most strange and astounding event, the more food, she ate, why the thinner she went. Tier robes fastened up very easily now, and nothing got torn if she started to bow. Shu rode in her carriage with room and to spare and was perfectly comfy in quite a small chair. In fact she became so .remarkably thin, she had hardly to open a door to go in. Anil she found it essential each week for one day, to starve to prevent herself fading away. So ends tills really incredible tale of the Duchess of Diddinott DimblebyDale.