THINGS IN GENERAL.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XLVII, Issue XLVII, 9 March 1912, Page 6

THINGS IN GENERAL.

Whilst the Brisbane strike ease was being heard before the Commonwealth Arbitration Court, Mr G. L. Prendergast remarked: —"The wearing of the badge promotes harmony." And thus "Oriel," in the "Argus," carries it on : O ye readers who guess, from reports ir; the press, of occasional troubles and quarrels, That Peace on her throne is a fancy unknown in the sphere of industrial morals; How little you dream of the marvelljis scheme that we unionists secretly favour— Of our plot to release the above-men-tioned Peace from the foes that are fain to enslave her! You could never have spied, if you'd simply relied on your own unassisted researches, This astonishing plan fear the welfir*? of man, this gospel unknown to tl.e churches; You would never have see-i that fair Peace is our queen, an.l 11-c i-:>dge is our loyalty's token : No, you'd never have hit on the *r-iih, you'll admit, if Prendergast never had spoken! It is true there are cranks in the enemy's ranks, who assert we have battered and kicked 'em, But we stoutly maintain that if Love is to reign, we require an occasional victim ; In the cause of sweet Peace we may stone the police, and our doings may savour of riot. But the bricks that wc heave are but signs, you perceive, of our passionate yearning for quiet. So pray never heed the tirades you read in a highly unprincipled journal, For we're ready to swear that the medal we wear is a symbol of feelings fraternal ; And the triumph of Love—as I've mentioned above—is the theme of our deep cogitations (Though physical force may be needed, of course, to establish harmonious relations),

And a general strike will be wholly unlike the event you are taught to imagine, When the night has withdrawn, and a glorious dawn will have ushered the unionist badge m: When we ve silenced the foes who disturb our repose, and the dreams have come true that we cherished, And Harmony reigns on the hills and the plains—and Freedom has utterly perished.

"Will-1 go with the team?" mused Clem Hill; "I'm tlessed if I"know if I will; -I suppose that I must-, Or the team will be bust. Witiout my remarkable skill."

"Aye, Jamie, it wis a guid thing for you that yer rich freens wis born afore ve." "Weel," said Jamie, "I'm no sae sure aboot that—hit- it wis a guid thing they dee'd afore me."

Teacher: "Tommy, what is the future of 'I giveT " Tommy: "Yon take."

"Mabel: "Was your bazaar a success ?" Gladys: "Yes, indeed, the minister will have cauee to 'be very grateful." "How much" were the profits?" "Nothing. The expenses were more than the receipts. But ten of us jrot engaged, and the minister is to perform the ceremonies."

Scene from a suffragette's wedding A.D. 2000.

The bridegroom is tastefully dressed in white tulle, with the revers cut bias, the jupon gored and feather-stitched with silk pomme-de-terres. A veil hides his blushes, and a wreath of orangeblossom perfume the bald spot on the top of his head. The bride wears the usual tailor-made tweeds.

The Clergyman.—Repeat after me, please, "I, Mary, take this man for better or for worse." etc.

The bride, repeats. The Clergyman.—Repeat after me, "I, Cyril, take this woman "

The Bride.—l beg your pardon. Cvril, you will say nothing of the kiHd. Vou will sa\% "1, Cyril j am taken by this woman." It is far more respectful and perfectly true." The Bridegroom.—Yes, my dear. The Clergyman.—Very well. (Continues). "To love, honour, and obey." The Bridegroom.—Oh, I sav! The- Bride.—Say, it, Cyril. You will obey. You may as well admit it right at the beginning. The (swallowing hard). — All right, "to love, honour, and—er—obey. ,J

The Clergyman (to the bride). —Have you got the ring? The Eride (producing it). —Yes. The- Clergyman.—Put it on, then. (Slowly and impressively to the bridegroom)— With this ring I thee wed, And may the Lord have mercy 011 your soul. The, terrified Bridegroom weeps forlornly, while the Best Girl (the Groomsman is done away with) kisses him for luck. The party troop out to the vestry,- leaving the Bridegroom's father weeping before the altar.—"Oriel."

"No, I never was strong on literature. To eave my life I could at tell you who wrote Gray's Elegy."

A "man about town" became engaged nofc long ago, and he spoke as follo>vs -to the lady whom he had honoured: "I don't want to have anything that I must hide after we are married, dear. So I may as well tell you that I plav bridge I smoke -cigarettes, I drink, I stay_ out late, and I usually back the favourite." "I'm-glad to hear you eay so,'' said the •up-to-date girl, brightly. "I was afraid that you and I wouldn't be perfect companions !"

A school teacher who was giving a lesson on "The Feeding of Children" was interrupted by one of his pup:ls. "Please, eir," "he said, "Jimmy says he knew a baby that was brought up on elephant's milk, and it gained ten pounds in weight every day." "Jamy-? ought not to tell you such rubbish." sa;d the ieacher. "Whose baby was it tha* was brought up on elephant's milk?" "Please, sir," answered Jimmy, "it was the elephant's."

"Your husband dresses very quittlv. doesn't he?" remarked one lady to another. V-Well," was the response, "not always. should have heard h-'m this when he couldn't- find a collar stu4v'

jvhat does arbitration mean "It meaius that when two Power? of equal strength get hold of a smal-e*-country, they agree to divide it equally."

To-day wo upon the street The motore that would run us down. And with a deal of mental htai. We say had things and fiercely frov. .1. To-morrow in our new machine We watch the other fellows jump, Anj -with, a countenance serene We smile "Keep off the road, you chump!" A man says: If the shoe fits put it onA woman says: "If thessheo e fits, yet a sizo ~ smaller. It is better to have loved and bosstd than never to have loved at all.