THE IRISH "BULL" MARKET.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XLII, Issue XLII, 16 April 1907, Page 1

THE IRISH " BULL" MARKET.

"I hope your readers are hot tired" of Irish bulls. Certainly tho recollection of those in the sister country, who may be inclined to give attention to this peculiarity of their compatriots, are I far from exhausted. Some of the ; most amusing of these blunders spring ' from misunderstanding of words or terms. A proposal was once made in the Limmerick Corporation to intro--1 duce gondolas on the river Shannon, I in tho expectation that they would prove attractive to tourists. One of the good "City fathers" deprecated, on the ground of expense, the idea of ordering a dozen. "It would be enough," ho said, "to get a pair of thim, and let thim breed." A very quaint reason was advanced by a domestic servant for thinking that the place she was in was in ovcry way desirable. "Are yez in a good placo, Mary?" asked one of her friends. "Oh, a mighty foiue place, entirely," she replied. "Shure me mistress is so rich that all her flannel petticoats is ihade of silk!" "Look at that, now!" exclaimed the other in amazement. Here is a "bull" from the nursery. "That's a terrible noise in the nursery, Molly," said the mistress. "What's the matter? C.m't you keep tho baby quiet?" "Shure, ma'am," replied Molly, "I can't keep him quiet unless I let him make a noiso." And, after all, knowing, as we do, tho contrariness of babies, .-oily was right. Another Irish domestic was told that her master, a clergyman, was going to Lame to preach. "Coin' to lam to prache?" she exclaimed, her knowledge of the geography of her native land being limited, "Faix, ho lamed to prache long ago." An English gentleman travelling through to Wexford came to a ford and hired a boat to take him across. The water being rather more agitated than was agreable to him hs asked the boatman if any person was ever lost on the passage. "Niver," roplied the boatman. ' "My brother was drownded here last week, but we found him next day." I heard another amusing instance of literal accuracy at tha Parncil Commission in 1889. A peasant : who was examined in regard to a certain i boycotted farm was asked by counsel : I "Is the farm vacant now?" "Noj it's j stocked with a caretaker and t'vo ■ policemen," was the reply. But the [most amusing "bull" for which we are j indebted to that Commission is the philosophic axiom of the witness who j admitted that he ran away on one occasion when a revolver was presented at him. "Better," said he, "to be a coward for five minutes than dead all your lifetime"! At a recent meeting of a branch of the Agricultural Organisation Society, held recently in Tipperary, a speaker said : "I'm a poor workin' farmer, and 'tis with the greatest : difficulty I can make the two ends of "the candle meet.' 1 A delichtful mixed ! metaphor, truly ! The wife of a Wollknown landlord in Cavan directed tho steward of the estate to purchase a sow of a particular size and description at a local fair. On his return he burst intothe drawing room, where the lady was entertaining some guests, proclaiming with satisfaction ho could not suppress, "I've been to the fair, me lady, and I've got a sow exactly of your ladyship's size and description." There are "bulls in action as well as "bulls" in expression. These blunders are really due to mental sluggishness ; thy are committed by hare-brained individuals,, but they have often tho saving grace of humour. I remember reading in a speech delivered by Lord Dufferin many years ago a very laughable story of a blunder of this character. On his estate in County Down there was an old historic ruin, formerly a stronghold of the O'Neills' who ruled over that part of Ulster. Anxious that this interesting survival of an historic past should be preserved, on the eve of his departure for India as Viceroy, he snmmoned his steward and gave him (lireptions to buil da wall around the ruin at a ce"i'tain distance, in order to keep out trespassers, for the local peasantry, If they wanted a stone to repair a gap in a pigstye or a wall were accustomed to resort to the old castle for the material. That being done, Lord Dufferin set eff on his mission to India, feeling secure of the preservation of this ancient monument. On his return home, several years after, he found to his amv.zoment that the old castle had disappearand in its place was a circular wall enclosing nothing. Sending for the steward he demanded to know why his order had not been carried out. The steward insisted that what he had ordered had been done. "But where is the castle?" asked the Marquis. "The casthle, me lord?" repeated the steward. "That ould thing. Shure, I pullrd it down (o build the wall wid ! Do ye want me to be goiu' miles for matherial withthe finest stones in Irelrnd beside mo?" In telling the man to build the wall, his lordship had said nothing about the preservation of the castle. The neglect of that little detail made all the difference in the world. At a fire in the town of Longford, a man who had been aroused from sleep by the alarm had only time to slip on his trousers and jump from the wii.dow. In hisflight and hurry he had unconsciously put on his trousers wrong side foremost, with an effect which, when he recovered after the jump excited his profound consternation. "Are you hurt?" asked a bystander. "No" he replied with a quiver in his voice, "but I'm afraid I'm fatally twisted."