WEEKLY WHISPERS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XXXVII, Issue 150, 18 July 1903, Page 2

WEEKLY WHISPERS.

IJ there's a /idle mftyour (Oat* t rede if£ t tent fit. ■_ J chiefs amanq ye tdjctri ,iiotc9 t AndifaUhfMU.j^'eiUM^y;.., The Weaknesses of human; nature-^eS' pecially of feminine human nature-r-come out most prominently at the periodical scrambles known as bargain, sales. Any literary man cynical enough to stand around, keep his ears and eyes open, and . observe generally, could. pick up a good , deal of first-class "copy" on these gatherings. For instance, ' one might" behold the extremely thrifty house-wife, who, on rdinary occasions, looks at every penny ere it is allowed to leave her hands, loses her head at a sale or auction, and as often as not buys that which she does nob require, or gives more than the price Bhe would hate, to pay aa a tegular thing, thinking she has secured a bargain. Even the cliiihls of friendship are sometimes sacrificed in the bargain fever. It is not unusual for one to "take' the" tip"froiii a companion's research or requirements, slip in first and buy over her frieiid's head. Meantime, . Mr Jones the butchfer> and Mr Smith, the baker, and Mr Bdbih; son, the grocer, are requested; to wait, till next month please; as' Mr Sn^ith^h'aii .Md expanses, and fihbts .ibtatdt woiild not be convenient to settle the periodical account for a time. s '♦.'•* Among some sales where it is imopssible owing to the crowds to prevent confusion in the handling of goods, the practices are sometmies not the most honest. For instance, at a recent, sale, it is computed that several pounds worth of goods were simply " lifted" Ono especial trick was ," aßaentaniihde'dJbess." A wMnflfl would .go to tne jacket counter and try on the jackets lying about, ostensibly to 1 purchase one. She would th3o. forget ttj i take off the hist, jacket tried tin, tUJ •to tb_e assistant, piky for tho t jlprtaple Lgoods she carried in her hands, ana march out. Two or three were detected, but no prosecutions are likely to follow. Another trick of " absent mindedness " Was to pick up and go-off with a parcel purchased by some one else, and laid down for a moment. The jacket industry, however* seemed to bo the most flourishing! for" ■ among A dOztin w^men "Iryingon" a * v try on " of the sorb described was rather" easy- 4 k 4 . /The foregqingare.tne observations M my. friend- Coddles^ who is at greseiij? In a chastened frame of mind,* h&viDg been much snubbed and otherwise humiliated at home for his Lick of business knowledge. Coddles' wife had attended a bargain sale, and in the process had about cleaned out Coddles' current pocket account with considerable domestic advantage in the way of investments in goods that might be wanted in the course of a few years. But Coddle 3 borrowed a pound or so from a friend, and thought he also would do a little "bargaining on his own account. There was an auction, and.a..iine.of .mustard, tins w^ : ptttngi Coddles: in the fervour of his huijt?j t b>d fiercely jagamst :t}ie , pthef fellows, ,^nd, tsl him were mocked down a. consignment ofsnia.U#n3 at^n, ayera^o price of |d, He hired a van, took home the mustard, and bade his wife be happy, as she need faeter be without mustard for the rest of their' natural lives, ; Godjllea bieanied oV6? nis success: till his wife called h>*ln.n%nTteS end told him that "thfe; jß^dp prjcq t&i i«&| mustard, retail, was M a tin ! Gocldlk-J says he won't buy groceries any more, as all he knows about current rates is the price of tobacco and matches. Coddles is very quiet about it, but he also made a "bloomer" in another "bargain." He brought home 40 yards of what he enthusiastically described as the best "dress material," but his womenkind promptly pronounced it dungaree ! • • * * The yo ing lady joker who is sending funny po3t cards to young fellows in offices really should not do so. An invitation to join her in a shandy at a certain hotel got the recipient into a most terrible row with the chief, who wanted to know a lot of inconvenient things, and could not see where the fun came in. • • • A fartaer down south (says the" "Sru6B Herald ') keeps a rather dilapidated fowl run; and his feathered stock havd for months past been running fottl of hi§ neighbour's garden, pn which tne, owner prides himsMfc Humetbus,;fcfait!stjj. -M .the gardener wei'e of- no atai£; th' 6 6'wem of the fowls declaring that he would mend ',-'" " ''hen he H'—^ • to | cne ience 11^.. ■ U aou. j.^^., appeal to law were unheeded. Then a strategy suggested itself. One morning the gardener put a card in his window, with a basket of eggs, and upon the card the following ndtice, " Ifew-laid eggs for sale." The owner of the fowls was amongst the first to see it. He knew the gardener kept no fowls, and the inference waa obvious. In less than six hours the f enoe was mended, but the man is still unaware that thoße egga wer" 9 suppleit by a leeal grde^r;

• * •■ , • Sir James Carmichaelj Mr , GlE(J^oiie^ [ private secretary-, o4 c b &*<i, tne cfiitjipits I of handing one. inornuijj t t6 tri^ Premier .a bundle of flannel tl senfa by an elderly Welsh ivoman. .The material had t» m soaked in medicine,' <sh.e wxbtei and badlgiTen^rßa^t'relie^ to,her- hnsbiHia — whWasrio^ d^ti. SHfebadyot •4*B^ ed-fche- flannel '"sikce, she said, '-lest : <i* should lose its medicinal properties but she begged the Prime Minister to use it as ifc was.

• • • During his recent visit to India Sir Michael Hicks-Beach received an. amusing letter in " Babu " English, of which the following are extracts: — " To Sir Mitchell Beech, M.P., London. . . May itpleaße your Lordship— Mth hcJtaag^ tribute, and salute Ii like" one of . the ffl* dulgent, venerabiej genuine,,, and tJeJpyM 6&ns bf< London* pbnsecEatei the^fplldwiSf to your' parental Lordship :— I did not know who your predominant and com* plaisant Lordship was until it was too late to meet pur refulgent, sumptuous, and vivid Lordship and the blissful and gracious Lady and the cheerf ol Miss. Had I known the arrival earlier, I would have flown like the ethereal bird. . . . In the Theocracy of the World, your polity courteous, apd perceptive . Lordship should be ever blissful and therefore" kira in. the golden cago oithftwMd,rgnjWec| gad l^roiSKed Miotier fflfr "f mI&M. I ; i Btunaiaied. me to put forth before your ..i^^^l.2.- _Vl.>—— —■.-•_— ..L--., ./• - ship my just claims to the throne of my Highness father for your iritelleotual, prudent, and philanthropic Lordship's presence." '

The Strictures of the Bishep 6f iJondon upon dli angl qtlndry who. fc©okpa£tHijJi§ ceremqiiy of the remarriage of/Mr "ftCS; Vandetbilt h^ve not ... .passed . Wiifibiifc challenge. .His Ldrdsfap wfe fepeia^lf severe^ipon. Dir iTistrS^ ■ ; his . <i^k mb%& san chailcellor, apd Dr Tristratn has i^ taliated -with a vigorous defence. «He ;*thows clearly (says the Mel^Qume "At* gus " correspondent) that-it,is oblig^toßy upon him, under the Divorce Acik to PTaaiiUcensea for the reinarriag'e br jdii vorced persons* thdt Sucii persona are entitled to the use of the parish churoh for\the celebration of their niama|fe by the minister of the parish, or, if he should object, by any clergyman eni titled and willing to officiate. Dr Tristrani adds that many complaints had be6n made of the clergy refufiing to officiate, or to provide a minister, for the marriage of innocent and successful parties in divorce suits, or even, to permit the churches to be used for that purpose. In such cases he hada'd7ißed.thy complaining persons to obtain a mSnQMmus against the clergyman, to compel him to open his church ; and he had further advised that an action'would lie against the clergyman for damages.

« • * •.•-.. A more remarkable feature of Dr Tristramfs statement related to "tyh^ he described as^ "an organised system 1 of mtrnndation ..to preyent.the remarriage of divorced persons. :Private detecti^ls are employed to learn /when an?£lS such marriages are to. take pUce, and the f^L% fe^ 00 ™. or their friends, are informed that a protest will be pubKcly lodged by some one attending tie cere. "nuisance^ bad become so serione- at the London. Eegistry that he had given °1% S J^} n «>formation was'tdlS forded to s^angers, and no sccess allowed to papers connected with divorce Ucenses, without an orderfeont himself. : «?¥ 'J 1^ 8 S^ of JuTyJTth say^V- ,? Lake Takapnna road afforded; aniteW S°- SK^^^SaturdaySSS, -V last, when ni^o motor ears were to- b^ seen.spinmng alob^ -Sotihin^^ cliSiel^ the serenity -the f^ exorot^bnl : " car e^tchmfrfire^aaofch^ fpu^aggon horses. taKng iefulk K > ditch thi^ngh fe&r/' .^"SPJna -

•Tl'(r3 is a story whiclrSir Edward Ifa'efc 'recalls of a situation Larrlf «qaalK -Sr w fiSfe -A- certain ; cardinal i^an : SlS&dever received any startling KSSo^^iip^^ipS HBtp Stered th^ semoe«f the i church ! v - ; £& Bfoii ft>t*OT has been tellinff re- : niiniscences to "M.A-P/' Shewas Jlay- ■-■» S^oii^ro^' at Capß Town. There ttieaiie, onei white inaa and the others, fegWv" sayß Mrs Pottery^l, ofkjklons husband, had f-^, h g fflacoiihe chUd in his tfnfls ; being rather hurried; ihd tile winCT bein? :,.<»»f» .- 1 Bellew's amazement, the : ch;ld was^eted with a roar of biaghter,which spoil becameperfexstiyhystencaL Lowenngthe childto see what was the matter, he discoveredto his horror that it was a a neiwo, pot-black ! The other carpenter hadS^schad to take the place of the white one, absent through^ illness. v . it tttfned a trajSedy into a screaming farce— for tile ptipiO^i at all events v it waa far Irombeinif a fSrce to ns, for we had to abftqSohthfii piece" altogether thronga