MONSTEIi CYCLISTS' UNION ! PICNIC.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XXXV, Issue 205, 7 September 1901, Page 2

MONSTEIi CYCLISTS' UNION ! PICNIC.

1 his is a truism, but one realises it more I in these days when people say thai Irhh wit is dying out. Rubbish. Not iv my part of the country, anyway. Only the other day a friend of mine told me the story of a Land Commissioner who was going his rounds near my home, and he came to a litlle bit of a farm. An old woman came out in great anger, and said to him : "Arrah .' Go along wid ye ! No good your coming here about the rent. My husband's dead, m}' son's at the war, and he never sends me anything at all, at all." " Surely your son writes to you now and again," kindly said the Comrui.-t-ioner. " Ah, he does now and thin, but, sure, | it's only to make game of me .'" " What do you mean by that V " Well, didn't he write to me a few mouths ago and say, • I'm after making three shifts for Ladysmith/ and sure, when I remember the lazy blackguard, and be at home here not able to sew a button on for himself, lettm' on that he's makin' underclothing for the quality. What else is ut but he's makin' game of me r" Moi'l'SSlLlT-.

On WEDNESDAY, 18tii SEPTEMBER, 1901. AT THE GLEN THE Officers of tbe Cyclists' Union, with a view of liquidating the substantial balance at the Union's credit of about £20, would be delighted to meet all members cf Union on a v .ove date at the Glen, where refreshments on a liberal soale will be provided. # # * An extraodinary incideat (says the Melbourne " Age ") occurred at the Opera House one evening, when Mr J Bain, after concluding bis turn, came down to the footlights and said : "Ladies and gentlemen.— l have been asked by the management to announce an important and pleasing piece of news which j has just come— De Wet has been capI tured " The whole audience at once rose and gave three rringing cheeis. Mr Bain then said, " Ladies and gentlemen, — I will ask you to join me in singing " God Save the King" Nothing loth, the audience sang the first verse of the National Anthem with great enthusiams, the orchestra standing up and accompanying. As the last notea ended a little boy ran across the stage shouting, " It's only a rumour." For a moment the audience disbelieved him, not unnaturally thinking that a statement made with the permission of the management would be authentic. When '"it ' dawned upon the people that the whole thing was merely a " have " there was a general exodus, and remarks the reverse of complimentary were passed about the author of the foolish and inane " ioke " # # # J A man apparently suffering from a peculiar and original sort of mania was charged at tho Wellington Court with vagrancy. Henry Deighton, the accused, has, it is stated, been in the habit of late of boarding vessels at the wharf and turning in, clothes, boots, and all, at all times of the day, into the first of the saloon cabins which camo handy. One reoent morning in the words of Constable Cockory, '• he was thrown ashore seven times from the Rotorua." Accused, in the dock, seemed to appreciate the hxxmour of the statement, and smiled broadly at its utterance. His next whim seems ot have been to visit the Post Office Hotel, get a meal for nothing whenever possible, and then when no one was about to make his way to a bedroom and turn in between the clean sheets in all his dirt and raggedness, thereby causing con I side-able inconvenience and annoyance Accused on a previous occasion, watched a householder leave his residence, and then stealing quietly m, went upstairs and to bed after his usual fashion. He was examined by two doctors, who pronounced him sane, but he continued his strange habits. This time the Justices, seemed to have lost the humour of the situation, and decided to provide accused with a permanent bed for the next three months at the expense of the State. j Sir Anthony Weldan, Bart., in his " Days of My Youth " autobiography I in •• M.A. P.," narrates the following j amusing incident :■- j •• You can never take offence at the < Scotch or Irish ; and the Irish are as j witty as the Scotch are drily humorous. '