WEEKLY WHISPERS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XXX, Issue 180, 1 August 1896, Page 2

WEEKLY WHISPERS.

A chiel's among yet akin' ttotes, ',;"; " . And faith he'll preiit it.; . . \['i ■ < ■,• ' ,'' •';■;,'■; — BintHiL ;■ Tho incident of the week ■ oauaing the nost surprise Is the firmness displayed, by Ar Graham, the member for Nelson, as Chairman of the Banking Committee We ill know Mr Graham as one who Will not irook diotation, and he has an awkward maok of falling foul of those who do not lappen to agree with him ; bat it was genirally thought that he had made up bis nindto aooept Mt Seddon as bis chief, ind to obey him loyally. The Premier jvidently thought so too —'otherwise Mr 3raham would not have been either on the Dommittee or Chairman of it. It was quite refreshing to read of the little scene between Mr Graham and Mt Seddon, and the " Sin down, sir " was truly dramatic ; but Mr Graham will be made to pay for it if it were not all " stage thunder." It is to be feared that he has. digged a Pitt for himself, into wliiob he Will be expeoted to fall at the next general election. Verb. Sap. • * * When the gay and festive oyolist goes out on the scoroh after dark, will he kindly use a lamp, especially in the streets wneia the gas lamps are tow and far between? And will he also remember that when he runs into a twenty-stone man he is likely to get the worst of the collision t The other night a citizen of considerable weight in the community (awnrrfw/jois) was quietly proceeding up a' hill where a light should be, but isn't, when something oame out of the darkness and bit him fairly on that line of beauty which Hogarth loved, that is to say, on his graceful abdominal ourve. It was the front wheel of an unlit bicycle, and behind it was a young man of the scoroher variety, The citizen of weight withstood the Bhook, but the bioyole and its rider became crumpled op in an adjoining gutter. Which was on top it was too dark to tell ; but they were both very much mixed up. For onoe weight told. Had the contaot been with one of your little whippersnapper ten-stone people, two men and a byke would have been on mother earth together, and hair and Bk;n flying The moral of all of which is that the by-law enforcing bioyole lights at night should be more strictly enforced than even thai against riding on the footpath. Talking about heavy people reminds ens of the present oooupants of the White House at Washington, and the Presidential eleotiofl whioh will make them vacate it, Grover Cleveland weighs about 20 stone and Mrs Cleveland is getting awfully fai aIBO. She has been patting on flest rapidly and she now scales IBolbs — 12sl 121bs — which in pretty good measure for t woman. Mrs Cleveland does not Bkate, oi golf, or play tennis, and as her husbanc objeots to ladies on bikes she takes a hare constitutional from 10 to 12 o'clook ever; dft y-' . . The Jatest thing in bicycles is a New York highwayman mounted on one in thi way of business. An estate agent namec Charles F. Smith— good serviceable nami that, for a " tall yarn " such us they spii in America, notwithstandiug the particu larity of detail which gives all America! tall yarns their verisimilitude. Well Charles F. Smith was on his machine t few miles out of New York, when he me a man also on a bike. The latter askei the time, and Smith replied that he coulc not give it. . The fellow then asked when his watch was, and Smith retorted tha it was none of his business, 'and startec to forge ahead. But the other fellow wa: the better rider, and he scorched pas Smith, presently returning, levelling i pistol at Smith's head and demandin) watch and money. * » * Smith was in a tight place, but he wa a man of resource, like all real estat agents, lawyers, auctioneers, and other who live by their wiis. He bethougb him of his little india-rubber bulb syring filled with condensed ammonia, and usei by cyclists for driving away annoyini dogs. This Smith pointed at the high wayman, and squirted an ounce into hi eyes. The robber squirmed, screamed staggered and fell, dropping his pistol which went off on the ground. Smiti started for him, but, blinded as he was the baffled' highwayman struggled to hi feet and made off for ihe woods at th roadside. Smith then collected tho piste and the bike, and took them back will him to the city as trophies, Good yarn that — only rather tall. * » * Duly accredited newspaper men had I gorgeous time at the Czars coronation u Moscow. Three hundred of them eujoyei official recognition and splendid clul premises were extemporized tor their use wit'i servanga in the imperial livery am a iarfje staff of clerks and guides, al speaking English, French, and German Refreshments were free at this auinirabli place, and explicit mention is made of ihi iact that grata tickets for the opera am theatre were also provided. Jiach journa list had a solid silver badge to wear oi his coat, and found a bewildering numbe of princes, generals, and other esallei swells told off to entertain him. So uewe paper man has ever seen anything lik it before or will again in a hurry. It wa very remiss of ilia Imperial Majesty not u send a ticket to ■' Mofusaitite," wh< would gladly have represented the Maii on the occasion. *# . * We " slate " the Premier sometimes am write severely about people from whom w( disagree; but Wew Zealand newspapers an mild as milk in their criticisms of public men compared with the American journals Mere is how the ■ San Francisco Argonaut,' a Republican paper, goes for President Grover Cleveland, who is of course o " Democrat," on the eve of vacating the Presidential chair : — "The Argonaut would like to Bee Grover Cleveland renominated, The people of the United States are really entitled to anothor chance to say at the polls what they think of the man who, besides wrecking his party, has done bo much damage to the country, and while playing the dictator, paralyzing industry, swelling the national debt, and inviting unnecessary war, has never for an instant had his dull complacenoy disturbed. At this juncture, when nine men out of ten bolieve, with a very earnest belief, that the first condition of bringing back the United States to material prosperity and rational relations with the great {towers of the earth is the retirement of Grover Cleveland from the White House, he cherishes in serenity the modest faith that nine men in ten are on fire with the conviction that without his re-election the public is designed to drift into unknown seas. " t • » We have all heard of the librarian who catalogued "Mill, on Politio&l Economy," and followed on with the linei" Ditto on the Floss." This is now beaten by the story of a girl who was asked by her unole to make some purchases. She reoeived a written list, and the first item was " Soott's Emulsion." After glanolng at it the girl made straight for the nearest bookshop, aud said to ihe intelligent salesman behind (be counter, "I want a copy of Scott's '.Emulsion'." "We have the book, mum," was the reply, " but we do not sell Soott's works except in oomplete sets." * » ♦ A local doctor was much bothered at a busy time by a loquacious lady patient who, afterrunning the gamut' of Buoall-talk, described her ailments, and said she suffered greatly from "a sinking feeling." The doctor gave her some pills t) take, and spent 10 minutds in instructions how to take them. The lady roae to go, and the dootor thought at last he was getting rid of her, when she opened ber conversational batteries again, and wasted another quarter of an hour . A second time Bhe said goodbye, and the door had aotually closed on her, when she returned, ami, poking in her head, said "Oh dootor, what shall I do if the pills don't oure me?" "Take the cork,," the medico responded savagely, 11 they tell me that's good for a sinking feeling." Serve her right too. > « » A grim play upon the words, " Death loves a shining mark*" was recently suggested atOoromandell A notorious minesalter died, and a subscription was raised to bury him. There was a disousaion as to the beat epitaph for the head-stone, and Ultimately it was decided to engrave the motto, " Death Loves a Mining Shark." *• , • The late Sir. Henry Parkes had a great opinion of his'poetio gifts. On one occasion, when addressing a Sydney meeting, he said: "I would rather be known as a third-rate poet than as a .first-rate politician." Here he paused for- breath, and. admiration, when "the man in the crowd, ' seeing his opportunity, chipped in= and exolaimed in strident ■ aocents : • '« Well; and aren'tyou?" ; .r; „ -,• •,T *™ '-*'■- ■>*V- i: i ?• ''•■'■' ■ ' An iHtimat* , fri,ei}d, of; tlie , lf&> ' Baion. Hirscb. asgertn'that Mb. death '.was 'due \6 a nolent At of rage on .finding 'out that he had heen oheated in.the.pUrohase "of an estate. He intended th>t it'should'be used after, his death as aotiildreh's hospital, and spent 400,000 dbllaraori the place 'without i having seen it.' =Ther£he i/aisccwed that it.waa rin » bog 'ai^the, (confluence; of four livers.-"'-: j '•' - .;;-;S-,\'.V , '-* ■:• ' ",V ' '{!• ■•' •'

asylum, \vh'en : the rage over the V'jFiftS^Mj Puzzle '^as at it heigbb, and fie Sa^'five'Sp? pationta makinp intricate' calculations' <op»ft£ a wall witb chalk. Mr Loyd asked wWti^i they were doing, and the Sdpertifehdiii'Plil tola him that they were^ trying to-SM^lll the . •", Fifteen ' Puzzle "■ by. mathemtic&sii " They are '.hopeless idipts," he :«&desl|l !' and no fewer than 1600 ' nnfortunatea3i|3 have been driven iusane by that paizle.^ll Tts inventor is little better than- a-mni^'*^ derer." : Mr Loyd did not disolbie^hlß-ii identity.. - • .--'•' .' ■ ,;'''■■ ]<i;'->-.i'^ • ■ ».:.•-- ,•■■- ■'•■v^^^i^ I do not mind yonr morning contemjWr-jSS ary being. polttioerily against Captain' £oB^;^ sell, Leador.of . the Opposition,- but whei^it^f! cornea to anousing him of one of the'nibst^Si heinoas Crimea - in t ha- decalogue, it i* tima'."' ■ a protest' was - enterid. . Sorely ,oapi(«ib,- ? b BnasoU'e ' attitude > in, the no-oonfldenoe B debate does not warraut a telegram whioh parported tn'oome from tha:'Pttiu-ii»b&jii'f i l:t lion and appeared in your morning contain- v-I^-porary to-day. It seemß that a Maiofi (fltl : . '•'• caught (ire, and Captain Bussall happened ' : to bj p»93ing at.the time. He apparently ; went to the girl's assistance, probably with :- : a view of oatohing a vote; bnt this is what ' yonr contemporary accnses him of doing s— "■'■ " The girl, rushing out of the house, was r soon enveloped, in flames. Captain' Bub-. ■ sell, M.H.8., who was passing at the time, promptly took off his overcoat and wrapped it round the gi], thus smothering ■ the girl, and by his d»oißive aotion probably saved her life. The girl is progressing favourably." . ' . It is all very well to glaze over things with an inconsistency. It Captain Baßsell " smothered the girl," he oould not have saved her life. We must keep our politics pure; but how will this be possible if Government organs falsely charge the Leader of the Opposition, with smothering oeoDle in cold blood? MosTJssiLra. -