NOTES AND NOTIONS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume XX, Issue 153, 1 July 1885, Page 4

NOTES AND NOTIONS.

{Pioneer Mail.) The Polps are organising public meetings in Lorn/on for the re-estabii hinent of Russian Poland as an independent kingdom, aud subscription lists will be opened shortly. Poor o'd Russia ! There will be scarcely a frontier of her discontented empire where armed men will not soon be springing up, sown not with dragon'iis teeth but British gold. Even the great North Pole himself might be subsidised to invade Kamschatka. The Fail Mall Gazette scoffs — smartly, as it thinks^ — at the folly of Great Britain being " on the verge of a war with Russia about a trumpery twenty miles of salt lake." The fact that these trumpery twenty or eighty miles (accuracy iv political argument is needless, of course) are the key to Herat, that Herat commands Afghanistan, and Afghanistan is the back-door to India, makes no difference. The Fall Mall woald doubtless laugh at a householder, scuffling with a burglar for the key of his strong box, for being so excited over " a trumpery two inches of iron." The Amir is stated to have said that India had one good thing which Afghanistan lacked — the newspaper. The editor of an Organ of the Opposition iv Kabul would have a nice, easy, life while it lasted. A leading article, commencing with a violent heading, and ending with a violent beheading, would bring each journalistic day admirably to a close.

When the expedition started to smash the Mahdi, v the purchase of camels was for reasons of economy stopped early in the campaign." When the expedition began to return " a large amount of valuable stores had to be abandoned by General Buller" for want of camels. Whore was the economy ?

The Americans have started a " New Jersey Lily " in imitation of Mrs Langtry. The lady, a Mrs Hattie Warner, though surpassingly lovely, has been married for twenty years, and has only just discovered that her mature charms are suited for the stage. The wonder is that the enterprising land where wooden nutmegs grow, and artificial coffee beans are commoner than huckleberries, has not long since manufactured brand new Jersey Lilies by the gross to corner the market and "squeeze the ehorts."

" Gladstoniana or the Art of Intepreting Three Letters " is progressing in London. G-. O. M. has been variously interpreted " Gone Out of his Mind," " Grand Old Muddler," " Gabbling Old Minister," and " Gospel of Murder." Transposed as M. O. G. it has become " Murderer of Gordon." W. E. G. on the other hand, i 3 " Worst English Government," and " Werry Egregious Gammon." This is wit. Sir W. Lawson ought to be crowned king of "King Country" in New Zealand. The House of Commons could easily spare his watery jokes, and in King Country he will be quite in his element. Over 3,000,000 acres of territory have been dedicated to temperance for ever by a law abolishing all kinds of alcoholic drinks. Thea King Wilfrid I. might sagely say : — I am monarch of all I survey, My fads there is none to dispute ; Where men drink only of water and whey, Lemonade and decoctions of fruit.

The English papers tell us a pretty anecdote of Lord Randolph Churchill — almost as pretty as Lord Gannoyle's story of the rattlesnake on his toe. " Whilst at Benares, Lord Randolph saw some unfortunate bhisties being dragged through the etreets by policemen. Upon enquiry he learned lhat these poor fellows were impressed by force and torn from the bosom of their families for service in the Soudan on one of Gladstone's murdering expeditions." Then Lord Randolph became the heaven-sent liberator of the downtrodden. The story is a good one, and an old one. It his been told of a good many travellers in a good many parts of the world. But a good story, like a good pair of boots, will fit many wearers before worn out. The Bill for the Opening of the Natural History Museum in London on Sundays was lo^t in the recent division in the House of Lords. Sixty-four Peers, among; them (he Prince of Wales, voted for it, and sixty-four against it. It must be good news for the publicans that half of the House of Lords think that, though On the Sabbatb with gin yoa may stuff your own skin fall, To look at stuffed whales' skina is Bhockiogly sinful.

New York has started an Anti-crino-lette Society. If it gets promptly sat upon, we suppose the Society will have fulfilled its vocation. The crinolette, as the prospectus avers, is " a useless, cumbersome, and degrading item of female attire ; " but hard words never killed a degrading item yet. The crinolette, indeed, has only flourished upon abuse. Breath only inflates it, and any lady could tell the Society thai the more bustle they make, the larger the crinolette must grow. Macaulay has explained how an indigestible supper eaten by an old lady in England altered the map of Europe ; and the Franco-Chinese war, now happily defunct, is said lo have been the result of a flirtation between Gambetta and Mdlle. Rayon d'Or. But neither of these can compare in its trifling origin with our Soudan business, now unhappily anything but defuuet. If Mahomed Ahmed, the son of a ship's carpenter at Khartoum, had not possessed two warts on the loft cheek, he would never have been persuaded to set up as the Mahdi.

One engaging habit of the " friendly " tribes of the Soudan is their way of charging exorbitantly long prices for the provisions (hey supply, and then taking long shots at their retiring customers ia order io " keep up the delusion " among their neighbours that they are hostile to us. The labour should not all be on one side. The English might help to " keep up the delusion " by catching and hanging a few of them.

The battle of Maumee — for the benefit of readers unacquainred witb (he stirring events of the American War — occurred thuswise : The army of the North was encamped on one side of a fence, with sentries, &c, and the army of the South on the other side, also with' sentries. A bloody battle was expected in tho morning. In the dead of night the Northern sentry heard footsteps ; challenged : fired. The sentry on tho other side fired too. Alarms, excursions. On the bloodstained ground near the fence lay two rifles and a, dead pig. Thus wa3 Maumee lost and won. " A great treat," says a Calcutta pap:r, "is probably in store for the community of Calcutta." This is a visit from Mrs Anna M. Longshore Potts, M.D., or more briefly, aa she likes to be addressed, " Dr Potts." She lectures. Her best lecture is on " Love, Courtship, and Marriage," a subject which Dr Potts, both as * a physician and a married woman ' who wedded Mr Potts for love after an orthodox courtship, — for as Dickens's " Lines to a Brass Pot " beautifully remind us, she has "heard the marriage bells tinkle" — ought to diagnose ably enough. Calcutta should enjoy its " great treat.' Now that Mr Gladstone seems not unlikely to fufil Lord Palmerston's prophecy that he would either die in a madhouse or ruin his country — perhaps both — il is not amiss to recall, as nearly as possible, the acrostic written by the late Lord Derby : — G was the giant, a mountain of mind ; L was a logioan, expert and refined ; A was ah adept in rhetoric's heart ; D was the dark spot he had in his art ; S was the sophistry led him astray ; T was the truth that he bartered away ; O was the cypher his conscience became ; ! N the new light that enlightened the same; E was the Evil One, shouting for joy, "At it, and down wifh it, Gladstone, my . [boy!" Two things England's recent " little wars " have proved beyond a doubt : that modern modes of warfare have by no means destroyed all opportunities for personal gallantry, and that our " raw boy-levies" can fight like men. Few prouder men probably exist than an humble London citizen of the name of Laporte, who, reading in his Daily Telegraph's special correspondent : "The heroic soldier who sprang to Colonel Burnaby's rescue was, I fear, slain in the melee, for though I watched for him, I never saw him get back to his place in the ranks," is able to quote "a letter from my boy," showing that he was the " heroic soldier " referred to, and alive and well — as we would wish, all such gallant boys to be. The voyage of the Aurea of Sunderland to Trinidad, with navvies, phovels, barrows, railway and tram rails to dig up a long-buried Spanish treasure, carries us back delightfully to old times of childish belief in untold wealth hidden under the hillock at the back of the stables, or at the bottom of the well in the kitchen garden. As, however, two months have elapsed since we last heard of the joint stock Company for fitting out the Aurea, perhaps this, too, has been relegated to the realm of extinct lunacies, where the joint stock companies of the South Sea Bubble era, for fishing up wrecks off the Irish Coast, extracting oil from sunflowers, and importing jnckaases from Spain, are all buried together. Mr Maxim's latest patent applies electricity to the training gear of big guns, go that one man by turning a handle can aim at a moving object with a 38-ton gun as easily as with a salaon pistol. This, Mr Maxim says, is ouly a beginning. When he gets to the end, he will find no purchasers for the last invention. War will have ceased to be possible. More dynamit) outrages, according to the Indian War Qry : — " Plenty of heavenly dynamitards were at it again on Sunday last. Powerful explosion of pent-up joy took place. Several who have been in the rear for a very long time were wounded." This is " religion " in the year of grace 1885. "It's not the drinks that ruins a man sai lan American who had a nice sense of cause and effect; " it's the drinking between drinks," The private secretary of an eminent member of the House of Commons was prevented recently by the police from carrying into the House a black bag containing the eminent member's speech. Could anything better exemplify the excess of precaution considered necessary than the fear of the police that the speech of an eminent member of the House of Commons, bulky enongh to be carried in a bag, might prove of an explosive character. The police should ba taught the difference between soporifics and dynamite. The Russian Press on England is delightful reading. "It is incomprehensible to U?/' says the Moscow Gazette, " how a people whoae troops and generals have the experience of Abu Klea, Tamanieb, Hasheen. aud Khartoum behind them cau assume such a warlike attitude towards a powerful military state." May be : and in case of war we may adopt other attitudes still more incomprehensible to the powerful military state — which has too short a memory to recollect the Crimea. Whatever our troops and generals may have behind thorn now, the Mosc >w Gazette should try to remember that tlie Russians at Sebastopol had Lnglish soldiers behind them more than onee — close behind, too, in spite of the pace they went. All the little South American republics lately engaged in a furious war have agreed to keep the peace. They could not have gone on much longer without hurting themselves. A respectable married woman ap. plied to one of the London Police Court Magistrates for protection against her husband who persisted in " nearly squeezing her to death, she not being strong." Very rarely j s it recorded of the softer sex that they object so forcibly to being squeezed. Physiologists might even argue that theywere made soft for that purpose. But in the casein question it is quite intelligible. The offender was her busband.

The People Want Pboof.— There is no medisine prescribed by physicians or sold by Druggists that carries such evidence of its success and Eiuperior virtue as Boschee's German Syrup Eor severe Coughs, Colds settled on the breast, Consumption, or any disease of the Throat and Lungs. Any person afflicted, can get a Sample Bottle for 6d. and try its superior effect before buying the regular size at 3b. 6d. Its wonderful cures are astonishing everyone that uses it. Three doses will relieve any case. If you have a Cough or Cold that will not yield to other remedies try German Syrup and you will be surprised at the result. It has cured many cases of so-called Consumption which doctors have given up. It is sold by all Druggists in the Civilized World. Bemember This— lf you are sick Hop Bitters will surely aid Nature in making you well when all else fails. If you are costive or dyspeptic, or are suffering from any other of the numerous diseases of the stomach or bowels, it is your own fault if you remain ill, for Hop Bitters is a sovereign remedy in all such complaints. If you are wasting away with any form of Kidney disease, stop tempting Death this moment, and turn for a cure to Hop Bitters. If you are Nervous use Hop Bitters; If you are a frequenter, or a resident of a miasmatic district, barricade your system againßt the scourge of all countries — malarial, epidemic, bilious, and intermittent, fevers — by the use of American Co's Hop Bitters. If you have rough, pimply, or sallow skin, bad breath, pains and aches, and feel misserable generally, Hop Bitters will give you fair skin, rich blood, and sweetest breath and health. That poor bedridden invalid wife, sister, mother, or daughter, can be made the picture of health, by American Co's Hop Bitters, costing but a trifle. Will you let them suffer? In short they cure all Diseases of the Stomach, Bowels, Blood, Liver, Nerves, Kidneys, Bright's Disease. £500 will be paid for a. case they will not cure or help. Druggists and chemists keep. None genuine, without a bunch of green Hops on white label and Dr. Soule's name blown on bottle. Shun all others as vile, oisonous stuff.