ODDS AND ENDS.

Nelson Evening Mail, Volume X, Issue 316, 27 November 1875, Page 4

ODDS AND ENDS.

A Chicago man closed his testimony in his action for divorce from his wife as'.fojlow's: 11 --*'! 'dqnft ipfijAi & '"say anything again the womab, judge/ but I wish you could live with her a little while." . . ." • * I declare, Joseph," sighed a X>jdtto}t , mother, as she put a patcih : " ! on. -yoang Jpßeph's paots, ! They : moat have. aff{a|. hard aeftia in school. This ia the fourth time I've had to patch these pants io two weeks." " They have,, mother," he promptly rap|ted; " just tears a boy all to pieces." The o)<\. lady ought io see him going .down hilt on a shingle, with ibe American flak sticking up alongside hie ear.— Detroit' Press. It ia reported that a young isdy who went out to Fiji Islands last summer as a missionary is at home again. Her flret Sanilay-eohool class came shuffling itf one morning , with nothing on but n^klacesl whereupbh be^ enthuaiaati] i^ the cso.se iaU melted away. : - -Douglas Jerrold said one 7 day that he would make a pun upon anything h^fripnds would puttoh^m. A friend ask«d whether be could pan upon the signs of Zodiac, to which he promptly r^Hed, "By Gemini, T Can-cer!"; '; ' Aij induatriou^ citieca of San Joan, California, arose a few morniogs ago, while the festive. lark was still soaring, and wjih a tin bucket under bis , arm went (o the barn to milk the cow. It was dark and rainy, and' in fumbling: about for old Br in die, he got into the wrbhg * row— ■ the off mule of; his ??agon team. He can't remember now, which side of the roof he wet^t out, but his recollection of alighting on the picket fence is very vivid. He expects the bucket down in a few days. A young ladf whHeVqs£ ,w«)kirig; heard for the first time her mother's intention to marry again, and. she wafr obliged^to <si£ ; right, down and cry about it She could, not go a stepfarther. .. - Sat-isfaction.— An advertisement for a servant states ttat "three maids are kept in the kitcheo under the' housekeeper." We trust the good lady doesn't find it necessary to be constantly •^sitting pa them:" But girjs; you know, require "keeping in their places " now.-a-days.; — Fun. A young man who used to have a brazen conntenance was taken to Bowetreet the other day, on a charge of etnbezzlement. When be appeared in th« dock his countenance was changed' to one of gilt!— Judy* sri When a dog bites a Te^nessee r man the man can recover one dollar damages from the owner, but the poor dog never recovers?— which is doubtless owing to the inferior quality of whiskey imbibed by' the man. And this is called j 118 ties in Tennessee.—rNorristown Herald. A newspaper biographer trying to cay his subject " was hardly able to bear the demise of his wife," was made by the blundering printer to say, " wear tfee chemise of his wife." : \: A reporter stood on ihe court-house steps the other day and Counted eightyfour men' who wa0t.,16 bei Governor 'of. Qfejo, and ifc -.'being, a cloudy day, it is supposed that' he miaaed about two" hundred, .; : : ■ The Port' 6* L<Si?bqN.~sur bwn medicol officer reports that in sixteen casea Tout of twenty the Port of London ijsj^rather^ worse than the Sherry.— Punch. , ■ •-. " Wqll.^r. MiUer,'fsa.id a Yankee, proudly, t«j f tf travelling 'Scot, a 8 they stood by, the falls 6P Niagara, "Ia it wonderful ? In^yoorlcoittiitr^ ; pou\ never saw apythingjika that." "Like Mil" ' said the Scoi; "there's a far riiair : wontferfu* cbocern no twa miles : wbar I ■■ ve»^ bom^; «.« Indeed 1"= e^clftipied Jonathan, with an. air .of euperciiipua ecepticisoi ; .'^pd. ptiay,, what kind of concern may it be "? " •* Weel, roooj" repliei Sawoey'; ! r ""it'i'a peacock wt' a -wooden leg .*' ~ Men are geeso, women are ducks, and birds of a feather flock together. Is there anything in the world can beat a good wife ? .Yes; a bad hueband. ' t VAs between a cucumber and a water-meloo,'* cays . a" Weetern editor, ",giy.e^ i.oa,^randy, and water." A Cape May (America) belle cays the baths there are as "exbilaratlDg as : the ctaap of a lover." She has tried both* Some months ago an Oregon man oarped, hia .girL baby after Queen Victoria, and wrote to the Queen to that effect. Not bearing from her Majesty, he changed, the child's name to Hannah, and went out and pounded the first Englishman be diet.