FUN AND FANCY

Northern Advocate, 16 November 1929, Page 7

FUN AND FANCY

SCIENCE,

CURRENT HUMOUR

Abie: “Papa, vat is science?”

Abie’s Papa: “My, how could you be so dumb! Science is dose things vat says, ‘No Smoking.’ ”

PROOF

“How can you be certain your husband really does go fishing on Sunday afternoon, when he never brings home any fish?” “That’s what makes me certain.”

THE DIGGINGS,

Friend: “Well, what did you think of London?” The Man from Klondike: “I thought it was a mining town when I first struck it. Somebody was digging in nearly every street.”

NOW FOR FACTS.

“Why have you broken with Huner, your best friend?” “He threw it up in my face that I had swindled him of £5. That was too much!” "How much was it really?”

COMMERCIAL.

After terrific struggles, the school boy finished his examination paper. At the end, he wrote:—“Dear Mr Ex-aminer,-—lf you sell any of .my answers to the papers, I expect you to hand me half the proceeds.” IK as fe 8

HANDS UP,

“Now,” said the school inspector, “let me see if some one can ask me a good question.” “Please, sir, why did the angels walk up and down Jacob's ladder when they had wings?” “H’m—yes—just so. Now is there any boy who would like to answer that question?”

SERVICE. Waiter: “Poultry, sir?” Customer (rather fussy): “Yes Have you chicken?” “Yes, sir.” “Is it tender?” “Yes, sir.” “Nicely cooked?” “Yes, sir.” “FII have a leg then.” “Left leg or riglit leg, sir?”

HE KNEW HIS WILL.

An undergraduate who spends a good deal of his time attempting to emulate Major Segrave had a birthday recently, and his father asked him what he desired.

“Oh,” said the young man, “give me something suitable for a racing motdrist.”

“Very well,” said his father. Next day he pjresented his young hopeful with a will form.

THE FIELD

“Yes,” said the tramp, who was explaining his methods, “I always tell the lady of the house that I] was injured on the field.” “What field?” asked the inexperienced beginner. “Well, if it’s a young lady I say football field, an’ if it’s an old lady, I say battlefield.’*

CAME THE STORM.

“One wife too many!” exclaimed Mrs Smith, as sh,e glanced, through the newspaper headlines. “I will ; read that. I suppose it is the doings of some bigamist.”

“Not necessarily, my dear,” replied her husband without lifting his eyes from the paper.

ANOTHER “CRASHER.”

Percy: “I say, Clarence, old , top, you look beastly flurried. What’s the bother?”

Clarence: “Bother? My dear boy, I’m in an awful fix. Here f am. invited to a dinner 'at 7.3 o—and my watch isn’t going.”

Percy: “What? Watch not going? Why, isn’t it invited?”

EVERY CONFIDENCE

The New Lodger: “I forgot to mention last night, Mrs Thrifty, that I usually take my warm bath invthe morning. Would it be troubling you too much to let me have some hot water?”

Mrs Thrifty: “Not at all, sir, you shall have it directly. Here, Mary, fill the egg saucepan.”

HER EXCUSE

“Why didn’t you put out your hand when you turned the corner?” demanded the policeman on point duty. “Well, you see,” replied the flapper motorist, “I’ve just been out with Jack, and he gave me the most thrilling diamond ring—isn’t it a beauty? —and I knew only too well that if I put out my hand the headlights of the car behind would shine on ■the diamond and dazzle the dtiyer,. and then absolutely anything might have happened, mightn’t it?”