FOR THE YOUNG FOLK

Northern Advocate, 14 April 1928, Page 6

FOR THE YOUNG FOLK

THE STORY OF GADABOUT SUSAN

This story never really happened at all, but it is supposed to have happened in the days of dodos, unicorns, mammoths, dragons, and sea serpents, before there were such things as schoolmasters, doctors, and clothes. In fact the world was only half made; the horse still had a cloven hoof, and you might have searched the whole world without finding a Pekingese. In the forests of those days there lived a slug called Susan, with her husband Arthur and her children Albert, Kathleen and Stanley. They were the very first slugs in fire world. Caterpillars were not yet invented, so all the leaves were theirs to eat, and they might have been very happy if only Susan had been different.

She was one of those people who cannot stay quietly at home, looking after the children ,andi .keening the house clean. Poor Arthur would come h me after a hard day's work, groaning under a load of green stuff for the family supper, and what would he find? No fire, no table laid, no smiling wife to welcome him. The floor would be dirty, and the children would bo grimy and untidy. “Whore is your Mother?’’ he would ask, and they would 1 tell him that she was having tea with Mrs Beetle, or playing cards with Mrs Frog, or gossiping over tho garden wall with Mrs Ladybird.

For a long time Arthur boro it in silence, for a sweeter tempered slug never crawled. But he could not boar to see his children neglected, and at last he ventured to speak to Susan. Unfortunately, Susan could not stand a wqrd of criticism. She turned up her nose and said. “It is useless to ask me to stick at home all day because I won't. I inean to see as much of the world as I can.” After that she, was out nearly from morning to night. One evening Arthur had reached the garden gate when he heard a loud sound of crying. Stanley had pulled the kettle over himself and was badly scalded. Needless to say, Susan was out, but at that moment she came in. Struggling with I his sobs, Arthur told her that while she was gadding about ■her child had met with a terrible accident. “But," he said, “I suppose that even this will not change you. You boasted once before that you would never stick to the house."

“Then," said the Wizard, who had been 'called in to see poor Stanley, “the house shall stick to her."

He waved his wand. There was; a clap of thunder; and Susan found a’ wight resting upon her back, • It •was her house.

And that, according to this story, is how snails were invented.

A CLEVER CATCH. Find an ordinary clothes brush, ; and then run up to your brother and say:— “Now I am going to brush'your back with this brush, and I want you to tell me how t many times I do it.” Then tell him to turn round while you brush ’him. Now just give his back one brush with the clothes brush, and then brush his coat coat six times with your hand, making a sweeping sound by brushing your own coat with the brush at the same time. Of course he will think you 1 have brushed his eoat seven times with the brush. Jusj; try it and see. |

RIDDLES. Q. If you wore thirsty in the night what would you do. A. Look under the mattress for a spring. * * * * * Q Why are banana skins good for the feet. A. Because they make good slippers. * * * # Q. What is the 'best way to make a tall man short. A. Take all his •money away from him. * * * • Q. Why did tlm garden fence? A, Because it saw tho water butt. * * • » Q. Why did the penny stamp? A. Because the threepenny bit. * '• * Q. When did the coal scuttle? A. When it saw the chimney sweep. w * • w Q. Wiliy is a postage stamp a htost unfortunate thing A. Though' it sticks to its duties to the letter it gets its face disfigured, its head punched and a good licking. • Q. To whom does the greatest man take off his hat? A. To his hairdresser. * • » • Q. What are the most unfortunate ships. A. Hardships. NEW DEFINITION OF GOLF. Golf is what letter-carrying, ditchdigging, and carpet-beating would bo if those three tasks had to be performed on the same hot afternoon in short pants and coloured socks by gouty gentlemen who required a different implement for every mood. • « w • INFORMING HIM. Tourist (in park, looking at boulder): “And just where did you say this rock came from?” Guide: “A glacier brought it down.” Tourist: “‘Where did the glacier go?” Guide: “Oh, it went back after another rock.” • • • • y SETTLING IT. Tourist (in mining town): “Is thi,s a healthy place to settle in?” Hotel Proprietor: “It is that, sir. But it’s a most unhealthy spot if you don’t settle.” • * m m WHAT ABOUT IT? A Chinese newspaper contained this letter from an applicant for work. — , ‘ ‘ Sir, —I am Wang. I can drive a typewriter with good noise, and my English is great. My last job has left itself from me for the good reason that the large man has dead. It was on account of no fault of mine. So, honourable sirs, what about it? If I can be of big use to you I will arriye on same date that you should guess.” ■ * ♦ *; ■ • » “MAN.” A girl was asked to write an esaiay on “Man,” and submitted the following; “Man is what woman has to marry. He drinks, smokes, swears, and doesn’t go to church. Both sprang from the apes, but woman sprang the farthest.” • • THE DEFINITION. Tommy: “Father, what is , an equinox?” Father: “Well, cr—it—ahem! Why do you ask me, Tommy? Don’t you know anything about mythology at all? An equinox is a fabled animal, half horse, half cow. Its name is derived from the words “equine” and ‘ 1 ox. ’ ’ It does seem as if these public schools don’t teach children anything nowadays.