SOAP v. LAW.

Northern Advocate, 31 March 1888, Page 3

SOAP v. LAW.

A Missoubi constable rode out to a farm near St. Joe armed with a subpoena for a woman who was wanted as a witness in a case- in. court. He found her in her back-yard, bnsify, engaged in stiring a boiling, bubbling mass, in, a lage black kettle. He stated his business, and she said : " I can't go to-day." "But yoa must." " What's the hurry ?" " Why court's in session, and the case is now on trial. They want you by noon." " Well, I aint going. You think I'm going off and leave this hull kittle o' saft soap to spile, just- to please your old court? No sirree ! " " Why, my dear madam, you must. You really don't seem to understand—" "I understand that I've got a big kittle o' splendid soap grease on the bile,, and it will make thin, sticky soap, if it aint finished today. You go back aud tell the jedge so." " You'll be fined for—" "Pooh! I'd like to see the Missoury jury that'd fine a woman for not leaven' her soapbillin' when it was at a critical pint, as one might say. Tell the jedge I'll come to-mor-row, if we don't butcher our peegs then ; an' if we do, I'll come some day next week." " But I tell you that won't do. You must come now." " Lookee, young man, you think I'm a fool ? I reckon you never made any soap, did you ? If you had you'd know that — " 4 What does the jedge care about your soap?" " Well, what do I care "bout the jedge, if it comes to that ? Law's law and soap's soap. Let the jedge 'tend to his law, an' I'll 'tend to my soap. The good book says there's a time for everything, an' this is my time for a bar'l o' saft soap.'? 41 Well, madam, if you want to be fined for contempt of court, all right. You will be fined sure as- " " Bah ! I know all 'about the law, an' there aint anything in it, nor in the Constitution of the United States, nor in the Deslaration of Injeependence,. nor in nothin' else, that says a woman's got to leave a kattle o* half-cooked soap, and go off to court when she ain't a mind to. I guess I know a little law myself. An eminent preacher of the present day had, when a boy, committed some offence for which his father decreed as a punishment that he should be excluded from the family on Christmas Day. , When the young delinquent saw the vast culinary preparations made for the feast from which he was debarred, he waß moved less with envy than with contempt for the sort of punishment which had been; imposed on him : but, mixing in his disposition a good deal of the satiric with the serious, he resoixed not to be witli-out his joke on the occasion. He contrived to obtain secret access to a veal pasty, on which the cook had exhausted all her skill, and carefully taking off the cover so as to avoid any mark of fracture or disturbance, he took out the greater part of the meat, and filling up the dish w.th a puantity of grass, replaceo the cover as it was. The company met, and the dish was served uu in this- state. It fell to the lot of the young wag's father to break up the pie, and his surprise on doing so may be more easily conceived tean described Stirring the grass about, in fit of rising indignation, his fork excountered a small strip of tape, on taking out which he read on it these words : " All flesh is grass." A country woman, who had never before been more than, nve miles from home amosg the hills, happened on one rare occasion to visit a sea-port. Observing some of the large vessels with a small boat in tow, she said: — "Eh! but it's wonderful to see the work's o'nature, too : the very ships to hae young anes!" Forest and Stream, an American paper . devoted to sport, says : —" A few days ago a farmer friend of mine, living 4 miles south of Abilene, told me that he had lately witnesspd. He was riding along on prairia and saw a prairie dog within a few feet of him which refused to scamper to hi<? hole, as prairie-dogs usually do when approached by man : on the contrary he sat as if transfixed to the spot, though making a coastant nervous, shudding motion, as if auxious to get away. My friend though this was sttunge, and while considering the spectacle he presently saw a large rattlesnake coiled up under some bushes, his head uplifted above six or sevven feet from the dog which still heeded him not, but looked steadily upon the snake. He lismouuted. took the dog by the head and thrust him off when the snake, which had up to that moment remained quiet, immediately swelled with rage, and began soundiug his rattles. The prairie dog for some time seemed benumed, hardly capable of motion, but grew better, and finally got into his hole. My friend then killed the rattler. Now was this a case of charming ? If not, what was it F And to one who is familiar with the eyes of rattlesnakes it does not seem unreasonable that they should have such power. If you will examine the eyes, of one when cold in death, you wilt perceive that it has an extreamely malignant and terrible expression. When lie is alive and excited, I know of nothing in all nature of so dreadful appearance as the ey( s of the rattlesnake. It is enough to strike not only birds and little animals, but men with nightmare. I have on several occasions examined them closly with strong glasses, and feel with all force what I state ; and I will tell you that there are few men on the face of the earth who can look upon an enraged rattlesnake through a good glass— bring him apparently within a foot or two of the eye— and stand it more than a moment.